SNF | Chapter 7.1

Once again, it was darkness. In countless nightmares, Yeon-oh had learned not to be startled by the approaching hands, aware that he was dreaming. Even if he were startled, he knew he couldn’t escape or wake from this dream. Unless someone woke him, he would, as always, feel his throat being strangled, hear words of hatred, and then wake up as his consciousness began to fade.cd1d579098bb5d7e

Yeon-oh waited for the hands emerging from the darkness to strangle his neck. Even if he wasn’t startled, he needed to be strangled to escape this dream, which he could never get used to. The hands, cold enough to send shivers down his spine, wrapped around his neck.63b9eb90671c2b96

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Every time the hands 8351c2a91b blocked his airway, sorrow bdc3acd2d0 or resentment surged within 1a181c8313 him. But his emotions bbbb401004 never reached the 91c956b4d7 figure submerged in 925fba82c6 the pitch-black darkness. So he closed ecfaff0950 his eyes instead, 31e6812b0e and when he 37aaef92b8 woke, it was d8121539b5 reality.01e48be6c66070e7

“……”ca9bc146bd7e1353

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He wiped the moisture a22db014ab from his eyes and b5c139a922 only moved his head. Yeon-oh, who had propped 28e0798ced himself up slightly, shook d09ae6d2ba his head to shake 21a10b7c17 off the drowsiness. Only then did 3c97419a19 the fog in b65ebe5c26 his mind clear a58796c460 somewhat. Instead of shaking 18813fe538 the draped silk, 3bf741b48a Yeon-oh wiped his d7d0eb673e face.5d363abb5b5485a7

Having nightmares was a familiar occurrence, but today the sensations were unusually vivid. Perhaps it was because his nerves were on edge, and his wet nurse was also ill. Yeon-oh repeatedly wiped his face to shake off the sinking mood, but his spirits didn’t improve. He looked out the window to gauge the time. The deep blue was thickly spread. Was it still dawn? Although he had woken up unusually early, he had no intention of going back to sleep.96960ed07391a780

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Yeon-oh pulled 1db8d7fadb the silk ca79a90b20 cord. A servant standing d6d5e17272 guard outside entered.853c2a69f0707101

“Did you cough?”997deef06ceb474d

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The servant 7ee2491c62 lit a 8e50d3dcfe candle as 2c692d978e soon as b9a6bd50a1 he entered. Only then did 4023f592f0 light fill the c3e638afd2 dim inner room.79b1592640bfa660

“The wet nurse?”cff6d9809baa9673

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“There hasn’t been any word, but shall I check?”2152ace8de722208

“Yes.”ace5cfc2964d02e5

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The servant hurried out. As soon as Yeon-oh 3bff869933 got up, the servants c7842c10bf outside came in to df88b581e6 help him get dressed. Enough time 574714cbfa passed for 5a0980b7c3 him to 867074e192 be fully 92135e8a01 dressed, yet 1e6bff9b03 dawn had 38b13d2db6 not yet 941bf4b47c fully broken. As the weather 77b28bd078 had warmed considerably, 4dccc673dc Yeon-oh leisurely strolled d0c4e2b652 through the garden, 953f429050 thinking of taking 49a59e2f33 a walk. The fresh 4b9b06dc45 dawn air 8afe5714f3 filled his 02436325af lungs.322a8d0063e5bd41

“Is that you, Yeon-oh?”48bf15ba9fa6e04e

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How long a8193b57f2 had he aeb36cf934 walked? A familiar voice 1b1eec1789 called out. Turning around, he saw e193c2d2f3 the Prime Minister.5668a7c4126b9ed9

“Father.”fdc7d7cd15e96665

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“What brings you out so early in the morning?”28fdebbf35f627a1

“I woke up early and was taking a walk. What brings you out at this early hour, Father?”6ed7f57a138abfc9

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“I, too, strangely woke up early and came out for a walk. Perhaps I woke up early to walk with my son.”1d72a6607c715540

“Is that so?”0ecfda067d26fe4b

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“Haha, let’s have breakfast together while we’re at it. We haven’t had breakfast together for a few days since you’ve been preparing for the special exam.”9d462336c698f29c

