PEN Vol 5 Ch. 11

“Manager.”

A small voice called out from across the office as he sighed. He turned his head and saw Haewoong peeking over the partition, looking at him.

“What.”

“Just… wondering if something’s wrong…”

His voice was unusually quiet, and the last part sounded more like, “Something’s wrong…?”

Cheon Sejoo raised an eyebrow and asked. “What?”

Haewoong quickly ducked his head and apologized.

“Sorry…”

Haewoong’s unexpected apology made Cheon Sejoo realize he was being overly sensitive and sat up straight. 

Haah. 

He ran a hand down his face with a sigh of self-disgust, took out a cigarette, and placed it between his lips. Haewoong quickly got up from his seat and lit it for him. Cheon Sejoo propped up his feet on the table and smoked in silence.

He and Haewoong were the only ones in the office. Yoon Chuljoo was away on business, and Sunhyuk and Jinyoung were out, dealing with the delivery boy Shin Gyoyeon had brought to the 43rd floor.

Haewoong, left alone to witness Cheon Sejoo’s brooding silence, felt like he was sitting on pins and needles. It was unusual for Cheon Sejoo, who rarely showed his bad mood to his team, to act like this, making Haewoong feel like he’d done something wrong.

“Haewoong-ah.”

Cheon Sejoo, stubbing out his almost finished cigarette, suddenly called out his name. Gu Haewoong flinched, almost throwing his mouse in surprise, then stood up, looking slightly nervous.

“Yes…?”

While generally kind and easygoing, Cheon Sejoo was merciless when angry. Haewoong had once talked back to Sunhyuk and gotten a severe scolding from Cheon Sejoo, so he was always extra cautious when Cheon Sejoo was in a bad mood. 

Cheon Sejoo chuckled at his nervous demeanor, rested his chin on his hand, and smiled languidly.

“I’m not angry, so relax. I just have a question.”

“Oh… what is it?”

If he was saying this, Haewoong knew he wasn’t in trouble. Relieved, he smiled sheepishly and approached Cheon Sejoo, sitting down opposite him and opening a bag of chips from the desk drawer.

Crunch, crunch. 

Haewoong stuffed his mouth with chips. Watching him, Cheon Sejoo asked,

“Why do you work here?”

“…Huh? What? Are you… going to fire me…?”

Haewoong quickly wiped his mouth and asked, sitting up straight. Cheon Sejoo found his cautiousness both endearing and amusing, and he shook his head with a chuckle.

“No, I’m just curious. Tell me.”

Haewoong, who had been slightly intimidated, nodded and put his feet up on the sofa, sitting cross-legged. He munched on his chips thoughtfully, then shrugged and spoke.

“I’ve always… had this… fascination with this kind of work.”

“…You went to the Police University.”

Didn’t he want to become a police officer? Cheon Sejoo frowned as he asked, and Haewoong waved his hand dismissively.

“Right, anyway, listen. I really love noir films. I originally wanted to be a cop, you know, taking down bad gangsters and all that. But when I went to the Police University, I realized it wasn’t for me. I couldn’t use force against civilians, couldn’t even lay a finger on the bastards I wanted to beat to death. And the factional fighting was intense. So, I kept thinking about dropping out, but then I got into a fight with a senior… and got expelled.”

Gu Haewoong, with his anger management issues, was a man who couldn’t control his temper. Once his anger ignited, he’d charge at everyone around him like a raging bull. He had gotten into a fight with a senior who made inappropriate demands and sexually harassed someone at the freshman orientation, and ended up beating him into a coma.

As a result, Haewoong was expelled and disowned by his family.

It was Jinyoung who had brought Haewoong, who was wandering aimlessly, into the organization. Jinyoung, who had met Haewoong at a club they both frequented, heard about his expulsion and, after some hesitation, suggested he join the organization. Intrigued, Haewoong lingered around Jinyoung, eventually accepting his offer.

Not just anyone could join the disposal team, so Haewoong had to work his way up from the ranks of ordinary gang members. However, the work of ordinary members only involved managing entertainment establishments, debt collection, and demolition work, making Haewoong feel like he had become the very villain he wanted to fight. Thus, he had also considered quitting.

Then, he beat up another gang member who was using violence against a civilian, and the incident was reported to the higher-ups. Shin Gyoyeon, intrigued by Haewoong’s background, someone who had been expelled from the Police University, now in their organization, instructed Sunhyuk, who was leading the disposal team at the time, to observe him. That’s how Haewoong met Sunhyuk, and after a long conversation, he joined the disposal team.

“The disposal team… we’re different from the other guys.” 

“…That’s right.”

“Those who manage the establishments or work in the loan sharking business, push around ordinary people and do terrible things. But we catch the ones who do wrong among them.”

He was right. The disposal team rarely targeted civilians. Their work usually involved maintaining the organization’s safety and the balance of power, and their victims were mostly those deemed unnecessary to society. People already within the organization, the worst of the worst, those whose actions posed a threat even to the organization itself.

“There’s a saying, ‘necessary evil.’ So, well… you could say we’re like an incinerator for trash. We might not be clean, but we’re necessary, right? I really like that. I like the hyungs too, and every time we catch and take down those assholes, it feels like we’re doing something morally right. Well, something like that.”

Haewoong finished his explanation with a silly grin, and then emptied the rest of the chips into his mouth. Cheon Sejoo watched him, a faint frown creasing his brow.

Come to think of it, Cheon Sejoo had felt the same way around his second year. Just as he was becoming used to killing, disgusted with himself, he had justified his actions with that kind of thinking… That’s how he’d gradually become accustomed to the work.

