PRT | Chapter 2.1

I’m glad. I’m happy. When was the first time I truly felt these emotions filled with bright colors?

Tracing back through the layers of memories, it was when I was still an unripe child. Those days of laughing brightly, showing my teeth, even as sweat dripped down under the scorching sun.

It was a day when the heat filling the playground painted the summer. The white line dividing the space seemed so huge to my then-lower perspective. There was this sole goal to break through that boundary with my own body.

Bang. The signal to start. The short breaths close by. Using the passionate cheers as stepping stones, I swam through the hot air, moving forward. Then, when my breath reached the limit, the line was finally erased.

A silent exclamation burst forth, and I felt a thrill. Caught up in excitement, Heeseo ran towards someone without delay.

“Mom! Did you see that? I was the fastest!”

“Our son was so fast that I almost missed it.”

The one who never took her eyes off him smiled kindly while wiping off the sweat.

“Definitely the coolest.”

Her smile, brighter than the pouring rays of light, was etched so clearly.

“Our Heeseo will grow up to be a handsome man like your dad.”

That ‘dad,’ who I had never seen, whose pronunciation even felt awkward, filled my mind.

“But I want to be like Mom?”

What smile the other person gave then is blurry. I only remember that fleeting, hot, and humid moment. The touch of the sweaty hand brushing my cheek and smoothing my hair.

Mostly abundant, sometimes hollow days. The towering woman killed questions like ‘Why don’t I have a dad?’ with her vast love. So, Heeseo wanted to become a bigger person.

“Heeseo, your dad was a wonderful man.”

To make the person who spoke as if the wind brushing his fingertips was him laugh. But how did it end? The child who once sweated, raising dust, became an adult sweating from illness, helplessly.

“…”

Heeseo’s eyelids, tightly shut, trembled. Opening his heavy eyes, he scanned the dark room and let out a hot breath. The fever brought back old memories, pounding through his body.

Mom always said. Dad was just as fast and strong as you. Rustle, Heeseo, curled up, let out a sigh-like chuckle. Lies. How can you verify the truth of someone who doesn’t exist?

Especially when he himself remained so small and weak.

“…”

As the cool night air settled in the early morning, the fever blooming on Heeseo’s body deepened. The exhaustion pooled in his body heated him up. The faint moans, like a sick person in the spacious room, echoed.

Breathing was shallow. Heeseo kept curling into himself. Clutching the white blanket desperately, curling up as if it were his only lifeline, even in his fading consciousness, he wrapped it around himself to protect himself.

“Hey!”

Even the cozy blanket couldn’t be a complete cradle. He repeated the moments he wanted to forget, those moments when he couldn’t even call out a name, like a nightmare. Heeseo finally closed his eyes tight, screaming out.

The pain shook his mind. Perhaps the fever had reached his eyelids because they ached continuously. No, he knew the reason but chose to ignore it. He couldn’t stand to cry alone in his vanity.

It’s okay. It’s nothing. He consoled himself as he always did when he came here, pushing away unhelpful thoughts and changing the direction of his mind. Among the blurry scenes, Seo Yigyeom stood out clearly.

The one he went to find like he was possessed. The one who uniquely extended a hand beside him. The one who, even while disheveled, was still noble… The man he tried to avoid entanglement with but ended up intertwined with came to mind.

The wound looked quite deep; did he get treatment? He’s not running a fever, right? He didn’t seem like the type to check properly. For some reason, the image of him leaving the wound unattended while smoking made Heeseo worried, even though it was laughable.

Looking closely, Seo Yigyeom was like a deep sea, the depth of which was unknown. Quietly undulating, yet with the leisure to engulf in a moment of turmoil. Maybe that’s why he was more consciously aware of him.

He wanted to avoid him if possible, yet he ended up seeking him out on his own feet.

Perhaps it was already too late to turn back. With a wry smile, Heeseo guessed the time would change again and let go of his consciousness. His breathing, about to break, continued to fill the space evenly.

When he opened his eyes again, light poured in. Knock knock, the sound of someone steadily knocking on the door also came. Slowly rising, Heeseo, with his tousled hair, headed towards the door. Stumbling with a dazed mind, beyond the door stood an unexpected figure.

“How are you?”

The other bowed politely, handing over the items he held.

“Guide-nim sent these.”

In the shopping bag were porridge and new clothes. They looked expensive at first glance. Ah. Heeseo’s fingertips trembled as his throat tightened. The burden felt meaningless to the other, but it weighed on him.

“Thank you. Is Guide-nim okay?”

In the end, he chose to ask, tightly gripping the items. Even if it was kindness born from whim and interest, it was quite pleasing.

“What are you worried about?”

