PM CHAPTER 4.1

Do-won had been acting strangely these days. Of course, I-rok had thought Do-won was strange from the very first impression, and even after all this time, he had never considered his actions or way of thinking to be normal. But lately, Do-won had been acting especially odd.

“You know about the event this week, right? On Thursday?”

After their group meeting, Do-won, who happened to be heading in the same direction, asked I-rok. I-rok quietly looked down at Do-won, who was matching his pace beside him.

‘Is it the same this time too?’

With that thought, he calmly responded.

“No.”

If he answered like this, Do-won would likely just let it pass without much reaction.

“Oh, really?”

An indifferent response. But if he added anything here, without a doubt—

“I’m missing Thursday’s event because I’ll be at the one on Wednesday. Seong-min is taking Thursday.”

“Oh, is that so? Then let me join the Wednesday event too.”

“……”

He had expected it, and sure enough, Do-won followed suit. I-rok slowly nodded and made a note on his phone. The more people at the Wednesday event, the better, so he had no real reason to refuse him. At that, Do-won grinned smugly, as if pleased with himself. I-rok had no idea what that smile was supposed to mean.

Lately, Do-won had suddenly started actively participating in ambassador activities. But his enthusiasm was selective—he only joined events that I-rok was involved in.

This wasn’t the first time Do-won had followed him around. In fact, the number of times was too many to list, with small, seemingly insignificant incidents piling up over a short period.

At first, I-rok thought he might be imagining things. But when he, overwhelmed with work, had to cancel an event, and Do-won immediately canceled his as well, he became more convinced.

‘It’s probably easier to stick with someone who keeps track of everything.’

I-rok tried to think positively. If Do-won was willing to put in the effort, that was a good thing.

Of course, Do-won often got into unnecessary debates, disrupted meetings with trivial chatter, and fumbled around as if he had holes in his hands, constantly dropping things. But if he was determined to carry out his responsibilities no matter what, then it was a good development.

After all, hadn’t I-rok intended to guide Do-won from the start? He had been wary of Do-won’s unruly attitude, which disregarded rules, and had willingly taken the time to personally ensure he adapted to group life as soon as possible. Maybe his efforts were finally paying off.

But then, Do-won started acting even stranger.

“You should sit here.”

He kept trying to secure the seat next to I-rok.

When they gathered around the large table in the clubroom, Do-won, who used to sit as far away from I-rok as possible with an indifferent expression, suddenly started sitting to his left. When I-rok looked at him in confusion, Do-won simply gave him a look that seemed to say, What’s the problem? Then, as if he were planning to take root in that spot, he leaned back deep into the chair and grinned, his smile carrying an unsettling undertone.

It was the same at group dinners.

“Move over a bit.”

Even in a cramped space, he insisted on squeezing into the seat next to I-rok, even asking others to make room for him. Wasn’t that… a bit excessive?

Yet, despite all that effort, he never did anything particularly unusual or said anything important. He simply sat there, grinning in satisfaction, eating and drinking by his side. In fact, he only ever joined these gatherings when I-rok was present.

Is it just because we’re the same age?

It felt like watching a baby animal that had mistaken a stranger for its mother and started following them around. That much, at least, he could understand.

“I-rok!”

From the far end of the hallway, Do-won would start waving enthusiastically the moment he spotted him, his face brimming with mischief as he ran over.

It wasn’t just during ambassador activities—he followed him around outside of them too. As this behavior continued, I-rok began to feel that it defied all logic within his understanding. He couldn’t quite put it into words, but there was something oddly off about Do-won.

What’s got him so excited?

Before he even realized it, I-rok found himself thinking that. And the fact that he had such a thought made him uneasy. It wasn’t mere curiosity—it felt closer to hostility.

There was no reason for Do-won’s excitement toward him. There was no clear cause behind his sudden change in attitude.

“…Keep it down in the hallway.”

“Hey. Wait up!”

At the same time, there was no reason for I-rok to feel hostility toward him either. He was confused by the emotions he couldn’t explain. It was a rare experience for him, which only made it more unsettling.

