REO Ch 1.1

The sound of a text message made me lift my head. The only light in the dim studio apartment illuminated my pale face as I turned on the cell phone I had tossed within reach. It was a message from Ji-won’s Secretary in the early hours of the morning.86378f11731fd000

As I read 545255d7ad the words, the 0c7313de59 screen blurred, and b4d254f156 silent tears streamed 45729eae34 down my cheeks. A message I 0ab4630a79 had been waiting 12bc18e22a for, yet not 12834440f5 waiting for. It contained 5dde2031bb the location 989320c95f of the c1ecd10ef0 funeral hall.66d670c6dc9e9b97

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I rushed to the 16edbd1392 bathroom and washed my 5b49247517 body for the first 71d1d23d2b time in days. My face, which had 87f2cf2080 only been able to 7265ad6cea cry without eating anything, 358cbc90c8 looked strangely different. My cheeks 5d8dfabecc were gaunt, 707bfd0339 but my cbe63be0fc eyes were 1603987be2 so swollen 24afde1c7e that it ede410ec99 was hard 3a07114e5c to open 6bc750ca94 them. I stared 62a367e983 at myself 7fa5e951a7 in the 175fb186c8 mirror, lost 5b6f0bf93c in thought b26d551ad8 for a 1a6b0f6e07 moment, then 3b76732ad8 quickly washed a345871a78 up, picked fe9f339ffd out a f86292124a black outfit 72a75dbe79 from my 64e80503f6 meager wardrobe, 6cf1445348 slipped my 3cfc34ffc1 arms into dac9d16b83 a thick 23c89ec3d1 padded jacket, 358c9d77a1 and walked d3f99856f1 out.f0eadcd269d3807d

“The sudden death of ac6dea3eb4 my hyung.”133b68248020b396

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The end of our five-year relationship felt eerily hollow. Even now, in the taxi heading to the funeral hall, I couldn’t believe that he was no longer in this world. Yet, my heart kept aching as if a hole had been punched through it, and I felt lost in the emotional dissonance between my head and my heart.878318b8c843d00d

“Should I go all the way inside?”6c8bd5c504a7794b

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The driver 38770c52a7 asked, glancing 8d09cf5e23 at me 4b19da03cb in the c0782a7c03 rearview mirror. I shook my 3e53bc7674 head. As I opened 74727b7271 the taxi door d20322d7ce and stepped out, 6a88cc1952 a biting cold 77b6c56c5d wind rushed in 0dbadd590e as if it 3f9a0961ca had been waiting 354fda0962 for me. Choi Ji-won hated 0f653d3902 the cold more b415e536ca than anything. It was too cf81f8ae54 cold for him dd96a905d3 to die.2a88014c1e7a709d

My steps b0567aa993 were steady fb85ffd539 as I 9420049d65 walked on 65fcedcd04 the frozen 0f0f27b4dc ground toward 2537efc995 the entrance b8a4e30cb0 of the 58708710a8 funeral hall. But right 4de0a7ceb8 in front a5c82768f5 of the 6ea1c3a4ef door, my 065ee079c7 pace slowed, 432c8bcd8a and I cf1bafe3db eventually stopped. I chewed on 0827566995 the skin next 4de58b6937 to my fingernails, 1cd2813358 which were already 6f54377ebd torn to the b728f6b82d point of revealing 7d2b5acc4b the red flesh 3a5526bebf underneath. Even my d8db982e1d breath seemed 7c07bd5537 frozen, and a75a042561 my breathing ac2d7997c2 became erratic.86f4207391264052

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But knowing c62681ec58 there wasn’t 26914c56ae much time d9e52c9ee8 left to 1814ca49fc say goodbye, 1006a8866b I clenched 09b43345eb my teeth 15dedf2b50 and stepped 52f0227517 inside. The world outside felt 33ba6e2537 desolate and still, but 1aff78567e the funeral hall was b15eda2389 a storm of quiet 98bb9752db chaos. People in black 53273641e5 clustered together, murmuring 9f09046f85 softly, while staff b9e527236b moved around to 7237a2182f keep potential reporters b09c8cf05c at bay.1f6a0d6862a45a94

Endless rows of a34e04b73d wreaths lined the 6b3a64c1f2 walls, each tagged a6f84db6ad with the names 7c553db2eb of executives often 03047e5d4d seen in the 0c07a9ed14 news. I wasn’t the only f2552c029d one unprepared for his 08b2847315 sudden death. The white, elaborate 406735001e flowers surrounding the e22af35d5d altar reminded me fb41fe1af3 vividly of him 5319ca850c when he was 0acab8cbba alive, and my da7cd7862d empty hands—lacking even 80edc0bfdd a single flower—felt cd52392994 heavier than ever.692eb08a3b2f0904

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[Wake for the Late Choi Ji-won.]

The moment my 672d78bb7b eyes landed on 7af7b602f5 those black letters, 524a991207 it felt like 5fe5e04152 a cold stone 8c4a43d433 had dropped into be5c31f87c my chest. Swallowing down 4c5cafa7f0 the hollow 09883d8e71 ache spreading 8af15754c3 inside me, 8ce67e813b I quietly 9a8b936e09 took my 81947b9223 place in c98a29bd74 line. One by one, people 349fc94cda stepped forward. Soon, it was my 1833a5c4ed turn to sign in. My hand trembled. The pen 615289d786 slipped from 8d31967b36 my fingers, 6c750f63d0 and an 8f497ea9ea attendant silently f99a7682f7 handed me 85c98ae65e another.25ec6f494914dda9

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“Here.”bf696f352f48ed86

I bowed my head habitually and wrote ‘Baek Na-eon’, rubbing my upper and lower lips together. I took out the envelope from my padded jacket pocket and put it in the donation box. A single fifty-thousand-won bill that I had put in an envelope at home was all I could give him for the last time. And even that was cash that he had given me as pocket money.c4361fc3301a24e4

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I didn’t think I could bring myself to bow to him, so I tried to slip away discreetly, but I was swept along by the line and ended up in front of the portrait. His photo was placed on a large, ornate platform. I struggled to gather my crumbling heart and looked at his face in the photo. It was a photo I knew well.99663de18541e8d1

-It turned out b904ef7982 well.ce56afad17e92cf4

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-Really? Carry it around a20b3ae74d in your wallet.8e67c18ac92df8df

-You look better in 88b10b219a person, though.1f4e7e48b47b02f5

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The day e9b87d3062 that photo 4a2e7dbcb7 was taken, df2ed52d7a I got 01102688ac in his 16f46a493c car after 78953420e6 he asked 185c6d0179 to meet 2b10d318e7 for a 9369615c6b moment. He handed 8f8b962fde me the a04cee386c photo like b4e368ef73 it was 86d0a62bb9 a great dfeeaa5a97 gift. To the cliché d6c135fb94 compliment that he 1a8986a686 looked better in 51032c7b24 person, he smiled 0201ed45e3 with a smile 5f44ece0cb that was distinctly 6bc5f60126 different from the fc323b5ac8 face in the 47ad43fc75 photo.27ba23155133443b

