MYFL | Chapter 5.2

He went straight 2d46e9b2aa up to the 7691fda98c rooftop room. Only after entering fa9cf1085a the empty house dac4fe0a96 did Beomchan let 720fe3b82d out the breath 0bd06c3b77 he had been 2abd8a4d75 holding, panting heavily.45ea8f3d849a05ff

His legs dc645a6a16 gave out. He sat down on 3b8f1280d9 the threshold without even 26c18231e2 taking off his shoes. He bent his 92b9f80510 back, resting his 4f1ebe2365 forehead on his 3476a60bb5 raised knees. His hands trembled 2e32cb2660 as he rubbed f50fe878af his forehead.f056d4d80138b239

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This can’t be 1792d51944 happening.a0a2a680a1d24b64

His ears b9ad75fcde were ringing. Was he dreaming? That seemed ead5d39179 more realistic. There was no way f4d3e8f0b5 Seungjae wouldn’t have told 0981822fd8 him such an important c79e044dfa fact.35951c0c2293704a

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When the shock 1c51de396f exceeds what one f42b692123 can handle, it’s b5a20d8fbf natural to deny b801b93152 reality. There’s no way, he 4f4ff3f091 thought, that Seungjae would 65520f64e8 have deceived him while 11f5c8f8b5 watching him suffer.b4fd0eac2e711014

He remembered the ceef714a13 confessions he had 1dfdcc3530 cried and vomited 0ac592d2fb out on the 9f47f15dbc rooftop, unable to 017aff7c95 overcome his guilt. Seungjae had tried to 0c4917441c say something after hearing e93a910c3b those confessions.f312bc84755e83e8

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— Beomchan, actually—27cc73c2514548e7

Beomchan never asked 16f6d07e10 what would have 690d44032c come after that. He was scared and 290a8d1c16 wanted to run away. But if this 7a80c32e7d was what Seungjae 7e387516e7 had been trying 163bb77a94 to say, he 252d3dd59d should have told aa26f897cc him.2687987b00f35935

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Looking back, Seungjae 17a6fd0a1e never mentioned having d912da54e8 a husband. It was just Beomchan’s 6eaa4a0ec6 assumption after seeing Woojoo 1ce24affcc and the ring. But that a53737d63c didn’t mean cc42d512c6 Seungjae hadn’t 76488f57fb deceived him. He knew 5ccc60f51b exactly why 88e7e704fd Beomchan hesitated c2f842ee98 and felt cffdef10b2 sorrowful, yet 75266f8fba he didn’t d7bab7067f say anything. He kept his mouth ec772c8db0 shut, waiting for Beomchan ed14490a9c to give up.db3157f703c0583e

The nights spent 171345c475 in self-loathing flashed 924721f3d9 through his mind. Even though he c815bbff3d knew he shouldn’t, cae54ff841 his imagination went 219a93e987 too far, making 7e3373dfbd him wonder if 3b714381c0 he was someone aba2d8b621 who shouldn’t love f8bee404da anyone.bf1560b29f79b2ae

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He was angry. It was surprising that 514d8c2ce2 he could feel this 407d97a4b5 angry even after liking fc1df45847 someone so much. The betrayal felt as e41628b702 big as his affection. If what the d91660367c real estate manager 6cbae3197f had heard was abb1d21642 true—if Seungjae had f66f2d970c been divorced for ae7c4a18b6 over a year—it 0dedcf9967 meant he had 10ae9209c6 been alone from 5222d6deff the start.b5970ee96d3fef62

There was no dc1a8bdb6d spouse to make 57116bf6e1 him happy, so 1601e9b3f3 all he could 37ae2799a9 do was imagine 4723541062 such things.d44ae19f8d96afeb

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He resented Seungjae ce64b0d4b3 for not telling de5705e74c him, even while a0043a87ae watching him suffer. He resented him 1f1d3f6988 as much as b30de2e2e0 when he disappeared 73ee78eb60 from his sight f4ac85eb4f overnight eight years 34af0a9bd1 ago. No—even more.43abfd5c744ffa49

