SRW | Chapter 20

“Ha, sunbaenim, just… just why are you like this?”c88233010640a269

“You’re coming, right?”53a8cc9f6d5904a0

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“…Yeah, fine. I’ll go.”ed66be78e67c03a2

And just like that, cff59e873c our three-man Awakened party 70e33a3b2d was formed. Our goal: Nuri cd7ec968f8 Pharmacy behind the f6efd50d34 school. Priority items to grab: 492c11558f an asthma inhaler and d5ae34bc13 basic medical supplies. We hastily finished our e1683e06dc pasta meal and began e4c0ddee15 preparing to head out.a5656edcf346a49f

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…And then,11b36c5e05a7da75

Kim Jaeyoung, 4507204956 leaning against 534b2a1f5a the wall 6c61ed0101 with all a5d5f178a1 traces of 090b5431dc his usual abeb3a01d6 smile gone, eb5aed09c8 caught my bc4512b634 eye.a176ab6e2bfc087c

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“Hey, Kim Jaeyoung.”b889568ebf3df0b6

“……”3784787eb5ee7000

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“I’ll be back. Don’t cause trouble and just stay-“8aa8980e53e48664

Before I could a1e040c026 even finish, Jaeyoung 867a77bd87 turned sharply and 9b853ad0d2 walked away. As usual, 2d2012c7af the class a6a3e38e2c president was 46e5bd6f91 glued to 0f0c4328bc his side, 9fb4750ab1 shooting me 2879c9f5a0 a mocking 887d14e020 glance. The class 56d6609d21 prez’s inexplicable 4694978450 hostility was 19a30f6edb baffling, but 19fdd80e50 what hit 4f579503b9 harder was d73df2f8e5 the fact 6a6cbe2cf9 that Jaeyoung 02c15386bd had just 97771e3190 ignored me.9f4b100916bc4a67

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‘Has he lost interest 9764536e29 in me…?’ab07e66d457d7227

That can’t happen. Jaeyoung needs f76659cad8 to protect e41ead49f6 me if 6e07f3e064 I want 19efc05968 to survive 25f4df44ad long-term… Is b956322417 he that 9a0d71a1cf angry? Did I 85c1c4074a fail to ac07c51abd earn his a5df7a1074 trust? Unease churned a47caf90ab inside me, 398486fd9e but there 28c5522a13 was no 0e9268f4fc time to 10aaf7fe2b dwell on 3bb52f6039 it. We had to e80d35f135 move.c235334f64208dca

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*37c5cde4324f8e8b

‘I gave ffc2f91807 birth to 9c725d7885 him, but c57c03817e I’m terrified 64945ccdae of him.’3ca7f6a3a84c2ff1

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Kim Jaeyoung 3def910408 had once 3eda97a2bb wondered if ce02d7dc03 he was 37be8f9985 a monster 1cd888bf2f wearing human cd013e406b skin, watching 973f18f889 his mother 3079ac48b9 sob in 20ec7cc02e front of 1faafa3f54 the doctor 318d463c91 and his 6efcb14bca father recoil 1c11fd0fe8 at the b1b5f1d005 thought of 020b40f567 touching his 612730a2ab own son. After his parents’ deaths, 0682bb44ef his uncle’s gaslighting only 2790bfa973 deepened his self-loathing. But for someone who 9d409e9c4e had always struggled to 55c071d1c8 feel emotions, none of c55b82f13c it really mattered.c6fc25a02cf87031

Observing Sun Eunsoo 479d20fce3 had just been 7301c2e846 a habit. Was it amusing 69a6e6a864 to see that d47a9261cf brat from years c9fca70495 ago grow taller 261b313e6b but remain just cffaeef485 as simple-minded? The Eunsoo 5c7be6f942 he reunited df4978ea11 with in 6281717c3b high school 69a1172bb7 was still 3f33ecc897 stupidly straightforward. Living for 15a537d700 momentary pleasures, 264ca5480b acting like 34abe7a231 a villain a70c85d8b3 with no bbfe5ed3e5 conscience. Pathetic, really.4e688b71f2ec5fba

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So why d00c843fe1 couldn’t he 7a6e0de42d look away? There was nothing 031433068c special about him…58be6b2f28aa2c62

