PEN Vol 4 Ch. 9

Returning to the 26a379ff1b hospital room, Sejin 0c0609ffee found Cheon Sejoo 314eb2df14 talking with Kim 80aa6231ba Hyunkyung’s caregiver. The caregiver, a e26c43fe5d young woman of f00599a012 thirty-two, was folding a35ecd9d70 clothes that seemed b35e00d019 to have just 1361689a06 come out of 24a6d37338 the dryer.0c98ad345acbc502

“Ah, I 58559a9fc2 understand now! My comprehension b215c993de skills are a6b6852df0 a bit 94c19b31d0 lacking.”58f194a033905fb6

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“No, I explained it poorly. I often hear that I’m not good at explaining things.”242751a5e9641fdc

At Cheon Sejoo’s voice, d570f86011 Sejin frowned as he 1dbb102a58 peered inside. Cheon Sejoo and the 91597abfe2 caregiver, sitting across from e3ee82d414 each other at a 1038d4a9a5 table, were chatting and 73d8678593 laughing. Sejin scoffed, 4ab37305f4 incredulous at 7cec16ffcc Cheon Sejoo’s 226a384dcc claim of 063fb96e72 explaining things 95011ffc83 poorly.1366781b1f6333b5

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Whenever we studied, he used to torment me, saying I was the first person who couldn’t understand his explanations. But in front of women, he’s a sweet angel. If only he’d act 5602cf02fd like that with me…58a502816f7e5718

Sejin’s thought trailed off eb378524a0 as he bit his 72488f766d lip and abruptly pushed 36b4b8c191 open the slightly ajar 79a5c4d681 door.1ec1d2462a200a91

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Bang! d6a86e84915492b6

The sliding cc71f3cb01 door slammed 036f51125d against the 169a7530d8 wall with 5a37068af4 a loud f8d4a07da9 noise. The startled caregiver 5e0874f997 turned to the 7d09ff1219 entrance and smiled 9636848301 upon seeing Sejin.edb004be7b68f4d8

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“Hi Sejin. Did you go 5036212cda to the lounge? Is the door cd40fe4f5e stuck?”46db3fa2135411d7

“Hello. I think it’s broken.”fe6e6729c1f958c7

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Sejin replied, bowing his head in greeting, and entered the room. He knew that the caregiver was close to his mother, even calling her “sister” and was a great help, but he couldn’t help but feel irritated. He hated how Cheon Sejoo was only kind to women.416e220a0b80f6ca

With a 252bac8f4b sullen face, 5ef84ab9a8 Sejin approached 5bf81faa44 Cheon Sejoo cfc1999912 and looked 5287ec4778 down at bebae70e8e him. Cheon Sejoo e9c71c39fc looked up 0c3e332f72 at him 8a31c09275 as if 57a1ef17e4 asking what a00b733f61 was wrong. Meeting his gaze, c8f5dd692c Sejin tugged at 7e288ea2eb his arm.f9352a715c524d5c

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“Take me home.”73537e9729d0b708

“Already?”f3db23b4ceaf509f

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“Yeah. I’ll come back 2d1c5b84df tomorrow.”1ac8950468d78ac0

Sundays were the caregiver’s days off. Since Sejin had to be there early in the morning anyway, there was no need to stay late today. Cheon Sejoo looked puzzled at Sejin’s words, but soon got up from his seat.b3dacab18d62b49b

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“Alright then. I’ll be going.”8e605420e40385f4

“Okay, be careful going 6bd6cf6e02 back! Sejin, you too. I’ll contact you f007185149 on Monday afterunnie’s¹ tests.”d41ffbf99c9caccd

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“Goodbye.”507b98b905c6dbab

Sejin gave her a perfunctory farewell and pulled Cheon Sejoo’s arm. 55ad38d7d9a75869

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Why are 540ddf2e81 you in 1d5a816aa3 such a 6f6d24af82 hurry? eba23958e32f694a

