PEN Vol 5 Ch. 12

When he provoked Cheon Sejoo, trying to get him to reveal his true feelings, the best outcome was anger, and the worst was him leaving. If he got angry, it meant Cheon Sejoo might let something slip in his frustration. But if he just left without a word, Sejin was left with nothing to do but to patiently wait for him to return home.

And while he waited, time passed, and Sejin felt increasingly neglected alone in the house. He’d lost all motivation to start studying again, which he had let go of a long time ago, and Cheon Sejoo didn’t seem to care about that either. He seemed busy these days, whatever it was he was doing. Sometimes he would leave suddenly late at night and return at dawn, other times he wouldn’t come home at all for a few days.

On the days Cheon Sejoo stayed out overnight, Sejin would stay up, on edge, anxiously staring at his phone. He was monitoring Cheon Sejoo, worried that he might have gone to see Kang Doyoon.

Last year, after Doyoon saved his number on his phone without permission, Sejin noticed Doyoon’s social media account written on his messenger profile picture. Sejin, having previously visited Doyoon’s public SNS, discovered a pattern in the photos posted there.

Kang Doyoon would occasionally post pictures of cityscapes taken from hotels. Sejin found the recurring locations a little suspicious and, on a whim, suddenly decided to check the weather information for the days the hotel photos were posted.

And then, everything clicked into place. Whenever it rained, Kang Doyoon visited a hotel, and it was obvious who he was meeting there. It was probably Cheon Sejoo, who was always absent from home whenever it rained.

After realizing this, Sejin frequently stalked Doyoon’s SNS. Of course, it had already been over six months since Doyoon posted any hotel pictures, but Sejin couldn’t stop doing the one little thing that allowed him to deduce Cheon Sejoo’s unseen whereabouts.

Sometimes, when Doyoon’s SNS notification went off and Sejin hurriedly looked at his phone screen, he found himself incredibly gloomy and pathetic. At those times, Sejin would dejectedly throw his phone away and jump onto Cheon Sejoo’s bed.

He thought it was better to be the kind of person who smelled his beloved’s pillow than the kind of person who stalked his beloved’s sex partner.

As he spent his days like this, Sejin would occasionally think of his mother. The things she liked when she was alive, the conversations they shared, her voice remaining as videos on his phone. Whenever he encountered these things, Sejin would shed tears he couldn’t shake off, letting his sadness flow with time.

And during most of the time he wasn’t thinking about Kim Hyunkyung, he thought about Cheon Sejoo. After much effort, Sejin discovered that the tattoo on Cheon Sejoo’s back symbolized membership in the Daegam Faction.

He remembered Cheon Sejoo introducing himself as belonging to some strategic planning department of DG when he came to his school, and he found out about the Daegam Faction while searching for information about DG.

On Namu Wiki, an online encyclopedia anyone can edit, the history of DG, or the Daegam Faction, was described in grand detail.

There were photos of the backs of Daegam Faction members who appeared in the news in the 90s, and lengthy descriptions of the fighting exploits of Seok Yoonhyung, the legendary swordsman known as the real power behind the Daegam Faction.

Among them, what caught Sejin’s eye was a photo of Seok Yunhyung with his shirt off, being taken by the police when he was arrested for murder. His upper body, glaring ferociously, was covered in numerous knife scars, and on his back was a tattoo almost identical in shape to the one on Cheon Sejoo’s back.

A black tiger with a fierce expression, stepping forward with its front claws, and a gat (traditional Korean hat) and gombangdae (long-stemmed Korean pipe) neatly placed behind it.

The only difference between the nearly identical pictures was that the Chinese character for “Daegam,” engraved on Seok Yoonhyung’s back, was missing from Cheon Sejoo’s. It seemed like they had removed it when they changed the company name from Daegam Construction to DG.

The important thing was that the backs of the members of the organization in the other photos did not have such tattoos.

Sejin looked through dozens of photos on Namu Wiki, even the ones scanned from old newspapers, but only a very few number of people had that tattoo on their backs. And whenever those people were mentioned in the news or newspapers, they were referred to as “Daegam Faction executives” or “Daegam Faction leaders.”

This meant that Cheon Sejoo was also practically an executive at DG.

Only then did Sejin understand the attitude Kim Donggil and others showed towards Cheon Sejoo. Cheon Sejoo was on a different level from them from the beginning.

But then, when exactly did Cheon Sejoo become an executive of the organization? He also had a medical license, and according to him, he also had experience as a resident.

