SMFC | Chapter 50

Haeon knows himself very well, and though it’s unfortunate, he also knows that he’s not someone important enough to shake others.818cc7ac9ce3bc8c

Regardless of whether he e22cfa6dc5 undervalues himself or not, 231a11bbed Haeon has lived his 17852ca14d entire life as such fc0fda1ea9 a person. He could 685ae9bdc5 be a ec650f782d priority to 1f774be475 someone, but c6c4a74bd8 never the 33747549f8 top priority. He was always behind 8706e1d701 love, behind honor, and 44ed727294 sometimes even behind money.44287708e63b1ee7

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If he had ever been someone’s top priority, he might have felt resentful every time he wasn’t, but Haeon, who had never been anyone’s top priority, didn’t even know what it was like to feel resentful.57e4ebc3b7bfdfe1

It’s not that he didn’t know the feeling of resentment.50a682e6f08520d5

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Resentment, like loneliness d2799009e1 and love, is a9c37d0ee7 something we naturally 9934ccb1e0 acquire as we 6fdde3f49f grow. Just as a child 8399f3c66d who has just started 1056f12656 speaking uses words without df9dfcb618 knowing their meaning, we e685cf5be5 easily learn and express 5e99428798 those emotions.8074ca39a7bd9b98

So Haeon knew what resentment was but didn’t understand why he should feel it in such situations.eb35af5fcd76419a

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But then, Haeon developed 65f9a5e34c a desire. A desire 8ffd626a9b for Lee 70a2ecd914 Soo to b771ea4958 at least aa81a61996 make him 593e74f859 his top 46882edf27 priority.0e5aadf8d49bede5

If he had intruded into someone’s life, given them so much, and even shared things he didn’t want to know, if he cherished them that much… couldn’t he at least do that? It might be a selfish thought, but that’s Haeon’s stance.8ed19a56b8b4f23d

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If Lee Soo were to easily make him his top priority, Haeon knew he would question and resent those who didn’t, even though he knew that questioning and resenting people who don’t exist or have already forgotten him would only lead to greater confusion and a mind-eating depression.e8813e154398d75c

Despite knowing all that, there’s something he wants to endure.bc292463d68c134f

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For some, it’s love, for others, it’s peace, and for Haeon, it’s simply wanting to be Lee Soo’s top priority, despite knowing everything.80bf6ed6707a4e9a

‘Isn’t it love?’e33eedf7b129e597

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‘…It’s not love.’6040f439b3effdbf

So Haeon knew this wasn’t love. Love is wanting to be someone’s top priority while also wanting them to love themselves the most.c04ad2ae2acc5884

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***a76cfcc291b2200d

On a day when a947c0ca0a it rained unseasonably,c40c4a8e38c938fb

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[I’m sorry. Those damn people seemed determined, and a month, damn it, what. I couldn’t stop it no matter what….]

Before even a month had passed, which Eve said he could buy, the news that Haeon was the successor of the Hawa Guild Leader spread. It spread so quickly and with such solid evidence that Haeon couldn’t even respond to the rumors.61e777a259488404

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To ignore the calls asking if he already knew, Lee Soo turned off all system notifications and even powered off his phone. Sitting quietly next to him, Lee Soo watched Haeon, who was lost in thought, with Eve’s overly loud apology playing in the background like music.5d33906bafd5e08f

He couldn’t hear what Haeon was thinking, but he was sure it wasn’t anything good. Haeon’s hand, which always maintained a moderate temperature, was unusually cold. The fact that his unblemished white hand was also cold left Lee Soo feeling inexplicably anxious.2e41fb2e539b2fc7

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It was an absurd anxiety, like thinking Haeon had become a glass sculpture that could shatter with a slight shock, but right now, Lee Soo was in a state where he couldn’t even accurately grasp his thoughts due to the overwhelming anxiety. It meant he was considering his thoughts as something truly objective.884860996d8c7236

If listening to the call doesn’t solve anything, he should hang up. Or maybe he should get angry or cry, wondering why he’s being tormented like this….bd628d73e6a11ba2

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Unable to grasp what Haeon was thinking, Lee Soo swallowed his worries and slowly lowered his head, resting his face on Haeon’s palm, which he was holding carefully.4c671d85fd3fcb5c

No matter how much Lee Soo called his name or rustled around, Haeon didn’t spare him a glance until Lee Soo’s cheek touched his hand. Only then did Haeon turn his head to look at Lee Soo. Having not seen Haeon’s face properly because he had been looking down, Lee Soo was quite surprised to find that Haeon seemed more okay than he thought, but he skillfully hid that fact and gave a faint smile.96e3d692a6911f6a

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“You’re finally looking at me. You wouldn’t look even though I kept calling and moving next to you.”e1b011a48f2aac1a

Despite the content being a clear complaint, Haeon raised his eyebrows lightly at the calm voice and then let out a laugh close to a chuckle, gently moving the hand Lee Soo was holding to caress his cheek. Taking the opportunity to subtly observe Haeon’s face, Lee Soo momentarily forgot to manage his expression and looked blank.e68aaa7a29bf0186

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He had secretly checked, worried that Haeon might be pretending to be okay. But it wasn’t pretending; he was genuinely okay.5015e6a05dd35af1

