SB Ch 21

On the other hand, Chae Beomjoon, cherished by Haeyoon. Happily, with arms linked, choosing the perfect prosthetic penis for Haeyoon. Chae Beomjoon entering a retirement home with Seo Haeyoon, both wearing hearing aids.

If asked which one looked happier, it would undoubtedly be the latter. What if he didn’t have a penis? As long as he had Seo Haeyoon.

Beomjoon felt that the axis of his life had shifted from the useless reproductive organ between his legs to Seo Haeyoon. It wasn’t at all strange to think and decide based on him.

No, indeed, because now this piece of flesh felt nothing more than a burdensome lump.

Chae Beomjoon truly admired Seo Haeyoon with a pure heart. Yet, because he had once lived somewhat promiscuously, his pure love was dismissed as a mere whim of a rag. The only way to prove this love was through permanent castration.

What benefit did he gain from keeping it now?

Logically, there was absolutely none.

Once, he thought it was a weapon to appeal to Seo Haeyoon, but with just one statement that he could get tired of sex even without meeting him, Chae Beomjoon’s penis immediately turned into a piece of rusted scrap metal. Instead of being a means of seduction, this old, worn-out penis was now an obstacle between them.

In such a situation, if he could prove his love to be the most noble, Platonic love in the world by cutting it off, wouldn’t that be enough?

Frankly, he had already made his decision. Just as rich people who have earned enormous amounts of money donate their entire fortune to society before they die, Beomjoon no longer had any attachment to the penis he had used to swing around. If people break their ankles for love, wouldn’t it be natural for him to cut off this perfectly fine penile tissue? However, despite his certainty, he wasn’t rushing to find Haeyoon for another reason.

“Haah…”

There was one problem that couldn’t be taken lightly. It was that Seo Haeyoon loved sex to the extreme. Beomjoon didn’t think Haeyoon, who was so passionate, would be satisfied with sex without penetration. Therefore, it was natural to worry about their sex life after the operation.

Why would sexual incompatibility be a legitimate reason for divorce? It’s one of the most important elements in life. If Haeyoon later demanded a breakup because he wasn’t satisfied with the night activities, Beomjoon would have no means to hold onto him. He wouldn’t even be able to say he’d make him tired of sex.

“Haaah…”

As Chae Beomjoon sighed repeatedly, lost in thought, Cheon Seju, scrolling through documents and drinking water, looked up with irritation. He seemed annoyed by the disturbance.

“Please be quiet.”

“…Why are you constantly nagging? Can’t I even sigh in my own home?”

“If it’s noisy, go sigh outside.”

“Your temper is really something.”

“Is it just me, Chae Chief?”

Though his sarcasm was irritating, it was Chae Beomjoon who had made Cheon Seju like this. When Cheon first joined the organization, Beomjoon had acted like a big brother, trying to get something from him because of his good looks, unintentionally giving Cheon a sense of betrayal.

He hadn’t thought much about that incident, but now, in hindsight, he felt a bit of regret.

Why did I do that?

What is sex, really, that I did such a futile thing…

“Haah…”

Reflecting on his past days of being obsessed with meaningless pleasures, Beomjoon sighed for the third time in front of Cheon Seju. Then, he apologized to him. To transform into the well-mannered man Seo Haeyoon wanted, not only was physical purification necessary, but he also planned to clear up his past.

“…Chief Cheon, though it’s a bit late, I’m sorry for what happened before. I acted out of line trying to mess with you, and I feel ashamed for having a negative impact on your adaptation to the organization.”

He wasn’t really ashamed, but this was just courtesy, so Chae Beomjoon apologized quite formally.

“…”

In response, Cheon Seju looked at him with a face that seemed to say he had goosebumps. Instead of accepting the apology, he scanned Chae Beomjoon’s troubled face, then pulled out his phone from his pocket.

Seeing Cheon Seju enter a number on the keypad, Chae Beomjoon felt a sudden chill and stood up abruptly. Taking advantage of Cheon’s surprise, he reached out and snatched the phone away.

“Damn it, give it back!”

“What are you trying to do?”

As expected, Shin Kyoyeon’s number was displayed on his phone screen. He had nearly caused a big problem. Remembering the day he was forced to get an MRI, Chae Beomjoon, sweating with relief, shouted:

“What were you going to tell the Chairman?!”

“Give it back! I need to report that you’ve gone crazy on drugs!”

