PS | Chapter 2.5

Back when his parents were alive, he didn’t have any memories of ever doing something like that. And when he got old enough to start caring about relationships, he had already been buried under layers of awful rumors, like filth clinging to him. It left him with a trauma that carried over to today, turning him into this mess.

Still, blurting out something like that felt ridiculous, so Jehyuk just kept his mouth shut. One question had been half-resolved, but another one rose in its place. Just how many times had Sihoo done this for it to mean nothing to him?

“With just anyone?”

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“Yeah. When I lived abroad, it was basically like saying hello.”

Oh… right.

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Sihoo had lived overseas until middle school. He’d gone back and forth between the UK and the US. That’s why, when they first met, Sihoo hadn’t known about Jehyuk’s reputation. Even after he found out, he never cared.

Jehyuk had completely forgotten that those aspects of Sihoo came from that background. His Korean wasn’t awkward at all, and he blended in so well with others that, just looking at him, you wouldn’t be able to tell he had spent years abroad. Well, people did often say he looked mixed, though.

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With nothing else to say, Jehyuk suddenly became hyperaware of how close he and Sihoo were. He subtly took a step back, rubbing at his lips for no reason. Sihoo, making direct eye contact, asked him softly.

“So? Did you hate it?”

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“…It wasn’t like I hated it.”

Agreeing outright felt strange, but he couldn’t bring himself to say he hated it either. Because, truthfully, he liked it more than he expected. He had always assumed he’d find it unpleasant, but that peck—or, no, that kiss with Sihoo—hadn’t felt bad at all.

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“That’s a relief. I won’t surprise you like that again.”

Sihoo’s eyes curled slightly in an apologetic smile. Unlike the calm Sihoo, Jehyuk was a mess inside. His heart pounded, his mind was in chaos. It was an emotion too complex to name. Like two completely opposite feelings existing at the same time, throwing him off balance.

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Not knowing why he felt so unsettled, Jehyuk furrowed his brows. Sihoo, watching him, reached out and gently smoothed the crease between them with his finger.

“This won’t happen again. So relax, okay? Just think of it as a joke.”

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His chest felt tight. The words “joke” and “peck,” and the explanation that it was just a greeting in the UK, tangled together and clogged his throat. He felt like he was on the verge of grasping something, but it kept slipping through his fingers.

“That’s not it. It wasn’t bad or anything. I was just… surprised, that’s all. So…”

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Jehyuk let out a shaky breath. He wanted to say something—anything—but the words refused to come out.

“Let’s go. Lunch break is almost over.”

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He ended up saying something completely different from what he actually wanted to say. As always, he chose to change the subject. It wasn’t like a friendly joke between close friends was something to get worked up over. And like Sihoo said, it wasn’t that he hated touching another guy. He had no reason to be mad, and in truth, he wasn’t.

Reacting any differently would’ve just been ridiculous. This was just another part of their practice. If the world defined a real kiss as something different from this, then technically, his first kiss hadn’t been stolen.

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Not that Jehyuk had ever cared about his first kiss in the first place. It had never even been on his radar.

“Don’t be mad, Hyuk-ah. I was in the wrong, okay?”

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“I’m not mad. It’s just… kinda embarrassing. This is my first time with something like this.”

At those words, Sihoo reached out again and took his hand—just like before. His fingers slowly slipped between Jehyuk’s, interlocking them together. There was a clear boundary between them, and yet Sihoo crossed it so effortlessly, as if it were nothing.

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Jehyuk quietly observed him, feeling a strange dizziness from their close proximity. His fingers twitched slightly in response.

“You have more firsts than I expected.”

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Sihoo let out a chuckle, his voice carrying a hint of trouble. He looked… burdened. Jehyuk wasn’t sure why exactly, but he had a feeling that if he didn’t act now, he might end up getting rejected.

So, before that could happen—before Sihoo could see the parts of him that were lacking—Jehyuk spoke up first.

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“If it’s too much, you don’t have to help me. Like I said yesterday, I never expected any help in the first place.”

“No, it’s not that.” Sihoo fell silent for a moment.

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Then, as if deciding something, he tightened his grip around their joined hands—just enough so that Jehyuk couldn’t easily pull away.

“I’m just… worried.”

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“Worried about what?”

“Nothing. Really.” And yet, in that moment, Jehyuk felt like he knew exactly what Sihoo was about to say. There was only one reason why he’d feel burdened.

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‘Don’t like me.’

The words Sihoo had once coldly said at a drinking party overlapped in his mind.

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Jehyuk hesitated for a second but then made his voice firm, wanting to put Sihoo at ease.

“Are you worried that I might start liking you romantically?” If that were the case, it would’ve happened a long time ago.

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“Man, what kind of dumbass worry is that? You’re my one and only friend. That’s never gonna happen.” It hadn’t happened before, so it wouldn’t happen now.

“This doesn’t mean anything, does it?”

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Sihoo, who had been wearing an uneasy smile just moments ago, gradually returned to his usual expression. Jehyuk could tell—he looked relieved.

“…Sorry.” Sihoo rubbed his chin with his index finger, apologizing.

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“For what?”

