SMS | Chapter 4.3

You eat more than you look.”

As Dohoon loaded up Mino’s plate with salad, steak, and pasta from the dishes spread across the table, Mino kept digging in, yet his furrowed brow didn’t ease.

“I might not know much about taste, but I think I have a big appetite.”

“Maybe your taste buds are just dull?”

“It seems like everything about me is dull. I can’t think of anything that’s particularly sensitive about me…”

The conversation had drifted far from the earlier mention of kissing, settling into more mundane territory, which seemed to relax Mino a bit.

Having a big appetite was one of the few topics that even Mino’s acquaintances often discussed. He reluctantly shared his complex about it, but Dohoon merely shrugged. Somewhere along the line, he had ordered wine, which he now poured in front of Mino.

Polite, Mino gripped the glass and tilted his head back to drink. Whether this approach was appropriate for wine, he wasn’t sure, but Dohoon was older, so he followed suit. Despite its sweet aroma, the wine filled his mouth with a bitter taste. Dohoon chuckled quietly, watching Mino drink.

“Do you dislike being dull?”

“It feels stupid. Like I’m clueless too… Having no particular tastes seems like I lack charm as well.”

There was one peculiar taste he harbored, but it was certainly not something he could reveal. Though it was only two sips of wine, Mino felt his face heat up.

“When I see someone passionate or dedicated to something… it feels impressive. But I don’t have anything like that.”

“You really don’t like anything?”

Mino took another sip of wine instead of answering. It seemed only polite to respond, but even slightly tipsy, he wasn’t about to confess his truths. Clamping his mouth shut, he just swallowed more wine. Dohoon’s expression turned slightly frustrated.

“You like cats, don’t you?”

“That’s…”

“You mentioned owning fish too. Don’t you like them?”

“They were left by the previous tenant… I just took over their care. They are calming to watch, though.”

Watching fish was soothing, and feeding and cleaning their tank felt rewarding, but the kind of ‘liking’ Mino wanted to talk about wasn’t that.

“The kind where you’re so excited you feel like you could die from happiness. Where you want to keep doing it, and it’s all you can think about. Something I can claim as ‘my thing’ to others…”

“Go on. I’m listening.”

Dohoon didn’t rush or criticize him; he just leaned his chin on his hand and listened. Somehow, Mino felt he could share a bit more about himself. Rubbing his heated cheeks, he started to talk about everything but his deviant preferences.

“I’ve never really had anything like that since I was young. My parents were the same. They never really had any strong interests. You know how kids usually go through a phase where they’re very assertive? I never had that. I just ate whatever was given to me and let go if something was taken away.”

It felt easier once he started talking. It was more liberating because he had never really shared his feelings with anyone else.

“I think I’m dull because of that. I don’t really understand what I like or dislike. I was raised in an ordinary home, comfortably… But then, isn’t that normal for everyone? That’s why sometimes I feel so insignificant. Like I won’t leave anything behind in the world.”

“You want to leave your name in history?”

Dohoon’s reply, playful and teasing, made Mino snort with laughter, looking up to find him staring intently. He shouldn’t be so distracted by Dohoon’s beauty.

Lowering his head, Mino continued.

“No, not that, just… If I were to die today, there wouldn’t be much about me for people to remember. Like, ‘He liked this,’ or ‘He hated that.’ But I don’t have anything like that…”

But as he spoke more, he realized the topic might be inappropriate. Demoralizing himself in front of someone who had shown interest in him seemed like shooting himself in the foot.

Realizing his mistake too late, Mino grimaced, then sighed. Maybe it was better if Dohoon lost interest in him. Then it could all just end. He could go back to his peaceful life of saving up money to buy adult toys and masturbating. After all, even if Dohoon was interested, he couldn’t fulfill his needs.

“How did you know you liked men?”

Mino was jolted back to reality by Dohoon’s large hand covering his own. It was perhaps the first time in his dull life that he thought of another person’s body part as ‘nice.’ His palm felt a bit sweaty, so he clenched it into a fist.

“Isn’t it because you felt ‘good’ about a man, or rather, a person?”

It wasn’t really like that. He just wanted to be pounded by a man… liked men’s bodies, wanted a male master. But Dohoon, unaware of Mino’s dark inner thoughts, soothingly rubbed his dry hand and pressed it between his fingers.

“You seem experienced enough in relationships. At least you know how to like people. Start from there.”

“Huh?”

“Start paying attention to what the people you like enjoy or dislike, and you might discover your own preferences. Even if you don’t, you might end up hating the things they loved if you break up. Inspiration doesn’t need to be profound. Don’t think about it too hard.”

The voice that Mino found so pleasant resonated with a firm timbre in his ear. Maybe it was because Dohoon was older, or just a genuinely nice person, but it felt hugely comforting.

The tender touch couldn’t satisfy his sexual desires, but he thought Dohoon might be an okay first partner for a relationship. Although he’d lied about having dated before.

“And being dull might be a good thing. Being too sensitive can just lead to unnecessary stress.”

Really? It did seem so when he said it. I’m too easily swayed by others.

Mino nodded obediently.

“Would you like to go out with me?”

The question was thrown out so casually it almost needed replaying in his mind for clarity. His face was faultless, but no emotion accompanied the question. Mino froze, wondering if this was an actual confession.

It wasn’t sugary sweet or dripping with affection. If words had temperature and humidity, Dohoon’s would be room temperature and slightly dry. Was this normal?

Having just listed his flaws, Mino blinked slowly.

“I don’t really understand why.”

“Do you want an honest answer or something nicer?”

“Can I hear both?”

Choosing just one seemed even weirder after such a proposal. He had no intention of rejecting it. As Seongjun said, trying out a relationship was a good experiment. Especially since it was suggested by the person who made him realize he was weak for handsome faces. Dohoon smiled as he replied, waiting for Mino’s conflicted face to decide.

“You’re my type, and the more I see you, the cuter you get.”

“That’s the nice answer, right? What’s the honest one?”

It sounded too much like a lie. How could a grown man be described as ‘cute’? Mino reached for the remaining wine and took a sip.

“That was the honest answer.”

Mino almost spit out his wine. He coughed softly after managing to swallow it.

“And the nicer version?”

“Love at first sight?”

Dohoon grinned playfully. The combination of his upturned lips and curved eyes was mesmerizing. Mino bit his lip in retort.

“That’s a lie!”

“But it’s nicer to hear than the truth, right?”

Maybe not… With the taste of alcohol lingering in his mouth, Mino swirled the water around his mouth. Dohoon stood up first, urging Mino to follow.

“Let’s go. I’ll take you home.”