PS | Chapter 1.6

Ten years ago, most people were still uncomfortable with the idea of same-sex relationships. But as time passed and society changed, today’s college students experimented freely without hesitation. It was a time when people could openly talk about their preferences. Some even pretended to be bisexual just to appear open-minded, even if they weren’t.

“Hmm.”

Sihoo tapped his chin thoughtfully with his index finger in response to Jehyuk’s question. After a moment, a small, mischievous smile tugged at his lips.

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“If I had to choose, I’d say I prefer men. But it’s less about gender and more about personality and looks.”

It was such a Sihoo-like answer, fitting for someone like him.

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“What about you?”

Sihoo’s question came lightly, but for Jehyuk, it was a tough one. It was the first time he was even considering it, so how could he know his preferences? Jehyuk knew what he was good at, but he didn’t know what he liked.

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There were more people like that in the world than one might think—people who mistook societal norms as their own preferences, or who convinced themselves they liked something because they thought they should. It wasn’t uncommon among his peers to find people like that.

“I don’t know.”

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Jehyuk decided to think about it carefully. For now, all of his confessions had come from women.

“All the people I’ve dated were women.”

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“No men at all?”

“None.”

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“You’d probably be popular with guys, too.”

With that, Sihoo gave Jehyuk a long, appraising look. Still wearing that slight smile, his eyes wandered slowly over Jehyuk’s face, lingering briefly, before moving down to his sturdy neck, then to his broad shoulders and chest, visible even under the loose hoodie.

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“Your face and body are flawless.”

“…I wouldn’t know about that.”

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Jehyuk genuinely couldn’t tell what people liked, whether it was men or women. He only knew, from the comments he’d overheard, that Ji Jehyuk wasn’t considered unattractive.

“Well, the reason I didn’t mind you holding my hand earlier… I think it’s because you’re my friend. You’ve known me for a long time, and you’re my friend, so it’s not like I get nervous around you like I would with a lover.”

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Looking back, that seemed to be true. It was okay because it was Sihoo. After all, even Kim Ijun, who was equally touchy, used to get on Jehyuk’s nerves when he leaned on him. Ijun would casually sling an arm around Jehyuk’s shoulders, climb onto his back, or celebrate with exaggerated hugs after scoring a goal.

Jehyuk always felt uncomfortable with the sudden warmth and contact, his body instinctively rejecting it. Sometimes, he’d grit his teeth and endure it to avoid making a scene, but most of the time, he’d shrug Ijun off. After spending a school year together, Jehyuk had grown slightly accustomed to the constant proximity and the sweat-soaked state of his teammates during practice, but unnecessary contact still made him uneasy.

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It was different when it came to physical competition with strangers. What bothered him most was touching someone in his close circle or someone he felt the need to impress.

“Besides, you’re my only friend anyway.”

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At Jehyuk’s words, Sihoo paused for a moment, looking contemplative. Then he filled their two empty whiskey glasses. The sound of the liquid pouring into the glasses rang loudly, echoing in the space between them. Suddenly, the room felt strangely smaller. Even though the large table separated them, it felt as if they were sitting right in front of each other.

“Well then, Jehyuk-ah.”

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Sihoo extended a freshly filled glass toward him. Jehyuk hesitated for a moment before slowly pulling his right hand out from under the table where it had been hiding and timidly grabbing the glass. Sihoo, watching Jehyuk out of the corner of his eye, smiled as their gazes met. Just like their first toast, Sihoo tapped his glass lightly against Jehyuk’s.

Then, leaning forward slightly to close the distance between them, Sihoo whispered,

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“Should I teach you about dating?”

Jehyuk blinked, startled by the unexpected suggestion. For a moment, he couldn’t process what he’d just heard.

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“…What?”

His shocked reaction prompted Sihoo to calmly elaborate.

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“You’ll get used to it over time. Holding hands, hugging….”

Their eyes met. Beneath his dark brows, Sihoo’s gaze was sharper than usual, and his smile carried a different weight.

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“And everything beyond that.”

Though Sihoo hadn’t explicitly said anything, Jehyuk’s mind wandered to strange places, and he swallowed dryly. Maybe it was because Sihoo’s voice was so low and sensual, almost indecent. The fact that he was having such thoughts about another man made Jehyuk wonder if maybe he was okay with men after all.

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“You’re shy, you don’t let people stay close, and you’ve never really done anything with someone before, so it all feels awkward to you. If the reason for your breakups is because of the lack of physical affection, I’ll help you out. You said you’re fine with me touching you, didn’t you?”

The soft brown of Sihoo’s eyes, illuminated under the light, made his suggestion sound nothing but kind.

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“I’ll be your practice partner.”

With those words, Sihoo leaned back silently. His gaze still locked with Jehyuk’s, he casually began sipping his whiskey. His lips, already red, seemed even darker now.

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Jehyuk, who had been wondering what “everything beyond that” could possibly mean, pressed his lips together tightly and followed suit, gulping down his whiskey. His heart pounded hard as the strong alcohol burned its way down, leaving a stinging warmth in his chest. Even after he’d emptied the glass, he didn’t put it down, instead peering through the crystal, his eyes fixed on Sihoo’s blurred outline.