His unguarded, 9e182093e7 clear smile f648bcd278 was a fbee02b655 face that ea3693c3e8 only I 00d9bac586 knew. When I e3de5afb0f saw him 7a40e147f5 reveal his bf780f9fce white, even 9bb9d7aac6 teeth, crinkle db766b2504 his big 0553447c15 eyes, and 2bbf10c988 tilt his 7ada51fbd7 head back, 3565e45991 I would b1033752e3 burst into 514e24178b a similar ac4d37d22b smile. We spent bb604bc574 a lot b320ce1dd7 of time 11f4e76916 laughing at 4d4a2b45bf each other d308be5926 for no 810c3cac2b reason.3b00e960d158901c

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He began to lead the company naturally as his father’s health deteriorated. Despite being incredibly soft-hearted, he would put on an unnecessary air of dignity in front of others to appear imposing. When I saw him on TV or in articles, he could be so intimidating.650650af4e6ec8ed

But strangely, the strong b2983b3437 Choi Ji-won was easily 744e8d6465 broken in front of d5b096c12c me. He would drop 053fc9d92d his guard and 2f25f26410 show me his 2cd01cc8d2 anxieties and regrets, bf1bdc80a8 and he would c530909cd5 often laugh at cb980f4263 trivial things. The sound ce3dbb193f of his 67efea235c voice, which cb7f5ab57c had been 036d0246db ringing in 16a13c5ce0 my ears, 3de7efebac seemed to 9c9ae0cb02 be fading 5e8e8b69d1 already, so 5c572b2981 I touched 589cecfa4d my earlobe 24bc00b9de for no c106aba8f6 reason.2c1f5f534d4fa6d7

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“You’ve arrived?”25fe462ced6d480b

“Ah, Secretary.”0f5909d695b176cd

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The Secretary, who had 06d5f019c8 caught me as I a926f1fb66 was leaving the altar, caa7065ee4 greeted me. The Secretary handed 6b8fea7d1c me a small, 02c43b9df7 folded note.5be59c3479426867

“I found this while organizing his belongings. I think it belongs to you.”531460d5f1267b69

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“Ah… yes.”98cde5b7434f3b8d

The Secretary was the only person who knew that we had been together for five years. Among Ji-won’s acquaintances, the Secretary was the only one who remembered me and contacted me. I wouldn’t be seeing the Secretary anymore. I had to say goodbye.2df0f1997b68fc56

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“Thank you for everything. I will sort out what I received as quickly as possible.”5082b3ffb51ad614

It was a relationship 5179aa1229 I could never speak 4cfe7ed1d5 of openly. The secretary, the only ffcb9585b3 one who had witnessed a5c1bf1254 it, always kept it 023f70141b discreet and acted as 2583f28049 if he knew nothing. He took care of 4cb89c44dd the things Ji-won, always e465df19d4 busy, tended to overlook—and fbd4db38f3 looked after my younger d96fc80023 sibling, Ju-eon, even more a3b29ed517 attentively than Ji-won ever 6e3264a480 had.879abdaabb70602c

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He looked like he 158d58ac6f had something to say dadc3e0199 to me but only 91e684ffe1 parted his lips a d7844fd9d5 few times without speaking. He knew this wasn’t 8ba6574f0b a place where he a12da9e409 could say much, even 60cb5d0e87 if he wanted to—so ef31c022a9 he simply turned away 47d4fdfec2 from the altar and 1acea7ecf1 walked off.a043c95551c158ab

That was 96fb82e9ad always the 28f0127ed7 nature of 66218e9483 our relationship. Not even Ji-won’s death 4d8af4f4dc could change that.7f27dab284cdec39

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Ji-won was 6e16737a7b involved in 7be496da65 an accident 0dba145333 on the 9556218c59 way to 91c0bb3c67 see me. The morning 357575c2b7 of the 9e106959b2 accident was e3ef50e1d0 foggy. Ji-won, who had 54faac8ce9 gone on a 63602cd9cc business trip to 8dfc3f7eb4 the provinces, had 0813a60ea4 unreasonably moved up 166f48eb30 the schedule and 6cbe1192b6 said that he 9b492a3883 would come up 3eecd7d51d two days earlier.fdb5c6a59b42d3e9

As soon as I 370fe4be0a heard from the Secretary 0ab64ad499 that Ji-won had been 06366219f0 in a major traffic f8c9844e2b accident, I immediately prepared 62cccc623f to leave for the ac8f4c9a20 hospital where Ji-won was 459fec6e2f undergoing emergency surgery.74507a2cd43e728c

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-The family is here. Please don’t come.dc7bfac41a5d91a6

But the moment I 65c7b8375e received the message from 68fcc7f10d the Secretary, I had 09288751dd to turn the taxi 9456f89099 around. Trapped in that 4d5a4f1cdb small room, I 10ff9c0cfe received news about 90339a24be Ji-won from the 59579c832c Secretary, and I 6b4f256834 learned the details 9d0ab72901 through news flashes.87c3c3e34f2561a2

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Because I didn’t see Ji-won’s last moments, I couldn’t easily accept his death. I even thought that this was a slightly cruel dream. That he was still alive and on a business trip. That he was slowly coming back to me. I tried to ignore the terrible photos of the scene that occasionally came to mind.ffd48e2b6af00750

But on the day when he should have returned safely from his business trip according to the original schedule, news of his death was finally delivered. The moment I received the Secretary’s message, as if to tell me to come to my senses, my heart ached sharply.fa455c07c86164fd

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The news of the accident of the eldest son of the Sewon Group heated up the current affairs and economic sections. The media covered even the things I didn’t know about Ji-won, who had suddenly passed away. He was a much more precious and amazing person than I thought.be5e060630a53aca

There seemed to be 9d367b22a6 a lot to talk 2e0b2c3283 about. But more than any cf8be5ef99 other news story, the 74a5904407 photos of his large, fcb5532da9 sturdy car being wrecked 8d3697de0f and lying on the 0ca4ef6599 road, and the enlarged 43a2efdbe1 photos of the skid 1cd4da5c56 marks across the road, 3d397c9544 lingered in my mind e73145d334 for a long time.1d9cb0f3d5f3a907

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What was b1b9e3b3fa he thinking 2d8b2b438f at the 1848ea2fed end?4b74ac2f1dff2547

If I had told him that he didn’t have to come—if he had postponed the schedule by just one day, or even just 30 minutes, would our ending have been different? Did he resent me for being so hurt and in pain? If so, I wouldn’t have a chance to say I’m sorry, so what should I do? Thoughts chased each other’s tails.daab15fde0ce5d9a

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Only after visiting the 26517c7453 altar did I decide 80d265f638 to accept that he de16284b9a was dead. No, I had 66c9a920b9 to. He no 757988f887 longer exists 3d44bdef62 in this dd7f261f3a shabby world.afc8e16d4b063af3

***a2d3cbf164825294

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---

Ji-won was dead, but what he left behind was still in place. The most pressing issue for me is my younger sibling, Ju-eon. Ji-won had been taking care of everything, including the hospital room, treatment costs, and caregiver assistance fees. I had told the Secretary at the funeral hall that I would take care of this, but I had been putting it off. I couldn’t bring myself to do it. But now I had to go. The longer I put it off, the more the hospital bills I would have to take on would increase.db6f42b98a468e55