Cheon Sejoo 17358c41de muttered, but 896984f93e still picked 67138bc1f5 up the 84ce05d111 empty glass 5dda8dc4d7 bottle from 5c2ff9911d the table 13cc2029a4 and threw 6ef52aa1ae it in 52c5d40123 the trash. The pudding bottle was 1b4056deb5 already clean and empty. Sejin closed the hospital e9f9ff30a4 room door and, before 4cf05350db heading to the elevator, 2afd63d590 stopped Cheon Sejoo and 4a64201df2 spoke.140248fb132f6240

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“I’m going a5f98e6527 to say 54b765bf79 goodbye to d42e797d7d Mom. Wait here c0c09ad0e3 for a 775b18aca9 second.”7dc0efce37009ec1

“What? Okay.”93538f16fc0d05fa

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Cheon Sejoo adfcf2cb97 frowned as a6bb23bc75 if asking dad11c9d61 why he 31ad4b6487 hadn’t said 5f3de00818 goodbye already. Sejin pushed f95c9b8e83 him back fcce1f7607 slightly and f9378c8210 quickly walked 2462de56a9 to the 45d9dc0df0 lounge.88e321f1ef3c123e

He went inside, 78a90ea59e telling Kim Hyunkyung 526cac0fff that he’d be 8aa28bde09 back tomorrow morning, 33c2c27508 and immediately returned f42d90220f to the hallway. He felt 4e525c3ed1 strangely anxious, 42e5d00e2e wanting to 185c8785c4 go home 67e6c4719f as soon 6bbb0824a1 as possible. b111edf021d269b8

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When Sejin returned to 256cac708d the elevator, Cheon Sejoo 138bd2532a was on the phone c24491d8cb with someone.7cce95fc6c0ac221

“Yeah, just 140dc40310 tell them 74db1803f7 my name 0245e1a644 when you 8a7802eb5c get there. See you later.”a80be3a933ccb20d

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His tone with dc10bcbb70 the other person d524b028d8 was affectionate. Sejin held his breath 35f5334e36 and watched him. Cheon Sejoo lowered c8ba42f8e2 the phone from e29f8d498f his ear, looked 1d31060a3e at Sejin, and 16eff3a235 gestured with his 876e32f126 chin towards the e0db05392f elevators.41ebe74318d3605e

“Let’s go.”ff8d83edfc5ee576

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“…Okay.”7d220e8be7071c5a

In that brief moment, 99231736c5 Sejin had seen the 13c84073e2 name displayed on his be00847197 phone screen. eb9bc1735abe23ec

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Kang Doyoon. ec191decd305543f

These two words b6ae0182e4 made anger surge 971cf7cd12 through him.726b250c6ffbfe29

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He said he 34d504a953 wasn’t meeting him. He said he was a03df3fd06 going out for drinks. 1e0eab3bde96e983

The words he wanted 839a20f48c to throw at Cheon f306bf9d69 Sejoo rose to his 54a3793991 throat. Sejin bit his c53446fc66 lip hard, stepped 534770c60d into the elevator, e68ea2fba7 and glared at 7b4df702fa the man beside 996b4c2a16 him.f35ee290a1e3f996

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Cheon Sejoo was always 128bbf41df handsome, but with his 21d8f688d1 hair styled up and 8f7e1cb4ff wearing a tie like dc138e38bb today, he looked even f44c26fb37 more dashing than usual. Today, he 59826a1fcf especially hated 0704f15e52 that face. Unable to contain 0e6f77b5e4 his frustration, Sejin e41cb23f19 hung his head.292f9c0e201c6b46

Even after b229651a1b getting into 33b7810cbb the car, c2a5ce883d he remained 464b2ef9bd silent, afraid eff47c5171 that if 0be59318ed he opened 8752608f1c his mouth, 81eec87f7b useless words 48dafcb8e1 would spill 11bdbdaee2 out. He had 885620b98a no intention 99d26c77a1 of confessing 5ded3da287 his feelings dba711e038 in this 55f58a610d situation, so f1f75431b7 he kept 8b5613e480 his mouth 7966f94db4 shut like ae19fa6998 a clam, 68be7b82e4 turning his 7a4556a3a0 head towards f524b29b4b the window.72d94dc78f23d099

