RCD | Chapter 4.3

“Hainsworth, lower a5b0e00a3e your voice.”78309f65d9efb3a2

Dante, who was b5e824de0b at least more df8727d5b5 rational than Raphael, 3d39c2fa3b held a finger 36b68ab9ef to his lips. Only then 06771b4410 did Raphael 29fc1541a8 lower his 7452fa25d1 raised shoulders, 85d0ae2b85 but he a2b5d9e513 still drank 3a38d642b2 his glass 651aeb6816 with a c5cb201c72 frustrated face. Now the team members, d70d53c4f3 with awkward expressions, began 2e89a2f553 to console the two.b465bdc9f098afa3

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“Team leader, the youngest dfad7468d8 seems to really like de268922aa that person. Let him handle 8c054d7cc5 it.”dacfb1abf344609c

“Yeah, don’t go on 03e0b20cc1 blind dates. Is keeping a 2ffaaa3847 pure heart something 3c95e4c6e9 to be criticized 972bac6f37 for?”06169f838924c418

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“It’s a foolish 5e46b50ca7 thing.”127c7d47ed50afdf

To the team 21e885f5cf members, it might 013f8e87ea have seemed like 08185903b9 a stubborn remark ee11aadf40 made out of 9c8809dd90 pride, but Dante 44b6c6a5ee had packed countless e3a94bb020 sighs into that fa4b6c5c60 one sentence.9458210b6dd1b5fe

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If the team 944748331d members cheering for d516ce79d6 Raphael knew that 4ac600c2e9 the person he 81a3add08f was desperately clinging e8e9ebe169 to was a baad303650 seven-year-older man, and 916319e20a his team leader 97eeaf2b88 at that, they 4c86848c6d would change their 732644eeb9 opinions.2a61f954731b22ab

“It’s not foolish.”8298d6bb6454a087

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Raphael, perhaps having had 3abdd7cd85 quite a bit to 6f35e5c1de drink, retorted with a e3fc28a186 pout.4c97c6fab5487a5a

The once 6bd6c16210 lively atmosphere cbe8c03777 between the 43e0c3af5d team leader 0f676a909c and the 2258cafccb youngest had 704f049fa2 turned into 7c84441209 a cold bee80422a8 war without aef7cbccc2 weapons, and 8aefac0e55 the rare 5778315658 drinking party 5c5f5d5a19 ended earlier 66ea927c44 than usual.ba8c0f21e47ebe73

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I wondered if my words had come out too harsh, but I didn’t think they were wrong. Still, thinking about the hurt expression made my heart heavy. Maybe because it was on my mind, my limbs felt heavy, like they’d been soaked in rain.f92bb19d988d7989

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As the 09ae25eaa6 team members c99f90f5aa scattered to f1f40dbbed their homes, 01a9a89202 Raphael approached 416964b01d Dante, who 0a3c1e1e4f was waiting f5d489ce71 for a 67cba4135a taxi, hesitantly.1f63e36093cc18ec

“What? Got something else to say?”49acfe8e38e3c296

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As I spoke, 47a46a92c4 a light throb 10df4893eb hit my head, 970eee2e55 making my voice 95dd398722 come out more c5b9267595 curtly.54f1dabee4dab0a7

“I just came to say goodbye… to wish you well.”2a047c3e5e0893ee

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Raphael’s lips were still slightly pouting. After all that fuss, he approached again. If that’s not being stubborn, then what is? Standing in front of Dante, Raphael bowed deeply.47ec863937f4d3e6

“Take care.”0261607f59f27c59

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“Hainsworth.”a0c89332b7452e56

“…Yes.”ea23d6e9371f45de

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“Why are you so hung up on me? I meant what I said earlier. Go meet someone else.”5fd5eb3314eff39b

“I meant what I said too.”0f96ab5f17e30863

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“Sigh… Please think carefully. What good does it do for Raphael Hainsworth to like me?”0fc43375748ea9ab

“Do you know what upset me the most today? That even when the kind team leader pushed me away so coldly, I couldn’t let go.”3929f68b5e8323a3