“This whole conversation is ridiculous. I sound so full of myself, huh? You should be calling me out for it. I just… tend to be overly sensitive about this kind of thing. Sorry again.”

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The strange unease lingering in Jehyuk’s chest shifted into something softer at Sihoo’s apology.

Things were spiraling in ways he couldn’t control, but… somehow, this experience was deepening their bond. No matter which direction it took, their connection was growing stronger.

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For two people who had never really talked about themselves, opening up like this—even just a little—felt kind of nice. The things that had been weighing on Jehyuk’s mind disappeared almost immediately.

What mattered was that Sihoo was talking to him.

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“I want you to stay my friend, Jehyuk. Always.” Jehyuk nodded.

Sihoo’s proposal—this whole thing—was only possible because they were friends. And Jehyuk had no desire to let that friendship become awkward or strained.

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“I feel the same way.”

“So if I ever do anything that feels wrong, you have to tell me. Right away. Like what just happened earlier.” Sihoo spoke as if making sure that nothing like that would ever happen again.

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For a brief second, an odd sense of disappointment flickered in Jehyuk’s chest.

He hadn’t hated it.

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Sure, it had been unfamiliar and embarrassing, but it wasn’t like he’d felt repulsed.

Still, even he had to admit that he’d reacted way too strongly. Denying that now would just make him look ridiculous.

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“…Got it.”

In the end, all Jehyuk could say was got it.

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He had a habit of being blindly devoted to the people he cared about, and of course, that included Sihoo—his one and only friend.

When Jehyuk agreed without hesitation, Sihoo smiled like he had done something praiseworthy. His eyes curved, his white teeth showing as he grinned, making him look almost angelic.

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“Then let’s go. I need to feed you lunch.”

Following the pull of Sihoo’s hand, Jehyuk started walking. As they headed downstairs, still hand in hand, Jehyuk finally voiced the question that had been lingering in his mind.

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“You don’t usually eat lunch on Thursdays, do you? Don’t you have class?”

“I’m skipping today.”

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“Why all of a sudden?”

Sihoo never missed classes other than the occasional tardy in the morning. This was unusual. Surprised, Jehyuk pressed him for an answer.

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“Because I was worried about you.” Sihoo responded nonchalantly.

And just like that—with that calm expression—he said something that shook Jehyuk’s heart.

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“I thought you might’ve gotten scolded for being late because of me, so I came to check on you. You skipped breakfast to practice, so you should at least have a proper lunch. You skip meals a lot.”

Sihoo knew him too well.

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He had probably guessed that Jehyuk tried to eat as much as possible in one sitting to save on food expenses.

At that moment, Jehyuk was reminded once again of why he really liked having Sihoo as his friend.

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Yoon Sihoo didn’t keep people close, but somehow, he noticed everything.

He took care of others, he was kind, and he was thoughtful.

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“And besides, when you’re in a relationship, the one with more free time should be the one to pick up the other. Because they want to see them as soon as possible.”

He also had an effortless way of captivating people.

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“Remember stuff like this. It’ll come in handy later.”

But in the end, he always maintained a clear boundary—making it feel impossible to truly reach him.

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“Got it.”

Maybe that’s why people got so obsessed with him.

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Humans always crave what they can’t have.

Maybe that’s why Sihoo avoided keeping people too close—because of all those who had tried and failed to grasp him.

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If that was the case, then at the very least, he didn’t want to disappoint Sihoo.

He wouldn’t mistake Sihoo’s kindness for something personal.

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Just like he always had.

“I’ll keep that in mind.” Sihoo smiled approvingly, as if pleased with his answer.

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And that was enough for Jehyuk.

He didn’t even notice the unfamiliar ripple stirring in the corner of his heart.

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***

April Passed in a Flash

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April flew by in an instant. Last year, time had dragged on endlessly, but now, after aging just one more year, the semester seemed to be rushing past. Ji Jehyuk sat in the lecture hall, staring blankly ahead, his body exhausted from relentless practice.

Honestly, this wasn’t the time to be worrying about relationships. If anything, he needed to shut down that part of his mind entirely.

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From April onwards, he had to achieve top results in every competition, including the Chancellor’s Cup, to secure a spot in the professional league. It wasn’t even about his own will at this point—he had missed too many chances to debut, and now, this was his last shot.

There had been two times in the past when Jehyuk had a chance to join a youth club—once in middle school and once in high school. The first time, his aunt’s worries got in the way, and the second time, his uncle interfered.

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Since then, the easy road into a prestigious football club had disappeared. Only now, standing on his own, was he trying to carve out a new path. But time was running out. His ability to hold out alone was nearing its limit. If he didn’t debut this year, he wouldn’t be able to support himself financially anymore.

A football player’s peak starts to decline after the age of 25. Jehyuk was already on the older side, meaning his career wouldn’t last long. Sure, he had talent, but he knew his limits.

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Unfortunately, Ji Jehyuk wasn’t some world-class genius.

That’s why he had to focus now. Before long, he would have matches every weekend, and even if he did start dating someone, he wouldn’t have time to see them anyway. Training was daily, and on his rare rest days, he would be completely wiped out. Dating was out of the question, especially after cutting down on tutoring sessions.

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So even meeting Sihoo was, technically speaking…

No.

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