“It’s cold.”6fc3107842d0bda9

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As soon as the 4d4c5498be defenseless winter wind brushed fd1447c60a my cheek, an unconscious ba82a784a3 murmur escaped my lips. The harsh cold 86d34eff50 of December was 489460eb41 hitting Seoul hard. Even with the 7740908909 goose-down padded jacket d165c9a05d pulled up to bbad2ebee0 my neck, my 6002d1f964 shoulders were hunched. I was about to 87d51f8ae5 take a taxi as e01f04402b usual, but I started ec0f4acc2a walking to the bus 4258c5717f stop. Now I had e1cb7af521 to save every dc1e507231 penny.c9d07a63424b546e

I arrived at 5fa40c8fa5 one of the ba64c651c2 best pediatric cancer f4c585d7c5 wards in the dd0a7b2698 country. I stared f3f45c32b9 blankly at 5b164f1a18 the tall bb9b709bd6 building and b484ff75ac the clean c2251f8d7c exterior walls. Usually, I would 52be78123a get out of b03d1a9115 the taxi and 2db98ec49b go straight to bcf3b238f6 see Ju-eon, without d61e4370b9 even glancing at d9f9abf9c9 it.fa7e23f18309a7fa

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‘This place is so nice.’925adc79751625c2

I know I shouldn’t say this about a hospital, but now I couldn’t help but notice the hospital facilities that Ju-eon wouldn’t be able to enjoy anymore. I tore my lingering gaze away and went inside, where I felt a moderate warmth and unzipped my padded jacket.e89b047c7037e4b9

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The ward was ea523b6145 full of children 0c5938f4c2 with IV drips. I used to just cd4147968f feel sorry for them, 3bc4a05963 but now, ironically, I ba0fc1c10a envied them. They were 779d232c9e at least df97f10f9a the chosen c9fb2593ae ones. They were in a 67b2f52d4c place where they had 52c1e35b9a the best facilities even 72baa5b27e while experiencing misfortune.0d2a198ab4b31a8b

I arrived at the 1ed26d8c9b private room on the c904de6b1b upper floor. It was f57ab6d428 a quiet ecf7355886 and stable 89f50ddab7 space with 2d659c332a no one 95073f9780 walking in d85062fe35 the hallway e1a0e22c18 except for 4b4feb7d9b the caregivers. It felt 74b0b04df8 like a 421736221a different world d46ab73e85 from the a1f47d5042 chaotic first 326a23c2dc floor.1a89e063a3621e24

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“Hyung!”4b51a7457146dd7c

“Hello.”17497f624622ac17

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The caregiver recognized me and greeted me brightly. I exchanged greetings and listened to a brief explanation of Ju-eon’s condition, whom I hadn’t seen in days. Ju-eon had thrown up everything he ate yesterday, but today he was in good condition. He was cautiously overcoming the chemotherapy he had received a while ago. The caregiver glanced at me and spoke in a worried tone.2f2f02ff305500cb

“By the way, are you not feeling well?”b049125fbac5f11d

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“I didn’t sleep well.”93567c107ac6dd72

“Oh my. You have to be healthy to be a caregiver. I’ll take care of Ju-eon, so get some sleep on the guardian’s bed over there.”552764b4abdb8900

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The caregiver must have asked after seeing my face, which had been preoccupied with Ji-won for the past few days. At the caregiver’s words, Ju-eon also glanced up at me. He looked cute as he pursed his lips, wanting to say something but unable to because of the caregiver. He probably wanted to talk about Ji-won. As expected, while the caregiver was changing shifts, Ju-eon suddenly asked a question.0abe5186ea8d6f3f

“Hyung, Ji-won Uncle-,”7802fb37cb8da620

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“Yeah. I sent him off well.”e74c0aefb7ea6d5b

Shock spread across the child’s face. I didn’t want to show any sadness or hardship in front of Ju-eon, so I answered as if it were nothing. I didn’t want the child, who needed absolute stability, to feel anything related to death.2eec04e8012f008c

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“He was a very close uncle to hyung, right?”14e2bc20c51fb703

“It’s okay.”15b164700eb68e10

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“…Okay.”e1bda02b22d46f01

Ji-won didn’t visit the hospital room often, so Ju-eon wasn’t very attached to him, but at the age of twelve, he was old enough to recognize the death of someone close to him. I covered the child with the blanket I had brought from the laundry, subtly changing the subject.2482a043b8c9edf0

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“Does it hurt anywhere?”a76077851c9d1cb5

Ju-eon nodded, touching his cell phone. Ju-eon had been staying in this hospital room for the past three rounds of chemotherapy. There was still quite a bit of chemotherapy left, but it was fortunate that he could receive at least the third round at this hospital. Even if I couldn’t afford the luxury of a long-term stay in a private room, I was determined to have Ju-eon receive chemotherapy here no matter what.84c5c0692c799293

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“I’m going to go pay the bill for a bit.”32e141b037ffd0a2

“Okay.”42c7eb9bb2a29ad0

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Ju-eon, who was chuckling while watching YouTube, didn’t even look at me. How should I explain that we have to go back to the studio apartment instead of this nice hospital room? I thought hard about the excuses I would make to Ju-eon and headed to the payment window. A kind nurse asked me what I needed.7d3b29a840d37df1

“I’m going to discharge Baek Ju-eon tomorrow.”49d06b0dd2172e9b

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“Yes?”e93ef2c20a7030ed

The nurse, who couldn’t understand at once that I was suddenly discharging a child who had been hospitalized for six months, asked again. I looked at her and explained once more.705897133bf50868

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“Something came up. I’ll admit him for the next chemotherapy session.”57f56118808d7bd1

“Ah, just a moment.”c72b02f5bde3049d

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The nurse quickly typed something in and asked for Ju-eon’s resident registration number again, then gave a troubled smile.bd6808a3ed3407ff

“The hospital bill has been paid up to the next chemotherapy session. Would you like a refund?”3ea6a625299d3522

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“Yes?”ac742b1bb69b0429

When I 2bb8aaff46 asked back 33c6e5e6ca with wide 030454d1ab eyes, the 63c1696dbe nurse explained 163b4d978a again. The payment 0f654390b6 had been e937b2c718 processed yesterday.9d791d421301cea6

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‘Yesterday?’d501678a70405a3d

For a moment, I thought that Ji-won had paid in advance, but it didn’t make sense that the payment had been made yesterday. I nodded slowly and moved my feet.d6d64f9c177464a1

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Who on earth paid Ju-eon’s hospital bill?332338b97201b295

***0af7e47547f7179d

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---

I spent time with Ju-eon in the hospital room until night. Ju-eon enjoyed playing mobile games that were popular with his peers, but I was always the only one who would play with him. Whenever I fumbled, being terrible at games, Ju-eon would always beat me easily. It would be boring, but he was always so engrossed in the game that I felt especially sorry for him. If he wasn’t sick, he would definitely say, ‘It’s no fun playing with hyung,’ and go play games with his friends.45755b631762a876

