PEN Vol 5 Ch. 18

“…This crazy…”119b5d3dc6a575b9

Cheon Sejoo, momentarily speechless, muttered in a stiff voice. He was at his wit’s end. Every time Sejin acted like this, Cheon Sejoo felt suffocated. He didn’t understand why Sejin couldn’t understand his feelings. He knew Cheon Sejoo would push him away if he continued to act like this, yet he kept crossing the line, and now Cheon Sejoo was starting to get genuinely angry. But before he could lose his temper, Sejin spoke again,af4aae8f2efe738a

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“But why areyou getting angry? Did you change my diapers? Did you raise me? You just told me to do my job well in the house. You called me a housekeeper. So why are you getting so angry?”c91e1f876fa7c2b7

“No, think about it! I’d be angry even if it was a friend, isn’t it obvious? You…!”d270d1fb01e7317c

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“What am I to aa1b375eab you then? I’m not b70dd3f22d your friend. I’m not your family cf2469362b either.”4147df119a91a1e2

Sejin was shamelessly leading 559a023c39 him towards the answer 7a89995c68 he wanted. It felt like he 3a8d4d4a14 was talking to a be5b301ebe wall. Cheon Sejoo swallowed his 95ec63654f rising anger and closed fe5a89b82a his eyes, then opened fe8c978c2a them again. Telling himself to 16ac1e9460 calm down, he 0e8a048714 took a deep c59da4970c breath and spoke a052d9103d in a much ad005ebe8b calmer voice,9a760378bbaedd6e

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“I’m your guardian. So, isn’t it normal for me to be angry when you, without a care in the world, say you’re going to live with someone you don’t even know? Kwon Sejin, I know you’re an idiot, but think for a second.”8d2eafbbf9676f50

“I’m an adult now. I don’t need your protection. And what’s so wrong with it? I came into this house without knowing anything about you either. But you turned out to be a good person. Maybe he’s the same.”e48eb1c872dfc0c1

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“…….”1016c7f1c09db0c1

Cheon Sejoo was dumbfounded by Sejin’s reply. At his utterly disarming way of speaking, Cheon Sejoo clenched his fists and closed his eyes. He felt himself being dragged along by Sejin’s arguments the more they talked. The reason was clear. 447c8be38b6596f2

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While Cheon Sejoo d5c9e0013a himself was unsure af64c66676 of his own 11f6239bd4 feelings, Sejin was a03df33858 certain of his. Since he d2221630ce was trying 720a336a0d to persuade 76a8329905 someone who d17fc5c3ca already thought e33d2176cb they knew 16fe6fcf02 the answer, f5e6ff9412 it was 8ecce12c66 natural that 7bb70d1279 they wouldn’t d7a7442246 see eye 5ec9146254 to eye.b589017c06368b6b

Cheon Sejoo eventually shook his head and stood up, not wanting to be dragged into this any further. He didn’t want to give Sejin any more false hope. He shouldn’t have come home. He had stopped by because he was worried about how Sejin was doing, but it seemed like it would have been enough even if he had come a year later. Cheon Sejoo turned around, regretting his earlier decision. 64e8a9eca9a107e3

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However, Sejin, d771bddc4d who had 7dba3779a3 risen from 0b0b8771dc his seat, 2fa91b011b grabbed his 1b1f8fc4c1 wrist before 160e12c7f8 he could 182b61b69b leave the 027d0ec0cd kitchen.8a5d81831729e39f

“Don’t go. I’m sorry.”687b7d358f441939

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The voice that 55bb31af67 flowed into his fef7495563 ears was weak, 9ec3e121c7 unlike his earlier d89fcb0092 brazen tone. Cheon Sejoo 52e15639ae sighed briefly bc84c1c71c and turned 91ea3a1137 his head. However, contrary to his e69f973eeb expectation of seeing a 54fa195509 tearful face, Sejin was 07fd6284b2 simply looking at him 94f0dbac48 with a serious expression.2fa483f50facfceb

Sejin’s face, seen up close for the first time in a while, hadn’t changed much since he left. Sejin’s face, seen up close after a long time, wasn’t much different from when he left the house. His complexion was healthy, and his face, as beautiful as in his dreams, was the same.0ecae5e34e84b163

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However, Sejin’s 408ee8c061 eyes were a5d88af5a8 different from 1cc381b874 before. A heavy 675705cf02 emotion clouded 4a4725cf21 his clear ca6d42d476 brown eyes. Looking into them, Cheon 6146f10d66 Sejoo felt the urge 52771a071d to run away.e36be0e2bce0deb8