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He hated everything. The sky, beautifully painted pink today, the lack of traffic, the scent of Cheon Sejoo’s cologne—he hated it all.2410ec85283cd6b1

What he hated most d3ad351691 was that Cheon Sejoo 796860ec61 seemed to be in cba0c301ba a bad mood. d4b1227ee02f2559

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Does he go 437f3d391f to that man 7839c9d9ec whenever he’s feeling 2efb41834b down? f924cac64a2a3e1e

Does meeting 8eda7faaed that man faceaaf80b make him 8df4144343 happy? c94e5283aef3019a

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The thought alone 18e910c6e8 brought tears to 16bdbb4eb5 his eyes. Sejin also wanted c76535a666 to be someone 7d5c0ef764 who could comfort a9046a439f Cheon Sejoo.d649643526dd3873

“…….”b60f66a80b3c0728

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As Cheon 6ef2dbbf5d Sejoo drove 3d178ca3b8 home to 3e25db078a drop Sejin 5bd030a6d2 off, he 14045b5fed noticed his 4162e917bc unusual behavior. His reflection in the 63c4a2d841 darkened car window showed c1aa5c44dc a troubled expression. 20564d46a2e4e0d7

He seemed fine acccebe6d0 just a while c843e95e48 ago. Did something happen in 98e7c1c89b the lounge?f5bfefe6bcf26338

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However, even Cheon ed76ff46df Sejoo, who would 05a8369239 normally ask Sejin dbb9b89378 what was wrong, 7def817aa1 kept his mouth 5e99295222 shut today. Tomorrow was 8cebd7e9d5 Hye-in’s death fa4741603d anniversary, and ba8e7eb057 he was 6d10d4e8ca trying so b7ddaf8f3c hard to 658dee4f99 forget, leaving 27640d6dc8 him with e4f4a824ac no energy 94eaddbf45 to worry 97e743cdc8 about Sejin. He just wanted to 8e7da6a513 drop him off quickly 0d5976f1b2 and immerse himself in e312105633 something else to numb 7de1a5c6a8 his mind.9f79d9412cb63af3

Thus, time 8ff6173506 passed in a8772f53e8 silence between 7aa8de5dbd the two. The car 0c177c641a driven by 54c914d735 Cheon Sejoo e388ffee1f soon entered 2c78a34db0 the apartment 3afa733439 complex, and 4f48991fa9 he parked c5275827ce in front c596c4323d of the f1079fa350 main entrance a9a3683d5c on the e2a42c1f85 first floor 937a40981d with the 99192b5ce4 hazard lights 9ef23d04fd on.37f4f9c9cfe78d30

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“Go on in. I won’t be able 838528a98e to come back until bb05e066ba Monday, so take a f861f25e3c taxi to the hospital 2b5ed267e2 tomorrow.”e9db14d4bfb030cb

“…….”ec4530f8d2ca1739

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However, Sejin didn’t respond or move to Cheon Sejoo’s words. Seeing Sejin silently staring out the window, his hands clasped tightly together, Cheon Sejoo tilted his head. A faint smile spread across his lips.b656bdce4dd0591d

While most people tried to hide their feelings, Sejin always protested, demanding he understand him. He couldn’t pretend not to notice any longer, not with Sejin acting like this. 7533598662993f18

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Why does he act like such a child, even though he’s so big? a8aa2b037cbe4c28

Cheon Sejoo dfa410afbd thought, reaching e53d5aad13 out his 85dd6cdaf6 hand.6fd912e8e3b6411e

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“What’s wrong?”4a9b94b0d2498f4b

Cheon Sejoo asked, stroking Sejin’s soft hair. Sejin flinched at his touch and sighed, then turned to him with a sullen, hardened expression. His eyes, slightly reddened, looked as if he were about to cry. Cheon Sejoo wasn’t fazed by Sejin’s sudden change in emotions.4e419f739dd71014

