SANN | Chapter 10.1

“Wow, this is really intense…”

Gureum was totally engrossed in the game, his mouth agape. The nickname of the character he was playing wasn’t hazeee but Chaesyongsyong. Recently, it seemed like Sieon’s interest in Cloud Online might have waned since he started living with Gureum, as he had sorted through all his characters. And he had changed his ID and password, sharing them only with Gureum.

Gureum understood. Just a while ago, the spring patch test server had opened, and the reaction from the users was not very good. It was a burst of frustration from enduring the same events for five years at Cloud Online.

The forums were full of players declaring they were quitting. Even the users who had clung to hope with each update, now mocked Cloud Online with comments like ‘expecting little things’ and ‘feeling petty.’

Yet, Gureum was busy running daily bosses using Sieon’s character. It wasn’t something Sieon had asked for, but Gureum just wanted to do this for him. It seemed so hard just to accept it comfortably, but now Sieon’s generosity wasn’t just uncomfortable for Gureum.

A few days earlier, as they were spending a typical day and winding down peacefully.

Sieon playfully tapped on Gureum’s nose as they lay facing each other and asked, “Baby, do you still not know what you want to do?”

It felt like he had asked the same question when Gureum was hospitalized, but back then, nothing specific had come to mind, and it all felt vague. However, now it was different.

Perhaps thanks to counseling, Gureum felt there was something he wanted to do and cautiously said to Sieon, “Can I… take the GED test? Since I dropped out of high school…”

Honestly, even now, it was a bit embarrassing to bring up such a topic in front of Sieon. The fact that he hadn’t adapted well socially was already known, but Gureum still wanted to be a proud and admirable partner just for Sieon.

That’s why he had to muster even more courage. Sieon was very pleased with Gureum’s small display of bravery, ruffling his hair wildly and giving him lots of kisses. That made Gureum want to do even better.

The real reason Sieon had been busy lately was because of this. When Sieon asked if Gureum had any thoughts of going to college after the GED, Gureum had said he would consider it if it wasn’t too burdensome. Of course, attending classes would be a problem to think about once his condition improved, but Sieon was already gathering information like an overzealous parent.

Just the thought of a popular tutor’s classroom, likely crowded with students, came to mind. Gureum wasn’t too keen, but he didn’t add any more to what the excited Sieon was saying.

Still, it truly felt like having a family. A rosy blush spread across Gureum’s pale cheeks. He quickly shook his head and counted the number of daily bosses he had cleared. There was just one boss left.

It was when he was about to move to the temple where the boss resided, opening the world map, that someone Gureum didn’t know suddenly sent him a whisper.

[Whisper] lIlIlIlIIl: Wow, hyung, lol
[Whisper] lIlIlIlIIl: You still play this game?
[Whisper] lIlIlIlIIl: Just tried on a whim, and you still got the nickname I made for you, lol

“Hyung…?!”

Gureum was so shocked that he froze with his mouth wide open. Of course, there were plenty of people who called Sieon “hyung,” but seeing someone like that pop up in front of him felt strange.

“You… said you came up with this nickname?”

That could only mean one thing: this person was close to Sieon. Close enough to play games together.

Maybe they were just friends. But for Gureum, whose social circle was so limited it might as well not exist, Sieon’s wide and shallow social network was entirely unfamiliar. That unfamiliarity brought with it an enormous sense of unease.

I only have hyung, but hyung might not feel the same.

For the past few months, Gureum had been entirely focused on spending time with Sieon. Sieon, too, hadn’t shown any inclination to go out or meet others, so Gureum hadn’t really thought much about who else might be in Sieon’s life.

But recently, Sieon had been going out more often, saying he had errands to run. Since then, Gureum’s anxiety had slowly begun to smolder. Even now, the lingering scent of Sieon’s cologne seemed to cling stubbornly to his nose.

He could have accepted the presence of Sieon’s acquaintances if they were just ordinary, normal people. Gureum didn’t want to seem different from others. That’s why he hadn’t dared to ask Sieon the common question, “Who did you meet?” when Sieon came home.

The parts of Sieon that Gureum didn’t know about were becoming increasingly frightening. And now, this unknown person, with their enigmatic nickname, poured gasoline on the fire of his anxiety without a care.

