PEN Vol 5 Ch. 9

Sejin stood up, pulled up his loose pants, and positioned himself in the center of the mat.

He saw Cheon Sejoo return after placing the tumbler back in the cabinet. Sejin, his arms hanging loosely by his sides, looked at him intently and opened his mouth,

“Again.”

Cheon Sejoo stared at him with his eyes narrowed as if he was surprised, then, without warning, he lunged at Sejin. A long, lean arm reached for his neck. Sejin caught Cheon Sejoo’s wrist and pressed his body against his. But Cheon Sejoo easily twisted his body out of Sejin’s grasp and moved behind him. Sensing his movement, Sejin quickly created distance between them.

Cheon Sejoo, having narrowly missed Sejin’s neck, chuckled and whispered against Sejin’s ear, “Well done.” The teasing tone sent shivers down his spine, and Sejin turned, frowning.

He didn’t always want to lose to Cheon Sejoo. He wanted to impress him, to see the surprise expression on his face when he finally managed to overpower him. But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t beat him. Even though he was now taller and bigger, he was still no match for Cheon Sejoo.

Unlike Cheon Sejoo, who used just the right amount of force at the right moment, Sejin attacked with brute force, relying solely on his size, like an overeager puppy. The outcome was inevitable.

Cheon Sejoo was a natural at this kind of physical combat, while Sejin had never even taken a taekwondo class. Defeating Cheon Sejoo was practically impossible.

“Haah… haah…”

As the sparring continued, Sejin’s breath grew ragged. Unlike him, who was panting, Cheon Sejoo remained perfectly composed, his posture unwavering. The only difference was a few more beads of sweat now trickling down his neck. Sejin, gritting his teeth at his seemingly effortless movements, lunged at him again.

Kwon Sejin was a twenty-year-old brimming with a competitive spirit, and once ignited, not even the person he loved was an exemption. He wanted to win, especially against Cheon Sejoo, so he extended his arm, determined to take him down, his fist cutting through the air.

“I told you to protect yourself, not attack.”

But his attempt was thwarted in an instant. Cheon Sejoo flipped Sejin onto the mat, pinning his arms above his head. His voice, devoid of warmth, reprimanded Sejin. Sejin bit his lip and glared up at him, his expression filled with frustrated resentment.

“It’s the same thing.”

“I told you it’s different.”

“I want to learn how to attack, Cheon Sejoo.”

“What you need to learn is how to subdue. I’m not teaching you how to attack.”

Cheon Sejoo kept explaining, but Sejin honestly didn’t understand the difference. Wasn’t knocking someone unconscious a way of subduing them?

And he said he’d teach me how to fight at first, so why is he refusing now? 

Sejin glared at Cheon Sejoo sulkily.

“They say the best defense is a good offense. So isn’t the best offense also a good defense?”

He tried to explain his logic, but it fell on deaf ears. Cheon Sejoo chuckled at his words, then looked down at him and said,

“You have no talent for that.”

Sejin’s eyes narrowed at his blunt words. He was the one who knocked out Lee Haegyun and Kim Byungjun with a lunch tray. Cheon Sejoo shouldn’t be questioning his talent for violence.

His pride stung. Sejin controlled his rising irritation and pulled his hands free. He then revealed a truth Cheon Sejoo didn’t know.

“That’s because my opponent is you. I can hit other people just fine.”

Sejin was a dangerous, aggressive person. He only held back because he was afraid to hurt Cheon Sejoo, but if he wanted to, he could inflict pain just as easily as Cheon Sejoo did to him.

But as he thought about that, it suddenly made him feel resentful. 

Is Cheon Sejoo using his full strength against me? 

Could he actually hit me? 

I can’t even lay a finger on him… 

Does he have no feelings for me at all? 

Sejin’s heart sank, and he fell silent.

“Oh, really? You’re saying you’ve never won because it’s me? But you’re bigger than me now.”

Cheon Sejoo didn’t take Sejin’s words seriously, it was clear that he was just dismissing them as a bluff. He grabbed Sejin’s wrist as he tried to slip away. Looking down at him, a provocative glint in his eyes, he said,

“If you can land a single hit on me, I’ll believe you.”

“I told you! How can I hit you? What kind of child hits their parent?”

Sejin retorted instantly, as if it were the most absurd thing in the world. Though what he really wanted to ask was, What kind of piece of trash hits someone they love?, but he used the parent analogy, afraid of driving Cheon Sejoo away again.

Cheon Sejoo seemed to find his words amusing. He scoffed and spoke dismissively to Sejin.

“If you can’t hit me, at least try to subdue me. But you can’t even do that.”

“…….”

It was true that subduing someone during a fight was much harder than simply exchanging blows. But Sejin, unaware of this, gritted his teeth at Cheon Sejoo’s relaxed attitude. He was getting annoyed.

Sejin didn’t believe his feelings were one-sided. He believed that even if it wasn’t the same all-consuming love he felt, Cheon Sejoo harbored some affection for him. He couldn’t be so kind to him otherwise. It was a flimsy belief, almost wishful thinking, but he clung to it.

So, whenever Cheon Sejoo acted as if he had no feelings for him, Sejin felt irritated. 