And perhaps sensing Lee Soo’s confusion, Haeon didn’t stop his hand from caressing Lee Soo’s cheek and let out a small laugh. On Haeon’s face, there was a slight displeasure directed at those who caused this situation, but there was no sorrow or anger about his current situation.cba907a152655cb4

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Lee Soo, d4bc14da3b who was b8784f3611 momentarily so 2dbbf98d2e flustered that 6c55539790 he forgot 35b81199b3 he was 81dea1e754 worried about 4cb038b051 Haeon, blinked d37f4c4339 rapidly.689a0369f5415690

Having read the novel, b686fd7fa7 Lee Soo knew why 2f45c83c53 Haeon hid the fact b63302b361 that he was the 6d8831b8b0 child of the former 53d87f7a5b guild leader of Hawa. Moreover, it was 3bec270040 raining, a day 52349411a4 that made even ad88ab328a those with nothing 1107dbc1bc going on feel d8c60c0f53 gloomy, so he 561d5d5feb was even more 08fa0ff39b worried. But realizing c137b4990e that all 8b3dad91cc those worries 68286f2a74 might have 237feae982 been unnecessary, 818bb3ef9a Lee Soo db2f02d60d felt a 0e9788306c bit sheepish.e2ce000fc391ddc9

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He didn’t even feel the strange sense of deflation or absurdity that usually accompanies the realization that the person he worried about was actually fine. Lee Soo just thought it was fortunate that Haeon was okay and sighed at his own fussiness.bcb1fd9b033c0b1a

The person in a6dd56fd98 question was fine, e254951d43 but he had 2d56040de2 been the one 15f17a3391 making a fuss. Realizing that Haeon 4b02c84c67 had noticed his d62dd07e02 internal fuss, Lee 92579e3b1a Soo rolled his cfe2521c46 eyes and laughed 14c7f7da36 awkwardly.5d777f7f4ad51213

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Haeon, who had been quietly watching Lee Soo’s clear face, glanced at the phone that hadn’t been hung up and lightly moved his fingers to end the call. Then he let out a small laugh and tapped Lee Soo’s nose.8f9bb384fb7feab7

“You were worried about me.”07164f875afab169

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“…Yes.”42375d71f10b5f2f

“But now you’re embarrassed because I’m more okay than you thought.”a55dac3312bfaad9

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Lee Soo, who didn’t know what to do with his eyes that had lost their way at the slight smile on Haeon’s pale face, nodded with a resigned heart. Though he answered, he only nodded, as if asking if he really had to ask about such things, and Haeon, who was laughing, showed a very gentle smile.79be1e993a96707f

“You don’t have to be too embarrassed. It’s because I knew Hunter Ryu Leesoo would be like that that I could be okay.”0db63272d4d4fd7c

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“What?”68a695431c6415c5

“It’s because I knew Hunter Ryu Leesoo would worry about me more than anyone else and get angry on my behalf that I’m okay.”c4fd67054ae0a6be

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Thanks to Hunter Ryu Leesoo, I’m okay. Continuing in his characteristic neat voice, Haeon carefully observed the dazed Lee Soo, who hadn’t expected such words.d3fac50be4e68898

It would be a lie to say he wasn’t angry when he heard the news from Eve. He had done a lot for the elders, maintaining his position as a successor on the condition that no one knew he was the child of the former guild leader, and he had endured a lot. Suddenly being backstabbed like this, how could he not be angry?1d3fa5315862ff74

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But just as he 5385af756b had said in a 73c7197e67 previous conversation with Eve, d6a3fbb0c1 thinking that Lee Soo c2053f0b58 would surely worry about 56f6dcab56 him made him feel 7cfffd4da0 better quickly. Like magic, 2f63144381 it really 6138579f3f became okay 5aa9db626c very easily.678d8eadf222ae62

The unique smell of rain that continued to stimulate the sensitive sense of smell of an awakened one didn’t feel as overwhelmingly strong as it usually did. Though his condition was still below average compared to usual, knowing that he was surprisingly okay compared to his usual condition on rainy days, Haeon felt not just okay but quite satisfied.a4a8cc8f6ab78dc2

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And though Lee Soo couldn’t know the details of Haeon’s current state, he could sense that it wasn’t too bad, and after a brief moment of surprise, he smiled brightly as if he had shed all his worries. Once for the fact that Haeon’s mood, which he had worried about so much, was okay, and once for the fact that he was the reason Haeon could be okay. Twice, Lee Soo was not just happy but immensely happy, and not knowing what to do, he rubbed his cheek against Haeon’s palm.2daa14774fc73348

“I’m so, so happy. It means I was able to help Healer Haeon….”4e07e6dbc9e362bd

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“Are you that happy?”56dadd0de7c92678

“Very much. I feel happier than any other day in the past few days.”424c981d568714c1

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With a face that couldn’t hide his excitement, Lee Soo chattered away, then shyly laughed and buried his face in Haeon’s cheek.5553bce83a626938

The happiness was so full on his pale face. Haeon forgot to tell Lee Soo that drawing attention with physical affection wasn’t a good thing and just watched him for a long time.e444167a570b0813

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The rain falling, the thought of moments he wanted to hide forever being revealed, and imagining the words he would receive didn’t seem so hard. Right now, it felt like he could just laugh off the pity people would express for the inevitable misfortunes in his life that strangers would talk about.f72c283bb6afedf7

That’s how okay he was.64290fbd96d4272a

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