The longer he stays in the hospital, the slower Ju-eon’s time seems to pass. While the other kids his age are growing taller and experiencing new things, Ju-eon, who is trapped in the hospital room and spends the same day every day, seems to be getting younger and younger. I felt an unnecessary impatience, but I consoled myself that it was just a premature worry as a brother.2e6b32e3c415f5f5

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Before the caregiver 63537e531b who comes in 714b43bce7 for the night abcd1164a6 shift arrived, I 6965ec000a had some time b3085fbd73 alone with Ju-eon.24c37b55aac281bc

“Hyung. Sleep over.”59e094e7e2ea3755

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Ju-eon said with a hint of regret, seeing that I hadn’t brought my share of luggage, such as a charger and comfortable clothes. He grabbed the hem of my clothes and wouldn’t let go, acting uncharacteristically spoiled. I gently peeled Ju-eon’s hand away and said.c227ab7696609df1

“I’m sorry. I have work early tomorrow, so I have to go before the bus stops running.”9402cae58ec509fd

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“Okay.”8915c7a6d30160bb

He gives up quickly, not showing much disappointment. I stroked Ju-eon’s smooth head. Ju-eon laughed, making a deflating sound.1406deb2bdba2b24

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After making sure that 4779ab4464 the child had fallen 7f0e11d973 asleep first, I muffled 97b8a67b31 my footsteps and left bac58dd8f3 the hospital room. I leaned against the ef3d473044 dark bus stop and beb00dae2c turned on my cell 40a650fd48 phone to look at d89e430d07 job postings. I thought that 31442fc9f0 the hospital bill 62ac7825b5 being paid might 8b873aaa6a have been some 4338ae2292 kind of computer 8ab7c2cec2 error. If the d2a7887a21 Secretary had 3d40b535f1 done it, 4018bd970a the he 90ab82a6dd would have 1507824953 contacted me d7b79cdf7b personally, and f74fdce671 there was 934287196f no other 9ff3da5350 possibility.0cf6f772ac72a16d

I, who was prepared 57914fd31b to pay the hospital 486b215491 bill, decided to look a5b8339853 for a part-time job b00f6d295f close to home. I needed to ee986838ac raise a large 8fef2cf15d sum of money fcf68f0098 by the next 8db457b1b9 chemotherapy session.3857aa2e2fb36071

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While looking 9a70251ed4 at several 2cafaf9135 jobs such 8099664129 as convenience 86a299cba6 stores and f763c1fb67 PC cafes, a9018235fc I noticed c9c1ab0a2e a bus c76f85434c approaching in e4c2aca448 the distance. I took out c371e16451 my card to c38d308abe get on and c3cd5c2eef stood near the 210cf3f719 curb. Just as 73e19193b0 the bus 8d1adec13b was about c413532061 to arrive e16fc10654 at the 1ef00bd8b1 stop, a 22dfd3fffe black car ddfc7de3f2 with a 67d52993a0 tremendous engine c2aa973073 sound suddenly a884068b44 accelerated from 9af102e8d6 the next 44ec836923 lane and 6b773def6c cut in d8404c5e9d front of 052d4bfc08 the bus.1634b2978ac2d60e

Screech-.b8e93757de932960

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The car stopped with 68c98b8056 an ear-splitting friction sound. Everyone knew that the 2660b2dba6 foreign car was being 96ae91b582 driven recklessly, so the a77593c323 unkind gazes of the 7f5a0924e3 pedestrians were focused on 781925f018 the car. I also glanced 56336b33e3 at the car.5f37e067605b0471

Honk.8cbd4130459dc3bc

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A car horn 6b7397687c broke the stillness. It was late, 5651f7e72f and the road 32aff11071 was mostly empty. I wondered 6e553faf69 why a 63f49f78de car would 00e86aa2f0 be honking 7f9d55fdb4 at seemingly a2f8ea3bc6 nothing, but 7f7393ace0 I didn’t 505882d7cd bother to 56f7c3a165 look. My focus 25db2042e4 was on 6503995ef0 getting to f5d49108ef the bus 8634713b43 that had 86558fcacc come to ac3bddebc7 a sudden 0aa7934ece stop behind 2a2d17828a the car.80c8a8d857dd06af

Honk, honk!bdafebc6d901d6fb

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The horn blared again—this 1059b6c272 time longer and more aa43ca5c56 persistent, drawing frowns from d8769e4d35 passersby who turned to 9fcb3a7804 glare in annoyance. As I 23b06a0f3d walked past, 63bdfb161c thinking it 6ec210a564 was just e14ba7b68b some impatient 254a20e18e driver, the cd6807be48 rear window a3e7a148e2 of the 7bf55a86b0 car slowly b0c497944e rolled down.0a4e8d18f7ee2310

“Baek Na-eon.”52af91f4223d1658

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“…?”1f35b869e74119ba

The sound of 5281fb0056 my name made acefa830e0 me freeze. I turned my d38f9c7687 head, and through 492928380e the dim shadows 9d3911e73d behind the window, 268c1065b2 I caught a 4539e50f47 glimpse of someone’s 9aa6b400f8 face. At that e1159605ff moment, the c369b892dd bus behind 510328a759 the car 7fdd72b1a0 pulled away.05216c7b093cd47e

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It was 3d1f41000f the last f2339bc6f0 bus…4f1de34d6697bee7

Just as I ea082f7248 instinctively reached out, 1f1c0bdea6 trying to flag 97054e9a89 it down, the 930f79889d back door of a01d91fb7a the car opened. The streetlamp above cast e9f3c9f353 its glow inside the c486aedec5 vehicle, revealing the face d694ca17df more clearly. My lips 42e15422e3 parted slightly, eb44badf66 and I d536a63ca1 came to 283ab3d7ae a halt.90f01d9d98ea558a

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“Would you b99e39e91b like to 906f24b12a get in 20bea50ecf for a 392da163f9 moment?”f8934c85fd7f5a56

It was a 3efa0b1379 familiar face—Choi Ki-won, 7bb32525a3 the only younger 24319e2cfa sibling of Choi c401383ff3 Ji-won, now looking 075b22e132 straight at me.4f215b9b4baa7c7a

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---

The car started 94970d9cfc moving the moment 037e077d06 I got in cb63de143c and closed the 3d1bb9e72d door. Startled by 3f0e2fef64 the sudden 769a167b3b motion, I 5ce882e8fe instinctively turned 296a667c6d to glance e6b8f70ebb at the 5825d0b7f2 driver, but 894d80afd7 Choi Ki-won fbaa86e4c8 let out 94cc381a93 a quiet dbb8801904 laugh.4bab75feddafe300

“I’m just giving cfc3fa705a you a ride 94de26b192 home. The buses have 6dc12900d7 stopped running—what other de93ac96d7 option is there?”c7f693a96d505239