Is Do-won the weird one, or is it me?

At first, he wouldn’t even make eye contact. He used to keep his distance, as if afraid I-rok carried some kind of contagious disease.

But now, why was he suddenly following him so diligently? Why was he so determined to secure the seat next to him? Why did he keep brushing against his elbow?

Why was he—

“I-rok, help me with my tie.”

The way Do-won lowered his gaze slightly before looking up as he called his name—the long lashes at the corners of his eyes fluttered almost deliberately, making I-rok wonder if he was doing it on purpose. The thought was so absurd that it felt ridiculous.

“…Give it here.”

As I-rok took the tie from Do-won and reached toward his collar, Do-won subtly tilted his chin up.

…For a moment, I-rok even had the strange illusion that he was slightly pursing his lips.

Is Baek Do-won the weird one?

I-rok furrowed his brows as he moved his hands. Helping Do-won with his tie had become a routine task by now, thanks to Do-won’s complete lack of intention to learn how to do it himself.

As he finished, he adjusted the ends and smoothed out the shape. The neatly worn uniform suited him perfectly. His lean upper body tapered effortlessly into narrow hips, creating a sleek silhouette that made even off-the-rack clothes look like they were tailored for him.

“…Uh, I can do this part myself.”

“Oh.”

Before he realized it, I-rok had buttoned up Do-won’s uniform jacket as well. He hesitated, then stepped back, watching as Do-won finished fastening the remaining buttons himself. His frown deepened.

or Am I the weird one?

Maybe he had been influenced by him. Just as Do-won had grown used to being taken care of by I-rok, perhaps I-rok had gotten used to looking after him.

…Blaming it on someone else like this wasn’t like him. Shaking his head, I-rok tried to rid himself of the tangled thoughts.

Maybe he was just overthinking. If he looked past the vague sense of unease, there was nothing strange about the situation. Baek Do-won had taken a liking to the ambassador activities and was actively participating in events. And since I-rok was the captain, Do-won naturally followed his lead. That was all.

—

[ Good morning ^^!ㅋ
Did you wake up at 6 as usual today?
I just lazed around and got up at 1 lol ]

“……”

Even these meaningless KakaoTalk messages… they were probably just because Do-won respected I-rok as the captain… probably.

That was all there was to it. So why did they keep bothering him? Why couldn’t he just ignore them?

“Who is it?”

“Baek Do-won.”

I-rok had come to meet Choi Young-hoon, a senior in the ambassador team. Answering Young-hoon’s question briefly, he typed out a short reply to Do-won.

———-

 [ Can you really call 1 PM ‘morning’? ]

[ The morning starts when I wake up lol
That’s what a self-directed life looks like ]

[ That sounds more like self-justification. ]

He unintentionally gave him a scolding for spouting such ridiculous nonsense.

“You didn’t have a fight, did you?”

“Huh?”

“You just look pretty serious.”

Young-hoon took a long sip of his coffee, smiling as if he were joking.

“We didn’t fight.”

“Yeah, you’re not the type to fight with anyone anyway. Has Do-won adjusted well? It’s been a while since he started working.”

“…More or less.”

I-rok gave a vague answer and put his phone away.

Do-won had not only adjusted well—he was making things difficult for I-rok.

He had never met someone quite like Baek Do-won before. I-rok, who had always maintained a composed and indifferent attitude toward most things, found it almost impressive how Do-won could make him this troubled.

“If anything comes up, feel free to talk to me. If the admissions office is giving you a hard time or something.”

Young-hoon spoke while watching I-rok press his fingertips against his temple, an unusually tense expression on his face.

Having been the team captain himself, Young-hoon knew all too well how bothersome and mentally exhausting the ambassador role could be. But at the same time, he highly doubted that I-rok would actually confide in him.

That guy was practically a stone—he went through life acting like he had never experienced a single moment of emotional turmoil. He always handled everything on his own, without ever needing the help of an older, more experienced senior. He wasn’t the type to talk badly about others either, so Young-hoon expected him to brush it off with something like, “No, it’s fine. It’s nothing.”