It was probably a simple suggestion. As the Prime Minister said, after the Spring Festival, Yeon-oh had been holed up in the study preparing for the special exam, which meant a period of separation. Yet, it felt strange. The encounter during the walk didn’t seem coincidental, and the suggestion didn’t seem merely due to the recent absence.c0376f8e7620ed86

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“Let’s do that.”29c8622301d95e30

Yeon-oh answered, putting 19e8d91871 his doubts aside, 2c76eca77c and stepped back. Naturally, the 8eaf37d8f6 Prime Minister 0797a55ca7 took a fb85c6ff02 step forward, 0587b5c0f3 with Yeon-oh 9a3f153644 following behind. A few servants followed 6c29c97ada them.239dd14d3140c8d0

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“Do you think you did well on the special exam?”54a41bbebedfdd0d

“I did my best.”15a2feff9bf2a5e8

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The Prime 18d107da68 Minister showed b254d0d26e interest in 68e679967c the results b0f8fd128a of his 6ae1e6f5ab exam. It was bba298c103 the kind 6d068d68e3 of interest 316e58c162 any parent b22588ef26 would have. Yeon-oh neither arrogantly 69085d4771 claimed success nor 96720c4e16 feigned humility. For him, humility was 0e34ce790f not a virtue. So he reported 631c2f87d0 the facts in f578b2b8d2 a calm tone.d7f069e6aef39132

“Since you did your best, it’s worth looking forward to.”2a7eaeb71eb0b43f

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“I only hope I don’t fall short of your expectations, Father.”f0da2affa9ec379b

“You will certainly meet my expectations. So, Yeon-oh, now that the special exam is over, would you like to visit the villa before taking office? The Emperor has granted you a few days off, suggesting you enjoy a belated holiday with me.”14b7317d832248b0

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An immediate answer didn’t come. Going to the villa wasn’t difficult, but the wet nurse was still unwell. He hesitated to leave her alone while she was sick. As if to reflect his feelings, Yeon-oh showed signs of hesitation, and the Prime Minister laughed heartily, clasping his hands behind his back.effaba348e057238

“Are you worried about the wet nurse?”fa974a77ec8f3e58

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“……”15210b983c944a1d

“I heard she’s bedridden. Was it a cold? Well, it’s understandable given the cold weather.”d5ce94427eabb4c1

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Yeon-oh had to work 89df51860a hard not to let 0e53b7d370 his expression harden.63ca152640dfc359

The wet nurse being sick wasn’t a big secret. Moreover, though he didn’t want to admit it, she was at an age where it wasn’t unusual for her to be bedridden with minor illnesses. But if the Prime Minister mentioned her illness, it was a different story.721243bcdd64d5fd

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The Prime Minister was a busy man. Although he handled Hanam’s affairs through a proxy, it was because he had so much work. As the chancellor of such a vast country, and one who monopolized the Emperor’s trust, he was a man who would be busy even if he had ten bodies. You could tell just by how he entered the palace early and left late.25afa61d8fe144b6

Because he used his time so efficiently, even Yeon-oh, his son, only saw him during breakfast. Yet, this busy man knew that his son’s wet nurse was sick. Realizing this, it was as if his mouth was glued shut.6de43d5bc00ae8ce

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“The wet nurse has aged quite a bit.”a5d7c191405d7feb

“……”f385966f83e50ce9

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“Wouldn’t it be good to tell Seok Kyung to pay special attention?”343c979f617c25ad

“I’ve already instructed him. It’s not something you need to concern yourself with, Father, given your busy schedule.”b2f12f48b41d0ce6

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“It’s not something to be unconcerned about. She’s the one who practically raised you, Yeon-oh. It was because of the wet nurse that I could send you to Hanam with peace of mind.”d4e91da3fa60a7b1

He swallowed the bitter saliva. The Prime Minister’s interest in the wet nurse was unsettling. Unsettling? No. The root of this was fear. Yeon-oh didn’t want the Prime Minister to take such a keen interest in the wet nurse. More precisely, he didn’t want any words about the wet nurse’s personal affairs to come from the Prime Minister’s mouth.5fe46035faf7bc70

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“Still, Yeon-oh. While I understand and acknowledge that she’s the one who raised you and someone you greatly rely on, the wet nurse is still a subordinate. If you carelessly frequent the servants’ quarters, it will only damage your dignity. Be aware of your position and refrain from doing so in the future. You understand what I mean, don’t you?”f7f16b40c103d3c8