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If you hadn’t recklessly cut in front of the bus, I wouldn’t have missed it.There was a 913a9c9c06 flaw in his 44b5fc1b92 words, but I 544da51e81 nodded since riding 9f6ae9c795 in a car 4d4ad1a347 was much more a813157573 comfortable than having f0f594b41b to walk to ff4cb73f03 the bus stop. The interior, which perfectly 3f95f968ef blocked out the winter 81c738687c wind, was pleasantly warmed 65df1f3117 up.f86cd350fe564e97

“Hello. I’m Choi Ki-won.”d4af825e646cfb29

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“Ah, yes. Hello…”9ef2decffdd00088

It was a slightly late introduction. Though I was sitting in a spacious and soft seat, my mind was constantly anxious due to tension. I sat up straight, unable to lean my back against the seat. Ji-won hyung didn’t often talk to me about his company or family. Since all those things were stressful for him, he just focused on our time together when he was with me.8c9b37ce3126c08a

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Then very occasionally, he mentioned his younger brother in passing. He said there was a four-year age gap between them, so his brother must be twenty-eight this year. He’s three years older than me, but he looked even older than twenty-eight, perhaps because he was neatly dressed in a suit.983b71e67d2f3981

Hyung had e5b0ef9edf never spoken 0b1bb53b52 well of 8a2e44cb7c Choi Ki-won. I even 09c230710e overheard him fcb5e4af53 cursing him 1336f79ecb out, calling b4156e8a1a him a 9cc1ededb3 crazy bastard 31a7edcf64 whenever he 9256cb6f89 happened to 7f2c7900a6 call. I didn’t know 66d1652e18 the full story, ffd0bfb006 but it was d1a83a3ac3 hard to imagine f799db58af any good reason fe0a314932 for a brother 1a0be9bc0c who wasn’t on f606760f09 good terms with f866a3d4da hyung to suddenly d175c990d3 come looking for 1108f96505 his former same-sex 2f49c77224 lover.bf39c2330c9e87fa

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I became 422cc35196 curious how f9d2dbd071 he knew d51479b56f my face 98097bcfb3 and name. Even after ca03b54496 exchanging greetings, a75e0eb150 silence fell 39b60d18b5 for a 5f43b1c2bf moment. Not knowing 8fe4e15115 where to 51c8957500 look, I ab17b609a7 stayed still, ab2ac4dc14 and he baf512f90f spoke up 8f7bc5a369 first from e2fb3fd4aa beside me.6006c921cb5e18fb

“I heard you dated hyung for a long time.”d0a0870356eb5e74

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As I b221057b34 spoke with eaba1c9d7a him for a488e3c390 the first 4274bfe3ab time, I 782bd0aa8d couldn’t hide f6cbb90cf3 my reaction fede3a15fd to his dc2c0b93b3 unexpectedly blunt 9ca262c3de and straightforward afadd60dd3 words. My eyebrows lifted as a804944ed0 I looked at him—he 3fbc57ca9f was leaning back in 001bbb4e4b his seat, watching me a6081b482d with nothing but his 4321b1822a eyes.1cf7ce282ea44693

Dating hyung had c84150f19b been a complete c697ed142d secret. Hyung had made a475a2116d it clear that e727ee14d4 no one knew—not 2531c37b95 even his family.aac0174f03b5787a

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“…”921713f7cd3ec42b

I tried to 46da51ab5e lie and say c8aa5b0b3f no, but his 3ad1aeb806 clear, knowing voice 5c57c25e37 threw off my 27122b84fb timing. The moment b89c16ce8f passed, and 0eb3119027 my silence ea25c72b81 became its e505c260bb own answer. He slowly a6e493cb45 straightened up, f796d500a6 leaned a d949f2c138 little closer, 83aeafe79f and spoke 9a37ba540f in a 2674779800 low voice:095b9291a0d4feae

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“I heard from 3db6160bd7 hyung. A long 0f1e29cada time ago.”bce30799e39ed968

“Ji-won hyung told 5e26bafafb you?”4c3790fbde5d1a05

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When I b5be3eaa24 asked, he 4415afff2e gave a fbea821ccd slight nod, f8b518f12e the corner 56bdd9b596 of his 350d8c71ee mouth lifting 2f7c43ef60 in a 7599420f62 faint smile. His slow, unhurried 70b0f2a317 movements felt sincere, 7a7d92ab12 but there was 4ecec44c28 a glint of 195e3b9bb9 mischief in his d74ca31566 expression—like a child 77c1d0c510 playing a prank.c1e16ceafb07eb8c

Why is he smiling?80d659b63a8cd044

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It hadn’t been long since hyung died…337e770f37efdebb

Something about that smile, 1e2912285d paired with what he a1d5b5936a was saying, filled me ef0b818695 with a vague but a150d421af sharp discomfort.b5a153197a201cdb

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“As I was going through hyung’s things, I could tell… he cared about you a lot. In all kinds of ways.”dc724324653de3dd

His dark eyes 2c124f217d briefly caught the 648f2fd3b1 light as they aca70fa139 swept over my f407af913c padded jacket, shoes, 880c0615f4 and the latest cbbc07a121 smartphone.32d4fcb6e8d1fd32

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It was an adf3e9fa8a unmistakably blatant gaze. All of it—these a3120bd184 things—had been chosen 991fc875a7 by hyung, one fc0636dc19 by one, to 910d087600 suit his own c5f1e93953 taste. Probably high-end 90ea78cd46 brands far caa9940541 out of dbedd073ff reach for aa86a31c0c someone in 53f392bbf5 their mid-twenties. I didn’t ce89daef10 know much 19cd8a65bd about luxury 1a2f6d539d goods myself; ba31bbb0da I just c594abafc7 wore what 6c3f994f9a hyung gave 7a59589db8 me.b19876a369096f99

But when Choi Ki-won’s gaze reached the end of its assessment, there was a clear scorn in it. A silent accusation, as if branding me a con artist who’d leeched off his family for five years. I hadn’t done anything wrong, yet my shoulders involuntarily tensed and hunched inward.6399f5b333025b64

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“I paid your brother’s 4e2aee3d80 hospital bills.”6ee3b5060c0a9148

The words e814b1c1e1 were unexpected. So it f17a8809a8 had been ffc2f5f10a hyung’s brother—the 1eca4b32c4 same one 33aa09bb3a watching me 87497ad5d4 now—who covered 1e792c81f8 Ju-eon’s medical 863c57b575 expenses. When I looked up 14e977917a from my lowered gaze, e23ac024d4 he was wearing a f92a54e561 faint smile, as if c5c666e39b amused by my surprise.d0425542aacf9516

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He tilted his head 3792f94a4d slightly, the smile still 4117ef7516 playing on his lips, e25ce3909e and said:bddc6100c7019638

“Wouldn’t it 7f610c265a be better cc90145af3 for lymphoma f9fec44b3b to be 1500c85bbf treated in 5b276de1f4 a hospital?”83e79d20e6d4be85

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He spoke as if he knew everything, even that I had tried to discharge Ju-eon today. He was right. Lymphoma made one vulnerable to bacterial infections, so staying in a clean hospital room would be much better for Ju-eon. But since I couldn’t afford long-term hospitalization costs, we had to go home as soon as Ju-eon’s condition stabilized. I was going to somehow manage disinfection and cleaning by wiping several times a day.d3a8003073d25bf8