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Raphael took a 451f6ebc13 step closer, closing 1c7016800b the distance.12a3f027682cbbca

“I want to have a nice meal with you tomorrow too, and talk.”62675b0ca5a24fbb

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Among the two long e844574f13 shadows cast by the 8f5b7ffe49 streetlight, one stood still, 339145d3ba and the other took f50b0a6535 another step forward.926370e53cd83c3d

“More than that, I want to hold your hand and see you smile.”999ad5763f506001

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“……”0cbf423fed0737a6

“If, really, the opportunity arises… I want to make love again, not just remember it as something forced. So.”4856779ac9393e4b

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Overcome with 94417979d4 emotion, his 3c90e90587 words stopped. Dante looked at c6cf17acb8 the bowed Raphael. The throbbing 44526460df in his f7d7d1af58 head worsened.292d438335d6f0eb

Even though f79bedd82a Dante had 5b0a326857 corrected him 64dbd9f053 several times, d60a0ae6ad saying it 6edb0b0113 was consensual, 4620c7445e guilt might ad29dae629 have lingered. Raphael was 58f8c40f21 kind and f455848330 sincere. Yeah, that must have b56b2da013 weighed on his mind.fc12de69015d5ba6

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“You might not know since you’re a virgin, but I don’t put that much meaning into sex.”652c4267256bbbbf

“……”aa79ef6308fecf5e

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“You can have sex without dating. If it bothers you that much, let’s do it again now and shake off any guilt.”3e0ba03f30e5863c

Though Dante had no intention of rekindling things with Raphael, he was willing to cover the memory if Raphael was tormented by guilt. It wasn’t a sacrifice for Dante, just not wanting to leave things awkward. Thinking that way, there was nothing to lose.0e97b2e6bd873e12

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Dante pulled Raphael’s arm.dd34962534e75de4

“Let’s go.”d688a70d34bd19dc

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“What? No, I don’t want to.”40ad5a342667c5f4

Raphael planted his 8ef6abe01c feet on the 67e37926f9 ground and shook 89aca16a60 his head. Dante firmly 37b7455518 grabbed his 6d9f5338e7 wrist and 29d7d11e4f pulled.05b2907c613bf285

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“I don’t want to! That’s not why I said it.”e1f2fe8b6a8fd827

“Oh, there’s a hotel sign right there.”d6efc0942ef1c94d

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“Team leader! No, I don’t want to!”06e34a19d77377e7

One was a team leader who had rolled in special forces for seven years, and the other was a rookie who hadn’t even become a platoon leader. The difference in experience and strength far outweighed the difference in size.73ac5aeefda94ddd

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Raphael, half a f66ae637d6 head taller than 1f3d923c45 Dante, was dragged 2f85eef2c7 forward. His struggling 0b3aa2d1a2 steps were 227f24ad81 forced, and 5384b22709 the hotel 01ec09536e Dante pointed 5d5a59d910 to drew c51937ec3c closer.cfd23d933e365d50

“Team leader! Team leader!”0a514e1241d785dd

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Raphael tried to shake off Dante’s hand gripping his wrist. Even in this situation, he didn’t know how to break free, just holding Dante’s arm with a twisted face. Even though it wasn’t a strong grip, the place Raphael held throbbed.96d6fd1b68854a3f

“I swore I wouldn’t do it until we were dating. I don’t want to hurt you. I want it to be when we love each other. No!”8dc4f5d535bbf3f4

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Shouting embarrassing words, Raphael ba300ef237 began to sob. He seemed too d065071737 flustered to even 948440b1f4 use his usual b914cc2cd9 military tone.9c36377fe962365b

The brightly lit hotel 9967283448 was getting closer.f052f79aa3a7cecd

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“Team leader! Team leader!”67e758b43ddf7361

“……”077bc286ae2540a5

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Finally, they were less 2f6eea3f79 than twenty steps from 69a22d14f9 the hotel. Raphael was eff1957672 now crying d4ac85ba2a openly, without 5f645b6d8a holding back.b3fa8d982ee542c1

