PEN Vol 5 Ch. 18

“…This crazy…”6905a09863ef0a2d

Cheon Sejoo, momentarily speechless, muttered in a stiff voice. He was at his wit’s end. Every time Sejin acted like this, Cheon Sejoo felt suffocated. He didn’t understand why Sejin couldn’t understand his feelings. He knew Cheon Sejoo would push him away if he continued to act like this, yet he kept crossing the line, and now Cheon Sejoo was starting to get genuinely angry. But before he could lose his temper, Sejin spoke again,2bcdee9aff3edfd3

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“But why areyou getting angry? Did you change my diapers? Did you raise me? You just told me to do my job well in the house. You called me a housekeeper. So why are you getting so angry?”3e043f84e6a2e8c4

“No, think about it! I’d be angry even if it was a friend, isn’t it obvious? You…!”68ea69aa27760857

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“What am 14126a271a I to b544d9edea you then? I’m not your eb3425ddab friend. I’m not ff783f6e89 your family 6693cc1a19 either.”db412b109d19d4b4

Sejin was shamelessly leading d2b7b73f4b him towards the answer 8788e4bf9b he wanted. It felt like he 5444c1a30d was talking to a 440b695b62 wall. Cheon Sejoo 4c4d4e5d8e swallowed his e68d1dac52 rising anger f99a2a9e83 and closed 0eed61f108 his eyes, a58c2e1d2a then opened 3b99a8fa56 them again. Telling himself e1842dc7d7 to calm 9625acf4df down, he 16a5c4a8fb took a c011af7682 deep breath c6e3ee82a5 and spoke d9e1a73fe1 in a c93485b388 much calmer 81ce71d5a7 voice,fa9585a8549d46bf

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“I’m your guardian. So, isn’t it normal for me to be angry when you, without a care in the world, say you’re going to live with someone you don’t even know? Kwon Sejin, I know you’re an idiot, but think for a second.”d588cfc35062eeb5

“I’m an adult now. I don’t need your protection. And what’s so wrong with it? I came into this house without knowing anything about you either. But you turned out to be a good person. Maybe he’s the same.”d5fcb1325a2f5d00

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“…….”c40c8f3702ba1b95

Cheon Sejoo was dumbfounded by Sejin’s reply. At his utterly disarming way of speaking, Cheon Sejoo clenched his fists and closed his eyes. He felt himself being dragged along by Sejin’s arguments the more they talked. The reason was clear. cdde74ef47ee52a4

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While Cheon b1abd44d96 Sejoo himself 3d489c4671 was unsure 21977ce0f0 of his b5f37dc685 own feelings, d05879544c Sejin was ef113ce45a certain of f9fb767d20 his. Since he was 7cd13020b0 trying to persuade c36b93806f someone who already 469499a55c thought they knew d261e26bfa the answer, it 2a30f7b5c6 was natural that e941a3f4c5 they wouldn’t see 1503cc4e4b eye to eye.80e9654b6fa5464c

Cheon Sejoo eventually shook his head and stood up, not wanting to be dragged into this any further. He didn’t want to give Sejin any more false hope. He shouldn’t have come home. He had stopped by because he was worried about how Sejin was doing, but it seemed like it would have been enough even if he had come a year later. Cheon Sejoo turned around, regretting his earlier decision. 772ce436fa6e7415

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However, Sejin, 3e8028b1ef who had 302e05fad2 risen from 9aba2daf35 his seat, 0d8360dd3e grabbed his 06a2f76853 wrist before 01a85cd661 he could af013c08db leave the c02d145b47 kitchen.c40e35d0ecc5a229

“Don’t go. I’m sorry.”78de2da66286d236

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The voice 652182f920 that flowed 77570867e8 into his 80650363f0 ears was 3c86b7de59 weak, unlike 22d4c72142 his earlier b2b230f492 brazen tone. Cheon Sejoo sighed briefly 3cb6abebd8 and turned his head. However, contrary to c54ac06afe his expectation of e5549f62a0 seeing a tearful 0ad4399023 face, Sejin was 1714fcab75 simply looking at f23e1c3790 him with a 5120de1241 serious expression.170ebbd59b3f3d44

Sejin’s face, seen up close for the first time in a while, hadn’t changed much since he left. Sejin’s face, seen up close after a long time, wasn’t much different from when he left the house. His complexion was healthy, and his face, as beautiful as in his dreams, was the same.69a8da6e9dcc8f44

