PS | Chapter 3.4

“Wow, fancy meeting you here. Having lunch?”

Of all places to run into them. Ji Jehyuk replied evenly, hiding his dismay.

“…Yeah.”

Sihoo stood behind Bada, smiling as he looked at Ji Jehyuk, then turned to greet Rina.

“Hello.”

Startled, Rina waved back.

“Uh, hi?”

“He must be a friend of Hyuk’s.”

“Yeah, umm…”

Rina seemed hesitant to introduce herself as the ex-girlfriend right there and Ji Jehyuk felt relieved she didn’t.

“What’s your name?”

Sihoo continued the conversation gently, his brown eyes intently on Rina.

“I’m Hong Rina. You’re Yoon Sihoo, right? I know you’re Ji Jehyuk’s friend.”

There was a pause from Sihoo upon hearing ‘Hong Rina.’ Ji Jehyuk thought to observe Sihoo’s reaction but Bada cut in.

“Sunbae, if it’s okay with you, can we join you? I’ll pay for the meal, consider it a replacement for the coffee I owe you! Please?”

Rina looked at Ji Jehyuk for his reaction. Ji Jehyuk didn’t want them to join. An inexplicable aversion surged within him. But then he saw Sihoo’s side profile, looking at Rina. He didn’t want to prolong their meal with Sihoo wandering around elsewhere.

“…Okay.”

“Yay, sunbae, you’re the best! Sihoo hyung, let’s eat here then.”

Bada called Sihoo ‘hyung.’ Had they gotten that close already? Ji Jehyuk felt increasingly uncomfortable. His appetite, which had briefly returned, vanished again. He barely suppressed the urge to leave. There was no reason to.

“Thanks, Hyuk-ah.”

Sihoo graciously thanked him, then pulled up a chair next to Rina. She visibly flinched and signaled Ji Jehyuk with her eyes. Take me away. It’s awkward. It was as if her plea was audible. Ji Jehyuk had no choice but to offer Sihoo a seat.

“Wanna sit here, Sihoo-ya?”

Sihoo turned his head with an inscrutable expression, then smiled slightly.

“Sure.”

“I’ll sit there then.”

Bada quickly picked up on the vibe and brightly offered to switch places to lighten the mood. Sitting next to Rina, he introduced himself and they started chatting. A menu was pushed in front of Ji Jehyuk and Sihoo.

Sihoo pulled back a chair next to Ji Jehyuk and casually sat down, picking up the menu. Bada spoke up.

“Hyung, let’s share something. What would you like?”

“Anything’s fine. Order what you want.”

“Come on, choose something. Don’t you like Vongole? I heard you did.”

Bada was as good-natured as he was cheeky. Ji Jehyuk felt his mood sink realizing how little he knew about Sihoo’s preferences.

I really don’t know anything about Sihoo.

Had they ever come to places like this pasta restaurant together, he might know Sihoo’s food preferences. But since they hadn’t, it was only natural he wouldn’t know. When they ate together, it usually conformed to Ji Jehyuk’s preferences for simple Korean meals.

Feeling miserable, Ji Jehyuk stared out the window. Rina and Bada were busy discussing the menu. He figured Rina would handle his order too. He just wanted some fresh air.

“Hyuk-ie, you seem like you’d like ragu.”

Instead of choosing for himself, Sihoo mentioned a dish Ji Jehyuk might like. Ji Jehyuk turned his head. Sihoo was looking over the menu for him. Continuing without looking at him, Sihoo said,

“You like meat, and you don’t really go for creamy sauces.”

“You two must be really close. Should I get you the ragu pasta then, sunbae? And order any drink you like. It’s on me, so don’t worry about the cost.”

Bada chimed in. Then Rina countered.

“No, Ji Jehyuk also eats cream pasta. He likes things like mentaiko pasta. How about trying the rosé pasta you haven’t had?”

Thanks to following Rina to countless pasta places outside of school, Ji Jehyuk unexpectedly knew quite a bit about pasta types. At her words, Sihoo looked away from the menu to watch Ji Jehyuk. Their eyes met.

Sihoo’s face was calm, a stark contrast to the confusion Ji Jehyuk had felt since morning. It was unsettling to see him appear so unaffected. Watching his serene expression, a wave of sadness threatened to overcome him.

“Okay.”

Ji Jehyuk agreed to Rina’s suggestion. Sihoo continued smiling silently for a while before asking in a peaceful tone,

“Are you two back together?”

It sounded like a casual inquiry. Ji Jehyuk hadn’t thought Sihoo would remember his personal details. His heart, previously sinking, suddenly lifted. The unexpected question lightened the somber mood he had felt.

“No.”

Energy returning, Ji Jehyuk quickly responded. Sihoo’s lips curled up.

“Eating together?”

It was indeed odd to be having a meal with an ex-girlfriend. Considering it inappropriate to elaborate in front of Rina, Ji Jehyuk gave a vague reply.

“It just turned out this way.”

Explaining further would mean admitting he had been waiting for Sihoo near the business school. That would prompt questions from Sihoo that he wasn’t prepared to answer, not knowing the reasons himself.

“Were you two dating before?”

Bada, overhearing their conversation, joined in. With the narrow table between them, it was impossible not to hear. Rina scrunched up her nose and answered for Ji Jehyuk.

“Yeah, we were.”

Rina addressed Bada informally, even though they had just met. Bada’s eyes widened in surprise.

“You two really look good together, why did you break up? You seem to get along well now.”

“It just happened.”

Rina shrugged and then asked Ji Jehyuk,

“Can I say it?”

“What?”

“That I wasn’t your type.”

Bada looked puzzled.

“Sunbae, you’re really pretty! I thought you were a celebrity when I first saw you.”