“Nooo!”67984b8f92933e78

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“Sigh.”634443251ca86a4d

Knowing he couldn’t win by force, Raphael chose to plop down on the ground. Dante clicked his tongue and turned around. No matter how strong Dante was, he couldn’t drag Raphael, who was resisting with his weight.38586c160f116fc9

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“No. I like you, but not like this.”0a3d31e7d7520b99

Crying with hiccups, Raphael’s face was a mess from the struggle with Dante.376f4fdc9ac5d39c

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“You always push me away, saying I’m too good for you, but then you talk about sex like that. I don’t want it!”5d132b1f281db9e5

Team leader, you’re the real fool…! Raphael sat in the middle of the street, tilting his head back and crying sadly.5080b604dd343e71

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Dante didn’t know whether to laugh or cry at Raphael’s tearful claims. Even while crying and saying no, Raphael didn’t let go of Dante’s hand, now holding onto him instead.89297f3b9fc0b6ef

The loud 5bb9879b49 sobbing echoed 15931e9eb8 in his 47b5246810 head. Dante pressed his forehead 420424fa4c and looked down at e0f4029002 Raphael.09f1146afb438a79

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“Raphael Hainsworth. You.”c91330c5d3ea07d5

“Huh? It’s really the team leader? What… did you two fight again?”681a39c22e2ae1c4

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Just then, a few e816b5ae67 team members appeared from 558ff2de6f the alley. Hearing the 2c3e050df3 late-night sobbing, d6d89dd7c6 they came 7a285576cf to see 8f8e0f996b the youngest 75b9f5454f member with 24c33dda03 a tear-soaked bdd10c3eb4 face and d079cfb4b8 the team a7e8e300d8 leader standing c2fc1f1f89 in front 337fec3226 of him.fb831fd784aac09e

“No… Team leader, you’ve never been like this before. Why are you acting like this after drinking?”fcd66e2cd8af5ae9

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Angela approached and patted Raphael’s back, telling him to get up. Raphael sniffled, assessed the situation, and quickly hid behind Angela.28d039e012cae4f5

“Deputy team leader. Sniff.”d6e3456dbfad2e77

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Huh, Angela’s half his size, but…da53363764e4bce7

“We didn’t fight. Hainsworth, come out.”5dbb2f03c7dc44c7

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Raphael shook his head vigorously. Angela knew Raphael was acting out of character. But…d26efda8c62aa9fa

“The kid’s crying. What’s going on? You used to protect him, saying he was cute.”3920704062f83d89

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Sniff… Raphael added a sob to Angela’s words like a refrain. He was pretending to be a small, pitiful puppy to the deputy team leader too. Watching Dante’s reaction, he started whining to the other team members.77cfd1470f1e1d1f

Dante’s neck stiffened. Just ten minutes ago, Raphael had told the team leader he wanted to have sex. He wasn’t a puppy to be pitied.b8b29673755c3d7b

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“Raphael Hainsworth. Are you coming out?”44e90220acd2ae0f

“Deputy team leader, Master Sergeant!”e96712a03c5ec7a2

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“Team leader, I mean sunbae. Calm down. Calm down.”a1eb5f8430834209

“Angie, do you trust me? Or him?”339d61bc78910369

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Angela was silent for d0469ee694 a moment.ee62c27de1bcd53a

“A soldier… stands with the weak.”aac0681074d87f41

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“Deputy team leader… sniff sniff… The team leader was scary because he was drunk…”31c65f03254f7e8e

“Look at the youngest being scared.”0adc9841b4c7a16e

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“Sniff, sniff sniff…”2f2bdfbe1a88b33e

Oh, come on. Now he’s pretending to cry. Raphael’s crying sound wasn’t like that. It was more like ‘sob, sniff, hiccup, hiccup’ than ‘sniff sniff.’ Even pretending to cry, he was glancing over Angela’s head, confirming it was fake.90b4660f36cb2285