What kind of nonsense is this Yoon Sihoo spouting now?

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That was Jehyuk’s first thought. Holding hands as friends? Even elementary school kids didn’t do that. And yet, Sihoo wasn’t wrong. If it weren’t Sihoo, he’d feel immediate discomfort at someone touching him. Maybe practicing with someone familiar and close, as Sihoo suggested, would actually help.

The fact that Jehyuk was seriously considering such a ridiculous suggestion showed just how much he wanted to be “normal.”

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Yeah, that’s what I want. I want to have a normal relationship. I want to be treated like a normal person. I don’t want rumors floating around about me. And I don’t want to hurt someone I’m dating just because of my aversion to physical affection.

“…Okay.”

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Jehyuk impulsively made a decision that should have required far more thought. He had no idea that the two straight whiskey shots he’d downed earlier had played a role. Placing his empty glass on the table with a resolute expression, he agreed to Sihoo’s suggestion.

Sihoo, seeing this, smiled faintly and nodded as if to say he understood. He picked up the whiskey bottle and poured another round into their glasses. Jehyuk felt a sudden wave of nausea but decided to tough it out. As the discomfort in his stomach grew, he regretted not diluting his drinks with ice earlier.

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“Let’s set one condition, though.”

“…What condition?”

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“It’s not like you’d do this, but….”

Sihoo’s usual expression shifted into something unfamiliar. His ever-present smile was gone, replaced with a strange, cold look in his eyes. He seemed to contemplate something for a moment, then spoke in a clear, steady voice.

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“Don’t fall for me.”

Huh…?

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The words were so sudden that Jehyuk froze, unable to even blink. He stared at Sihoo in disbelief. It didn’t seem like a joke. Sihoo’s faintly smiling lips looked the same as usual, but the seriousness in his expression was unmistakable. Jehyuk knew Sihoo well enough to tell the difference.

Most people only saw Sihoo’s smile as just that—a smile. But Jehyuk had learned that some of those smiles could mean something entirely different.

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Carefully, Jehyuk repeated Sihoo’s words in his mind. Don’t fall for me…. That wasn’t something you said to a friend. Sure, there were rare moments when Jehyuk admired Sihoo’s good looks, but no matter how he thought about it, falling for Sihoo seemed impossible.

For one, Jehyuk didn’t think he was into guys. And as he had said before, they were friends. If any feelings were going to develop, they would have done so a long time ago.

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“Just to clarify, you’re talking about romantic feelings, right?”

Sihoo responded briefly.

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“Yeah.”

Jehyuk, studying the cool glint in Sihoo’s eyes—so different from their warm brown hue—spoke calmly.

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“Why would I? We’ve known each other for years. Besides, I don’t think I’m into guys. I’ve never felt anything like that.”

Jehyuk’s firm answer made Sihoo lean on his hand and study him for a moment. Slowly, the serious expression melted away, and his usual smile returned. He chuckled and said,

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“You’re so indifferent it’s almost insulting, Jehyuk-ah.”

“Isn’t that better? You’re the one who said not to fall for you.”

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Jehyuk frowned, confused by Sihoo’s reaction. No matter how many times he thought about it, Sihoo was someone whose thoughts were impossible to read.

“True, I don’t like that kind of thing.”

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Sihoo’s voice was calm as he drew a clear line.

“When I have no intention of dating someone, but they start liking me… it never ends well.”

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Jehyuk already knew that. Sihoo, ever popular, had no shortage of people interested in him, constantly trying to get closer. Yet, despite all that, he never dated anyone. Posts about Sihoo appeared frequently on their university’s anonymous community boards, but he paid no attention to any of it.

There was a question Jehyuk had always been curious about but had never asked, not wanting to interfere. But tonight, with Sihoo acting a little out of character, it felt like the moment to ask.

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Fueled by the alcohol, Jehyuk finally voiced a question he had never dared ask before. It was probably the most honest moment of his life.

“Why don’t you date anyone?”

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It wasn’t courage so much as recklessness that made the words spill out. Sihoo let out a light laugh, showing no intention of answering. Jehyuk quickly thought about changing the topic when Sihoo casually said,

“Because we’d break up anyway.”

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Sihoo’s words carried a cynicism far beyond his years. Jehyuk, who had never had a “normal” relationship and couldn’t even consider himself in the same category, still had a sense of what most people their age dreamed of. He had never seen any of his peers start their relationships by pondering the end.

“Hmm… But there are plenty of campus couples who end up getting married.”

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“Marriage is possible.”

Sihoo tilted his empty glass, swirling it idly. The half-melted ice mixed with the faint remnants of whiskey, creating a pale golden hue.

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“But it still ends, Jehyuk-ah.”

Sihoo spoke like someone who had already seen the end firsthand. His tone was final, as though he’d drawn a line in the conversation. And with that, he abruptly closed the topic.

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“Shall we head out now?”

“Already?”

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At Jehyuk’s surprised response, Sihoo slid his phone across the table toward him. The screen displayed the time: 01:00 AM. They had met at 10 PM, but somehow, hours had flown by. It felt like barely an hour had passed.

“You’ve got morning practice before class, don’t you?”

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