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It wasn’t like a few punches could seriously hurt me anyway, so it all wrapped up without much incident. The suggestion had failed, though. I couldn’t believe how far gone Moon Seungrok must’ve been—he didn’t even use his abilities, just his fists.

Since then, Seungrok’s completely ignored me. If we ran into each other, he wouldn’t even acknowledge me unless he absolutely had to. In those rare cases, he’d give a half-hearted wave out of basic courtesy and walk off.

So honestly, I don’t know much about Moon Seungrok. We’ve never been on a mission together. I’ve been out with Ki Sihyeon, Yeo Dohun, and even Gyeon Yejin a few times—though not often—but with Seungrok, not even once.

Is he avoiding me on purpose?

Beep.

“Ah, I got distracted again and lost track of time.”

The alert letting me know I had twenty minutes until the call rang out.

I wiped my face with a towel and stepped out of the bathroom. Looked like I wouldn’t have time to eat after all. While changing into my uniform, I didn’t even bother tying my necktie—just draped it around my neck.

“I don’t want to go…”

I needed to get ready and head out quickly, but the words slipped out as I found myself stopping without realizing it.

“But I said I’d do it. So I have to go.”

I spoke as if casting a suggestion on myself. Even if I didn’t want to see Ki Sihyeon, I had to go. Yoo Sejin had asked me to take their place. I’d agreed, so of course I had to follow through.

Even if just seeing Ki Sihyeon stirs up something ridiculous in me…

Still, I had to endure it. There was no way around it.

* * *

My first heartbreak happened at this year’s New Year’s party, right after I turned twenty.

I was the kind of kid who didn’t know much. Didn’t know my mom or dad. Didn’t even know where I was born. I didn’t know anything important. But there was one pointless thing I did know.

I realized that I liked Ki Sihyeon a lot more than I thought. That was my first heartbreak.

It was right at midnight, when December 31 turned into January 1.

The garden party was hosted by Ki Sihyeon, and I was invited. Technically, personal outings were forbidden, but the Center occasionally granted exceptions for external events if you submitted a request and were accompanied by an approved escort.

Thanks to Sihyeon, I somehow got permission and ended up welcoming the new year at his house instead of the Center. Normally, despite being relatively media-friendly, Sihyeon kept his home heavily guarded and private. But this time, for the first time, he opened the front gates and threw a party.

It was my first time seeing Sihyeon’s garden, and it was huge—easily as big as the small forest outside the annex I lived in. I couldn’t imagine why someone who lived alone needed such a massive space, but it was just like Sihyeon, who loved collecting odd things. His garden was filled with strange plants and structures.

That’s what I ended up looking at. I showed up because I was invited, but Ki Sihyeon and Yoo Sejin were so focused on each other that neither of them bothered talking to me. And if it wasn’t them, no one else at the party was going to say a word to me either.

So I just stood there awkwardly, off to the side, watching the two of them. I thought maybe, if I stood there long enough, someone might say something to me.

It happened at the exact moment one year ended and another began. After bickering for ages, the fight between the two of them ended when Ki Sihyeon pulled Yoo Sejin in and kissed him. Just then, fireworks lit up the night sky. Pop. Pop-pop. Pop-pop-pop.

So pretty.

I just stood there, staring at the two of them. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I remembered seeing a scene like this in a movie at the Center’s library screening room.

A couple embracing beneath the night sky, in a beautiful garden, with fireworks exploding overhead.

Yoo Sejin, clearly flustered, smacked Sihyeon in embarrassment, and Sihyeon burst out laughing.

He looked so happy as he laughed out loud. Where did the man with the cold eyes go—the one who once whispered to me that he was lonely, and begged me to grow up faster? That man wasn’t here. In his place was someone who looked genuinely happy.

So this is what it means to like someone… That aching feeling in your chest. Is this what Ki Sihyeon meant by loneliness?

“Seonwoo! There you are! What are you doing hiding over there? Come on out!”

Sejin finally spotted me standing behind one of the structures and waved. He gestured for me to come over. He was wearing a white suit, the corners of his upturned eyes tinged with a faint blush. His lips were loose in a warm smile, as if to say, I’ve been looking all over for you.

He looked… so beautiful.

There’s no way…

“Hey, Woo Seonwoo! Don’t just stand there by yourself! Come hang out with us!”

…I can’t win.

I could never beat Yoo Sejin.

Honestly, I’d never even planned on confessing to Ki Sihyeon in the first place. It wasn’t about winning or losing. I’d intended to spend my whole life loving him from a distance, with no hope of anything more.

Maybe this was better. Yoo Sejin makes people happy. He has a power I could never imitate, never even hope to replicate.