If Sejin knew what kind of person he truly was, he would never look at him with those eyes again. That was the very core of Cheon Sejoo’s fear. But he still wasn’t sure what lay at the foundation of that fear. Was it simply because he cherished Sejin like family and didn’t want to lose him, or was it…?5d23d009d4c59f31

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“Just answer this one b9507e9543 thing…”705f8702b324068f

Sejin gripped Cheon Sejoo’s wrist painfully as he turned his head to avoid his gaze. As if his life depended on it, he didn’t let go and he held onto him with both hands as he whispered,5a1d6bcacb1fb047

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“Back then… why df1f1c73f9 did you try b83741e2e0 to kiss me?”e2c3b42675eae457

Sejin remembered it clearly.daefd3dde51397ba

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Last winter, Cheon Sejoo, 79d05a7990 with his gentle eyes ff6897d65c cast down, accepted his b497921a40 touch silently.c40165633a4ab032

He remembered the exact f90cb887aa moment when Cheon Sejoo 2be6887225 suddenly raised his eyes d16a4bfcd9 and looked at him, a8099924e3 his gaze lingering on 8f3b1a6072 Sejin as if it 95a7a8833e were caressing his face. And then, 37888c2c22 finally, Cheon 17ea8dfd7d Sejoo’s eyes ed721b199c had fixated c741f0fe57 on his 6f436b29cc lips, his 63ca41b99b warm breath 271d835442 brushing against 9c2e98356b them. Sejin hadn’t forgotten that e503cf1715 moment for even a 5e5f4c2129 second.36061505f0f43c3f

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For a while, he f3cb4ed4d1 had convinced himself that 34b44076fd it must have been a0ee0f88a2 his imagination or perhaps 11f59d88e4 because of the alcohol, e6e8b414e1 but now that he f03ad14b52 thought about it, he b143963d34 wasn’t so sure anymore.c3d6b448f85bdfcf

“You ran a40c5026e3 away back 7e91cd112d then, too.”920e3de6080161ae

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Cheon Sejoo, f7bc9f84f8 as if b4b0d53eb0 waking from 9629df45aa a dream, 6781abc95f had suddenly 74e8bea80f come to 0acf82454d his senses, 24a5df0955 told Sejin 56aebde177 not to 65b9bf1690 come into 1c4835bb1e his room, 54bff12297 and disappeared. Thinking about it 796a0b2899 now, he had 3127a37dad been running away 48b1f317f1 then, too. Just like now, ff72bfbc8c escaping from something a2d0ff67fb that tormented him.47b3fee1d18865ff

“…….”41679e47507f2f0b

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Cheon Sejoo was silent at Sejin’s words. He quietly exhaled, staring at the floor, and only after a long time did he open his mouth.2b548f29ff466e07

“…I was drunk and made a mistake.”5f0179bd56d2629c

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A lie.76572cc552107bc7

Sejin thought to himself as he pulled on Cheon Sejoo’s wrist. He saw the face of the man who turned listlessly. The man who had always been composed and confident had, at some point, begun to feel strangely vulnerable. Sejin’s tight grip softened as he caressed Cheon Sejoo’s wrist and took a step closer.6b4ba4e82d737efd

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The start of the b1197374bc change was clear. It was from 6bf5c167c4 the day Sejin’s d0150fd1b9 feelings for Cheon 30b9f2d6dc Sejoo were revealed. From then a4af942246 on, Cheon 710a3bfc1d Sejoo started 6b2d53379b to fear 0ba0eaacb8 something, he d9bc252314 started to 38ddf23e77 show weakness. Sejin wasn’t displeased by 73ff0e43fd this. He liked the cracks 51c5fe2ed2 appearing in the sturdy 26b281ce88 man he thought would 770cdf7a77 never have room for c09bc23fbc him.ac2332a42bd8c78b

“Then have e69bf56de2 a drink 9a0648fa08 with me.”2c8e68bc8b5a6872

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Sejin tugged 8623dd2a34 on Cheon 5e39ed1146 Sejoo’s arm, f03ae36c31 his voice c5aa3e178e a playful fb248730d9 whine. Lifting Cheon Sejoo’s hand, cde473167e he kissed the chapped dd0761f982 back of it and f7b651d614 whispered,d3abf4423dd74564

“Make a mistake 1aa5057a7e with me…”b8eeb3f666df3549

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I’m an b0d39d5c93 adult now. 925434457980bf90