Based on Sejin’s diligent research, even if Cheon Sejoo was in his first year of residency, he would have had to be at least 26 years old. This was only possible because Cheon Sejoo was born on January 1st, so he entered university at 19 due to his early birthday or something.¹

Sejin’s questions started there. 

Why would someone who had been working well in a hospital until the age of 26 suddenly quit and become an executive in a corporate-type organization?

What kind of change of heart did he have?

Could it have something to do with the fact that he knew the funeral procedures so well?

And by the time he thought that far, it no longer mattered to Sejin what kind of person Cheon Sejoo was.

The resentment that he was the same kind of person as Kim Donggil was only a fleeting feeling while he was overwhelmed with grief over losing Kim Hyunkyung. Originally, Kwon Sejin was a person who valued his own thoughts and judgments above all else.

Since Sejin was quite stubborn because he had high self-esteem, that tendency manifested itself even in the way he loved someone.

Cheon Sejoo had saved Sejin. He had helped him out of trouble and fulfilled his desperate wish. He was the only person who understood Sejin’s cry for help and came to rescue him, and yet he didn’t hold any expectation for anything in return.

When Sejin was in pain, it was Cheon Sejoo’s warmth that pulled him out of his sorrow. It was the body heat, the kindness that Cheon Sejoo shared, that kept Sejin from freezing. What Cheon Sejoo had offered made Sejin inevitably love him blindly.

No, Sejin couldn’t help but love him. Therefore, Cheon Sejoo had to take responsibility for these feelings that stemmed from his actions. Now Sejin didn’t try to judge him. He just wanted to know more about Cheon Sejoo and become someone who could give him deep comfort, just as Cheon Sejoo had done for him.

As Sejin yearned to become a part of Cheon Sejoo’s life, time steadily passed. Cheon Sejoo was often away from home, and Sejin waited for him silently.

However, at the end of January, as the chill subsided and the sky turned cloudy with the start of rain, Sejin couldn’t bear to just sit on the sofa anymore.

A selfie of Kang Doyoon taken in a hotel lobby was uploaded to SNS with that caption. Sejin, anxiously opening the app after seeing the new feed notification, froze in shock.

Under the photo were comments from Doyoon’s three older sisters, making a fuss over him. Sejin held his phone with trembling hands, then let out an annoyed sigh and threw it onto the sofa.

Pretty? Who’s pretty?

Have fun? What kind of fun?

Cutie? What cutie princess?

Jealous whispers swirled rapidly in his mouth.

Upset at the certainty that Kang Doyoon was meeting Cheon Sejoo, Sejin chewed on his lip and hugged his knees. Gray clouds scattered beyond the large window.

Raindrops falling from the sky soaked the world, and the sound of rain blocked by the window, echoed in his head instead. Sejin thought the streams of water falling from the sky were like his own tears. His heart ached with jealousy, and he couldn’t bear it.

“This is so annoying…”

I’ll be late, I can’t come home.

It had been a long time since Cheon Sejoo had consistently contacted him.

After Sejin’s feelings were revealed, the frequency of Cheon Sejoo’s contact with him had significantly decreased. Now that the replies he received were only a tenth of what they used to be, there was no way Cheon Sejoo would report his whereabouts on his own first.

In the end, instead of waiting in vain for a message that would never arrive, Sejin chose to act a little deviously.

17:21
When are you coming home?

Naturally, no reply came. Unable to wait any longer, Sejin sent another message to Cheon Sejoo, laced with a small lie.

17:22
I’m sick..

But less than a minute after sending that message, Cheon Sejoo called. Sejin stared down at his phone, vibrating on the table, with a surprised expression.

Was he looking at his phone?

Or… did he call right away because I said I was sick?

Because he was worried?

He felt happy and excited, but at the same time, his heart pounded. He was afraid his lie would be exposed if he answered the call.

What should I do? 

He couldn’t bring himself to press the call button, only biting his lip.

I should answer, but what if my voice sounds too normal and he figures it out?

While he was agonizing over it, the call ended. It rang again, and when he didn’t answer that one either, he soon received a message from Cheon Sejoo.

Cheon Sejoo

What’s wrong? Are you very sick? Wait a bit. I’ll be right there.

17:25

As soon as he saw the message, Sejin jumped up. His heart felt like it was about to burst. The world seemed to sparkle with rainbow colors at the fact that Cheon Sejoo was leaving Kang Doyoon behind only to come for him.

But on the other hand, he thought he was in big trouble.

What if he finds out it’s a lie when he gets here? 

What if he’s disappointed in me and goes back to Kang Doyoon? 

Sejin paced anxiously around the room, then suddenly headed to the kitchen.