Drugs?

Why is everyone acting like they can’t wait to call me crazy? Beomjoon shouted in frustration.

“What drugs?! I’m just, just complicated because of unrequited love, my mind is perfectly fine!”

“Unrequited love? Damn, how much drugs have you taken!”

However, after his honest confession, Cheon Seju was even more shocked. Perhaps there was still some affection left because he looked genuinely concerned as he tried to restrain Chae Beomjoon. But that only made it worse.

Thinking I’ve really lost my mind!

“Why are you doing this, really! Let go!”

“If you don’t want to be dissected, stay still!”

There was a tussle between them. Although Beomjoon couldn’t fight well, he had good endurance and held out for a while, but eventually, he had to surrender. The situation was ominous. If he stalled any longer, Cheon Seju seemed ready to choke him unconscious and drag him to Shin Kyoyeon.

Let’s calm him down. Erasing the image of a closed ward looming before him, Chae Beomjoon stood up, urgently showing his palms, talking softly as if soothing an angry beast.

“Okay, okay. Wait, just listen to me for a second, Chief Cheon!”

“Who taught me not to listen to drug addicts?!”

It was Chae Beomjoon. When Cheon Seju had just joined the organization, Beomjoon had sat him down and given him that lecture.

His memory was disgustingly good. Chae Beomjoon, sighing internally, took advantage of the moment when Cheon Seju’s grip loosened and stood up from his seat.

His hair was a mess from struggling to get free. Brushing his hair with his hand in front of the refrigerator, Beomjoon invited Cheon Seju, who was glaring at him with a look that seemed to say, “What’s all this about?”

“Please, just sit down, Chief Cheon. I’ll explain everything.”

There was a sea of distrust in Cheon Seju’s eyes. If he didn’t explain the situation soon, he might really get beaten and dragged to the hospital. He needed to convince him that he wasn’t on drugs, that there was a reason he had to be emotional.

“Please, sit down, I beg you.”

However, Cheon Seju was unmovable. He looked at him with a fierce expression, rolling up his sleeves as if to say, “Why should I?” and Beomjoon started sweating.

The image of the closed ward flickered back into view. Trying to keep smiling, Chae Beomjoon began to babble in an attempt to persuade him.

“Anyway, if Chief Cheon wanted to catch me, you could do it anytime, right? I’m not good at running away, and you’re good at catching people.”

“Why are you talking so much?”

“Just listen, please! I’ll explain!”

“Look, Chae Chief, extreme mood swings are a classic sign of drug use.”

Mood swings, damn, it seemed to be included in the symptoms of every disease. Last time it was menopause, now it’s almost certain drug use, making him sigh.

Anyway, since he wasn’t even listening to the preamble, Chae Beomjoon, blushing, decided to get to the point.

“It might be hard to believe, but I’ve really… fallen for someone…”

“…Ha.”

Cheon Seju’s face twisted into a bizarre expression upon hearing that.

Though it was the expected reaction, it still felt a bit depressing. It made him wonder if it was so strange for him to like someone.

Even his friend Shin Kyoyeon and colleagues like Cheon Seju, who he considered somewhat close, reacted this way. It wasn’t surprising that Seo Haeyoon, the person in question, distrusted and disliked him. Swallowing his sigh to avoid being dragged to the hospital, Chae Beomjoon spoke.

“I first met him at a club, but actually, before that…”

He had initially planned to give just a light explanation. The idea was to inform him that there was a reason for his behavior to avoid being taken to the hospital, but oddly, as he spoke, he found himself revealing everything from start to finish.

He was momentarily startled to realize he was discussing his love life with Cheon Seju, but strangely, it didn’t feel bad. Thinking that it was much better than dealing with the psychopath upstairs, Chae Beomjoon finished his explanation slowly.

“…So, I have to choose between the two.”

As far as he remembered, Cheon Seju had quite a bit of experience with romance. So, he thought he might offer wise advice.

But given their relationship, he was worried Cheon might mock him. However, even Cheon Seju, who had initially treated him like a madman, started to look serious at some point. Perhaps he felt the genuine passion in Chae Beomjoon’s words.

“Really?”

After Chae Beomjoon finished speaking, Cheon Seju, who had been listening intently with his arms crossed, rolled his tongue inside his mouth. After a long silence, as if pondering, he asked with an expression of disbelief.

“Is this even a question?”

