PS | Chapter 2.13

As if the immense event that had just occurred was nothing, Sihoo seemed calm. Jehyuk was still unable to collect himself, only managing a moan.

Sihoo smiled, then rummaged through the storage compartment under the passenger door with his other, clean hand.

He soon found a wet wipe, first cleaned his own hand, and then started to clean up Jehyuk. The cold touch of the wet wipe on the penis gradually brought Jehyuk back to his senses.

…What just happened?

Jehyuk watched frozen as Sihoo cleaned his penis. The alien scene before his eyes stiffened him for a few seconds until he finally thought to stop Sihoo.

“I’ll do it.”

“It’s okay. I’ve almost finished.”

“Please, Sihoo-ya, I really… hic.”

He was about to say no more earnestly when the touch on the sensitive organ startled his body. The strange noise he had been making came out again.

Now that his mind had returned, unlike earlier, Jehyuk was shocked and clamped his mouth shut. He had made a sound just before, but not like this. The high pitch that came from his own mouth was unbelievable, and he broke out in a cold sweat. It was embarrassing.

“Sorry.”

Wondering how Sihoo would feel about it, it was a sound that didn’t suit someone robust and tall. He apologized sincerely, and Sihoo tilted his head.

“Why?”

“It wasn’t intentional, just a weird noise… I ended up making.”

“It sounds nice though?” Sihoo’s eyes softened.

That nonsensical praise made him squint his eyes. Sihoo repeated earnestly.

“The sound is pretty.”

“Pretty? It’s disgusting.”

“No, it’s not. You don’t often hear someone making such a nice sound, Hyuk-ie.”

Sihoo’s words implied experience. For Jehyuk, who hadn’t understood much earlier, this was yet another puzzling statement. Was there such a thing as a ‘nice sound’?

Wondering about this, the thought that Sihoo might have often been in such situations unsettled him.

“Hyuk-ie is sensitive, and he cries out prettily.”

His already complicated feelings were stirred by those words.

“Don’t make that comparison.”

“But it’s true? You’re very sensitive. You react intensely both with your neck and ears. Even a little tickle makes you cry.” Sihoo said that and chuckled to himself, seemingly thinking of something.

“There are many ways to make you cry.”

Jehyuk didn’t catch the softly muttered words and asked back, suspecting something was off.

“…What?”

“It’s nothing.”

Sihoo naturally changed the subject.

“There’s no way a top wouldn’t be sensitive about it, but somehow, you kind of suit being a vers too, Hyuk. Just looking at your appearance, most people would assume you’re a top, but it’d be nice if you were a vers too.”

“Top? Vers?”

What the hell is that? Even as he asked, Jehyuk felt stupid for not knowing. He tried hard to hide the awkward expression creeping onto his face.

“Mm.”

Sihoo chuckled, as if he had just been hit with a tricky question.

“It’s something guys decide when they do it.”

And with that, he cut himself off, as if he wasn’t planning on explaining further.

“But, well, it’s not like you’re gonna be doing it right away… and you haven’t even figured out what you prefer yet. So if you ever find someone to have sex with, just ask me. I’ll teach you well.”

…Again. He’s bringing up someone else.

Jehyuk’s already muddled thoughts sank further at Sihoo’s last words. Watching him casually mention some future partner overlapped with how he had talked about Jehyuk’s first kiss the other day.

It didn’t feel great. But he didn’t know why.

Jehyuk knew better than anyone that this whole practice thing was meant to make things easier when he was with someone else.

But still, an unexplainable feeling of agitation bubbled up.

He dismissed it as just emotional noise caused by the alcohol. If the silence dragged on any longer, things would get weird, so Jehyuk forced himself to speak in a lighthearted tone.

“I don’t even know if I could do that.”

“Of course you can.”

Sihoo, as always, was gentle.

“You’re doing this because you actually want to date someone properly, so you’ll find a good person soon.”

His kindness was so absolute that even when he clearly drew a line, making it clear that he would never be that person, his words still felt sweet.

With an easy smile, as if everything would work out, Sihoo finished tidying up. He gathered the used wet wipes into a paper bag he had in the car, then swung his long legs over to the driver’s seat.

Despite how spacious the car had felt earlier, it suddenly seemed cramped with Sihoo moving around inside it.

Now seated, Sihoo looked completely unbothered by what had just happened between them. He cracked the window slightly for ventilation and glanced at Jehyuk again. Then, as if it were nothing, he reached out and smoothed down Jehyuk’s disheveled clothes.

“Should I take you home?”

“Huh? No. You’re tired. Just drop me off near school.”

Jehyuk had been staring blankly at Sihoo and only responded a beat too late.

His boarding house’s tiny room was too shabby to show Sihoo. The bathroom had yellow stains in various spots, and the room itself was so small that nothing besides a bed and a desk could fit inside.

No matter how clean Jehyuk kept it, the suffocating tightness of the space was something he couldn’t fix.

Buying nice furniture was a luxury, and concepts like space utilization were practically a dream for him.

After seeing Sihoo’s house, Jehyuk was even more painfully aware of how miserable his own situation was.

“You’re gonna walk past people looking like that?”

Sihoo was smiling, but his tone was firm.

