PEN Vol 4 Ch. 10

Cheon Sejoo put down his phone and undressed. He felt like he smelled of blood, even though he hadn’t been to the workshop. He had showered before leaving, so it was impossible, but Cheon Sejoo meticulously rinsed his body. It was a morbid habit he’d developed since joining the organization.

After showering, he roughly dried his hair with a towel, put on a silk robe, and stepped out into the hallway. The living room lights were off, and the sound of a knife hitting a cutting board came from the kitchen. As he walked slowly, he saw Sejin, his hair also damp from a recent shower, wearing a small apron and chopping scallions.

“Cheon Sejoo.”

“Yeah.”

Sejin turned his head as Cheon Sejoo approached the fridge to get some water. His calm gaze swept over Cheon Sejoo’s exposed chest, visible through the opening of his robe. Anticipating a needless nagging, Cheon Sejoo self-consciously raised his hand and pulled the edges of his robe together. Sejin glanced at him, turned back around to his chopping, and asked,

“Are you going to drink beer?”

“No. Whiskey.”

“Okay. Wait a minute.”

Cheon Sejoo nodded, took a bottle of water, and drank it before heading to his room. He went to the dressing room, pulled out a soft, thin t-shirt, and put it on along with a pair of shorts. As he did so, he felt his energy draining. He’d been tense all day, trying not to let his trembling hands show, which was bound to take a toll.

Alone in his room, he gradually relaxed. He rubbed his temples, which had been aching for hours, with his slightly trembling fingertips, then took a deep breath and opened the door.

He was at least thankful that it wasn’t raining. Last year, the autumn rainy season had arrived around this time, so he and Doyoon, who had just started the new semester, had been holed up in a hotel for three days straight. 

When he stepped outside, he found Sejin standing in front of the island bar. In front of him was a wooden tray holding canapés and a bowl of grapes, prepared as snacks. Sejin tuned to Cheon Sejoo and asked,

“Should I bring this to the living room?”

“Yes. If you don’t like the silence, you can sleep in the living room. Leave the TV on.”

Cheon Sejoo replied and headed towards a display cabinet tucked away in a corner of the kitchen. He retrieved two bottles of whiskey that had been stored there, along with their dedicated glasses, and moved them to the living room. He set the bottles down on the table, poured himself a glass, and drank it straight. By the time he finished, Sejin had approached him.

The tray held neatly arranged dishes of chive cream cheese canapés, dill smoked salmon cream cheese canapés, and a bowl of grapes. Sejin placed it in front of Cheon Sejoo and stared down at him.

“Are you just going to drink it like that?”

He asked because he had seen Cheon Sejoo drink whiskey with ice in his glass before. Cheon Sejoo nodded in response to Sejin’s question. He needed to get drunk quickly. This was the only way he could forget this miserable feeling, even if just for a little while.

Sejin looked at Cheon Sejoo with worried eyes before leaving. He crossed the hallway to his own room, then returned with a pillow and blanket, settling down onto the sofa opposite Cheon Sejoo. His small face rested on the white pillow. After tousling his damp hair with his hand, Sejin pulled the blanket up to his neck and looked at Cheon Sejoo.

“What?”

Cheon Sejoo, feeling the obvious stare, asked while rolling a grape around in his mouth. At his gentle question, Sejin blinked slowly and then asked him back in a quiet voice,

“Why are you in a bad mood?”

“…….”

It was an unexpected question. Cheon Sejoo raised an eyebrow and glanced at Sejin.

Kwon Sejin wasn’t particularly observant. Lacking good memory and comprehension skills, he was naturally slow to notice differences between before and after situations. However, there were times when he surprised Cheon Sejoo by being unexpectedly sensitive to his changes.

Observation is an expression of interest. Cheon Sejoo became curious about Sejin’s intentions, which seemed surprisingly focused on him. He wondered if all this was his own misunderstanding, or if Sejin harbored some feelings he wasn’t aware of.

“Why are you so interested in me?”

At the sudden question, Sejin’s gaze became more focused at him. His clear eyes stared intently. As they quietly looked at each other, Sejin spoke in a hushed voice,

“Why are you like that? You’re interested in me too.”

“Me?”