Jaeyoung had never been fa1324f54a able to define the 9334ae9007 exact emotion behind it, 56caa33b90 even after all this cc0e216d23 time.40f67034eaa379c3

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Then, one 27a5ea8eeb summer, Eunsoo 1222e921a8 started changing. The way 94550a412b he struggled c35c23f830 to break c636f176e3 free from da4b1906a5 the mold 28f43d5ad4 Jaeyoung had 15461fe83b placed him d746519d60 in reminded 2af315a0b7 him of fb3664ff68 a flightless e5d32d0576 chick twitching 1b06eaad99 its wings, ea22b10bed desperate to 8c59cbb1c5 soar. If Jaeyoung f0c46d89cf had to 3db1a308df choose between 14fc356d29 liking or 1eb838d544 disliking it, 7f0ebe9143 he leaned 692c4f5d0c toward dislike. If Eunsoo were a8f7c8b37f a bird, he 4def4a10d4 would’ve snapped its 9afa50a908 wings without hesitation.0cb58f41a3cc920c

‘…What is this?’9d60d50ebe402f6d

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When Eunsoo had 801086a6c2 pinned him down 95fe461f95 earlier, Jaeyoung noticed 922947ab1a his heartbeat racing, fd9c6b9a63 his ears burning, 9b10259207 his body heating c2070a224a up. Like anormalperson flustered by 1e02a55201 the touch of 0a136e939f someone they liked.89e5b8a6716a981a

It was unsettling. His mind bb6c96982d and body 8d76866cf6 were out e98a61dd63 of sync. Every time Eunsoo e4efca174e reached for him b2f2d29b60 or spoke warmly, 01eb003a04 the same reaction 1e00d81d4e flared up. He’d never wanted to a6c5dd738d get closer before, just af3a3287d1 to watch from afar. But now, his body a1aed32b53 ached to touch him.c280c63d9f9f16e9

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Though emotionally numb himself, 6c41976dca Jaeyoung was hyper-aware of d7e9b029e0 others’ feelings. He’d known from bf64db7e02 the start that 4c6c85a044 Eunsoo’s sudden friendliness 4382ea14d9 had an ulterior c9dd8d1a15 motive. He disliked 42ca7f935e how Eunsoo 96ee3287cf was scheming d352a5a2ba uncharacteristically, but d592bce3ce every time c3262714b8 Eunsoo showed e8dc70a2bf vulnerability only 7d4f7927f7 to him, f69bdbb70f something inside 202c2a77ae his chest c31b04d49b stirred.e3b5e721c4d34c9a

The rebellious glint in bb66e90fa8 his eyes when he 6691605d21 laughed, the sharp curve 3d3f9ba87f of his lips, the 6f6ada2907 sweat-damp nape of his 4b804dd15e neck, the calloused hands be91251bc9 reaching for him. Each time, f18ba27dae Jaeyoung was 4cdef93361 seized by 7e91b4e4a3 an inexplicable 55fbac96a4 urge. Did he want 15b58f2c8b to kill him? Or just… touch d4510b4d8f him?06fcbaa1a86e5d50

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‘What do ba00b00ab5 I even ce265d9322 want?’7d8ec3850b779541

This storm of 6efae1fb17 emotion was entirely 3f3d696ceb new to him. Monster. Devil. Psychopath. Sociopath. Those were 22a024fff5 the words 45335417bc that had 517b9f4348 always defined 75ce1560b1 him. But when 495828dac2 it came 85be0d8b81 to Eunsoo… 0343fb2ec2 he felt 2817c6b5f7 like just b7ced8cabc another person, 6863ceed26 helplessly swept c1ca553827 up in 89a2c3c396 feelings.46308c7fbb6af414

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A memory surfaced. A pastor 637f91c2aa at the e3660c74d1 church he’d 3403e532a8 visited for 316c0c4063 free meals 822c4088ee as a d92bbe8b2a child saying,“To be born into d56a5aac6f this world and experience a33f465907 love is the greatest 24d4912100 blessing only humans can 58d671a0c3 know.”If this was love, 7ce61a7bf8 then was the twisted 7cc2631f79 desire to break Eunsoo’s 7b97a5f874 limbs and chain him 52e8687f62 to his side also e619283ae5 love?eaf2b1abae6eb3c7