Jehyuk struggled to come up with an excuse.

“There’s no parking near my place.”

“Then just stop by my house first. I’ll lend you some clothes.”

He could’ve refused.

Honestly, as long as he avoided getting too close to people, no one would pay any attention to him, let alone notice his clothes.

At most, they might think he spilled something on himself.

It was nighttime, so there would be even fewer people around.

And yet, after hesitating, Jehyuk ended up agreeing.

“…Alright.”

Refusing would’ve been easier for both of them. But for some reason, he didn’t.

“Let’s go.”

Sihoo pressed the brake and started the car. Just before shifting gears, as if suddenly remembering something, he turned to Jehyuk.

“Hyuk-ah, your seatbelt. I fixed it for you earlier, but it must’ve gotten loose again because of me.”

“Oh… thanks.” Still feeling dazed, Jehyuk adjusted his seatbelt.

Only after confirming that Jehyuk was buckled in did Sihoo switch gears and pull out of the parking lot.

Jehyuk lowered his gaze, checking his own disheveled state.

The lingering evidence of his arousal was all over him, yet Sihoo’s clothes remained crisp and tidy.

As if to say that the only one who had been affected by this was him.

A bitter taste filled his mouth.

This whole thing felt way too one-sided.

It was like he had been the only one who enjoyed it.

Jehyuk clenched his fist slightly, then released it.

If he had been even half as skilled as Sihoo, then maybe Sihoo would’ve been turned on, too.

Instead, it felt like he was just a clueless lump of wood, making Sihoo do all the work on his own.

Guilt crept in.

More than embarrassment, it felt like he owed something to someone precious.

Jehyuk decided to think seriously about what, if anything, he could do for Sihoo.

He had no money. No talent. But they say even a useless rock can have its purpose. Maybe, even someone as worthless as him could be of help in some small way.

***

The drive back seemed shorter than the way there. Seoul at dawn had far fewer cars compared to the night. Passing over the brightly lit Hannam Bridge, they continued all the way to Sihoo’s place. Jehyuk knew he probably wouldn’t remember the route, but he still made a point to memorize it carefully. Sihoo, focused on driving, remained silent, while Jehyuk took in the scenery outside the window.

A cool dawn breeze flowed through the slightly open window. Sometimes it carried the scent of the Han River, and at others, the fresh smell of cherry blossoms. His short hair fluttered and settled repeatedly.

Not long after crossing the bridge, Sihoo entered a modern apartment complex. The roads were well-maintained and smooth, and the grand gate at the apartment’s entrance twinkled with lights. Two well-dressed security guards stood at the entrance.

After passing the barrier, Sihoo drove down into the basement. Perhaps because it was a new building or maybe because this was an affluent area, the underground parking lit up whenever a car moved. Sihoo drove past several empty spaces to one that seemed assigned and parked near the building’s common entrance. Lights flickered on again, brightening the space previously shadowed in darkness.

Jehyuk had lived in apartments before, but none as grand as this. As he felt himself shrinking inside, Sihoo finished parking and said,

“Let’s go, Hyuk-ah.”

“Yeah.”

“Ah, wait a second.”

Sihoo glanced at Jehyuk and then reached into the back seat. His partially turned face and pronounced jawline made him look particularly attractive. Jehyuk, who had been stealing glances, quickly looked away as Sihoo straightened up.

“Put this on before we go up. Usually, there’s no one around at this time, but just in case.”

Sihoo handed him a black spring coat. It was a luxurious material that didn’t quite match Jehyuk’s hoodie.

“What if the coat gets dirty? It’s fine.”

“Hyuk-ah.”

Sihoo softly called his name, making eye contact with a quiet persuasion. Hesitating, Jehyuk took the coat. As he stepped out of the car, he admitted to himself in the reflection on the car body that he looked quite a mess and reluctantly put on the coat.

Sihoo, who had gotten out of the driver’s seat, checked Jehyuk’s appearance once more before locking the car. Satisfied with Jehyuk in the coat, he smiled and locked the vehicle. Then he extended his hand.

“Let’s go.”

Jehyuk looked at the hand reaching out to him as if by habit and finally took it. The thought that they should maintain some distance flitted through his mind, but he didn’t want to. Hand in hand, they rode the elevator up to the 22nd floor.

Once inside the apartment, Jehyuk asked cautiously if he could shower first. Sihoo nodded as if it were obvious and told him to use the bathroom in his room, just like last time.

Based on his memory, Jehyuk managed to find the shower gel and shampoo. Everything was beautifully and uniformly designed, so he had to read the English labels carefully to figure out what was what. For Jehyuk, who usually bought the cheapest shampoo from discount marts, these were all unfamiliar brands.

He deliberately avoided looking down at his own body as he washed painfully under the harsh spray of water. After he was done, he felt a bit cleaner. He wrapped himself in the long shower towel hanging there, and only then did he realize he hadn’t asked for clothes to change into.

Wearing his dirty clothes again wasn’t an option, so without much thought, Jehyuk just covered his lower body with the towel and stepped out. He felt slightly uneasy being half-naked, but he figured it was normal among soccer players, so Sihoo would be okay with it. As soon as he walked out of the bathroom, he found Sihoo sitting on the bed.

Their eyes met.