PAP Chapter 6
by kisses“Yes. Come to think of it, you’ve received the most so far. Uh… thinking about it, the items you choose are similar every time.”
The employee, muttering words half to himself, narrowed his eyes. He seemed to have finally noticed the oddity within the repeated routine.
“Is it because you have the same job?”
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“…”
“Well, I guess you might need the same things.”
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Just when it seemed he had made a sharp observation, he suddenly came up with a ridiculous reason. It was almost a mumble, but it reached Yoohyun’s ears clearly. He was momentarily interested in the phrase “same job,” but Yoohyun quickly returned to his usual indifferent expression and hugged the heavier bag. He actively reached out, wanting to get out of there quickly after receiving his card back.
The employee, having finished the transaction, handed Yoohyun his card and the receipt, deep in thought. Yoohyun, with annoyance rising in his throat, nodded to him, pretending not to notice. As if sensing Yoohyun’s haste to leave, the employee quickly spoke.
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“He specifically told me not to tell you this…”
If he told you not to say anything, then don’t say it..
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Yoohyun inwardly clicked his tongue and gave the employee a look of refusal. Usually, people would become curious when a conversation started like this, but Yoohyun wasn’t the least bit interested.
A mild headache, perhaps from lack of sleep, was coming on, leaving him with no energy to deal with this. He unconsciously paid attention to his actions because his job depended on it, which made his head throb even more.
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“Actually, the person who gave this was…”
“…I have something I need to do, so would it be alright if I left now?”
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“…”
“…It’s quite urgent.”
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Yoohyun neatly interrupted the employee, who seemed about to reveal an important secret. They weren’t close enough to share secrets, nor was Yoohyun interested in such trivial matters. If he’d been told not to say anything, hearing the secret made him an accomplice.
Even if it was nothing significant, he had no intention of being in the same boat with this employee. If the employee kept bringing this up every time they met, trying to act friendly, it would be another headache.
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“Oh? Oh, yes, yes. If you’re in a hurry, you should go.”
The employee laughed awkwardly, waving their hand as if to dispel the secret they had almost let slip. He seemed to have realized, a bit too late, that he had been about to blurt something out impulsively, only to regret it later.
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It wasn’t particularly important to Yoohyun who had shown him kindness. However, repeatedly accepting favors and remaining silent could lead to gossip later. The person in front of him seemed to enjoy relaying other people’s words. Since dealing with the aftermath would be more troublesome, Yoohyun opted to express his gratitude, at least superficially.
“Please tell them I said thank you and that I enjoyed it.”
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Yoohyun expressed his thanks in a dry voice laced with polite courtesy. He hadn’t asked for the gifts, so this much was enough.
“Have a safe trip!”
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The employee leaned far over the counter, waving his hand enthusiastically. Yoohyun nodded for what felt like the hundredth time, tired of the repeated farewells. His patience already worn thin, he left the convenience store without looking back. He frequented this place because it wasn’t usually crowded and the employee hadn’t bothered him much. But if this was how it was going to be, there wasn’t much difference from other places.
Unwilling to waste energy on such trivial thoughts, Yoohyun quickly cleared his cluttered mind. Quickening his pace, he soon slipped into a deserted alley. Though the path was narrow, barely enough for two people to pass, Yoohyun seemed quite accustomed to it. He deftly navigated around the streetlights and trash cans that obstructed the passage, without a single complaint.
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Choosing deserted places instinctively was almost a chronic occupational hazard. When he was just starting elementary school, at the suggestion of his mother, who was friends with a film director, he debuted as a child actor. Since he received significant attention at such a young age, as he grew older, Yoohyun felt both gratitude and burden from the public’s interest.
Sometimes, he only felt exhaustion. While many enjoyed and coped with it, unfortunately, Yoohyun was the type to internalize stress. As a result, he instinctively sought quiet places. Avoiding crowded areas was a habit he developed for survival.
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The alley, which connected to a quiet residential area, wound its way between tall buildings as it neared its end. Turning at a certain spot, Yoohyun soon arrived in front of a luxury villa. Passing through the secure, transparent glass doors, he stepped into the waiting elevator.
The building, with only one residence per floor, was ideal for maintaining personal space. Among them, Yoohyun’s home that was located on the top floor, had higher ceilings and was more open compared to the other units. The spaciousness and lack of passing neighbors were the main reasons he chose this place.
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Touching his forehead to the keypad, Yoohyun entered his passcode haphazardly and pushed the door open. Shuffling his feet rather than walking, he threw himself onto the sofa in the middle of the living room.
