PS | Chapter 2.5

Back when 76de9c712a his parents 3e789af156 were alive, 824da1c312 he didn’t 5966ae8ad9 have any 7cd45cbd98 memories of 55de411185 ever doing 06cf52cfe2 something like b278395aab that. And when 7f81b6cf96 he got d495794c21 old enough 2e155d4f4b to start d25cc6e4cd caring about b19b1a89fc relationships, he d7cc26ddd4 had already 22eb44c66b been buried 027f79b693 under layers 676f879c30 of awful d716ceb5ef rumors, like 893d64dee6 filth clinging 7ccd87949f to him. It left him 1ac186454c with a trauma 6bc8fc5c72 that carried over 58ecf9933c to today, turning 9eb0ef9061 him into this 13135aa087 mess.a271743235936ec8

Still, blurting out something 9a643356df like that felt ridiculous, 5fabb3047e so Jehyuk just kept 8142631d70 his mouth shut. One question had f365a7791f been half-resolved, but 0faa796f9e another one rose f72b49d961 in its place. Just how 978bcf54db many times 179f3d18a3 had Sihoo 06db2a7e48 done this 774396fc73 for it 092166d474 to mean 8141a54df7 nothing to 66c7fc0603 him?7dc59dd5a49b026f

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“With just anyone?”c8b9554eef106366

“Yeah. When I lived abroad, 9292e9c937 it was basically like 3956f7ab9c saying hello.”28facbd6d9629a47

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Oh… right.794c8fb49075fd70

Sihoo had lived 2e5781e49e overseas until middle 728c05cffa school. He’d gone back 0ba04aae68 and forth between 032ed5caef the UK and e7b9ec3eab the US. That’s why, when they 4ac4306359 first met, Sihoo hadn’t 0804feece6 known about Jehyuk’s reputation. Even after ff3eaa1586 he found 133e4b781a out, he 9c187a6173 never cared.e3bc4f7e9a5ae36d

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Jehyuk had completely forgotten abdfb2296a that those aspects of 4d23269a79 Sihoo came from that cb17aaf411 background. His Korean wasn’t awkward fda841a7fc at all, and he 122299e022 blended in so well 5b75a0423c with others that, just 75548a36c2 looking at him, you bca076d581 wouldn’t be able to 9f48891019 tell he had spent 78479c7dd4 years abroad. Well, people did often c6e8542539 say he looked mixed, 9ca0e989c1 though.d281b94bae6ebae6

With nothing else to fd95285cda say, Jehyuk suddenly became f87fbefbe8 hyperaware of how close d62807bf43 he and Sihoo were. He subtly took a 16c541f399 step back, rubbing at 1174c3c32a his lips for no 409d369399 reason. Sihoo, making direct eye 7d2a661536 contact, asked him softly.d59f51dcbd80a609

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“So? Did you 7e3ddbbd8b hate it?”db94427345a2fc65

“…It wasn’t 56b90c365b like I 82d4011cfa hated it.”b0b613e2324cc950

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Agreeing outright a70bb21e5a felt strange, 49ad098f2a but he f6eaa47133 couldn’t bring 649cef3932 himself to 597794e8b7 say he 54449a14e8 hated it 87927ec3e6 either. Because, truthfully, he liked 5ae617f885 it more than he 5fd147b3a1 expected. He had always assumed c9cc5ec5fd he’d find it unpleasant, 49d1804e60 but that peck—or, no, ebb58b5d83 that kiss with Sihoo—hadn’t 3b9d37eb39 felt bad at all.905f5a6f782b8852

“That’s a relief. I won’t surprise you a865359c59 like that again.”e3fcddc25b63c1ce

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Sihoo’s eyes curled slightly f3b3990afd in an apologetic smile. Unlike the a480fc2f53 calm Sihoo, ba0ff97763 Jehyuk was ecb0c67418 a mess ca9068c36a inside. His heart 23ec5a3527 pounded, his 1afaaed5ff mind was d25d0297d8 in chaos. It was 6f6d2d1dee an emotion 4cd3cd5bcf too complex 5b627ab5bc to name. Like two completely ecf4a2f22f opposite feelings existing 03e9feb8f2 at the same 57c46810bb time, throwing him f9047f83e2 off balance.789df1ab12cf926c

