PS | Chapter 1.3

The words, delivered in Jehyuk’s usual tone, sounded almost like a challenge. A beat too late, he regretted it. His blunt tone often made him come across as rude, and people often called him difficult because of it. This moment felt like one of those times. Sihoo widened his eyes in surprise, prompting Jehyuk to quickly follow up.

“I don’t mind. It’s just… surprising.”

He could’ve stopped there, but his own curiosity made him add another line.

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“You don’t usually like getting involved deeply with others.”

Jehyuk’s words made Sihoo laugh softly. He didn’t seem upset—instead, he let out a deep chuckle, like he found the situation amusing in an unexpected way. After a few seconds, he looked down at Jehyuk, his half-closed eyes making the moment feel strangely intimate.

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Sihoo leaned forward slightly, closing the distance between them until their noses were nearly touching. Close enough to feel each other’s breath. It was the kind of proximity that could easily be misinterpreted by others. Though it felt awkward, Jehyuk didn’t step back. Doing so might have made it look even stranger. Instead, he froze, unsure of what to do, and ended up staring straight at Sihoo’s face.

The lips so close to his own were a faint reddish hue. A fleeting memory of what some of the guys who didn’t like Sihoo had said flashed through his mind: What’s with a guy having lips that color?

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Sihoo was well-known across campus, even beyond the business department, so Jehyuk often overheard people talking about him.

From this distance, the details of Sihoo’s face that Jehyuk usually didn’t notice suddenly felt unfamiliar. Sure, he’d always known Sihoo was good-looking, but seeing him up close like this made it painfully obvious. Sihoo wasn’t just good-looking—he was absurdly good-looking.

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Though “handsome” suited him better than “beautiful,” there were undeniably elegant features to him. His bold eyebrows gave him a masculine air, but his subtly upturned eyes were delicately shaped. His eyelashes were unusually long, almost like a foreigner’s, and his lips, as previously noted, were an almost unnaturally soft red. And yet, his nose was perfectly straight, and his jawline was strong and defined.

Sometimes, sharp features like these could make a face intimidating, but with Sihoo, they didn’t. His face was flawless, without a single imperfection.

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So, this is why everyone wants to date him?

Jehyuk found himself wondering that again. Having never liked anyone before, he didn’t quite understand what made people want to date someone. What was it about a person that could evoke that kind of desire? He’d thought about it every time someone confessed to him. Could someone’s appearance alone really inspire the courage it took to confess?

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When applied to himself, that kind of thinking didn’t make sense, but looking at Sihoo now, it felt a bit more understandable. Even in mythology class, they’d learned about gods and mortals alike falling madly in love based solely on someone’s looks.

“See? You know me this much, Jehyuk…”

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Sihoo’s voice was so soft, it almost sounded like a whisper, snapping Jehyuk out of his thoughts. Only then did he realize he’d been unintentionally staring, practically analyzing Sihoo’s face.

“…But I feel like I’ve grown distant from you. That’s been bothering me.”

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Sihoo sounded surprisingly sincere, as if he’d been genuinely troubled by this. Jehyuk furrowed his brow slightly. What did I do wrong?

“Why do you think that?” Jehyuk asked.

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“You’ve made new friends, and I didn’t even know about it. You seem pretty close to them.”

Oh.

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Jehyuk felt a strange sensation, like a tickling beneath his ribs, leaving him with an odd mix of feelings. It was such an uncharacteristic comment coming from Sihoo—childish, even—but that’s exactly what made it feel so unusual. Knowing how little Sihoo typically cared about drifting apart from people made the statement all the more surprising.

“You’re talking about Kim Ijun?”

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The only classmate Sihoo might have seen Jehyuk with was probably Ijun. After all, Ijun was the only person from their department that Jehyuk could even remotely call an acquaintance. When Jehyuk said the name, Sihoo raised the corners of his lips in a subtle smile but didn’t answer.

“I don’t know his name. Just that guy who sits next to you when I’m late.”

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“Yeah, that’s Kim Ijun.”

Confirming this, Jehyuk fell into thought. Is Ijun a friend? He blinked as he tried to recall the past year. They weren’t close enough to feel like real friends, but Ijun didn’t make him uncomfortable either. No matter how much Jehyuk tried to push him away, Ijun always struck up conversations and dragged him into doing things. Thanks to Ijun, Jehyuk had managed to somewhat fit into the department.

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Even today, it was Ijun who had told him about the rumors.

There weren’t any particularly memorable moments between them, but if he really thought about it, Jehyuk supposed he could call Ijun a friend. He decided not to contradict Sihoo’s words.

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“Still, I’m not as comfortable with him as I am with you,” Jehyuk admitted, figuring it might put Sihoo’s mind at ease. Saying something so out of character for himself felt a little embarrassing.

“Really?” Sihoo’s question sounded almost childlike, with a hint of vulnerability. His eyebrows arched slightly, giving him an almost pitiful expression that, for some reason, made Jehyuk feel a pang of guilt.

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“Of course.”

“Then why didn’t you tell me what he said earlier?” Sihoo asked.

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“What do you mean?”

“You said you got dumped. I didn’t even know you were dating anyone,” Sihoo said, his tone casual but curious.