The scene that unfolded before his weary eyes was chaotic. Unlike the clean, well-maintained interior, the wide glass coffee table was a mess. It was the only area the cleaning service, which visited twice a week, didn’t touch. It was Yoohyun’s sanctuary during sleepless nights, and he was sensitive to anyone else touching it.
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If the position of his things changed even slightly, it would bother him immensely. Mostly, there were traces of drinks, and among them, documents related to his work piled up. The sheer volume was so great that some papers couldn’t fit on the table and lay scattered on the floor.
“…”
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Staring blankly at the pile of papers scattered on the floor, Yoohyun sighed habitually. He had rummaged through them last night, and now he felt overwhelmed, not knowing where to begin tidying up. Ignoring the messy table, he casually lifted his arm. The convenience store bag, still in his hand, fell limply onto the table. With even the rustling sound gone, a desolate silence enveloped him.
His body naturally relaxed under the gentle sunlight streaming in from the window. Turning from his prone position onto his back, Yoohyun stared blankly at the ceiling. As if succumbing to the oncoming sleep, his long lashes fluttered slowly up and down along his well-defined eyelids.
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After staring blankly at the ceiling for a while, unaware of how much time had passed, Yoohyun’s eyelids closed silently. Just as he seemed about to fall asleep, his large eyes suddenly flew open. His eyes, heavy with sleep just a moment before, now shone with a clear light. Deep annoyance clouded his clear gaze, which were fixed on the ceiling.
“…Fuck, really.”
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A curse slipped out involuntarily. Rubbing his forehead with a rough hand, Yoohyun clicked his tongue and let out a low, frustrated groan. He rarely cursed, but when his patience ran out, it came out without him realizing it. He had to express it somehow to alleviate the rising anger.
If he wasn’t sleepy, he wouldn’t be so frustrated.
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It was maddening that sleep would tease him like this, lulling him into drowsiness and then jolting him awake at the crucial moment of closing his eyes.
“This is driving me crazy….”
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A burst of pent-up frustration, unexpressed for days, finally erupted. Yoohyun listlessly raised his arm, rubbed his face with his dry hands, and buried it in his palms. Insomnia, the cause of which he couldn’t fathom, had taken hold of his entire life, shaking it relentlessly. It wasn’t as if he had any particular trauma or a specific trigger for the insomnia. He was born into a well-off family, his mother and father were both alive and healthy.
He had a good relationship with his only older sister, and they often gathered together for pleasant family time, even for trivial reasons. His parents, who were a strong support system for him, were affectionate and gentle. He wasn’t dissatisfied with his current work either. Just in case, he even underwent several medical checkups, but there was nothing wrong. That’s why it felt even more unfair.
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Since the cause was unknown, the doctors attributed his insomnia to psychological factors. They suggested the stress inherent in his profession, though hidden from public view, might be a significant contributor. Due to the vagueness of this potential cause and it’s explanation, Yoohyun simply accepted it with a “I see,” without further questioning.
He tried the medication prescribed by the hospital, but it had no effect, so he gave up. He also tried cutting out coffee and caffeinated drinks to combat his fatigue, but that didn’t work either. It only amplified his overwhelming tiredness, so he stopped trying altogether. He relied on caffeine because it at least lessened his fatigue, leaving him no other choice.
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The reason he continued to work tirelessly was also because of the insomnia. He thought if he exhausted his body, he would eventually fall asleep from sheer exhaustion, but instead of sleep, he only ended up draining his energy.
‘How about taking a break and doing absolutely nothing for a while? You never know, your insomnia might improve while you rest.’
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‘…….’
‘If you talk to the president, I think we can work something out…….’
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‘…….’
‘If you keep this up, you might really end up resting permanently.’
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Once, Yoohyun’s manager, who was closest to him, couldn’t bear to watch him suffer and suggested he take a break. Although reluctant, Yoohyun couldn’t refuse when his manager insisted, warning him that he might end up dead if he continued like this.
After wrapping up all his schedules, Yoohyun, as his manager advised, dedicated himself solely to rest for a while. During the break, he didn’t lift a finger and remained glued to his bed. He ate regularly, watched movies, took naps, and lived like a carefree idler.
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Following his manager’s anecdotal advice that sunlight helps with sleep, he sat outside for three to four hours at a time, simply staring blankly, but it was a failure. He also tried moderate exercise and meditation, but these, too, proved ineffective. Despite all his efforts, the insomnia didn’t improve at all.
On the contrary, since he wasn’t moving around, there was no chance for fatigue to accumulate, so he ended up spending several nights with wide-open eyes. After trying various methods to no avail, Yoohyun finally gave up on everything. He had no choice but to prepare himself mentally, living with the constant awareness that he could collapse at any moment.
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