If you have no feelings for me, if you could hit me without hesitation, then why are you so nice to me? 

Why are you so affectionate? 

Why do you look at me like that? 

He felt so frustrated and resentful it made him want to lash out.

He was consumed by the desire to shatter Cheon Sejoo’s composure. There were countless ways to do that, and Sejin knew exactly which one was the easiest and most effective, the one he wanted.

I like you. 

Those three words would be enough to make Cheon Sejoo falter. Subduing him after that would be child’s play.

As he imagined Cheon Sejoo’s flustered reaction, the confession he had been suppressing for days swelled within him, demanding to be released.

I like you. I really like you. 

The unspoken words echoed in his mind, and Sejin lost control.

“You think I can’t?”

Sejin asked through gritted teeth, grabbing Cheon Sejoo’s hand, which was still holding his wrist. He intertwined their fingers, a faint smile playing on his lips as he looked up at Cheon Sejoo, challenging him.

Their palms, still warm from sparring, met. Considering Cheon Sejoo’s recent behavior, he should have pulled his hand away the moment they touched, but perhaps mistaking it for part of Sejin’s fighting strategy, he simply said, without suspicion,

“That’s not a very good grip.”

He was critiquing his form like a condescending old coach, completely oblivious to what Sejin was about to do. Sejin tightened his grip on Cheon Sejoo’s hands, his heart pounding.

Breaking Cheon Sejoo was easy. What came after was the difficult part. Having lost his composure, Sejin, still worried that Cheon Sejoo would run away, held his hands even tighter. Then, looking up at his handsome face so close to his own, he launched his attack.

“…I like you.”

His low voice echoed in the room.

Cheon Sejoo’s expression crumbled at the words, which landed like a bomb. Just as Sejin had predicted. His face hardened in surprise, and his body swayed, his legs seemingly giving way as if he’d lost strength. Sejin seized the opportunity, freeing one hand to wrapped around Cheon Sejoo’s waist.

The feel of his firm skin that fit perfectly beneath his hand was incredibly stimulating. Sejin glared at Cheon Sejoo, trying not to fall into the ecstatic sensation.

“What… nonsense…”

Cheon Sejoo stammered, his face pale as he placed his hand on Sejin’s chest, trying to push him away and create distance. His expression was the same as that day.

The day he had pushed Sejin away and fled, when Sejin had clung to him, asking why he had come back so late. He was trying to avoid the situation, his eyes filled with fear. Sejin recognized it instantly.

Cheon Sejoo wasn’t afraid of him. He was afraid of his confession.

But why?

What scares you so much?

Sejin stared at him, confusion evident on his face. He wanted to understand. He wanted to know why Cheon Sejoo was rejecting him.

He pulled Cheon Sejoo closer, turning him around. Lost in his surprise at the sudden confession, Cheon Sejoo, unlike usual, didn’t resist his strength. 

Thud. 

Cheon Sejoo’s back hit the mat, his short hair disheveled. His face, against the blue mat, was ashen, like a drowning man. Looking down at Cheon Sejoo’s frozen expression, Sejin spoke,

“I like you a lot, Cheon Sejoo.”

The heartfelt words were bait.

Why are you rejecting me?

What’s the reason?

Sejin’s patience was wearing thin.

But Cheon Sejoo wasn’t easily swayed. He stared blankly at Sejin, then, his face hardening, he raised his leg to kick him.

“Ouch!”

Sejin yelped as he was sent flying, his head hitting the wall. The wall was padded with mats, so it didn’t hurt, but the fact that Cheon Sejoo had kicked him sent a shockwave through him. He got up, his eyes reddening, and glared at Cheon Sejoo. His lips trembled as he yelled,

“Why did you kick me?!”

“Where did you learn to use such ridiculous tactics? Do you want to be punished?”

Cheon Sejoo stood up, his face cold, and ran a hand through his hair. Sejin clenched his fists at his harsh words. Ridiculous tactics? He hated that Cheon Sejoo was dismissing his heartfelt confession so casually. But the kick had knocked the fight out of him, bringing him back to his senses.

Realizing he had crossed a line, Sejin quickly gauged his reaction.

Cheon Sejoo’s expression was rigid. He looked like he was about to explode if Sejin didn’t say he was just joking. Sejin, unable to retract his confession, gritted his teeth and said,

“Anyway, it worked, didn’t it? Your back touched the mat, so I won. Now teach me how to hit people.”

“You really…”

Cheon Sejoo’s expression softened at Sejin’s blatant deflection. Seeing a flicker of relief in his eyes, Sejin inwardly seethed.

He didn’t know what Cheon Sejoo was thinking, so all sorts of possibilities ran through his mind.

Does he find the fact that I like him repulsive?

Is that why he’s acting like this, so disgusted?

Like avoiding something dirty, wasn’t that why he ran away back then, because he hated me?

But he quickly dismissed the thought.

Objectively, Sejin had a face and body anyone would find attractive. 

Cheon Sejoo himself had complimented his legs, and judging by the way he often looked at Sejin, as if wanting to devour him, suggested he must find his face attractive too. It was all baseless speculation, fueled by wishful thinking, but Sejin believed it nonetheless.