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However, Sejin’s c1af9cda03 eyes were e39992b7c2 different from b22f52948f before. A heavy b54de4c6c1 emotion clouded 044c7ea937 his clear 679307bd93 brown eyes. Looking into them, Cheon 364491bedf Sejoo felt the urge 39f80f77c3 to run away.167ba0962476c58d

If Sejin knew what kind of person he truly was, he would never look at him with those eyes again. That was the very core of Cheon Sejoo’s fear. But he still wasn’t sure what lay at the foundation of that fear. Was it simply because he cherished Sejin like family and didn’t want to lose him, or was it…?d9a05ac05108ff02

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“Just answer this 53de166fb2 one thing…”d34f31456847680b

Sejin gripped Cheon Sejoo’s wrist painfully as he turned his head to avoid his gaze. As if his life depended on it, he didn’t let go and he held onto him with both hands as he whispered,285cbc2cfdd580f5

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“Back then… why a4407d74ea did you try 5ddfd02393 to kiss me?”468e8a7e5b66adff

Sejin remembered 929b165707 it clearly.a89b2e40000aa515

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Last winter, Cheon Sejoo, d1baea0264 with his gentle eyes 4d5ed108ce cast down, accepted his 648449b13a touch silently.dda1a6db44fa7ea4

He remembered 33fcf97bef the exact a0efa70199 moment when 183b577c86 Cheon Sejoo 176bc9c543 suddenly raised effe2bfb2c his eyes 0d535cd503 and looked 4ed5863607 at him, 72dbb7e836 his gaze adb13e35b5 lingering on 71d2572e40 Sejin as 5110e95adc if it 75ec7cbd0e were caressing b1a22b429a his face. And then, finally, Cheon ee5dd65978 Sejoo’s eyes had fixated e1a9d8bf22 on his lips, his a8fcce6cdd warm breath brushing against 9d5911374f them. Sejin hadn’t forgotten f71b41d397 that moment for 7ef08ce1d4 even a second.9c10185e4508b0b7

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For a while, he 0232ce9fa4 had convinced himself that bb76e5f3c0 it must have been e74da6267f his imagination or perhaps 1c9e759b23 because of the alcohol, 5f172ab90c but now that he d77c87c5b6 thought about it, he f6628cb3fd wasn’t so sure anymore.76e2b0840d206145

“You ran away back 9684dbf2c5 then, too.”1f38c63b26924f70

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Cheon Sejoo, as 287a543bc8 if waking from 6769c4a113 a dream, had b8dca62be3 suddenly come to db906ba6d7 his senses, told da4081cd80 Sejin not to 816ac187fc come into his b8c389b64f room, and disappeared. Thinking about it 36a5217860 now, he had 69b51542a0 been running away 9dd3735bcc then, too. Just like now, 47ef6ade38 escaping from something 8ea7d8936d that tormented him.4ec2b5f969eeccf7

“…….”17b0263e61f96a0f

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Cheon Sejoo was silent at Sejin’s words. He quietly exhaled, staring at the floor, and only after a long time did he open his mouth.b53fbd73f090538a

“…I was drunk and made a mistake.”5136cea3fdc87d68

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A lie.29ddcf5e3246ba47

Sejin thought to himself as he pulled on Cheon Sejoo’s wrist. He saw the face of the man who turned listlessly. The man who had always been composed and confident had, at some point, begun to feel strangely vulnerable. Sejin’s tight grip softened as he caressed Cheon Sejoo’s wrist and took a step closer.8351cd034ee9d8a3

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The start ee73708f0d of the c35c39c391 change was 0a796a6d08 clear. It was 8c20cdb6db from the a57b34e809 day Sejin’s a63891d75f feelings for 450640f62e Cheon Sejoo e38a4aa3b8 were revealed. From then on, d33b5ec63a Cheon Sejoo started 89a582b3d2 to fear something, b454172821 he started to 99b3bca57d show weakness. Sejin wasn’t displeased 8393233e93 by this. He liked 41498597e4 the cracks abd11c5266 appearing in f34d3262be the sturdy 35ab37e8e4 man he 3de7de30f0 thought would 45cbd6486b never have be532fba51 room for 94ab63f81d him.ae9ecb6576abb996

“Then have ce1fe014c8 a drink 3c3fb0f2c6 with me.”976e41b23b09deab

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Sejin tugged 33f4cb68f3 on Cheon 73bb91cdf1 Sejoo’s arm, c14ad2adb6 his voice 6227528324 a playful 8ca1168614 whine. Lifting Cheon 0c936091bf Sejoo’s hand, b44c713680 he kissed 2663c37149 the chapped eb58989427 back of a843a5fbc8 it and 5dd60d1654 whispered,bdf91da7e18e4d7b