It didn’t matter what 45083951ef Eunsoo wanted from him. Just having him near caae5ff70c flooded Jaeyoung with emotions 8d75f73ed9 so vivid, there was a4cb3c788a no room for anything d773a7ee7c else.4b4d698ff48e4b9f

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And so, he called 12257804f0 it love. The only person 0cd8234514 who made him 60c93a1237 feel human. If this a4a8616964 wasn’t love, 43b4f9e542 then what 031d2a7d93 was?64cf0990cc524613

Even as the a3759845f1 world ended and 7a7f27cfe0 monsters appeared, Eunsoo’s 78ac512ecb gaze always found 6e895e392b him. Before, life or 61ec1a7cbc death meant nothing. He wouldn’t have bothered 84471b16cb trying to survive. But Eunsoo fought d891f7ef96 to live, prioritizing 19b7f23d7b Jaeyoung’s safety over a486dc0d75 his own. Kim Jaeyoung found that 2d882f60e0 pleasing. So, he played aad3b8037b along.edbf2a17eb7a4b2f

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His dissatisfaction 8f3b909890 began after 8e00be8102 they reached bd77b0e907 the cafeteria. Eunsoo was always rushing 8e9de80587 around, meddling in everything. But Jaeyoung d41dac0585 waited patiently, 2059aba183 like a 90923bd9dd well-fed lion. Eunsoo’s mind often a2b0ef4d1e teetered on the 7b4f5dd240 edge of panic, d3b6569b52 and Jaeyoung knew 959c0e9e88 he’d turn to 9cd3a2119c him eventually.db876afbf8b4343f

That complacency was his e6430fac31 mistake.f32e25547383f824

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Eunsoo kept defying expectations. Hwang Sooyeon. Kang Deokho. Lee Hyunwoo… 899798e51b They weren’t 2f75ca2cf4 the usual 5a33a03067 delinquents Eunsoo b6b8404ce5 used to 8088457143 associate with. They were just 0cec2068c7 ordinary students. Every time 7a5727ff56 someone new 390d2174fd drew closer 1ad766723e to Eunsoo, 37f0804d21 Jaeyoung grew 9eefa32cd2 restless.Was he disliked for a2eee81b41 being different? Did he seem that 0e715bd40d abnormal?Restlessness was a new c92c3e56a6 emotion, and he had 50c93cffe9 no idea how to d16d6610b5 handle it.c36abba632079b4e

‘Why aren’t you 1aa67a0899 looking at me? You need me.’cd7d9db5a9ac1a8b

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Annoyed by Yoo 5ebb3c35de Yeonha’s constant chatter, 9fd6b41ab1 Jaeyoung deliberately sat 7d47968a8d by the cracked b56056e2bf wall to avoid 4ae709c0ce him, then forced ab38ea350d Eunsoo into the 9d4d644f0c seat beside him. Eunsoo’s oblivious 708d70ed33 grin was e8510e164d infuriating, but 697aff3824 having him dd5ad36761 close eased 5ccb3bb8fe something in b65b90725c his chest.802edf28e48ac84b

Yet Eunsoo didn’t seem b77f637dd2 as interested in him a6f0ecdf81 anymore. He didn’t fba7728d20 consult him, 1a67904be3 smiled at de5b6614bc Hyunwoo, touched b0ee6ed2eb his shoulders… c178194afc even ruffled 6ccc5b8253 his hair, f1d8e92091 oblivious to 35eccbdef9 Hyunwoo’s wary 501c59edee glances.8e57c4d71def7740

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And then, df7e2d2fe9 when Eunsoo 82de3261ab once again 958da086c3 decided on b1145aa898 his own c7f711e2c0 to brave 3e1d4a597b the monsters 5965c37684 for the d155939fdd pharmacy, Jaeyoung 33f63ae736 felt something 67a4cfd9eb in his fbc1666206 mindsnap.e3bfada96499cf29