But then—

“…There’s something that’s been bothering me lately.”

Of all people, Han I-rok was the one to say it.

Something bothering him?

Young-hoon was so startled that he choked on his coffee, coughing before quickly straightening up.

“What? What is it?”

I-rok rested his chin on his hand, partially covering his mouth, as if hesitating for a moment. Then, with a serious expression, he finally spoke.

“There’s someone I recently got to know… They’re suddenly trying to stick by my side all the time, sending me pointless messages at all hours. They used to be indifferent and uninterested in everything, but then they suddenly changed their attitude out of nowhere. It’s confusing. What do you think their intentions are?”

“……?”

“I can’t tell if they’re just messing with me or if they’re being serious.”

What?

Young-hoon was surprised by how trivial the question was and how easy the answer seemed. But I-rok’s expression was far too serious.

“So that’s what this was all about… Jeez.”

With a face like his, there was no way his life had always been smooth sailing, so how could he not recognize this for what it was?

“That guy probably likes you.”

“…What?”

Feeling utterly deflated, Young-hoon slumped back in his seat, crossed his legs lazily, and tapped his foot while scolding I-rok.

“Calling their messages ‘pointless’—man, you’re such a cold guy.”

“L-likes me…?”

“It’s obvious, you fool. Open your eyes and pay attention to the world around you.”

Young-hoon swirled the ice in his cup with his straw before continuing.

“You’ve had a girlfriend before, right? How can you not pick up on these signals? The guy is practically throwing himself at you with ‘I like you’ written all over him. So, what do you think? Is he good-looking? Actually, is there even a single girl out there who isn’t interested in you?”

But Young-hoon’s rambling barely registered with I-rok.

No way…

Baek Do-won… Could it be?

Han I-rok’s daily routine hadn’t changed much. He woke up before dawn, did some light stretching, and went out for an early morning workout. After returning home, he washed up, had a simple breakfast, dressed properly, and headed to school—an ideal routine.

The only addition today was a stop at the pharmacy in front of the school.

Maybe it was because his mind was filled with thoughts of Baek Do-won, but I-rok had taken some medicine for a rare headache.

“That guy probably likes you.”

The words Young-hoon had casually thrown out took up a surprisingly convincing place in I-rok’s line of reasoning.

If Young-hoon was right—if Baek Do-won really liked him—then the excessive behavior that had seemed too much to be just admiration or dependency, as well as the vague discomfort he hadn’t been able to pinpoint the cause of, all started to make sense.

Same-sex marriage wasn’t legally recognized in their country, but I-rok didn’t believe homosexuality was wrong in principle. After all, there were already de facto marriages that existed without legal procedures, and no one needed legal permission for any kind of romantic relationship.

It was just… unfamiliar territory for him, nothing more.

He had struggled to define Do-won, unable to grasp what made him so difficult to understand. But maybe it wasn’t just because Baek Do-won was a type of person he had never encountered before—maybe it was because he had never received affection from another man before.

It’s just speculation.

Do-won had never explicitly said he liked him, so everything was just assumptions and possibilities.

I could be mistaken.

Young-hoon had spoken easily, without knowing the specifics of I-rok’s situation.

But…

Looking back on the days he had spent with Baek Do-won, he felt like he could faintly see the “signals” Young-hoon had mentioned.

“…….”

He didn’t think he was the indecisive type.

I-rok shook off his thoughts and pulled the baseball cap hanging from his bag over his head.

Baek Do-won was an uninvited guest who had barged into I-rok’s peaceful life with muddy shoes.

Should he welcome him or push him away?

—————-

Han I-rok treated Baek Do-won as he always had. As if he hadn’t heard anything, as if he hadn’t sensed any kind of shift, he maintained his usual expressionless demeanor without difficulty.

“…Once the specific schedule for the profile photoshoot is finalized, I’ll send out another notice. That’s it for today’s meeting.”

“Yes.”

“Thank you for your hard work!”

As the meeting for the student ambassadors ended, everyone gathered their belongings and got up.