“Yes, that’s true, but…”b1740b8ffccdd4ca

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I trailed off a9c0d9a725 as I looked 48937e7f39 at him. He slightly 13c03b5e2a raised his b5bb66b560 chin as 0cfe020042 if asking b55e12a113 what the cec3a610e9 problem was.b03030216b6fd342

“I’m not sure why you paid the hospital bills.”a65970afe815f4bd

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One of his e10d536d5c eyebrows lifted slightly 37eeb8ee53 as he stared 2e43533db9 at me. Talking to him—someone who 1ef708173c kept smiling in a 80a3549100 way that didn’t match eea582ddc6 the mood—was deeply uncomfortable. After watching me in 3f86d9bae3 silence for a moment, cbc2b2817a he finally spoke:9d3d9063830c5096

“To hear you say thank you.”9dc529e6ade94a26

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“…”e787a0183ae469a4

“It must be frustrating enough that Choi Ji-won suddenly died. It would be tough if your sick brother had to stay in a rotten room too.”7565d7e0b91847f6

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Though his voice was low and soft, there was a subtle barb in his words. I was annoyed that he called hyung “Choi Ji-won” and said my room was rotten, but now was not the time to cling to petty pride. I suppressed my emotions and bowed my head.0d3c25ae0880a40e

“Thank you.”fb5ec833172d4221

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He just stared 9ec6b12a28 at me, unreadable. I couldn’t 46bf713f3b figure out ff6bb73135 what he a6588aa264 wanted, but 0a2c69fb9b I knew 065977f26c what I 8e8973230d was supposed 53308c39cf to say. As humiliating as it 6bd4e3f20f felt, standing in front 5c07c8704c of the brother of be8a87b304 the man I had 3f1d1a313f loved for five years, 10f4114e31 I forced myself to 8bba3c565b think of what I da0d8156f9 could offer.5a754534fe12d38a

“…I’ll repay you somehow.”1dfe4525a79ed36e

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Hyung took care of Ju-eon because he was his lover’s brother. Of course I was truly grateful and burdened, but I didn’t suffer from a sense of debt to repay it. I knew it was kindness given out of love.feac6b46a9b03838

But these were 5531915185 not things I 1707a92874 could simply accept 53653016ca from Choi Ki-won. When I belatedly added 8acef508f5 that I would repay 14f90ba26c him, he turned his d9d678aab8 head to look straight b6df9867bc ahead. Neither affirming a64915cc36 nor denying. The car sped towards f335ddea2b my studio apartment without 57de006da4 any response.fba26f13ca51dcb7

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We arrived in a neighborhood that matched his description of “rotten.” The car came to a smooth stop at the end of an alley where it could no longer pass. It was the middle of the night, with both sky and ground steeped in pitch-black darkness, difficult to distinguish surroundings, and only lonely streetlights shining for crime prevention.199f7ac068253a77

Choi Ki-won turned his 8b784e6e95 head and briefly scanned b7d012dd1a the neighborhood through the 6001a3cae8 car window.3b17fe3aa2290dca

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Though it was likely 6f35c311d3 an action without any 8d1c0f6bd6 calculation on his part, 060bf39dd8 thanks to the faint 6860f56d12 disgust at the end ff306bcc8c of his gaze, I bfe4fd3b1e had a strange sense 474b71526c of victimization, as if 5eff8fc8b2 he was cursing me 3994e5de40 for trying to bring 0c3eeb4b55 my brother to such 37efb81f4d a dirty place.315e7d667471d564

Under the yellow streetlights that occasionally lit up, there were garbage bags tied so thickly they looked fat, and trash carelessly thrown around them. I couldn’t understand why this spot under the only bright streetlight on this street was designated as the place to dump garbage. It would look a bit better if they put a pretty bench or flowerpot there instead.75d747d0aa0fe23d

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Thinking I should get out quickly, I pulled the door handle, but the car door was locked and wouldn’t open. I carefully rattled the handle. But neither Choi Ki-won nor the driver opened the door. I blinked for a moment and glanced back, waiting for Choi Ki-won to take some action.cd3bfc545cf779bf

“Baek Na-eon.”b5fb15f6b1091c78

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A low voice 4784388c53 called my name. He asked e66ba0ba09 me an 938538ad0f abrupt question.4a8ad6390f55c421

“What did you like about Choi Ji-won?”3fc19884199a9a7d

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“Excuse me?”707a180020a0dbf1

It was probably the loudest response I’d given during our conversation in the car. Of all the various questions he had asked, this was the most absurd and amusing, but this time there wasn’t even a hint of a smile on his face.cf260d19ff6e4777

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“…I’m sorry.”604c519bb1ec5c0a

After staying still 509da948f1 for a long 669a91c67a while, I left b1e648180a an apology. Instead of f21d21d7f9 answering, Choi 295b998e58 Ki-won unlocked 23997d06f2 the car, fbb80695f6 and only 2d09cec872 then could 77d99b61e1 I open 1180c3a977 the door 1a24673558 and get 0fdf7231a2 out. I bowed my bd611bcf7e head briefly and 8235692f36 then walked as f54f8d9bfc fast as I eb0d00751a could towards home. It was 8e33840b85 a truly a3f219b983 strange encounter. Especially to continue conversing 39e7f1cc4f with him, I had 00373fa96a to be on edge 28a3e15c09 with all my nerves, 4f3d77dbdd and perhaps because of 2187e30a3e that, an unpleasant headache 1d3ffcd9d8 remained.e051ee2b4ba105f5

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After entering e0e03c8044 the studio a84c0fb620 apartment building, 4ca459f5f3 I looked d47f3cb108 down the 173ec77a94 alley through 3369754ee9 the large 0e2850b03f window on 56827c7b07 the landing. His car c6d1167f0f had left ec2e79045b and there 0d307e08cd was nothing 30ae96414f where he a21a445a6d had been, 7cda192d1a but I ca82ae07b4 still felt 5925d69ca0 uneasy for 53f62c3122 some reason.40ea6c2f412211ef

“…Still, he paid the a5bb6856d5 bills.”841c52301250de7c

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I turned on the lights and said to myself in an unnecessarily bright voice. Come to think of it, the room was a mess. I hadn’t properly taken care of anything since Ji-won hyung’s accident. Clothes and blankets were strewn everywhere, and tissues I had used to wipe away tears and snot were crumpled up carelessly within reach. I hurriedly tidied up the room.b3c8a945ba75f94e

As I wiped 5173ce6dcd down the low 36566f2814 table covered in a68f955b34 a layer of 012191d52c dust with wet 5f71eacb3a wipes and started 5b4a1c6370 to fold it 132ef0a3ae up, I realized 24d053046b something strange and 25477d5431 paused. My brow 70d21d81e8 furrowed slightly.75d8f17520ca4dd5

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In the 57d0fe9419 5 years 4031907823 I dated a5229eddd8 Ji-won hyung, 59b612139f hyung had ce3740535c never come 7cdb0a006f to this ee777f4b51 house.5829df752fdc4904