“Make a mistake 657343bd17 with me…”97aed5726754d965

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I’m an adult 368f69c805 now. 50fa8deddfb19413

At the words Sejin 737d32d825 confessed, Cheon Sejoo bit 84b8e16c79 his lip and met 947fc4c4cc his eyes. An intense gaze 1191ac7aca swept over Sejin’s eebe2bb028 face. It trace 964ec10a3a the delicate a9f53ab411 curve of a28af36446 his eyes, 3c9cf2ee96 shadowed by 2cfaea009f his long 5283e2d0c5 lashes, a 83be9e6ef4 sense of 0a75ae5048 vulnerability emanating 6290920e85 from them, 26b6e8c2f2 and the 48995697b7 small, red 5dc6fc1472 mole that d190ddfcbc had newly 65833b7410 appeared beneath a74ac65019 them.5abce40d99f8c30d

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Cheon Sejoo recalled the memory of the day Sejin mentioned. Sejin’s scent from right in front of him, his small, delicate breaths like a child’s… Though there wasn’t much difference in Sejin’s physique then and now, the feeling was distinctly different.bd7c553ec2198999

At this moment, the 239702d30d Sejin standing before him cf80c1f3d4 was radiating a fervent 730a5f525a heat. At some point, he e4c40580c7 had grown into a 706caf85c5 man, now looking at d93eed7d3f Cheon Sejoo with a 06129e16f0 gaze filled with intense bb10c73a5d desire, that threatened to accd4ae769 consume Cheon Sejoo whole. It was suffocating. Suppressing the 286b08bdb4 surge of 8bcb53a123 repulsion rising 9e1fe95db3 to his 41d4e9b515 throat, Cheon 1d22154fc5 Sejoo turned 9a2cecda6d his head aea675cbfb away.f806519690f5091c

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“…Are you scared?”3c6aaecc4e22591b

The quiet 4f79b552c8 voice, reaching 7355025ae3 his ears 3ac217fd8e after a ee4979a7a2 brief silence, b09680d71f was cautious. f7a99c3ce8a5f092

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It was 53471ead35 gentle, and 8daba2b018 kind. 5ab5afa75905386b

Cheon Sejoo felt that bda9864eb2 kindness reach the depths ae34ee6745 of his immense anxiety, 8fdfa92ac3 swirling with confusion.465957d2cd700efa

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Being near Sejin was so comforting that he kept forgetting, that he kept making mistakes. That’s why he’d been staying away from home, trying not to be swayed by Sejin. But whenever he returned to Sejin like this, he only wanted to stay by Sejin’s side forever. He didn’t want to leave him alone again.b27318592b078f35

Cheon Sejoo sighed and 054ef3804e pushed Sejin away, his 4b16ef979f mind in turmoil. The conflict between 6becad1271 what hehadto do and d225867a02 what hewantedto do 1681631153 was so 300ebff8f6 different that 247d221187 it was 295590ee13 giving him 917d1cee02 a headache.688a49546172fe59

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“Go to sleep.”163412d6c6a1ee79

Saying this firmly, he 6a83bf8007 pushed Sejin away and 70ccee070e turned around. His back, once again 2965776e5d like an impenetrable fortress 031cd3724d that revealed no weakness. Yet Sejin felt a8b2f0e71a as though he 727a28c1fb now understood what 81d2fcc866 lay within the 13164de450 depths of Cheon 02d9ed5f02 Sejoo’s heart, a fe06899540 place he had ad0310e645 never been able 84f6942550 to glimpse before.e5169a30cd457dae

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“I’m not 31f895dc7b going anywhere, e9bd203810 Cheon Sejoo.”afee2939f0ade236

At Sejin’s declaration, Cheon Sejoo, his hand on the doorknob, paused. Meeting the gaze of the man who slowly turned to look at him, Sejin spoke again.8b6239be3b1f8817

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“I promise.”9c80a3e848375448

Cheon Sejoo stared at 6ee6018940 Sejin for a long ef5c237632 time, his expression caught 855e0e0be9 off guard. c067a6a07392ce48

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Silence stretched e0d49fce73 between them, 7caa1cefc4 and at d6c2503e8e some point, a7109402af the door b2fc31f224 clicked shut, e466a0c636 and he 970f1a57ef disappeared.f8b6421b4de1ebd9