Not knowing if he meant whether to cut or keep his penis, Chae Beomjoon looked at him in confusion. Then, unusually, Cheon Seju smiled and said:

“Why hesitate when someone as magnanimous as that is giving a chance to someone like you, with your rotten dick?”

“…What?”

“Don’t you like him that much?”

“How could that be?!”

Chae Beomjoon shouted. No one could tolerate someone belittling his pure love. The feelings he had when Seo Haeyoon smiled, when he leaned on him, when he called his name, were vividly alive in Beomjoon’s heart. Every time Seo Haeyoon kissed him, Chae Beomjoon felt his heart beat with life.

Though it was a strange emotion that came after 38 years and countless people, it had already taken a significant place in Chae Beomjoon’s heart, to the point where he could now say it was his everything.

“I’m not hesitating about cutting it off; I’m worried that after I do, he might leave because he can’t bear a sexless life!”

Having already decided to become a eunuch, Chae Beomjoon shouted confidently. To stop himself from laughing, Cheon Seju bit his tongue without speaking.

Is this guy really on drugs?

Given the situation, that’s what he thought, but Chae Beomjoon looked fine on the outside. Someone who was so worried about erectile dysfunction wouldn’t be on just any drug.

…Then, a cult? Has he been brainwashed? Maybe the “person” he’s talking about is someone from the heavens? Cheon Seju observed Chae Beomjoon, who was protesting his innocence, with such thoughts in mind.

“You might have seduced him with this penis at first, but once it’s gone, you won’t have any means to seduce him again, right? What if he dumps you after you prove your love?”

With what confidence, Chae Beomjoon was already worrying about being left by someone who had no intention of giving him anything.

No, logically, if you were told to choose between cutting it off or just being sex friends, wouldn’t the correct interpretation be that the person would rather die than date you, so just shut up and have sex?

But to twist it like that.

“Yeah. You can’t reattach what’s been cut off.”

However, instead of informing him that the other party had no intention of accepting him, thus despairing Chae Beomjoon, Cheon Seju chose to encourage him.

Chae Beomjoon, cutting off his penis.

What could be more entertaining than this? If Shin Kyoyeon had heard this story instead, he would have helped with the decision by taking up the knife himself.

“But isn’t that the only way to prove Chae Chief’s feelings? Burning that rag-like body to purify it is an option, but then you’d have nothing left… Since you only need to remove one part, that person is really magnanimous.”

“Yeah… Chief Cheon wouldn’t understand how pretty and lovable that person is.”

The moment Chae Beomjoon started to boast about his partner with an expression of pride, Cheon Seju listened with one ear and let it go out the other while contemplating.

How could he really turn this man into a eunuch? Then, a good idea came to him, and he tapped the table while saying:

“Chae Chief, in some countries, they write contracts before marriage. Why don’t you do the same?”

“A contract?”

Chae Beomjoon’s face twisted as if to say, how could he put such a calculative measure on his pure love? However, his eyes still lacked focus, clearly showing signs of insanity. Still suspecting him of drug use, Cheon Seju continued:

“You could write a contract stating that even after becoming a eunuch, he has to love you forever, just like a marriage contract.”

Cheon Seju had been annoyed by Chae Beomjoon’s pestering on more than one occasion, but the thought of turning him into a eunuch made lies spill out smoothly. In front of this unpleasant man’s neutering, Cheon Seju found himself speaking in an unusually soft and kind voice.

“Same-sex marriage isn’t possible in Korea, right? So, you can use that contract in place of the marriage procedure. It’s good to formalize the commitment to take care of each other in writing. Honestly, with your sordid history, no one would take you anywhere, so you should be grateful for this chance. And worrying that your partner’s feelings might change after the surgery, isn’t that just a lack of resolve?”

“Would I have made such a decision if I lacked resolve?”

“I’m ready to die if my partner wants to break up, so what’s the big deal about not having one penis? You should be determined to make sure there’s no reason for him to ever want to leave. Do you lack that much willpower?”

“…”

The emphasis on willpower made him snap back to reality. Chae Beomjoon blinked blankly, recalling his time in the military.

How did he survive the chemical, biological, and nuclear training he thought he couldn’t do? How did he endure those two years without sex? All because of willpower.

Right, if he could endure two years, there was no reason he couldn’t live the rest of his life without a penis with just willpower. Especially since, once he successfully cut it off, Seo Haeyoon would cherish and love him by his side, making it even more doable. If he loved Seo Haeyoon with all his might, he would surely recognize his sincerity.