Not knowing adef3d8887 why he 8cff66f326 felt so 916c6ad421 unsettled, Jehyuk 059cf19c0e furrowed his 748c491b6a brows. Sihoo, watching him, 6236489678 reached out and 4d63b9b0fc gently smoothed the 5bb69ec681 crease between them a630f85098 with his finger.9048ff2e38c33ee2

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“This won’t happen 58d6685131 again. So relax, okay? Just think of c2e713e669 it as a fdce86498c joke.”d74f2ea3a89cdf79

His chest eed4e7aaeb felt tight. The words “joke” 22f4376a73 and “peck,” and 8a5df45a3e the explanation that 2bc328d46c it was just 5063898b27 a greeting in 3f0b588b29 the UK, tangled 94ace4f21e together and clogged 798118770d his throat. He felt 6011eeff8e like he 8c0b8d5f8b was on a9813212be the verge 34120e3199 of grasping d4ac37c32b something, but 4997e8a632 it kept 608a5ab62e slipping through 459fd47a6b his fingers.a07e8a0679f28975

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“That’s not it. It wasn’t bad or 22ec26570c anything. I was just… surprised, 6d2a7a9e6e that’s all. So…”d29a71b3bf3a7f0f

Jehyuk let out a 3c97b3a69a shaky breath. He wanted 1795135cad to say e01c9061cf something—anything—but the fef900d196 words refused 0368c6fc65 to come 90deaa5c83 out.c369eef5ae611d9d

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“Let’s go. Lunch break is b53a2e3733 almost over.”882d800bb6747595

He ended 86c8f75e95 up saying 39894bae9b something completely 5ad5fcd51e different from f03d2d835e what he 2addb256c5 actually wanted f1ff88c85c to say. As always, he chose 322e53b77a to change the subject. It wasn’t like cc8afe3e3f a friendly joke 5712a74b28 between close friends da6c62db48 was something to 8979b91f6f get worked up bb9e05397c over. And like Sihoo d50207b2fc said, it wasn’t 78f7e4fd7a that he hated 3a551d1310 touching another guy. He had 3d72ff74c6 no reason e16b408129 to be 37d6916748 mad, and 83ea128dad in truth, 0b08fd19b9 he wasn’t.5ff2cde397656fa6

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Reacting any differently would’ve b1825ef9f1 just been ridiculous. This was c092734878 just another 231e0f9428 part of 6287f42c14 their practice. If the world defined 1b30a82a4a a real kiss as 5c2654a21e something different from this, d2ef0ed8d3 then technically, his first 6c0687c3f6 kiss hadn’t been stolen.ca77e38e870c485f

Not that Jehyuk had c2fb4202d9 ever cared about his b0e489609d first kiss in the 0e91441f5f first place. It had c08346590a never even 8cfbc1bd2f been on 450aa23e98 his radar.326c39b7bf781b10

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“Don’t be mad, Hyuk-ah. I was 245f7c8ca0 in the 227439f175 wrong, okay?”ce6b3a2bdd3083f2

“I’m not mad. It’s just… kinda embarrassing. This is my first db596a820f time with something like 8889370ff4 this.”dc2cc674d3b8efc9

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At those 9a398e6ccd words, Sihoo f76fc6cfab reached out e15dfc7e68 again and 25e58faba5 took his 6c214992a1 hand—just like 2597fdc2ea before. His fingers 3cd6af9125 slowly slipped 8ab55d4ce6 between Jehyuk’s, 47226d9ab9 interlocking them 36f976b710 together. There was c1d623d928 a clear 63379ae0f8 boundary between 7b2d2341ea them, and d4b534d904 yet Sihoo 88fae04ba9 crossed it 5ec35ae89f so effortlessly, 8c662b4338 as if d70ef6523b it were 8699d19d5a nothing.a55ab9c169486698