Surprised by the unexpected reply, Cheon Sejoo’s eyes widened. The empty glass that was refilled with whiskey, was emptied once again. He rested his chin on the armrest, feeling the burning sensation of the strong alcohol going down raw in his throat vividly. With his warming cheek against his cold palm, he stared at Sejin.

I’m interested in Kwon Sejin? Under that confused gaze, Sejin nibbled his lip before opening his mouth.

“…Yes. You always ask me things like how I’m feeling, if I need anything.”

Cheon Sejoo shook his head. Kwon Sejin was the type to always show it when he was feeling down. How could he not ask when Sejin seemed to want to express his emotions so much? Unlike Sejin, however, he had never shown any outward signs. It was even surprising that Sejin had noticed his mood. Thinking so, Cheon Sejoo replied,

“You always show it. You’re asking to be asked.”

“No, I don’t.”

But Sejin’s answer was firm. Clutching the blanket tightly in his hands, he looked up at Cheon Sejoo with glassy eyes and replied.

“It was always you first. You were the first to look at me.”

There seemed to be a hint of resentment in his voice. Could it be his imagination? Cheon Sejoo stared blankly at Sejin.

“That’s what came first.”

“…….”

“Because you were looking at me, that’s why.”

At Sejin’s words, Cheon Sejoo closed his eyes briefly and then opened them, thinking.

I looked at Kwon Sejin first…? Of course. How could I not look when he’s making that kind of expression…?

But now that he thought about it, the starting point was hazy. He couldn’t remember whether his gaze was drawn first and then Sejin cried, or if Sejin cried and then his gaze was drawn to Sejin’s. Perhaps due to the alcohol, his head wasn’t working properly. It felt like he was having that age-old chicken-or-the-egg argument.

In the end, Cheon Sejoo gave up on finding an answer. He simply decided that it must have been because he was concerned about the child in front of him, and replied,

“Maybe it was because I was worried since you’re a kid.”

“…Stop calling me a kid.”

Sejin’s serious voice quickly became sulky.

Cheon Sejoo chuckled quietly and popped a canapé into his mouth. Licking the cream cheese off his lips, he drank another glass of whiskey and looked at Sejin through his increasingly hazy vision.

Kwon Sejin’s face hadn’t changed much since they first met. The ends of his slightly double-lidded eyes tilted upwards like a cat’s, and his well-shaped eyebrows were neatly positioned above his brow bone. His long, thick eyelashes fluttered every time he blinked, and thanks to his pale skin, their movement was even more pronounced.

Sejin’s cheeks lacked much flesh, giving him a delicate impression, and the gentle curve extending from his cheekbones was gentle, making his features look refined. His long, straight nose also had a soft curve, befitting the description of “neat,” and his lips, the color of a ripe peach, were always moist.

And even though he was about to turn twenty and become an adult, Sejin’s chin was devoid of any stubble. His smooth jawline, however, did reveal a more masculine line than when they first met, yet even that closer to beautiful than handsome.

Looking at his face, Cheon Sejoo felt like he was being bewitched. Kwon Sejin’s features possessed a sharp sensitivity, and it was this that made him attempt silly banter. Cheon Sejoo constantly wanted to break the fragile vulnerability that hung over Sejin.

“Or maybe because you’re pretty.”

At Cheon Sejoo’s words, Sejin frowned again. Turning his body to face him, Sejin, with one cheek squished against the pillow, said,

“Don’t call me pretty.”

“Not a kid, not pretty, what am I supposed to say then?”

“Say I’m handsome.”

“…….”

Cheon Sejoo let out a chuckle in disbelief and tilted the bottle. The whiskey bottle was already half empty. He drank another shot of whiskey straight, then popped a wet grape into his mouth and rolled it around. His words came out slightly slurred.

“Look closely, Kwon Sejin. Handsome is what you call someone who looks like me.”

“…What’s the difference?”

Sejin knew that Cheon Sejoo was handsome. He also knew that he had a completely different atmosphere from him. But he still didn’t want to admit it. He hated being called pretty. Sejin wanted to appear handsome to Cheon Sejoo.

At his stubborn reply, Cheon Sejoo chuckled, then leaned forward, placing both arms on his thighs. He tilted his head towards Sejin and said,

“Look closely. We’re completely different.”