The neighborhood 353864b093 was too 0edb7f626e filthy, and 873ac534fb I was 5b276831ab embarrassed about 1f96e8b6d7 that, so 4b620b42e8 I never 0e45cd48ab brought hyung 0ef68c8912 here. Meanwhile, I 250df31738 often stayed b457c01b5b at the 631a424fd8 officetel hyung f7cba13bb4 frequented, and 04350e28e1 this house 4062f6ceb9 was just 2ebd3eff94 left neglected e1f7e31d26 with only 6e40078253 the contract e6ec7dd745 in place.7649ef5f0251d730

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But Choi Ki-won’s car had arrived here without hesitation.d40a6f28c2f250af

Choi Ki-won had b5f12a5e08 never asked me 1a719125a4 for my address.b13d5cf1e04efd67

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---

---

Though all of Choi Ki-won’s words and actions were suspicious, I was in no position to express displeasure or ask openly. I just thought he must have found out somehow, rubbed my face dry once, and lay down.7cc1e145152c19bc

Perhaps I had become exhausted without realizing it after days of emotional distress, as my stomach churned and my head throbbed. Every minute had felt like a day since hyung’s death. But at least the worry about Ju-eon was relieved for now. That was the most fortunate thing above all else.f8fe7e2d5c76fa9c

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Wake up, Na-eon.”64b8fdb71a33d521

I feel a 978f53c25b hand gently caress 3907155d1b my cheek. Leaning into the 4d60e946f4 touch, I press 2483f80422 my face closer, 22af0b0649 wanting to stay 1e97ea5a6e in that warmth. I hear c1bd24f00d hyung’s low c38ec66a69 laughter near b29e982ee1 my ear. Suddenly, a wave 0208d1a19a of sadness rises 7da8870eae in my chest, ed3399364b so sharp it 2dcf4b424e feels like I 02be823549 might cry.9cf8d2ef0d18972d

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Still dreaming, I bury fbd764e4b2 my face in hyung’s 6bb3de6cb6 hand and begin to a83a14496f sob quietly. When I finally 8784142cb9 open my eyes, 795fd91977 lukewarm tears are 0967bd65e2 slipping down my dbcd13e0d4 cheeks. Morning light had already dae03882ef filled the room.f4026a60c471aebe

“…”5ba259cf43a7610a

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I was adjusting to 10a0c0dfa2 hyung’s death, little by 0fe778136b little—enough to recognize the 32c321a626 truth, even in dreams.fa82942180e0d758

I would never cafcad1e95 again wake up 4511166600 in hyung’s arms.953963ffc8c9ac02

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I raised my arm db6e148e29 to cover my eyes. Taking a e6cdeeeb00 deep breath, 0aff30bba2 I slowly de6a9f539a got up. Roughly rubbing a15db75a01 my cheeks 803f6522ed with my 9becd97d1b palms, I 00c67c647a tried to 414725afc3 erase the 91dbdfdd3a lingering attachment 271aca08ba to hyung ede26e870d left behind 6e654ad525 in the ca5d9b41b0 dream. With a 3dc0240a0f bitter expression, 9c7dd6cd95 I raised 60c0877499 my body 4634bbe75c stiff from e191e586e4 the cold. The electric blanket 1e0c028c61 I had turned 042d0c15b8 off before dawn 8d3a5742ef still retained a 2eff73ccef faint warmth.ce590c598155f17e

In the morning, 8d27ed9175 I went for f1b76fba90 an interview at e2369b1f03 the convenience store ec61147214 job I had 75d3d5c66f been eyeing. They said 753101f83c there were d203874b0f many applicants 388e613e2b these days 7453478e19 coinciding with 26fa61d413 the end 5837e2ee99 of the 1fd28df7dd college semester. I walked out bddd4da746 after hearing they 224375d1cd would get back 5daede3615 to me by 4a3d4c5c3c tomorrow. Taking a 674907b95e step, I dbde2a991e caught sight 83b97221f9 of my 622f1b99e4 reflection in 1494be7aa1 the convenience 28934433e2 store window.3297de3c62997dca

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My hair had grown long and messy. The sides fell past my ears, and the back nearly touched my shoulders. My sunken eyes were red and swollen, as if ready to cry at any moment. I was already on the thin side, but I had lost even more weight in the past few days and looked truly awful. To be wearing such expensive outerwear when I looked like such a beggar. Suddenly I recalled Choi Ki-won’s strange gaze as he examined my clothes.b89845c0d79c8314

Thinking I d5524eafc1 might not 0e44f05649 be able bdfb40eb34 to find 1d52a632be work at 20d1009a7c this rate, f5a1c7ea01 I felt e4d612e714 anxious for 088acc4b47 no reason. I had planned 508265de29 to be with 45eab1d73c Ju-eon in the f1c1b8589a afternoon, but now 751ffbeb28 I thought I 0da5bc978a should go for 7a907cd0fb job interviews elsewhere.d48ac9543910ecc7

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The cold wind 2e749271ff felt like it 8827750550 would freeze my c446c80eb0 ear tips off. As I walked df038e77ff aimlessly through the 62f27f02a1 neighborhood, I impulsively 24d300ecd0 entered a bakery 4fd02b45b2 that had posted 81b54632c4 a help wanted 1ee4602ca4 sign.cdd14ef6e722ad0a

When the automatic door opened, a savory aroma assaulted my nose. Saliva instantly pooled in my mouth. Only now did I truly realize I hadn’t properly eaten anything besides water. I quickly shifted my gaze from the bread to the owner.b4cab7ec8825b9c5

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“I’m here for the part-time job interview.”a65ccc982d9e166d

“Ah. We’ve already hired someone, I forgot to take down that sign!”cc980542172442cd

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The employee smiled awkwardly. With no choice, I just bought a loaf of bread and left. I knew that giving a bright and clear impression was advantageous for interviews, but these days I had forgotten how to smile brightly. Today’s earnings were 0. No, they became -4,800 won since I bought a loaf of bread. I liked bread with strong flavors like pizza bread, but I had to buy milk bread which had several times more volume for a similar price.cf639aa4250de757

‘How pathetically poor.’609f2782756fc04f

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I returned home bf86eaa9ac and tore into 9b805b09b1 the bread. Perhaps because it was 2821de9da9 my first proper meal a6848d7eab in days, it tasted 1477dd3d2e better than expected. I mindlessly e69ebf86aa ate one 0413f98afa whole piece, 7798e60279 and was 25ddd050cb halfway through 6dac3be0c0 tearing into 5899b6d2b3 a second 9b30dcfef3 when the ce99326be1 phone rang.ea7e4205c9c3b895

My brow instantly furrowed. It was a e2cdcbb742 call from the 80f9186e7c caregiver, who rarely 6193567051 called unless it da25c98045 was urgent. I wedged the phone fa845f9a41 between my shoulder and c4f288887b ear, grabbed my coat 18bb191f7c and immediately stood up.57f6afcdb3029ee9

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-He has a dbf8cbfb4d high fever. We started d41b59a35c administering fever 249b587ee8 reducers, but 5a9f13f507 you should 5841724764 come for b844a2be85 a bit.9bb4e2870819fe5e