I-rok stared at Do-won, who was slinging his messenger bag across his body.

Unlike usual, he hadn’t made any sarcastic comments during the meeting. Maybe he was just exhausted from the early morning gathering—he looked sleepy, yawning so wide his mouth could split open.

I-rok quietly stepped closer to him.

At a glance, he noticed that Do-won’s shirt had bunched up under the strap of his bag. Without thinking, I-rok lightly lifted the bag’s strap and smoothed out the fabric.

He hesitated for a brief moment, surprised at how naturally his hand had moved toward Do-won.

But he had always adjusted Do-won’s clothes from time to time.

There was nothing strange about it.

“Are you joining the campus tour next week?”

“You said you weren’t going.”

“I have a personal schedule.”

“Then I won’t go either.”

Although Do-won had taken a break from nitpicking during the meeting, he still seemed to be following I-rok around. His attitude remained unchanged. …Did he really like him after all?

“Why? Is it because you haven’t finished planning the new program yet?”

“…Hey. I give up. I lost, okay?”

Do-won let out a short sigh, looking fed up. When he frowned, a faint vertical crease appeared on the bridge of his nose—an interesting detail.

“I told you to come up with a program, not to fight a battle where someone had to win or lose.”

“Whatever. I was wrong, okay? I should’ve just followed the school’s noble intentions instead of acting out. I’m so sorry, man…”

His odd way of speaking made I-rok chuckle internally.

“I guess I really can’t do anything active…”

Muttering in a completely drained voice, Do-won trudged ahead. I-rok followed after him, not particularly intending to comfort him—it just so happened that they had the next class together.

——————–

Late in the evening, after finishing his day and taking a shower, I-rok walked into his room, drying his wet hair with a towel. He picked up his phone from his desk, checked for any important messages, found none, and put it down again.

“……”

Then, he picked it up once more.

He skimmed through the accumulated messages, replying briefly where needed, and then tapped on a chat window near the bottom of the list—the one with Baek Do-won.

Their conversation had ended with a message from the previous day. Today, there were no new chat bubbles. They had parted ways about two hours ago after a group meeting, yet Do-won hadn’t sent his usual text saying he’d arrived home.

Considering he hasn’t texted, maybe he doesn’t like me after all.

I-rok set his phone down again and resumed drying his hair. Now that he thought about it, hadn’t Do-won mentioned being “completely exhausted” today? He had also complained about having to come to school on a day off.

He must have knocked out as soon as he got home.

And so, the next day arrived, bringing with it an event.

Perhaps because Do-won’s exhaustion from the previous day still lingered in his mind, I-rok found himself picking up a carton of milk while preparing meals for the student ambassadors at the convenience store.

He seemed to like milk.

It made sense for him to be tired. Trying to keep up with I-rok’s grueling schedule—the workload of the highest-ranking senior—was bound to be exhausting.

If I think about it like that, maybe he really does like me.

I-rok found himself unconsciously following his train of thought.

Since Do-won didn’t even know how to tie a necktie properly, he probably wouldn’t know which way to open a milk carton either. To avoid any potential disaster, I-rok deliberately chose one with a straw attached.

“……”

Then, he suddenly realized—he was specifically picking out milk just for Baek Do-won.

There was no real need to buy it separately. The student ambassador’s room was already overflowing with drinks and water.

Yet, here he was, standing frozen in place, milk in hand.

“…Hoo.”

Deep in thought about why he had picked up the milk in the first place, I-rok shook his head. The situation had completely flipped. He had intended to observe Baek Do-won’s behavior toward him, but instead, he found himself in a position where he was the one watching and analyzing Baek Do-won.

Looking back, it had been excessive. He had scrutinized Baek Do-won’s every move, assigning meaning to even his smallest actions with a “Could it be?” in his mind.

I-rok furrowed his brows. But he didn’t put the milk back—he had already decided to buy it. Instead, he chose to buy enough for everyone. If he bought milk only for one person, it could cause favoritism issues.

No—he decided he would think of it as if he had intended to buy it for everyone from the start. Clearly, this was an unusual train of thought for him.