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People with sick 6d81f8a550 family members are d18227d730 always like this. Happy one moment, a4a66ad306 depressed the next, d49d2b130d filled with hope, cb0d11dc94 then despairing. It was normal.bdc1329c3b47ffcd

Instead of offering comfort, f3a66e615e Cheon Sejoo reached out f3021ebed2 and brushed Sejin’s cheek, 1488ca3cfb as if to tell 8b2c963d12 him not to cry. Sejin leaned a029a08426 his cheek ddcb7fd4ff against Cheon 9378f95122 Sejoo’s palm, ac2954e7f5 lowering his 8b2f79c76f gaze and bfe3d4c5d7 meekly yielding c98236e2e5 his face ca59609c3e to him. Cheon Sejoo softly bde14f3cfe asked,5763492e390767c7

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“Are you 74b670ea8d feeling down?”85d68a59996c7cfd

At Cheon 022fc6fa1e Sejoo’s question, 3ac2406418 Sejin glanced b721eeffd5 up to 3976154ad5 meet his 17e18ffd38 gaze, then b984c4ab84 quickly looked d1f7f96f9d away again. His fluttering eyelashes 2e48bb2a10 trembled as he ec01fe074f blinked a few 2ac67963ca times, then gave cd24878519 a slight nod 8ba0050967 and said,4f48182c296bcb4e

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“I don’t bf2a606971 want to e13538cf45 be alone.”7fb432e6137fb976

“…….”23e3b3011b414bb1

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“Can you 5a9d5c3eee please not c281802754 go out 99bfc2c97e to drink?”011fc2a88d0e797f

His voice sounded unusually fragile, unlike his usual tone. Sejin’s hands grasped Cheon Sejoo’s wrist, which was still caressing his cheek. Holding Cheon Sejoo’s rough hand between his own large palms, Sejin quietly spoke,14347baeadec3419

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“I went 08b0de78ec to the 2e118657a3 intensive care 070052d77f ward….”1d79c07e4947d078

He didn’t specify when he went. It wasn’t important.035e912d55aa8a31

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“It was so quiet 196d91aefb and scary. There wasn’t a single 6cf57b60f1 person in the hallway, 63d65c124a and all I could 8a161e4a8a hear was the sound 6c397f2312 of ventilators from the 1f39e4216b rooms….”ea7aaaf32115a22b

A sigh, almost a groan, escaped Cheon Sejoo’s lips. Sejin gripped Cheon Sejoo’s hand tightly, wishing that his warm hand wouldn’t leave him, and continued.29173f20187af1d8

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“When I’m alone, a83b662eb4 I keep thinking 4c868cef72 about that ward. I’m scared, Cheon Sejoo. I don’t want to a3e6592bc9 be alone….”901ad4712a9ae9ca

Sejin’s voice was 9fcb6d0ef6 low and vulnerable. The streetlight 676bc61ba0 filtering through c7a256bd12 the car 3e6148222a window dimly c78656203c illuminated his 73aaeee812 eyes. Sensing the tears 1515f3aa96 that were about 20da13eb2b to fall, Cheon f88aaef377 Sejoo bit his 83b7a51281 lip, troubled by 0bcc028064 Sejin’s pitiful expression.28947a832c4e29b7

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He couldn’t face September 15th sober. He couldn’t even be sure he’d make it to the 16th in one piece if he did. But…aad7a675c1932456

He didn’t necessarily have to meet Doyoon to let the day pass in a blur. Cheon Sejoo had other ways of coping with rainy days, with September 15th.f2c4f362f5d0445e

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“…Alright. I won’t go ec4e5cf17d out. Let’s go 547f977968 home, then.”b0bd3f65ca59a080

Telling Sejin he was going out for drinks had been a spur-of-the-moment excuse, but it wasn’t entirely untrue. There had been times he spent September 15th in a drunken stupor. Of course, he’d be in big trouble if he missed a call from Shin Gyoyeon because of it, but he hadn’t had much contact with him recently, so it should be fine.c6584b1e99646072