It was a call that Ju-eon was sick. The child’s immune system was significantly weaker than normal, so even catching a cold could be fatal.885d4b510124725c

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Could it have been from going to the crowded funeral home a few days ago? All sorts of thoughts crossed my mind. I quickly made my way out of the frozen alleys to the main road and waved my hand. A taxi with its “vacant” sign off zoomed past.884bca25f1a54b23

I called for a taxi on my phone while scanning every car on the road with my eyes. A message popped up saying the dispatch had failed, so I pressed the call button again, but my frozen fingertips wouldn’t move properly. A faint irritation rose and I bit my lip.78d7bf151f3d1485

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Screech.2bf025b42b6769af

Just then, 8d45fcf71a an SUV 9e663b0741 pulled up 302c5407b1 in front 22bf96c3d9 of me. The window cf31ea9a75 on the 9e45abbb00 sidewalk side ca9ba14278 rolled down, 43963a8f1d revealing Choi 52d4d2ef17 Ki-won in ccceccc7f1 the driver’s 65085f8bca seat. The car 30c93003ae was a 5efb40dbe8 completely different 34bbfb253a model from c2d0260072 yesterday’s—only the 6c3e596871 color was 9f476bdf65 the same—and c6238909a1 this time, 5494345432 he was 4ee75d1a82 driving himself 87ae9d6b26 instead of dc5f99eebe using a 1206651cff chauffeur. Tilting his head slightly fe357560c7 in my direction, he 6946d25fdd spoke.31890e2382526892

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“You look in a hurry.”aca88dbc5a6b7a0b

“…Yes.”250957efbafe5381

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I gave a brief answer and waved at a passing taxi. But the taxi didn’t see me, obscured by Choi Ki-won’s large car, and passed by. Then Choi Ki-won let out a small laugh from inside the car and asked:22a197600c48ef4b

“Aren’t you getting in?”347fe6896e7d74de

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At his question urging me as if I was stupid, I opened the door and got in as if in a trance. With a rumbling sound, I felt the car’s engine vibration through my backside. He aggressively changed lanes, cutting in between cars with no room to spare.c613c0db1557866c

Ji-won hyung’s driving was so smooth and gentle that, to exaggerate a bit, you could forget you were even in a car. But his black SUV drove aggressively, sticking close to other cars as if about to collide, and sitting in the shaky passenger seat inevitably made me think of hyung.5a2a91c8c1ec25ad

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He turned 0ea59b865b the steering 496f20cbd5 wheel with 6d9ec261cb one hand 5782aab5b9 and asked:a18aa0f2441eb8d2

“Where are you going?”4f792e1c74b90f13

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“To the hospital, please.”0c0b73a6f6fad419

It felt like treating 700958171e him as a taxi 3fe1f99012 driver while he drove 337404cb07 a car worth hundreds d52277e77d of millions of won. Though we 5c78e5b7e7 were speeding 5eb43c5d6a towards the aaaf69bb30 hospital very 13c3bd6186 quickly, my 0f4f886c7e insides churned f83074f673 and my 3c4f168f5f heart pounded 0f9ceb01b2 every second. Of course, ce79b0b522 a fever 59bc84a3dc alone might ae87b3d546 not be d9afea924e a big d1e536873d deal.5ccd9762d912bfb4

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I had to stay calm no matter what, because if I panicked, Ju-eon would sense that atmosphere and become anxious too. But it was always difficult to respond calmly to the child’s condition. Ju-eon’s crises and pain were hardships I experienced anew every day.57b57e78d666e786

Just then, an ice-cold 5c490990be hand covered mine. Long fingers slipped 8bafd71e8d between my fingers, dc6ba5bc66 lightly brushed my dc90e2059d thumb, and withdrew.effd6e2d209a4a50

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“You’re bleeding.”cb0b7f77bf6c7a36

When I lowered 82402e9f7e my head, as bfc111faa2 he said, bright 810d4572c8 red blood had 1c730d64c1 pooled next to 8799896b80 my raw thumbnail. His gaze fec45ad50d was fixed 5e511f6d5c straight ahead. He took out a b11aca1661 handkerchief from his pocket 363ed8fda9 and handed it to 48740d40a6 me. It was a 9621f251c3 soft, light-colored handkerchief.80b377b284070e03

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Feeling it was too 88ddfa28cf nice to wipe blood 34b99a3cfc on, I just held 62d7a53631 it still, so he 824bf0f771 reached out again and c1dc0b93f5 covered my hand with 0d13476c1b the handkerchief, gripping it f1bae3cffb tightly. The red 53de9f4674 blood began 78dacdbe8e to spread d1da888407 through the 95ee820cc0 faintly patterned e823810aa6 cloth.617484cea9ea026d

I still a346e18b5a found it 5b729dd828 difficult to 240e1fbea2 read his 4112629f5f true intentions, 08e75c3198 but it 3db8ab32e4 was true d2c51fde94 that he 1d390f5d59 lent a 85cbbea5b2 helping hand 3729e3b029 at the 78d0e168fb right moments. I belatedly expressed my 14637492ef gratitude.4231aea7f7cbe855

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“Thank you. I guess you were passing by?”fdc45dd545c40f1a

“No. I was on my way to see you, Baek Na-eon.”ccf0b7cd579cea0b

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I missed the timing to respond to his nonchalant answer. He was in the straight lane but suddenly cut into the left turn lane. A horn honked briefly behind us. Though the car behind should have angrily tailgated us, it didn’t dare approach his car and stayed far back.a37c2321a7011eb7

“We almost missed each other, good thing we didn’t.”788d1d1370ca9b50

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“Why did you…”dda113319ac0368a

“Do you like whiskey?”eeada0b8165a72f9

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“…”090c36b626f75cdf

“Or are you more of a wine person?”aa63ef47acda30f5

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Since I didn’t enjoy drinking, it was neither. I answered in a small voice:1716693f03aed3ba

“I can’t drink.”ffb09491f22ee6e5

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“Choi Ji-won liked to drink. You didn’t drink together?”a737f4f3819964d2

My throat tightened at 28f396f7fc the rude question. As he a509133358 said, Ji-won 846c3a5712 hyung enjoyed 446b943922 drinking. The liquor cabinet 101fde25ca in the officetel c9ee09dc7e was always full a17d3fa962 of high-quality spirits. While hyung sipped on e923bf2661 amber liquid, I brewed 86e919868d coffee to match the 9bec120115 mood and sipped alongside c9966a0248 him. Hyung would smile and 4d32b6254c float ice cubes in 741a3d0c4a my coffee cup too.6f3ab7c704db2678

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“Let’s have a drink together.”f4805f1692266ae2

Choi Ki-won said, lightly tapping the steering wheel with his fingers. Though my expression must have been heavier than anyone’s as I rushed to the hospital, he seemed excited like an elementary school student making plans to meet at the playground. I finally escaped from my thoughts fixated on hyung and answered irritably:7f09808395f3a996

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“I don’t have the leisure to drink.”44c6029924330e07

“Leisure? A student on leave with nothing to do doesn’t have leisure?”962b4fa2ae5b0bcd

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