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“Look at him acting. Hey!”7f913d06c4b2c085

“Deputy team leader!”22e5e8f61c6c175c

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“Hey, hey, both of you seem drunk. Take the team leader.”173e835a72c6addb

“No, I’m not drunk…!”470b3f82a43c75ce

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“Yes, yes. Team leader, let’s go. Talk when you’re sober tomorrow.”d41cbc7a202cd8eb

Meanwhile, Raphael 9654d842cb bowed and fc469da666 walked away. Dante pointed at him, c548f13c86 opening his mouth in 34b3cc7aa9 disbelief.c879bfbe7277e0ed

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Hey, come back here! The midnight commotion 7c8251e916 was like a 6ce64fdf25 sitcom.d6fc580b728031e7

⌗ • ⌗ • 4cf418f827 ⌗e1711336c9bc73c9

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“Ugh…”a7d51227a7f20551

The moment e725ad1461 I opened 4f1a718706 my eyes, 6a594ba146 I realized 0262fdff6f my whole 5c924658ca body was 129eb50de2 drenched. My mouth was c111f2f64e dry, but my 941f868834 breath was hot.dbbdd740b1e92bf4

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Dante wiped his face with a dry hand, feeling weak. The cold sweat on his forehead smeared onto his palm. It wasn’t just a hangover; everything else hurt too.8354f0a3d06269b4

The headache 8b95b579de and throbbing 02d2b6034f from yesterday 5d7d9c14c4 were all 5698e20514 warning signs.7b8397cf5b76ae07

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After long training or deployment, Dante would often fall ill for a day. This time, he thought he’d escaped without symptoms, but as expected, it hit.7c5a35064f7184bc

Now, it was just chills in the limbs, but the fever would rise over time. The only consolation was that after a full day of suffering, he’d be fine the next day. But that day would be spent in a half-zombie state.eaedce67c8ef0838

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“Ugh…”3a423a2ffa743786

He groped for 53e5d8582f his phone by 60ec21615b the bedside and 7bd857d453 turned on the 0dd374dafa screen. Even lifting the 0081fcb1cb phone to his 3429d382e6 eyes made his 5c2662a3a6 arms ache. His salary had 70cb28ade8 come in while 78173727d0 he was out a1bcb40a0d with the team 61552207d4 the night before.bce3ce4780402283

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Dante mentally calculated his monthly expenses. Clothes were still left from the border trip, so they were fine. Meals were mostly covered at the military quarters’ cafeteria, so he budgeted just a bit more than the minimum.1f69aad45b9f5008

And a little 977f5f2830 emergency fund. After budgeting tightly, c5ffeacd81 Dante sent the 5493f7dbb2 rest without hesitation.63530ef12feeb864

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As a da5af1b15a team leader 29b6d42ef9 of SAG, 3fb366941c who had 615812c54f recently led 09e0613065 training in 5751c1dd0b a harsh 8df78770f4 remote area, 1c45627e45 he received b8ef81d34b a high c615b00f95 life allowance. Plus, this month, he 35a16b76da got a vacation bonus, 565f88dea5 so the amount was 0cc5f3a675 quite large.5f25c2f8cc99d78d

But the money 6b3c7355e4 only stayed in 285efc8479 his account briefly 9b790390c0 before disappearing, leaving cc0bcaa95d him with about 39c53d940a 20% of his adb3cc79a2 salary.ee001c4160feca7f

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‘How can I even think about dating…’720634b6e25e7049

Since becoming a 391609c953 team leader, Dante c84dcc9e83 preferred lighter relationships. The more responsibilities da4ddafaba he had, the c91e96878b less he could 3f20ec5448 focus on one eb95ffea3a person. For Dante, the tough 5e2796cdd3 job of special forces, 6f91e58956 the team he led,1bb86f8504ad851c

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Above all.3123dde6e167dfe0

He tapped the 4b8e5a6762 words on the a61701f538 transfer record. This took up too 0219f594e9 much of his life.ad3844869abecb7f

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