PEN Vol 4 Ch. 23

Reflection 4 Part 1

After leaving the crematorium, they didn’t go to a charnel house or a memorial park, but home. This was because Sejin refused to let go of the urn. Realizing that Sejin needed more time to grieve, Cheon Sejoo gave up on visiting the charnel house and drove home.

Arriving at the parking lot, Sejin got out, still clutching the urn. Cheon Sejoo left him there for a moment and retrieved a box from the trunk. It contained Kim Hyunkyung’s belongings from the hospital, the guestbook Seo Jinyoung had organized, and the condolence money.

Back at the apartment, each carrying their burdens, Cheon Sejoo ushered Sejin into his own room. Sejin’s room was too far away. He couldn’t hear him cry from there, so he brought him to his own room.

“It’ll be a problem if you drop that. Put it here.”

“…….”

Sejin silently nodded at Cheon Sejoo’s words and handed him Kim Hyunkyung’s urn. Cheon Sejoo placed it on the sunny windowsill and went to the dressing room. He took out some of his clothes and handed them to Sejin.

“Go take a shower, eat, and get some sleep.”

“Okay… what about you?”

“I’ll wash up in the living room. You wash up here.”

Cheon Sejoo pushed Sejin towards the bathroom in his room and left. Before heading to the bathroom outside, his eyes fell on the box he had left in the living room.

Along with Kim Hyunkyung’s belongings, the box contained a letter that the caregiver Kim Sunhee had given him separately. It was something Kim Hyunkyung had asked her to deliver to Cheon Sejoo after her death.

He hesitated, then took the letter and entered the bathroom. Locking the door, he stared at it for a moment, then with difficulty, broke the seal and took out the letter.

The letter, beginning with those words, was written in a shaky hand. It seemed Kim Hyunkyung had written it herself, with her barely mobile hand.

Cheon Sejoo swallowed a sigh and continued reading.

The letter was a bit disorganized, but its meaning was clear. Cheon Sejoo frowned. He stared at the letter, reading it over and over, then closed his eyes and sighed.

He remembered the day he first met Kim Hyunkyung. He recalled her bowing her head to him, this much younger man, and entrusting Sejin to him.

From then until now, Kim Hyunkyung had only made requests he couldn’t refuse. He felt suffocated. 

I’m not someone who can take responsibility for others. 

He had been able to pour that much affection into Sejin because he thought Sejin would leave his side once he became an adult.

How can I…? 

But that thought quickly changed. The moment he pictured Sejin’s pleading face, his soft cheeks, and his tear-filled eyes, he couldn’t bear the thought of letting him go. Perhaps it had already been decided the moment he sensed Kim Hyunkyung’s impending death.

How can I leave him alone…?

There were inevitable problems that came with keeping Sejin by his side, but Cheon Sejoo habitually focused only on what was important. In his eyes, there was only Kwon Sejin. There was nothing more to consider.

Cheon Sejoo turned on the shower to clear his complex thoughts. Ice-cold water poured down. He stood under it for a long time. A very long time.

Then, with his chilled body, he went into the bedroom. He looked at Sejin, lying on the bed, shaking his head, seemingly with no intention to eat. In the end, Sejoo gave up and lay down next to him.

Embracing the warm body, he finally felt alive. Sejin’s warmth gave Cheon Sejoo a clear answer. It was Cheon Sejoo who couldn’t live without Kwon Sejin. He buried that realization deep within his heart and drifted off to sleep.

* * *

The next day, January 1st, the excitement of birthdays or New Year’s Day didn’t reach them. Cheon Sejoo spent the day with Sejin in the silent apartment.

He made sure Sejin ate and tried to bring him back to normal by watching people laughing and chatting boisterously on TV. However, Sejin only stared at Cheon Sejoo with an expressionless face. Unable to ignore Sejin’s endless gaze, focused solely on him as if he had no interest in anything else, Cheon Sejoo met his eyes several times.

That gaze was different from Sejin’s usual one. From the tenderness in Sejin’s eyes, from his clingy grip that refused to let go of his hand, from the way Sejin had burrowed into his arms last night, pressing his ear close to his heart, Cheon Sejooo felt Sejin yearning for his affection.

But that couldn’t be. After what had happened at the funeral home, it was impossible for Sejin to like him. Thus Cheon Sejoo tried to convince himself that his assumption was wrong, that this was just a child’s desperate attempt to fill the void left by loss.

After an early dinner, he lay down in bed with Sejin. He held him close, patting Sejin’s back as he silently shed tears. It took a long time for Sejin to fall asleep.

Cheon Sejoo didn’t find the time tedious. He might have to leave the apartment and stay up for several nights starting on the 4th, so he wanted to alleviate Sejin’s grief as much as possible before then.

However, the moment he had to leave came much sooner than he expected. On the night of January 1st, Cheon Sejoo received a sudden summons from Chae Beomjun. He was told that something had happened on the 43rd floor and to come up immediately.

Cheon Sejoo quietly changed his clothes and left the apartment, careful not to wake Sejin. But the elevator was out of service for maintenance. So, Cheon Sejoo ended up taking the stairs, with the security deactivated and soon discovered a person sprawled out in the 43rd-floor lobby, bleeding.

The coppery scent of blood sharpened his senses, jolting his drowsy body awake. Cheon Sejoo looked around, his face grim.

“What happened?”

His sharp gaze quickly scanned the half-dead man’s appearance.

The man lay on the floor, his head twisted at an unnatural angle. His chest rose and fell shallowly, indicating he wasn’t dead yet, but death seemed imminent. The man’s hands were mangled, and half of his face was severely fractured. His bulging eyes, as if about to pop out, were dripping with blood.

Shin Gyoyeon, who was smoking a cigarette nearby, smirked at Cheon Sejoo’s curt question.

“There was an ill-mannered son of a bitch living in our apartment. I taught him a lesson.”

The man, holding a cigarette between his fingers, pointed at the half-dead body with a mask-like smile fixed on his face. A fire extinguisher, stained with blood and bits of flesh, lay in front of Shin Gyoyeon, and his fingertips were also splattered with blood.

This meant Shin Gyoyeon was responsible for the man’s condition. Cheon Sejoo then noticed a helmet lying near where Shin Gyoyeon stood and shifted his gaze.

However, the collapsed man was dressed in indoor clothes; a short-sleeved shirt, shorts, and sneakers crumpled on his feet without socks. His clothing was far too thin for riding a motorcycle on January 1st, in the middle of winter. There had been another person here.

“What about witnesses?”

“Ah, there was one… a kid.”

Shin Gyoyeon tilted his head and chuckled to himself at Cheon Sejoo’s question. The psychopath’s eyes, devoid of guilt, scanned the dying man’s body indifferently. Reading an unspeakable madness in that gaze, Cheon Sejoo glanced at Chae Beomjun standing beside him.

Understanding Cheon Sejoo’s silent question, Chae Beomjun subtly jerked his chin towards the entrance. It meant the witness was inside the apartment. This was unusual for Shin Gyoyeon, who typically left no loose ends. 

What was going on? 

Cheon Sejoo swallowed his questions and asked,

“So, what should we do?”

“For now… just this. Get rid of it.”

Shin Gyoyeon tossed his cigarette butt into the pool of congealing blood and gave the order, then walked away leisurely. He casually wiped his blood-splattered shoes on the man’s pants, then patted Cheon Sejoo’s shoulder, saying, “Good work,” and disappeared inside the apartment.