[Whisper] lIlIlIlIIl: It’s been a while, hasn’t it? lol
[Whisper] lIlIlIlIIl: Let’s meet up, hyung.
[Whisper] lIlIlIlIIl: After trying new partners, no one compares to you, lol ♥

“Partner…? What… does that mean…?”

Gureum, reading the words slowly as if he’d just learned to read, froze entirely at the heart emoji at the end of the sentence.

“Could it be…?”

Did “partner” mean romantic partner? If so, did that mean the owner of this nickname was Sieon’s ex? Gureum mumbled blankly, his face pale.

“Hyung has… others besides me….”

It felt like his heart plummeted to the floor. Tears surged to his eyes and fell like a tidal wave. His vision blurred completely, and the PC room quickly turned into a sea of his sobs.

“Sniff… Hyuuung… hic, Sieon hyuuung…”

The sorrow was overwhelming. Gureum knew, of course, that Sieon had life experience and maturity. But feeling the reality of it hit home like this made him feel incredibly small and insignificant.

Gureum’s anxiety was growing uncontrollably. What if, like other couples who date and break up over and over, he was just another fleeting connection to Sieon? Gureum had been thinking of forever, but what if Sieon only thought of the moment? What if he, too, ended up as “just an ex” like the owner of that name?

Now, the thought of a life without Sieon was unthinkable for Gureum. At first, he loved Sieon’s kindness, his overflowing affection. But now… he loved Sieon himself.

Whenever he saw Sieon, his heart would flutter sweetly. It wasn’t the kind of heartbeat brought by fear, but something warmer, gentler. His face would flush, his words would stammer. His heightened senses became even sharper when it came to Sieon. Sieon was Gureum’s first love, something he had encountered only after 20 long years of life.

The idea of separation was incomprehensible. Gureum rubbed his eyes furiously. It was one of those bad habits Sieon hated, but it didn’t matter right now.

“Sniff… hic, no… no way….”

As negative words he rarely ever used spilled out between sobs, the door suddenly burst open. Sieon, alarmed by the sound of crying, entered with wide eyes. Gureum, too consumed by his wailing, didn’t notice until Sieon was standing there, visibly shocked.

“Baby! What happened, huh?”

Sieon crouched to Gureum’s level, his hands firmly on his shoulders. Gureum’s tear-streaked face was a mess, red and blotchy.

“N-nothing… hic… really….”

Another lie. Sieon gripped his shoulders a little tighter.

“You’re crying like this, and you say it’s nothing?”

“It’s just… hic….”

“Seon Gureum. Be honest.”

“Sniff… hyuuuung… hic…”

Unable to resist Sieon’s stern expression, Gureum threw himself into Sieon’s arms, clinging tightly. Sieon, caught off guard, blinked in surprise but eventually patted Gureum’s back in a clumsy but comforting way.

“What’s making you so sad, huh? Tell me, baby.”

“Th-there was… hic, this weird person who talked to you… sniff, and….”

“A weird person?”

Following Gureum’s shaky finger, Sieon looked at the monitor. A whisper chat was open, the words and username visible. Upon seeing the messages, Sieon silently cursed under his breath.

Damn, it’s my ex… well, technically, my former friends-with-benefits who introduced me to Cloud Online.

Sieon thought for a moment before deciding to face it head-on. First, he needed to know what Gureum was thinking. Lifting Gureum into his arms, he carried him to the living room sofa. Sitting him on his lap, he gently wiped Gureum’s tears before asking softly,

“Gureum. Did you cry because of that chat?”

“Sniff… yes… hic. Was that person someone you used to date?”

Dating, huh… Strictly speaking, it was a long-term casual thing, but Sieon decided to nod. Gureum’s tears only intensified, spilling faster and thicker, his breaths coming in hiccuping gasps. Watching this, Sieon made a firm resolve: his messy past would stay buried forever.

“Sniff… hic… Hyung, you’ve been with… hic, lots of people besides me, haven’t you….”

“…Yes. I’m sorry.”

Sieon chose to answer honestly, as much as he could. That Gureum would ask such a question was unthinkable before. Maybe the therapy was really working? Despite the guilt that pricked at his conscience, Sieon found Gureum’s jealousy oddly endearing.

“Y-you don’t need to… hic… apologize. It’s just that… I keep having these weird thoughts….”

“What kind of thoughts?”