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Well, of course he wouldn’t know. Jehyuk and Sihoo didn’t have any overlapping classes outside of their liberal arts course, and even when they did meet, they never discussed personal matters.

“How could I tell you something so embarrassing? Besides, you’ve never mentioned dating anyone either, so I figured you didn’t like talking about that kind of stuff.”

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Jehyuk felt his neck flush red. When he was actually being dumped, he didn’t feel much, but saying it aloud in front of Sihoo now filled him with shame. The anxiety about himself that he thought he had buried for good began to creep back into his mind.

“What’s there to be embarrassed about with me?” Sihoo asked sincerely.

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Jehyuk couldn’t bring himself to answer that. After all, being dumped not just once but six times wasn’t exactly something to brag about. If anything, it was proof there was something wrong with him. And the pattern was always the same: they confessed first, dated for a short while, and then broke it off.

The rumor Ijun had told him earlier echoed in his head.

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“People are starting to think there’s something seriously wrong with you. They’re making up all sorts of theories.”

Rumors spread like wildfire—impossible to stop and leaving a scorched path in their wake. For those spreading them, it was just fleeting entertainment, but for the person involved, rebuilding what had been burned down could take a painfully long time. Jehyuk knew that well enough from the relentless whispers he endured in middle and high school. He didn’t want to go through that again.

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“That’s my problem,” Jehyuk blurted out, feeling like he was suffocating. It wasn’t just a metaphor—he really felt short of breath, like the air around him was closing in.

“Getting dumped is your problem?” Sihoo raised an eyebrow, a hint of surprise in his voice.

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It was something Jehyuk hadn’t thought he could ever admit, but for some reason, with Sihoo, it felt possible. Even as the words left his mouth, it was hard to believe he’d said them. His breathing came in shallow gasps, as if he’d just finished running a marathon. He clamped his lips shut, trying to calm himself quietly, but it wasn’t working.

“I’m sorry.”

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The sudden apology made Jehyuk blink in surprise. Sihoo gave a sheepish smile, looking a little awkward.

“I didn’t mean to push you.”

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At first, Jehyuk wasn’t sure what he was apologizing for, but then Sihoo reached out his hand.

“So, just breathe slowly.”

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His cool hand touched Jehyuk’s forehead. The soft, calming touch was nothing like Jehyuk’s own calloused hands. Sihoo knew all too well about Jehyuk’s tendency to get breathless when his emotions become overwhelming. This wasn’t the first time he’d helped Jehyuk calm down like this.

Gradually, Jehyuk began to breathe more steadily. He parted his lips just enough to let out a slow exhale, then drew in a deep breath. The motion reminded him of the first day they’d met. It wasn’t a special moment—just after soccer practice, when Jehyuk had been dragging himself up the stairs. That was the first time Sihoo had spoken to him.

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‘You look like you’re about to collapse.’

“Still the same as back then. You get like this when you’re stressed,” Sihoo remarked softly.

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That day, Jehyuk had probably just come from another fight at home. His uncle, seizing the opportunity of Jehyuk’s aunt being away on a business trip, had let loose a barrage of insults. His cousins, sitting at the dining table, had gleefully watched the show.

“Who do you think you are, sitting here eating with us? You think we’re family just because we took you in? What’s this soccer nonsense? All you’re doing is wasting my kids’ money. You stink of sweat—get out of my sight. Didn’t I tell you to wash properly?”

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Jehyuk vaguely remembered that he’d just gotten out of the shower when those words were thrown at him. It wasn’t the first time he’d heard such things since moving in with them after his parents passed away.

Though he’d learned to brush it off, that day, those words had become a trigger. Jehyuk had pushed himself mercilessly at practice, thinking he couldn’t afford to slack off. Soccer was the only thing keeping him going—it was what allowed him to stay in that house. At least until he became an adult, he had to endure it, no matter what.

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He’d been completely drained that day, physically and emotionally. As he was about to leave the field, Sihoo had approached him for the first time, holding out a water bottle.

“Drink this while you breathe slowly.”

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The coolness of Sihoo’s hand brushing against his own had been exactly what he’d needed then—just like now.

Lost in thought, Jehyuk found himself focusing on the temperature of Sihoo’s hand, which seemed to soothe him like nothing else could. But then, a fleeting thought crossed his mind—This is probably gross. Startled, Jehyuk jerked back a little.

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“You don’t have to apologize. You didn’t push me or anything,” Jehyuk said quickly, feeling guilty for making Sihoo apologize unnecessarily twice now. The spot on his forehead where Sihoo’s hand had been still tingled. Even in the chaos of his thoughts, Jehyuk found himself idly wondering if this kindness was part of why so many people liked Sihoo.

It was a random thought that didn’t really fit the situation.

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“Are you feeling better now?” Sihoo asked.

“Yeah,” Jehyuk replied quietly.

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Jehyuk raised a hand and rubbed the back of his neck. His fingers grazed over the neatly trimmed hairline at the base of his head, his gaze shifting away. Then, as if to dispel the lingering tension, he changed the subject.

“Let’s go now. Weren’t we supposed to grab a drink?”

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“Are you sure about that?”