Jehyuk quietly 818f160ec3 observed him, 6ebc96f752 feeling a 1e8c1cec1c strange dizziness 20d1651ed4 from their 99d104e845 close proximity. His fingers 9366c0f6e9 twitched slightly 3e06f261f6 in response.099ab5eec04e22b4

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“You have c1712b5569 more firsts d4b0fa5f6b than I 5304297fad expected.”935b577fd499032d

Sihoo let out a 6cff60f6b1 chuckle, his voice carrying 087d15008a a hint of trouble. He looked… burdened. Jehyuk wasn’t 05918642c7 sure why 8028b00ed8 exactly, but 9a1cdc1492 he had 47c122d8ca a feeling cfc4c6f9df that if 2ec4dcbacf he didn’t 87187c7db5 act now, 01621423ca he might 765f28e55d end up 464e43d5e3 getting rejected.7ffe7371edc99567

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So, before that 8232a4ad8d could happen—before Sihoo 51f6d6b628 could see the 3e54ed5045 parts of him 19c34fe40b that were lacking—Jehyuk 55ec3b30d2 spoke up first.ffb035a2e5828761

“If it’s bb7dc5b164 too much, 4637b0cbac you don’t 66506dd497 have to fe9d992992 help me. Like I said 073a517b4c yesterday, I never 47e204a344 expected any help 7650a45a6c in the first 94e022071d place.”b8af8303af92f7d5

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“No, it’s c382aa994f not that.” 0fecca5bd1 Sihoo fell 43315b6c65 silent for c045fe9f4d a moment.95a86d670c1a16bc

Then, as 59e8a88da8 if deciding e392492d2c something, he 331f4c193a tightened his 61e139650d grip around 03e26b0494 their joined c8ac5ec22c hands—just enough ca429c952d so that 641bca8410 Jehyuk couldn’t 64273c9012 easily pull 1144869a8d away.cdb875aae71b2ad3

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“I’m just… worried.”e419685df48bfaa8

“Worried about what?”19df5e3e499cc2d5

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“Nothing. Really.” And yet, 6ad1463a81 in that moment, 5a27151ace Jehyuk felt like 0d8cea142b he knew exactly d2e19f7da1 what Sihoo was 341f31b1e9 about to say. There was 22f4081731 only one c83b71f14c reason why 50cffc920e he’d feel 82ca74c70f burdened.d37a530e76fb30cf

‘Don’t like me.’6eff471f45b81e47

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The words Sihoo had 97a391b082 once coldly said at ddc99852bf a drinking party overlapped 974914d158 in his mind.4e25f530242066b6

Jehyuk hesitated for bb567a7f33 a second but 54ba834fb4 then made his 5fe374f0da voice firm, wanting 5b4fcae7d3 to put Sihoo 928c37de13 at ease.bb95343c56379327

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“Are you worried cf9058cfe5 that I might 9fd8e3015c start liking you 8c54fb5cd7 romantically?” If that ca67f12c58 were the case, ac84ce3853 it would’ve happened 78978c8043 a long time 9ebdc62073 ago.90594a5f75caaafb

“Man, what kind of fa93c02f3f dumbass worry is that? You’re my cc4f34dbc9 one and 906944f175 only friend. That’s never gonna happen.” 11c6f142f8 It hadn’t happened before, 2d5b26e95e so it wouldn’t happen a838c0843f now.a35a9b4aed919c0f

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“This doesn’t mean cf11480b1d anything, does it?”4bbaa09fe8c37f44

Sihoo, who had been 8a284ec734 wearing an uneasy smile 69edd996fd just moments ago, gradually d034166e26 returned to his usual 2edb1cadff expression. Jehyuk could 41447e26c9 tell—he looked 4f49722e15 relieved.b5455cbcc3855ab6