“Chief Cheon is right. Let’s give it a shot!”

Chae Beomjoon nodded without even realizing he was reaching an extreme state of awakening. Not missing that moment, Cheon Seju pushed Beomjoon’s phone towards him.

“Let’s book the hospital first, shall we? You seem to be in a hurry.”

The devilish whisper was an added bonus.

As if entranced, Chae Beomjoon called the hospital as suggested. He made an appointment by telling the coordinator, who couldn’t understand what he was saying, that he was going to remove his reproductive organs and that there would be an observer at the surgery, then hung up.

Next, he contacted the Legal Department of DG O&M.

“Yes, Team Leader. Hello. I have something urgent; can I come over to your place for a bit?”

Ah, yes. What happened? I’ll get ready right away. How long will it take for you to get here?

“I’ll be there within an hour.”

Understood. Please be careful on your way.

Perhaps because Chae Beomjoon was so confident on the phone, the team leader responded solemnly, thinking someone must have caused a big problem.

…Is he really going to cut it off?

Observing him with a deep gaze, Cheon Seju suddenly remembered something he had overheard and asked:

“I heard one of the executives caused a problem?”

“Did the news reach you that far?”

“When was it?”

“Around 3 AM on Thursday. Why? Do you know something?”

Not really, just curious… Cheon Seju trailed off, laughing to himself. Having been awake for over 40 hours since then, it was no wonder his eyes looked like those of a drug addict. It would be stranger if his judgment wasn’t clouded.

Anyway, he had done enough.

If Chae Beomjoon really became a eunuch, it would be something to celebrate, and if he backed out after all this… he’d tell Shin Kyoyeon to commit him to a mental hospital. There were enough reasons, so whatever happened, it wasn’t a losing situation for him, which pleased him.

“Then I’ll be going.”

For the first time in a while, Cheon Seju could leave in front of Chae Beomjoon with a smile. He returned the laptop he had been reading from time to time during the conversation to Chae Beomjoon and took the USB he had received.

While finishing off the remaining water in his glass, he noticed something on the sink. “Why is that there?” Furrowing his brows, Cheon Seju asked:

“Why did you put that there? It’s filthy. Didn’t the Chairman say to throw it away because it’s disgusting?”

“What? Oh…”

Where Cheon Seju’s gaze landed was Chae Beomjoon’s cherished doormat.

Once living a life like a rag, it had now become a towel through a process of repentance with bleach and boiling water, symbolizing his commitment to a chaste life.

He remembered when Shin Kyoyeon and Cheon Seju had come to his house for work and had made a fuss, telling him to throw it away because it was gross. Pitiful humans…

Looking at the towel with affection, Chae Beomjoon replied calmly:

“I decided to use it as a towel from today as a symbol of erasing my past as a rag and loving myself first. It’s in the same boat as me, so I want to love it first.”

“A rag doesn’t become a towel just because you wash it.”

“Why not? I’ve cleaned it thoroughly.”

It should now be called a towel. Though it was a bit old, it was soft and cozy, perfectly fulfilling its role. It was just like Chae Beomjoon.

“Crazy, literally…”

“Look, it doesn’t smell.”

Cheon Seju, who had been shaking his head as if to say this was ridiculous, suddenly stopped. Chae Beomjoon was gesturing towards the cup Cheon was holding.

…Smell?

His handsome face hardened, and Cheon Seju’s cold gaze moved from the doormat he’d seen for years, to the glass beside it, and finally to the cup in his hand.

Realizing that Chae Beomjoon had polished the cup he had drunk from with that rag, whether it was a doormat or a towel, Cheon Seju’s face twisted in anger.

“Ah, shit!!”

The cup was thrown with such force that it shattered in the sink. What’s this? Chae Beomjoon looked at Cheon Seju, who was suddenly acting out, with a baffled expression.

“Why are you suddenly freaking out?”

“Be thankful I didn’t throw it at your head!!”

Shouting at the top of his lungs, Cheon Seju muttered that it was all shit and left.

What’s so bad about a towel! Chae Beomjoon, now possessed by his doormat, sat down, cursing the foul-tempered man in his mind. Then, with a face full of madness, he began drafting the contract. He had to take it to Haeyoon the next morning. There was no time. And even in his pupils, there was no focus.