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“You’re going home?”08aed2d8d399ad90

Sejin asked, 45d772be7c looking up 288ea99d48 at him f01091f483 incredulously. Contrary to 572d16ecf4 his expectation ccb5098b68 of seeing b99c666de0 tears, Sejin’s f7555e9647 expression wasn’t 78a1b699a0 bad. Thinking how much stronger 14025bb2da Sejin had become, Cheon 93751e4799 Sejoo nodded.c88b219392834390

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“I can drink at 7e71754a71 home. Make me some 0d8fd04a5d snacks.”ff6b8953691f8722

“Okay. I will.”838a84307fa5a9e2

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A faint smile 2222e87f99 spread across Sejin’s b700838141 face. The earlier gloom had 8f4a0c5323 vanished completely, replaced by 3d429b46b0 relief. Seeing this, Cheon Sejoo 7c2397de30 gave a wry smile.f83e28425e84dd5f

He turned off 20e6d7b523 the hazard lights 37cd599021 and started the 57401cf86f car again. After parking 807e1a9852 in the ee3d95c4f9 underground garage 6c349f9bac and going bc0be4fd90 up to b41b8a3dd1 their apartment, 76bd373a31 he grabbed 70d32a8f00 some clothes 6ba1159760 and headed 31b457f64d to the 235bdbdf63 bathroom, using 2d2f2a4247 showering as 7f713877cc an excuse. Then, he immediately 4c51180067 called Doyoon.9702f1266fb094a3

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“Doyoon.”4eb54089a65ceebf

-Yes, hyung! I’m saying 5fb8eab5f9 goodbye to d1de893eb8 my nephews cb764fd03f right now. They’re crying and asking 589bd2bfbb me not to go, c9a8350a0c so it’s taking a c262496b4a bit of time.6f4b08a1bedeb64e

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“Really? I’m sorry, but something 1703e61c8a urgent came up, and ddc77a2f3c it looks like I 390e92f7e6 won’t be able to d7ca848215 make it. If you’re okay with 441af4e8e1 it, do you want 316be05608 to go to the cf74e8a8cd hotel with your sister? I’ve already d415d779a9 paid, so bacb17834f you can 9dc41aa9a0 relax and 0fa8c9a62c enjoy yourselves. You can 511c0bc34a take your d7b454109f nephews to b976e83b27 the pool, c689f2cf1d too.”7aefb898237702f4

It was less than d5ed454d43 an hour before their e5aefd44fb scheduled meeting. He had never 1a62591555 broken a promise d101d557c3 like this before. Even with a sex b72869b4d7 partner, this was basic 7271fc3040 manners. Listening to Cheon 26a97082d4 Sejoo’s apologetic, drawn-out cbb5806304 explanation, Doyoon expressed 9f2876872a his disappointment.44727e7cb5f7ae85

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-Really? I guess it can’t be helped…. I’ll ask my sister, then. When are you free again, hyung?0ce4caea67eba665

But that dd873b8a49 was the 57af37e83b end of 43f905bb80 it. He was relieved by 31b8b0dfed Doyoon’s easygoing nature, but 3ede6edfe5 he still felt guilty. Cheon Sejoo 5ea11dd2ee apologized to 6620a5b8a6 Doyoon once 34727af26a more.3c212d95f15e76af

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“I don’t know. I’ll contact you 86a35c9a8c later. I’m sorry.”b3fc0e6e0130647e

-No, it’s okay. I know 73a9700500 you’re busy, c66970ad8a hyung. Alright then. Call me next fe232c01c8 time.411c4aea994b0d9b

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“Yeah, sorry. Thanks.”998ea312b48e05e3

-I love you 87ffb9013b too.aa0ed8a810aac04b

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Doyoon replied playfully a3f3e92ccc out of the 487ebc2504 blue. 86e184f63aa04ac8

Cheon Sejoo chuckled lightly, said goodbye again, and hung up. Doyoon didn’t try to hold him back. This was the reason they had been able to maintain their relationship for so long.a11d4a41308b09e7

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