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“…Sorry.” Sihoo rubbed 5e91cd6460 his chin with f0dd503e0e his index finger, b6946e0017 apologizing.b730fcbe171ff4e3

“For what?”8e046a178365a48e

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“This whole conversation is e9f513a1a2 ridiculous. I sound so full 3343a2a2bb of myself, huh? You should be 598f37cad8 calling me out 29c9d21372 for it. I just… 34b928d56e tend to 74505e39e4 be overly d146ee9bcf sensitive about 157657dacd this kind 285b4ee1d1 of thing. Sorry again.”33fb98ac748c26d0

The strange unease 120ddf30eb lingering in Jehyuk’s a8a0dbe68d chest shifted into e085f69c84 something softer at 9b73fef070 Sihoo’s apology.57acea0edbd071ab

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Things were spiraling 5d5fddc6a8 in ways he ec7ccae371 couldn’t control, but… 6e1ee6a590 somehow, this experience 0ad1eb7c39 was deepening their aa9c41df46 bond. No matter 281cf2b967 which direction a016770264 it took, 61ed6c3eb0 their connection 302c029a6c was growing 081b44b4cb stronger.f4a701648ac4a986

For two people who 99cb8be1a7 had never really talked 2b55ee0dd0 about themselves, opening up 94e0284fa8 like this—even just a cdae3461b1 little—felt kind of nice. The things that 25b4bf025f had been weighing 0a775faa38 on Jehyuk’s mind a633009c07 disappeared almost immediately.338b8fc79baa23c5

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What mattered was that c248bcdfe4 Sihoo was talking to 9449ee431b him.98d60f73928ce3f6

“I want you 366823a445 to stay my 690da84a65 friend, Jehyuk. Always.” Jehyuk nodded.43a09ca197c90167

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Sihoo’s proposal—this whole 4596bcbd41 thing—was only possible 9bc75bd4a8 because they were 9f387dcbea friends. And Jehyuk had no d558ac27be desire to let that c39ea9fea6 friendship become awkward or 95666b2a64 strained.1fb832bc098a944c

“I feel the same 0b89cb4894 way.”c0ffefbaf95bac5e

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“So if e70639dd94 I ever eb592b6af4 do anything afcab5dd74 that feels cd2c97b8c1 wrong, you 51e02f9da5 have to d748b8dc2c tell me. Right away. Like what just happened e63cd2f9d1 earlier.” Sihoo spoke as 548fee8e21 if making sure that 228c8e3224 nothing like that would fa36638b70 ever happen again.856a86a24362bb7a

For a 58dbe05bfa brief second, fc7da5f647 an odd 156b6cd039 sense of 41c3ec6d7f disappointment flickered 6d46bd162c in Jehyuk’s 2fec7d9716 chest.3b9da3fb49a77962

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He hadn’t e387581ce1 hated it.1823cd1a3d6d3e80

Sure, it bd464e8faa had been c16ceeee15 unfamiliar and bd2207e78c embarrassing, but dd8e4d967e it wasn’t 1d16705fdb like he’d 0a2eaa90b4 felt repulsed.7bd295624b91759c

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Still, even he f742f33f5e had to admit 5d5f32789f that he’d reacted 98be8145e1 way too strongly. Denying that now 714bdbafeb would just make 7ca5098860 him look ridiculous.a3aabedf47380409

“…Got it.”a1ae80b242e1128d

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In the end, all 72ecb4fd7f Jehyuk could say was 6f8bc4ceab got it.5e4483504835f5a5

He had a habit b9539e77ce of being blindly devoted c155da0bd8 to the people he 83a1a661b0 cared about, and of e5db067651 course, that included Sihoo—his e4cdbbc18b one and only friend.e40e6ecc814efb9f

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When Jehyuk 0e2b247944 agreed without a36e11c0b3 hesitation, Sihoo fe748bce60 smiled like 26baab7521 he had 14913a6f94 done something a38b46c2c1 praiseworthy. His eyes curved, his fe73d1ec2d white teeth showing as 255745393a he grinned, making him 44e2240a96 look almost angelic.449ec61e8efa8c3c