At the 9b543768b4 words Sejin 8d9e9bce65 confessed, Cheon f16c9ecfed Sejoo bit f87276a1f0 his lip ef665d99cf and met 4b9295d27d his eyes. An intense gaze swept 376c806a96 over Sejin’s face. It trace the delicate db71d35be1 curve of his eyes, a594186bea shadowed by his long e97b41e94f lashes, a sense of 0137705512 vulnerability emanating from them, 5be05176a3 and the small, red e892c50b79 mole that had newly ad7eb728fe appeared beneath them.85eb375ed20cce81

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Cheon Sejoo recalled the memory of the day Sejin mentioned. Sejin’s scent from right in front of him, his small, delicate breaths like a child’s… Though there wasn’t much difference in Sejin’s physique then and now, the feeling was distinctly different.3cb86842cd04c510

At this 92a647feb6 moment, the 8d46ce6a9a Sejin standing e12ff099af before him d7f77635f9 was radiating 84d61b2c90 a fervent 869a039037 heat. At some 92a4176bc2 point, he 97a961f9bc had grown 34fd233823 into a 4ed12a1c77 man, now 459ac6326c looking at affd640970 Cheon Sejoo be28459359 with a 1ddb1b899d gaze filled 0422ffba8e with intense 9a52ddde5e desire, that 9eb5c2e15d threatened to 5d4ea79b6d consume Cheon aa3770605d Sejoo whole. It was suffocating. Suppressing the a14d49f64e surge of 079eecf199 repulsion rising 0621cb6a86 to his 818aa0940e throat, Cheon 5d4fcb8ab5 Sejoo turned 7d6c05e753 his head 450a5a3cd8 away.af9c24df8b7ea931

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“…Are you scared?”5a9270c691b76481

The quiet df6b5a5880 voice, reaching 26aa5833bb his ears 3be01bb001 after a d7a1a8ee97 brief silence, c5e2d6899e was cautious. 15fb0fdb2a64e7fb

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It was gentle, and e5575204c9 kind. f9914b36af587107

Cheon Sejoo 9deb688d2e felt that 738cbb424b kindness reach 2e8d654a26 the depths b42e1a0a97 of his 3ee181e2f8 immense anxiety, c27a0812b2 swirling with cc0bd97ae5 confusion.ac8a6022c7b40974

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Being near Sejin was so comforting that he kept forgetting, that he kept making mistakes. That’s why he’d been staying away from home, trying not to be swayed by Sejin. But whenever he returned to Sejin like this, he only wanted to stay by Sejin’s side forever. He didn’t want to leave him alone again.cc2d6731fb4bd259

Cheon Sejoo sighed and 6354e27e79 pushed Sejin away, his fc5db344f3 mind in turmoil. The conflict between 0a1ef7236b what hehadto do and what fb46c092f0 hewantedto do was so 3b7a0a3b28 different that it was a588a8e2d6 giving him a headache.3735fc47aab002d3

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“Go to sleep.”d49e783255040d2d

Saying this f13016ffc0 firmly, he 7fc3ae1e30 pushed Sejin 2278fcd584 away and d30b6b9fa3 turned around. His back, a010318a73 once again bc1ac51a4e like an 868a927f33 impenetrable fortress 50d2a98921 that revealed 7eb4af7d98 no weakness. Yet Sejin c0dd65aa31 felt as 1ebcb19802 though he 1896913323 now understood 51a4017162 what lay 0c1bc674b2 within the 179ae6d92b depths of 0ca94d76cf Cheon Sejoo’s ef757b7400 heart, a 4db8dc6030 place he 61cc181595 had never a02d17e658 been able a744d59059 to glimpse 6b30051cd2 before.1693c3a6e542e6e9

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“I’m not going anywhere, 31c7f443d2 Cheon Sejoo.”e77e6534a2aa7aac

At Sejin’s declaration, Cheon Sejoo, his hand on the doorknob, paused. Meeting the gaze of the man who slowly turned to look at him, Sejin spoke again.13ab62969960d09e

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“I promise.”7885bda1dcee7b35

Cheon Sejoo stared d5eda24896 at Sejin for 52fe668751 a long time, 324ac8f23b his expression caught 688e3025a4 off guard. 968b205dbb936b43

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Silence stretched between 28c13f11f1 them, and at c5b32101e3 some point, the b997b46a82 door clicked shut, 3db24acf45 and he disappeared.7078ee06b39d0714