PEN Vol 4 Ch. 9

Returning to the hospital room, Sejin found Cheon Sejoo talking with Kim Hyunkyung’s caregiver. The caregiver, a young woman of thirty-two, was folding clothes that seemed to have just come out of the dryer.

“Ah, I understand now! My comprehension skills are a bit lacking.”

“No, I explained it poorly. I often hear that I’m not good at explaining things.”

At Cheon Sejoo’s voice, Sejin frowned as he peered inside. Cheon Sejoo and the caregiver, sitting across from each other at a table, were chatting and laughing. Sejin scoffed, incredulous at Cheon Sejoo’s claim of explaining things poorly.

Whenever we studied, he used to torment me, saying I was the first person who couldn’t understand his explanations. But in front of women, he’s a sweet angel. If only he’d act like that with me…

Sejin’s thought trailed off as he bit his lip and abruptly pushed open the slightly ajar door.

Bang! 

The sliding door slammed against the wall with a loud noise. The startled caregiver turned to the entrance and smiled upon seeing Sejin.

“Hi Sejin. Did you go to the lounge? Is the door stuck?”

“Hello. I think it’s broken.”

Sejin replied, bowing his head in greeting, and entered the room. He knew that the caregiver was close to his mother, even calling her “sister” and was a great help, but he couldn’t help but feel irritated. He hated how Cheon Sejoo was only kind to women.

With a sullen face, Sejin approached Cheon Sejoo and looked down at him. Cheon Sejoo looked up at him as if asking what was wrong. Meeting his gaze, Sejin tugged at his arm.

“Take me home.”

“Already?”

“Yeah. I’ll come back tomorrow.”

Sundays were the caregiver’s days off. Since Sejin had to be there early in the morning anyway, there was no need to stay late today. Cheon Sejoo looked puzzled at Sejin’s words, but soon got up from his seat.

“Alright then. I’ll be going.”

“Okay, be careful going back! Sejin, you too. I’ll contact you on Monday after unnie’s¹ tests.”

“Goodbye.”

Sejin gave her a perfunctory farewell and pulled Cheon Sejoo’s arm. 

Why are you in such a hurry? 

Cheon Sejoo muttered, but still picked up the empty glass bottle from the table and threw it in the trash. The pudding bottle was already clean and empty. Sejin closed the hospital room door and, before heading to the elevator, stopped Cheon Sejoo and spoke.

“I’m going to say goodbye to Mom. Wait here for a second.”

“What? Okay.”

Cheon Sejoo frowned as if asking why he hadn’t said goodbye already. Sejin pushed him back slightly and quickly walked to the lounge.

He went inside, telling Kim Hyunkyung that he’d be back tomorrow morning, and immediately returned to the hallway. He felt strangely anxious, wanting to go home as soon as possible. 

When Sejin returned to the elevator, Cheon Sejoo was on the phone with someone.

“Yeah, just tell them my name when you get there. See you later.”

His tone with the other person was affectionate. Sejin held his breath and watched him. Cheon Sejoo lowered the phone from his ear, looked at Sejin, and gestured with his chin towards the elevators.

“Let’s go.”

“…Okay.”

In that brief moment, Sejin had seen the name displayed on his phone screen. 

Kang Doyoon. 

These two words made anger surge through him.

He said he wasn’t meeting him. He said he was going out for drinks. 

The words he wanted to throw at Cheon Sejoo rose to his throat. Sejin bit his lip hard, stepped into the elevator, and glared at the man beside him.

Cheon Sejoo was always handsome, but with his hair styled up and wearing a tie like today, he looked even more dashing than usual. Today, he especially hated that face. Unable to contain his frustration, Sejin hung his head.

Even after getting into the car, he remained silent, afraid that if he opened his mouth, useless words would spill out. He had no intention of confessing his feelings in this situation, so he kept his mouth shut like a clam, turning his head towards the window.

He hated everything. The sky, beautifully painted pink today, the lack of traffic, the scent of Cheon Sejoo’s cologne—he hated it all.

What he hated most was that Cheon Sejoo seemed to be in a bad mood. 

Does he go to that man whenever he’s feeling down? 

Does meeting that man make him happy? 

The thought alone brought tears to his eyes. Sejin also wanted to be someone who could comfort Cheon Sejoo.

“…….”

As Cheon Sejoo drove home to drop Sejin off, he noticed his unusual behavior. His reflection in the darkened car window showed a troubled expression. 

He seemed fine just a while ago. Did something happen in the lounge?

However, even Cheon Sejoo, who would normally ask Sejin what was wrong, kept his mouth shut today. Tomorrow was Hye-in’s death anniversary, and he was trying so hard to forget, leaving him with no energy to worry about Sejin. He just wanted to drop him off quickly and immerse himself in something else to numb his mind.

Thus, time passed in silence between the two. The car driven by Cheon Sejoo soon entered the apartment complex, and he parked in front of the main entrance on the first floor with the hazard lights on.

“Go on in. I won’t be able to come back until Monday, so take a taxi to the hospital tomorrow.”