After that, his only guilt stemmed from failing to live up to Hyein’s expectations. That guilt weighed heavily on him, more so than the act of killing.

“What about you, Manager…? Can I ask?”

Haewoong’s voice broke through his thoughts. He was folding the empty chip bag into a paper airplane, and glanced at Cheon Sejoo then asked,

“Why do you do this work?”

“…….”

Why am I doing this? 

Cheon Sejoo had agreed to work for Shin Gyoyeon in exchange for being released from prison and being able to finish taking revenge for Hye-in. Blinded by his immediate thirst for revenge, he had made the deal without even considering the value of what he was giving up, a deal that had left his life in ruins.

If he could go back, he would have refused Chae Beomjun’s offer and faced trial. After serving his sentence, he would have hunted down and killed Hye-in’s perpetrators, then ended his own life.

But he couldn’t tell anyone this pathetic story. Thus, he simply shrugged.

“It just… happened.”

“I see.”

Haewoong nodded, as if not expecting a real answer. Cheon Sejoo watched him, pondering his own reply, then left the office.

It just happened. He wished his life could be summed up easily in those four words. A bitter smile touched his lips.

* * *

Kwon Sejin’s precarious balancing act continued.

His already limited patience had long since worn out, so these days, instead of waiting for Cheon Sejoo, he was actively trying to find answers, though with little success.

“Cheon Sejoo.”

Cheon Sejoo turned his head from looking out the window at the quiet voice calling him. His calm gaze was distant and held a hint of exhaustion. Cheon Sejoo had come home after a few days away, claiming to be busy with work, and came back with a small cut on his forearm. 

Sejin, staring at the wound, couldn’t contain his curiosity and opened his mouth.

“What happened to your arm?”

“…….”

At that question, Cheon Sejoo lowered his gaze. He stared down at the clearly visible wound, and rubbed it with his fingertips as if it were nothing, then replied.

“Just… it happened. An accident.”

Having said those words, he felt a strange sensation. A sudden sense of unease washed over him, and Cheon Sejoo soon realized that Sejin hadn’t asked how it happened, but who did it. His face crumpled in frustration and a feeling of suffocation rose within him in an instant.

All he could tell Sejin was “it just happened,” the same answer he’d given Haewoong. That’s all he could reveal, yet Sejin kept trying to see through him. 

It won’t do you any good to know. 

You’ll run away when you find out what kind of person I am.

It felt like a stone had settled in his chest, making it hard to breathe. Cheon Sejoo rested his chin on the armrest of the sofa, looked at Sejin with irritated eyes, and spoke.

“Just do your job. Why are you so interested in your employer’s affairs?”

“…….”

At his words, attempting to draw a clear line, Sejin raised his sullen eyes. He was sitting at the living room table, trimming ferns. The scissors in his hand cut through the tough stems. Snip, snip. Without stopping his work, Sejin looked at Cheon Sejoo with displeasure, then replied,

“I can be a little curious about what you do. The landlord of my old place even knew how many times I ate ramen a week. There’s even a saying about being close with your neighbors. So, shouldn’t I be allowed to be a little curious, especially when we live in the same house?”

“No. You shouldn’t.”

“…….”

Sejin’s lips pouted at the blunt reply. He glared at Cheon Sejoo, his eyes narrowed like a cat’s, then scoffed and lowered his gaze again. He pretended to continue trimming the ferns, then suddenly yelled “Ouch!” and clutched his hand.

“Are you hurt?”

At that, Cheon Sejoo, who had been looking out the window, immediately stood up from his seat and came over. Sejin kept his head down, and touched his fingertip, and only when Cheon Sejoo came close did he raise his face.

There was a blatant boldness in the way Sejin stared up at Sejoo’s handsome face. As if it were nothing, he held up his finger, the tip slightly sliced, and asked Cheon Sejoo,

“Then why are you so interested in your housekeeper?”

“…….”

Cheon Sejoo was speechless seeing Sejin throwing his own words back at him. In an instant, his temper rose.

This kid, really… 

Cheon Sejoo found Sejin so annoying that he wanted to turn that brazen face into a crying mess.

And Sejin, as if pouring oil on a fire in that situation, continued,

“Don’t you honestly think this is ridiculous?”

Cheon Sejoo, who didn’t immediately understand Sejin’s words, raised an eyebrow and looked down at him. Then, it clicked. Realizing what he meant, he rolled his tongue in his mouth.

Sejin was asking if this charade, this pretending not to know while fully aware of his feelings, wasn’t ridiculous. He was questioning the point of it all.

Cheon Sejoo gritted his teeth and stepped back from Sejin.

Kwon Sejin didn’t understand. He really didn’t understand how deep and heavy Cheon Sejoo’s feelings were, how much he didn’t want to lose him. That’s why he could say such things.

It wasn’t easy for Cheon Sejoo to ignore Sejin’s feelings. It wasn’t comfortable. But the reason he was doing all of this was because he didn’t want to lose him…

Every time Kwon Sejin acted like this, he felt a surge of defiance, wanting to confess everything. He wanted to see Sejin’s disgusted expression, see him turn away, just to yell, See? I was right. It was better to pretend not to know!

He wanted to scream it. But he couldn’t.

Cheon Sejoo silently stared at Sejin for a moment, then turned and went to his room. He quickly changed his clothes and left the apartment. He needed to reinforce the boundaries he had erected between them, boundaries that were crumbling so easily around Kwon Sejin.

“Cheon Sejoo!”

Sejin belatedly called after him, but he disappeared without looking back. Left alone, Sejin slapped his own hand over his impetuous mouth.