It wasn’t because he noticed the Prime Minister pretending to be concerned while actually criticizing Yeon-oh for relying too much on the wet nurse. Yeon-oh knew the root of this fear. It was… Yeon-oh swallowed the thought. He didn’t even want to think about it.b9ba63ffe063036a

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“I will be careful.”1ff27005cf5ca04d

Yeon-oh answered, calming a48478c570 the turmoil in 5f4f4eb02b his heart. His mouth felt dry.23149614ad3b1bf9

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“Good.”e7559c7d2ac6cff8

He thought about who might have told the Prime Minister this. All the servants in the residence were the Prime Minister’s eyes and ears, and Yeon-oh had warned Hasung and Ranyoung just yesterday. Yet, it had reached the Prime Minister’s ears in less than a day. He was letting him know.04183ca146459862

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“That’s how it should be.”44003e89e6234560

That it was useless for Yeon-oh to try to block the Prime Minister’s eyes and ears.20671ecb8b9b2254

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“So, what about going to the villa?”44be580a17f9dc9b

Also, the Prime a81e0a442e Minister was warning 5e5fe54438 Yeon-oh not to dcde7c467c challenge him.b2f421f31acf64eb

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“Since it’s a rare opportunity to be with you, Father, I should go.”ad289349c8f4acf0

“We won’t stay long, so let’s just go for two days. There’s a hot spring there. You’ll like it. If you do, I’ll give it to you. I bought it thinking it would be good for your recovery.”673d26c022db0d8c

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He,a344c36af640fd85

“I didn’t know you thought of me so much, Father.”f0e42dce0ef5ea94

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As much as d515fff5f6 he loved Yeon-oh, 88bf73517e or perhaps even 2fec24329c more,795bbed695f103d4

“Thinking of you is only natural for me, Yeon-oh.”7399c316b93e7859

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He hated him.173eeec3b4f374e4

It wasn’t that he was detached from his family from the beginning. Though now a distant memory, he too had a childhood. As a child, Yeon-oh genuinely loved his father. To him, his father seemed as tall and strong as Mount Tai, and he was Yeon-oh’s admiration and light. So even when Hye Yeonseo occasionally wounded him with words, he wasn’t hurt back then.8f1718740211e0d1

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He believed that just as he loved his father, his father loved him too. That’s why he didn’t notice when his father’s face sometimes darkened when looking at him. It would have been better if he had known earlier, but he was too young then.019c095d8274e2e1

When he was about six years old, the Prime Minister visited Yeon-oh’s room while he was asleep. With a faint smell of alcohol, the Prime Minister sat by Yeon-oh’s bedside and stroked his son’s hair. Yeon-oh liked the touch so much that even though he was faintly awake, he pretended to be asleep. It was one of those nights.3edb3af34b7dad65

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“Yeon-oh.”fb0ad376067bf81d

The Prime Minister called his son’s name. It was the gentle voice he always heard.8ceb71169c24c4d3

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“Yeon-oh. My child.”05bd69cb6775c881

The Prime Minister called his son’s name once more. Yeon-oh thought that if he called once more, he would pretend to wake up. If he said he was actually awake, his father would be a little surprised but then smile and kiss Yeon-oh’s cheek.c203643f3448f136

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“…If only you hadn’t been born, how wonderful it would have been.”3383580589f3cc01

But at the following words, Yeon-oh couldn’t open his eyes. His closed eyes trembled.90b316ad01cc2ec8

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“If only you had taken your mother’s place…”a1f82a23677154f2

How wonderful it would a505f77dc7 have been. The words scattered 80882cd1a0 like a sigh. The hand 090afec506 that had ffdc10e171 been caressing 75ed03ddef his hair dddc5c69ca withdrew. The Prime 3b851f5c1c Minister left 4451fd2942 as quietly 5d865fe1d4 as he 234d95098b had come. When he 375aa3edbf heard the eafb7ee557 door close 74067e5061 and the b58302e4e2 footsteps fade b55bf23b69 away, Yeon-oh ca8ce18218 buried himself 96091e6c65 in the 7bb17b6946 blanket and c89cdadf11 cried.25da3c25c0a32cd5

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