“…….”

However, Sejin didn’t respond or move to Cheon Sejoo’s words. Seeing Sejin silently staring out the window, his hands clasped tightly together, Cheon Sejoo tilted his head. A faint smile spread across his lips.

While most people tried to hide their feelings, Sejin always protested, demanding he understand him. He couldn’t pretend not to notice any longer, not with Sejin acting like this. 

Why does he act like such a child, even though he’s so big? 

Cheon Sejoo thought, reaching out his hand.

“What’s wrong?”

Cheon Sejoo asked, stroking Sejin’s soft hair. Sejin flinched at his touch and sighed, then turned to him with a sullen, hardened expression. His eyes, slightly reddened, looked as if he were about to cry. Cheon Sejoo wasn’t fazed by Sejin’s sudden change in emotions.

People with sick family members are always like this. Happy one moment, depressed the next, filled with hope, then despairing. It was normal.

Instead of offering comfort, Cheon Sejoo reached out and brushed Sejin’s cheek, as if to tell him not to cry. Sejin leaned his cheek against Cheon Sejoo’s palm, lowering his gaze and meekly yielding his face to him. Cheon Sejoo softly asked,

“Are you feeling down?”

At Cheon Sejoo’s question, Sejin glanced up to meet his gaze, then quickly looked away again. His fluttering eyelashes trembled as he blinked a few times, then gave a slight nod and said,

“I don’t want to be alone.”

“…….”

“Can you please not go out to drink?”

His voice sounded unusually fragile, unlike his usual tone. Sejin’s hands grasped Cheon Sejoo’s wrist, which was still caressing his cheek. Holding Cheon Sejoo’s rough hand between his own large palms, Sejin quietly spoke,

“I went to the intensive care ward….”

He didn’t specify when he went. It wasn’t important.

“It was so quiet and scary. There wasn’t a single person in the hallway, and all I could hear was the sound of ventilators from the rooms….”

A sigh, almost a groan, escaped Cheon Sejoo’s lips. Sejin gripped Cheon Sejoo’s hand tightly, wishing that his warm hand wouldn’t leave him, and continued.

“When I’m alone, I keep thinking about that ward. I’m scared, Cheon Sejoo. I don’t want to be alone….”

Sejin’s voice was low and vulnerable. The streetlight filtering through the car window dimly illuminated his eyes. Sensing the tears that were about to fall, Cheon Sejoo bit his lip, troubled by Sejin’s pitiful expression.

He couldn’t face September 15th sober. He couldn’t even be sure he’d make it to the 16th in one piece if he did. But…

He didn’t necessarily have to meet Doyoon to let the day pass in a blur. Cheon Sejoo had other ways of coping with rainy days, with September 15th.

“…Alright. I won’t go out. Let’s go home, then.”

Telling Sejin he was going out for drinks had been a spur-of-the-moment excuse, but it wasn’t entirely untrue. There had been times he spent September 15th in a drunken stupor. Of course, he’d be in big trouble if he missed a call from Shin Gyoyeon because of it, but he hadn’t had much contact with him recently, so it should be fine.

“You’re going home?”

Sejin asked, looking up at him incredulously. Contrary to his expectation of seeing tears, Sejin’s expression wasn’t bad. Thinking how much stronger Sejin had become, Cheon Sejoo nodded.

“I can drink at home. Make me some snacks.”

“Okay. I will.”

A faint smile spread across Sejin’s face. The earlier gloom had vanished completely, replaced by relief. Seeing this, Cheon Sejoo gave a wry smile.

He turned off the hazard lights and started the car again. After parking in the underground garage and going up to their apartment, he grabbed some clothes and headed to the bathroom, using showering as an excuse. Then, he immediately called Doyoon.

“Doyoon.”

-Yes, hyung! I’m saying goodbye to my nephews right now. They’re crying and asking me not to go, so it’s taking a bit of time.

“Really? I’m sorry, but something urgent came up, and it looks like I won’t be able to make it. If you’re okay with it, do you want to go to the hotel with your sister? I’ve already paid, so you can relax and enjoy yourselves. You can take your nephews to the pool, too.”

It was less than an hour before their scheduled meeting. He had never broken a promise like this before. Even with a sex partner, this was basic manners. Listening to Cheon Sejoo’s apologetic, drawn-out explanation, Doyoon expressed his disappointment.

-Really? I guess it can’t be helped…. I’ll ask my sister, then. When are you free again, hyung?

But that was the end of it. He was relieved by Doyoon’s easygoing nature, but he still felt guilty. Cheon Sejoo apologized to Doyoon once more.

“I don’t know. I’ll contact you later. I’m sorry.”

-No, it’s okay. I know you’re busy, hyung. Alright then. Call me next time.

“Yeah, sorry. Thanks.”

-I love you too.

Doyoon replied playfully out of the blue. 

Cheon Sejoo chuckled lightly, said goodbye again, and hung up. Doyoon didn’t try to hold him back. This was the reason they had been able to maintain their relationship for so long.