Moon Jung-o’s expressionless eyes met Heeseo’s pale face, worn from a night of illness.

“Guide-nim is as usual.”

“That’s a relief…”

His gaze didn’t leave until a slight smile appeared. Moon Jung-o overlapped the image of Heeseo, who seemed to have lost weight overnight, with Seo Yigyeom he had encountered that morning.

The only superior was drinking from dawn in a disheveled state.

“Hi.”

Disheveled attire. A hardened wound. The situation was easy to grasp. Whatever had happened with the one he guided, everything else was a mess. Despite that, he seemed in good spirits, which was unexpected.

“You’ll catch a cold like this. I’ll schedule a hospital visit.”

“I was just indulging in some vanity. Do I look pitiful?”

“Not really… it doesn’t suit you.”

“What would I do to make you feel sorry for me?”

Seo Yigyeom murmured quietly, then laughed and drank the amber liquid.

“Want to go out for some air?”

The next words were more of an order disguised as a suggestion.

“Seems like you’ve been sick in bed.”

“Where should we go?”

Even with the unfriendly words, the meaning was clear. The last person Seo Yigyeom faced was Heeseo. Then he must be a mess too. The image of him coming as if driven to the edge was easily imagined.

“We’ll see each other often, so take good care of him. He’s precious.”

Though they already seemed close. Seo Yigyeom added with a playful tone, moving his meticulously drawn eye corners. Moon Jung-o, guilty of revealing information too freely, took the card Seo Yigyeom handed him and left.

Kim Heeseo, who came to fetch the necessary items, was indeed young and fragile, as once described by his superior.

“I’ll definitely pay for the clothes later. Please tell Guide-nim I said thank you.”

“You don’t have to worry about it. Guide-nim wouldn’t care either. Then, get some rest.”

With that, Moon Jung-o turned away without hesitation. The only one lingering with his gaze was Heeseo. He watched until Moon Jung-o disappeared, then glanced at the shopping bag before re-entering his room.

Alone once more, he noticed there were also medicines in one corner of the shopping bag. Perhaps because it was warmth handed over after enduring pain, it felt particularly poignant. Sniffling, Heeseo settled down and started eating the porridge. The food was warm.

After taking the medicine, he left the room. Seo Yigyeom hadn’t told him to stay indefinitely, so he left quickly. His condition was still not great, but he wasn’t shameless enough to rest leisurely.

Though he momentarily thought, ‘Was he telling me to stay here forever?’ knowing the cost of a night’s stay, he quickly dismissed it with, ‘That can’t be.’

Moreover, Heeseo was designated for special management at the beginning of his tenure, making living in the dormitory mandatory. He really didn’t want to go back, but he couldn’t run away forever. Being away for one night was satisfying enough.

When he finally made his way back to the dormitory, his roommate, who was oddly present today, waved and acknowledged him.

“I thought you were supposed to sleep at home? You’re late. Where have you been?”

“…You don’t come in much either.”

“It’s not my style to listen to others… Bro, you look sick?”

Hong Taebin, who had been lying down in casual clothes, immediately approached. Heeseo flinched at the sudden closeness, bracing for some mischief, but surprisingly, Hong Taebin looked genuinely concerned.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Why do you have that face? It’s disappointing.”

He furrowed his eyebrows slightly, then paused upon seeing the bruise on Heeseo’s neck.

“Ah… you have a different reason for being sick?”

“…”

“A man’s hand. Is this your preference?”

“It’s not like that.”

Hong Taebin, ignoring the response, reached out. He focused on the wound and touched it before Heeseo could block him, making Heeseo’s body shiver from the cold touch. Then, the grip tightened.

“My hand seems a bit bigger.”

Hong Taebin applied pressure, then let go with a grin showing his canines after Heeseo kept coughing.

“Who is it? Our team’s assigned Guides?”

He mumbled without any malice, then moved. Soon after, as Heeseo caught his breath, a chocolate milk was placed in front of him.

“Eat something sweet when you’re sick.”

Hong Taebin handed it to him directly, then grabbed his coat and headed towards the door. As Heeseo, whose face turned red from coughing, watched, Hong Taebin muttered, ‘See you later?’ and left.

“Seriously…”

Heeseo, standing there dumbfounded, touched his neck before collapsing onto the bed, lacking the energy to be angry. Falling into a deep sleep like a fuse had blown was instantaneous. He was worried about an unauthorized absence but dismissed it out of frustration.

Throughout the cycle of sleep and waking, the day completely ended. In the middle of the night, Heeseo woke up covered in cold sweat with various medicines by his bedside, along with the now lukewarm chocolate milk Hong Taebin had left.

“…”

The only trace of his unpredictable roommate lingered as the night deepened.