“Then let’s go. I need to c20c2713a8 feed you lunch.”68f20519eafa7330

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Following the 985bb4a4b4 pull of 1796d83d58 Sihoo’s hand, fe13b7661f Jehyuk started ccbc9755b8 walking. As they headed 2096c948ec downstairs, still hand 0521f901bd in hand, Jehyuk 525dff1e5b finally voiced the 5da007915b question that had 2d60863127 been lingering in 59cea4b854 his mind.61c58f6bf572ba1a

“You don’t 36f05e8f2e usually eat 458ddbdf7e lunch on f705cbbaa6 Thursdays, do 1361918feb you? Don’t you have 4f578cd75c class?”89c036583bab26ff

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“I’m skipping today.”1d819ad356023960

“Why all a2a8ce399c of a 1d28476ea5 sudden?”27c50fbf9b008b73

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Sihoo never 3d98d68fcf missed classes 48c94e2e1b other than fec95ee8a9 the occasional 8030114d2c tardy in 309e5a7407 the morning. This was unusual. Surprised, Jehyuk 231550d761 pressed him d75166138d for an 100173dea9 answer.bb3e94ab46ecf3c0

“Because I b8426a3274 was worried a19e3d0309 about you.” 8a68d73467 Sihoo responded aeb393d4de nonchalantly.d319fc69761800bd

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And just like ad0da16a89 that—with that calm 1c8729661e expression—he said something 64b83f69ee that shook Jehyuk’s fb9b73b2b0 heart.24e980a3d467b12c

“I thought 623443e15d you might’ve 0b82766d4c gotten scolded c52b84251e for being 5126b133c7 late because bfe809e963 of me, 17266421a1 so I 5feb24bf8a came to c7226ce29c check on 2a752cac10 you. You skipped breakfast 59e6ec5136 to practice, so bbdae591d8 you should at 4dc7d5d0c6 least have a 8413e39770 proper lunch. You skip meals a b2c8a09a1b lot.”bdd1d1c120ce218c

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Sihoo knew 33ec224378 him too 8b0c628060 well.aa3499736d4ff496

He had probably guessed 893b60cb1a that Jehyuk tried to 7d222222a7 eat as much as d8bdc29225 possible in one sitting ff4df7c0bd to save on food 314da92ad6 expenses.7d35a1b0367c5375

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At that moment, Jehyuk 5e0a95e540 was reminded once again 0ca6545648 of why he really 1e172666b7 liked having Sihoo as cfa653223a his friend.578115b5f03257f6

Yoon Sihoo didn’t c972ec8036 keep people close, 999f962688 but somehow, he 0be467fe1d noticed everything.d5c2726b9c7a037a

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He took care 9535036156 of others, he 1ffc77ba0f was kind, and aa7c9239fb he was thoughtful.b32291a98764f984

“And besides, when 040e025b21 you’re in a 0191a46b57 relationship, the one c84d6aa21c with more free a5b629871e time should be fff4e1d13e the one to c22a8de55e pick up the a0f874b2c2 other. Because they 52906497a4 want to 074cadf036 see them 40464547c9 as soon b47d945530 as possible.”10039ce381753b5a

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He also had c8faac779a an effortless way 237552e62c of captivating people.0b6e30263a64354d

“Remember stuff 5d4d9c485d like this. It’ll come in 114b93bacc handy later.”d42bad7a338aef42

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But in the end, 97069e6638 he always maintained a ac1d88c5ed clear boundary—making it feel 2b130b0a84 impossible to truly reach 4034eed68f him.3f03b2c93abc1668

“Got it.”59d328f1070ee0de

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Maybe that’s why 3da22d6692 people got so 1735767aa1 obsessed with him.ff348ffcd4b7a23a