Is it even fair to call this jealousy?

I was boring and not good with words, so I knew I could never make Ki Sihyeon laugh. I wasn’t a Guide, so I couldn’t provide Guiding, and even if I tried to mimic it with a weak suggestion, I’d only end up confusing his brain.

Looking at the way I was… of course I couldn’t make Ki Sihyeon happy. There was absolutely no reason for him to like me.

Yeo Dohun, Moon Seungrok, and Gyeon Yejin were also standing near Yoo Sejin. They were talking and laughing with him. Even those difficult people really liked Yoo Sejin. He was someone who was loved—by everyone, naturally.

Just as I was thinking, It’s never going to happen for me…, my eyes met Ki Sihyeon’s.

“Hey, kid. What are you doing? Sejin’s calling you over.”

Several people turned to look at me when Ki Sihyeon spoke. Yoo Sejin kept gesturing for me to come. Yeo Dohun looked at me with disapproval, and Gyeon Yejin scowled the moment our eyes met. Moon Seungrok, meanwhile, was looking in the opposite direction, yawning.

It felt kind of humiliating. No one could possibly have heard what I’d just been thinking, but I felt embarrassed anyway and lowered my head. I wanted to run away.

* * *

There are a lot of Espers at the Center. The Center uses the international standard Esper grading system to classify them. Abilities are divided into three types: Special, Physical, and Natural. Grades range from S to F.

By those standards, I was an S-rank Esper in the Special category—more specifically, an Esper with a rare type of mental domination ability.

The majority of Espers fall under the Physical category. Most Espers do, in fact. Then come Natural types, and finally Special types. Even within the rare Special category, Espers like me with mental domination abilities were extremely uncommon.

“It’s honestly kind of amazing. I heard Special-types are really prone to going berserk and losing their minds, but you’re not like that at all, Seonwoo.”

Even though he doesn’t come around as much these days, when Yoo Sejin first joined the Alpha Team as their Guide, he used to visit my room often.

For no real reason, just… show up.

“Want me to guide you?”

Even when I didn’t ask, he’d offer to guide me himself. It was a kind gesture, but it made me feel awkward and self-conscious, so I always turned him down.

“I’m fine.”

Yoo Sejin was naturally kind and attentive. He probably came to see me simply because I was alone at the Center, and it bothered him.

He’s an unusual person. Sure, I’m a highly valued S-rank Esper at the Center, so befriending me wouldn’t be a loss. But if you were thinking logically, it would make more sense for him to focus on Ki Sihyeon or Yeo Dohun instead.

…You’re the weird one.

Even though he was the strange one, Yoo Sejin would always make this unfamiliar expression when I rejected him. It didn’t quite fit the kind image I had of him—it looked more like a cold smile. Like cotton candy melting away between blinks, that expression would vanish, and by the time I looked again, he was smiling gently as always.

“No, I’m not weird.”

“You totally are. How are you not?”

“Team Leader Yeo already explained it to you. I don’t need Guiding. If you do it anyway, it’s just a waste of your energy.”

“And that’s exactly what’s weird.”

People think that Guiding is as simple as holding hands or hugging an Esper to calm them down. That’s wrong. Guiding comes with physical and mental strain on the Guide as well.

While it doesn’t drive Guides to the brink of death like Espers who go berserk, studies have shown that Guiding causes extreme mental and physical fatigue for the Guide.

I’d sometimes wondered what it felt like—what kind of sensation it was—but I didn’t want to burden Yoo Sejin when I didn’t even need it.

I made a rational choice. I wanted to make that choice, so I rejected his offers. That didn’t make me weird. But Yoo Sejin didn’t seem to agree.

“I’m the Alpha Team’s Guide. You don’t have to worry about me. You’re an Esper and I’m a Guide—if you need it, it’s my duty to help. As long as it’s not excessive physical contact, it’s part of my job. I just… I don’t like that you’re the only one I’ve never guided.”

“I’m fine. And I’m dangerous. We shouldn’t do it.”

He already had the burden of guiding four S-rank Espers on the team. Of course I was the one who should opt out.

The Alpha Team was full of people who were either too dangerous, too sensitive, too mysterious, or too violent—basically, just too strange.

Even though they were an elite team, the Alpha Team hadn’t had a dedicated Guide for almost ten years. That alone said everything.

Ki Sihyeon was once infamous for being linked with nearly every Guide at the Center in all sorts of scandalous rumors. Yeo Dohun, who might as well have a hatred for humans instead of just Espers, refused any physical contact unless absolutely necessary, saying it made him nauseous. He even took tranquilizers to get through minimal Guiding.