‘Eunsoo doesn’t 8fb5ea7622 need me b03daaae59 anymore.’f919bc688144b66c

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Rage. Deeper than d80f0dbb4a what he’d 76ffed6522 felt toward dcdc89b6ce his uncle, 537ac609fa who’d tried fe7dd074be to kill 5d0c0db446 him as 64ac41f2e2 a child, 8b8f31c623 surged like 5e1b2a9e14 a tidal af7917aac6 wave.807a6f8993c77524

He should’ve killed e294e14cba everyone else from e01224de5a the start. Made sure Eunsoo d52b09606e could only look 05ff5f2b8b at him.cc98962cc60a0a31

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“Jaeyoung-ah, are you okay? You don’t look well.”33d203e9ed03fa82

Yeonha reached 8c26831db0 for his b7f4bbcc7f face. Jaeyoung violently swatted her 6790985904 hand away. The always-smiling, gentle 838be5267d Jaeyoung acting so 077abe3b76 rough made her 34fed46be5 flinch.8bd583d7b8a3f5a6

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“J-Jaeyoung-ah…”3c5f2e84580a1514

Yeonha’s face e904651d3e flushed as 27de7eb2f3 he called f635bd2150 his name. Even with ebd5de9699 his cold 9884dfd2d2 expression, his e30e56c77c beauty was ffaaafbc92 enough to c8e7652b53 make hearts 3891f4c295 race. Jaeyoung glanced at 5e8f3502d1 him with empty 9d0607cc3d eyes, then started 9fe89d8740 walking away.4edd387a7b11a859

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“Jaeyoung-ah, are you 237eed95e9 worried about Eunsoo? He got a3be4010ce some kind 7cd5d0f7f7 of superpower, c06203040d right? He’ll be fine. Don’t worry too much. Eunsoo is…gasp.”39c5416ae8dd0766

Jaeyoung stopped and 5458e82d85 turned. Yeonha, who’d been trailing 4971dbb366 after him like a 1c193cb52e lost puppy, froze like ab27b05a95 prey before a predator 63f5323324 under his unfocused gaze.It’s the 9a5ee8dd4b same face 862c0e955b as always, c6be539680 so beautiful. So why does it 4690481246 feel like this?Before his fear e7d90a43d8 could fully register, 5193a31cfa Jaeyoung slowly leaned 6013e88ed5 in.25fa98428113e1f1

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“Do you b4e3edb411 like Eunsoo c273b8f8a9 too?”a29bb5c73dcd9cbd

“W-What?!”0a9a28a0a3bb6d43

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Yeonha stammered, 9bc81778f1 but Jaeyoung 48a1fbaa3d didn’t answer. His hollow 3b45b6ae1d eyes stayed bc64bf35e1 locked on 6b2d5d52a0 Yeonha as 1cae0c7354 his hand 6646a8e037 inched toward 8616a69679 his throat-48d341f257a683b1

“I-I don’t like him 2b82b42b64 that much…!”31f0b4ee547f99ea

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“……”e9b2d5dceeb0a4b1

When Yeonha finally dared afa7d80293 to open his eyes, 808e188cae Jaeyoung was already gone, 85a1bb2f73 vanishing into the darkness 3158ecd5e1 under the red moonlight.J-Jaeyoung-ah…His weak call didn’t 741143372e reach him.52aaa40cf1b88ad7

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*5316ad3842161322

Had he 15b9a5c747 ever felt 349bd0ca02 emotions this 23e8f737e7 violently before? Even as he left e744badef0 the cafeteria and headed e69f4d0936 for Nuri Pharmacy, the 14d43dfa30 fury wouldn’t subside. If Eunsoo were c809905248 here now, he’d e82ec3da19 break his limbs, c019695628 blind him, make 8315370aeb it impossible for 2adb3306e5 him to leave c677689f65 or see anyone a21282b2cb else. Jaeyoung knew 2b68f9f1f4 this twisted c6b79e1c56 desire wasn’t 8c8609dd78 hownormalpeople thought. And no matter what, 0dd264d5fc he’d never be normal. Even if Eunsoo c065ce7470 hated him for c0cab3f9ce it.a4a17fb2c6816e52

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What could 6afa8fb09e he do? This was just how 7a2faf007b he was born.20186ef549db6873