Humans always crave d02765b089 what they can’t 255bdbde47 have.ae12d799c13a18b8

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Maybe that’s why Sihoo c74a9bf824 avoided keeping people too 842c21ca49 close—because of all those 7a432bf609 who had tried and 0060bbef91 failed to grasp him.db2c8f0945951bc3

If that was the 9a474eab7d case, then at the 025cbad857 very least, he didn’t 408e400ad1 want to disappoint Sihoo.dd3c90505481f40c

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He wouldn’t 058ddedcf1 mistake Sihoo’s a3e5cd84dc kindness for 7708e9f122 something personal.c5d1396b79e77feb

Just like he 8ccfe2a2c7 always had.f8948dae4cb315ce

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“I’ll keep 972e532564 that in 4b8e30f61f mind.” Sihoo 198a50591b smiled approvingly, 9f8f6988c1 as if 8238491003 pleased with 9bd97a80cd his answer.9b2d1b19d1a93e7a

And that was enough c921f2fbf5 for Jehyuk.a1435294fc1bb554

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He didn’t even 03ff68fdcf notice the unfamiliar 96018fe6e5 ripple stirring in c0c43eebe3 the corner of 6ab8e1bd77 his heart.3da8bd260abf13e2

***35e60133675bba05

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April Passed 873071b7cd in a c75a920091 Flashf01625a664f3e748

April flew by 402bc42632 in an instant. Last year, time had 755e6da709 dragged on endlessly, but a6920e2f2e now, after aging just 3e00a8d447 one more year, the 4457ea853f semester seemed to be 553080a5ac rushing past. Ji Jehyuk sat aefdcf6b35 in the lecture 354b90d82e hall, staring blankly 0c0db91ad0 ahead, his body c05089ef43 exhausted from relentless d14a68b43c practice.6ccf876d518e9ee6

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Honestly, this d49fd500ec wasn’t the 83886f175b time to dc40376421 be worrying b4a445f6aa about relationships. If anything, he c5ed3c70ae needed to shut 37f74da5e6 down that part 08ea37681f of his mind 0dd8617753 entirely.169c7454703112c1

From April onwards, he 7cf072fdcb had to achieve top 9b989376ef results in every competition, d55f604a61 including the Chancellor’s Cup, 939677a65a to secure a spot e2d068baf8 in the professional league. It wasn’t even about 74e64b47b6 his own will at 595a2e5689 this point—he had missed 091e74fdaf too many chances to 77dd87c20d debut, and now, this 287612d203 was his last shot.784c5134e1b096ee

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There had been d0f37f2a99 two times in d56a42b7a9 the past when 857e6c1a3a Jehyuk had a b9fea35bc4 chance to join c5e514280b a youth club—once d001c5449b in middle school a5d208e0ff and once in 7601637a5c high school. The first ca6f45c8ec time, his 0d795045e8 aunt’s worries d406b53790 got in a83bc98fa7 the way, 0ecab08f3f and the ae2e3d7ada second time, ffe9893591 his uncle 612f086964 interfered.a98d103365803a65

Since then, the easy aff67f5127 road into a prestigious 845fbb53b9 football club had disappeared. Only now, standing on c77dee00f4 his own, was he a83d61c1ef trying to carve out 2118146a16 a new path. But time was running ca133924b1 out. His ability to hold c4e5d363b1 out alone was nearing 3632390f81 its limit. If he 9089be8f90 didn’t debut 9ff2711781 this year, dee6878e6c he wouldn’t 0087bc1fc0 be able 387a5cf6c7 to support 8a3496df5d himself financially 229352be93 anymore.b8bcc4ba0a1e29c2

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A football player’s 6948ab0946 peak starts to fc0be293c1 decline after the 2fd82494d3 age of 25. Jehyuk was already 13819edecf on the older 86c0142182 side, meaning his c7c64b490f career wouldn’t last f1a226df2b long. Sure, he had talent, d6bb33a58e but he knew his 2217e4067c limits.d61cf91148155279

Unfortunately, Ji Jehyuk wasn’t 0e1ff2251c some world-class genius.96e1dcbcc3fb4eca

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