“Ah, I know. But Ji Jehyuk’s type is…”

Rina trailed off. Ji Jehyuk thought he knew what she was about to say. Her earlier words echoed in his mind: You’re gay. It seemed that might be the case after all. Ji Jehyuk hesitated, then decided to deny it.

“I’m not sure about that.”

“Not sure? You prefer men, don’t you?”

An unexpected debate unfolded in front of Yoon Sihoo and Han Bada. The days of discussing sexual orientation secretly were over, so it wasn’t a sensitive topic, but Ji Jehyuk still lacked the confidence to speak openly about it. He himself was still confused about what he liked.

It seemed Rina believed using Sihoo as an example that Jehyuk was gay, but Jehyuk had never actually considered that he liked guys. Conversely, he didn’t particularly think he liked girls more either. He just hadn’t really liked anyone before.

However, he knew it would be rude to say he hadn’t liked anyone in front of Rina, who he had dated. So, Jehyuk silently agreed with what Rina said. Then, Bada, with a face flushed with excitement, asked, his sparkling black eyes reminiscent of a gentle puppy, “So, what about sunbae Yieon? He asked me how the meeting went because it seemed you really enjoyed it.”

Caught off guard by the mention of Yieon, Jehyuk blinked. The topic of the meeting was delicate, and he glanced at Sihoo, who had turned his gaze from Jehyuk to Bada, so he couldn’t read his expression. …Seems like Bada is interested. Normally, when it was just the two of them, Sihoo would look at him, so this was an awkward situation. It was the first time Jehyuk saw Sihoo with a date. He wondered what it felt like to date Sihoo as he looked over at Bada and then cast his gaze down.

“Yeah, he’s nice. And good-looking, must be popular.”

That was all he had to say. There wasn’t more to know about Yieon, nor did he want to. But it seemed Bada took that in a positive light.

“You should call him once your phone is fixed; he’d like that.”

Bada seemed to enjoy playing matchmaker. Sihoo, who had been quiet, glanced at Jehyuk as he felt the stare and quickly turned his head to the side.

“Is your phone broken?”

“Yeah, dropped it yesterday so it’s completely cut off. I need to get it fixed today.”

Sihoo looked like he was about to say something, then stopped. Jehyuk was curious about what he wanted to say, but Sihoo, instead of continuing, just nodded as if to say he understood. A strange disappointment washed over him. For some reason, his mood had been up and down all morning.

“Jeong Yieon isn’t bad, you know? He totally seemed into you. Give him a chance.”

Rina lifted the slightly sinking mood, and Bada joined in the conversation.

“Right, you both were at the meeting yesterday.”

“Yeah, he was handsome. With Yoon Sihoo always around, it’s easy to miss others, but Jeong Yieon wouldn’t be outdone anywhere. Ji Jehyuk, you should date someone to figure out your taste.”

Rina emphasized her last sentence, apparently feeling a bit slighted. But Jehyuk was about to refuse, claiming he had no time to meet anyone when Sihoo joined in.

“Give it a try, he seemed okay.”

Jehyuk blinked, not expecting such words from Sihoo. Ah, it’s strange. A stifling sensation filled his throat, the same feeling he had the night before. The distant longing that struck him right after hearing Sihoo’s comment about not liking naive people.

And then, a scene completely out of place flashed through his mind—the kiss they had shared the night before, Sihoo’s cool hand on his hot cheek and his gaze looking down at him, grazed painfully through Jehyuk’s mind.

It wasn’t anything official, just a practice, and now Sihoo didn’t even want to do that anymore. Yet, Jehyuk felt a peculiar sensation of being pushed away by Sihoo.

“…I’ll think about it.”

Struggling to say more, Jehyuk replied tersely. Then, he averted his gaze first. Fortunately, just in time, the food arrived. As each dish was set before them, Jehyuk focused on his meal, picking up the water glass beside him and taking a sip. Only after gulping down the cold water did he feel like he could breathe again.

The rose pasta wasn’t to Jehyuk’s taste. He regretted not choosing the tomato pasta instead as he left the restaurant. The meal felt painfully long, as if time was moving slower than usual.

Throughout the meal, Bada couldn’t hide his joy of being with Sihoo, enjoying the attention unlike Jehyuk, who found it burdensome. Sihoo was considerate, sharing his food with Bada and offering pickles to make it easier to eat, and at the end, he even paid for Bada’s attempt to do so.

Afterward, they parted ways. Bada and Sihoo seemed to have plans to watch a movie, as they got into a taxi together. Sihoo, as always, smiled at Jehyuk and wished him well. Jehyuk, resting his hand on Bada’s shoulder, watched Sihoo go and only snapped out of it after the taxi had left.

Something had changed. Sihoo seemed the same, but something inside Jehyuk had shifted. He felt empty, and recent days’ interactions with Sihoo kept overlapping in his mind—holding hands, touching faces, acting like they were truly a couple.

“Hey. I haven’t left yet.”

As Jehyuk stared blankly at the spot where the taxi had disappeared, Rina smacked his back. It was light but unmistakably painful, and he belatedly turned to her.

“…Sorry.”

He had been a nuisance. Just standing there with Rina beside him. He quietly apologized, and Rina crossed her arms before saying,

“Does it bother you that much?”

“What does?”

“That Yoon Sihoo is with Han Bada.”

Jehyuk looked at her, puzzled. There was no reason for it to bother him.

“Why would it?”

“Why indeed? Ah, it’s frustrating.”

Rina thumped her chest, the sound painfully audible.

“I don’t know. Figure it out yourself. You’re not a kindergartner; I don’t need to get involved.”

Rina seemed about to say more but then waved it off and slung her bag over her shoulder before saying she was leaving.

“I’m going. Don’t forget to get your phone fixed. Let’s at least greet each other occasionally in the department from now on.”