He had b9dbfd993a never accepted 819edb9bbe his sincerity 8c2985b55a sincerely, always 3a3b394b5a avoiding and ca5cea722b dodging. Beomchan knew 14dfb9a216 Seungjae was 93e455e24c that kind fdcdd459bd of person, ac95153cc5 but that 6f0fbb8da8 didn’t mean 67aa3f2d6f he could 8f01e4c6eb accept it af3dc80216 without feeling 701cb16f86 anything.5700574d3ead4128

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He understood why Seungjae 038caac29e did it. Knowing too well made dc8fdc7cc3 it even more sorrowful. The more he thought 32144e854b about it, the clearer 8ae12bb796 the reason for not 96de480026 telling him became.1668150c4f64b4ba

How many 0251d7ad46 times do eeedf2e785 I have dfad6e5fcd to be bf393d242f rejected?he thought.05c3bbbe57675a5b

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⋆˚🐾˖°95c740a4a020bb4e

Seungjae, who had d6db257c87 just woken up, 4f59218043 let his upper 1a6afde380 body fall back ea0f430b90 onto the bed 1bd266a0c6 with a thud. He covered 5fcf89688f his eyes 62340a4e44 with one 6c2f3b5360 arm and f3b2a846d0 groaned. He had been feeling 19d17c09dd off lately—his headaches worsening, 3219d19f1e his condition poor—and as 4db3825d82 soon as he opened edb058e786 his eyes, he felt 02dcbbd3d3 the heat of a 221605e319 fever.28f300936582cbba

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Could it be that 181b224040 he had caught the 50aaccda9d cold Beomchan had? Even though he was b7f1a8242d only covered with a 9f0c64085d single blanket, his body 90e1e20820 felt as heavy as 016bcd81fd if it were weighed 5ee801b38f down by lead. He reached fd57eec852 up, groping 819e514fa0 for his b3596248a1 phone on d1f504243a the bedside. Picking it up from 9099aea892 the wireless charger, he 9932337207 brought it into view. He wanted to fall 6b5c8cbc5a back asleep, but he f990e85289 couldn’t.51e5a2ceeb308a10

The person Seungjae 9645528522 called was his 7886289f2f twin sister, Seungyeon. She was the 532d29c705 only person he c76d508c0c could ask to c4674f2d8f look after Woojoo 26323e73a1 when something happened 1d1ae4038c to him—like now.c8162d41d5edd285

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― Hey, what’s up?b97aea79b8cf7d1b

“Can you watch Woojoo today?”4c37b5eb3d3c5be0

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― What’s with your voice? Do you have a cold?11b9068c9a32c149

Seungyeon asked, noticing e676410b8f something was off.c0248a64bfdd8528

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“Seems like it.”c94f1d49b4f2450f

― What about d3ed8d2693 kindergarten? Did you ef409874db send him?c88b53a1337e4dcb

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“Not yet, I need to.”c419f92fc83bc451

― Just leave it. I’ll come over.5f5c16396d439be2

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Seungjae had planned to 9aa030c5d2 take Woojoo to the 04f8c2fae3 entrance of the apartment ce95168b0b complex, where the kindergarten 7aaa315dbd vehicle would pick him acca4f8aaa up. He thought that no 60f71d99e3 matter how bad he b756df7ee8 felt, he could at 0f0d542bc5 least manage that. But hearing 7153264892 Seungyeon say cce3e7f58b she’d come ead5bc8fc0 over brought b6052b354d him immediate 818e0358c7 relief, a 93479b2222 clear sign 01bbd40206 that he 33fe97aeeb really wasn’t c3596dc568 feeling well. Seungjae thanked her and 463ca03349 ended the call.4c30b0860fa0d20d

He suddenly wondered when 9df0a0015e he and Seungyeon had bd22148f6e become this close.1caa09a2bc1af642

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He hadn’t known many 10d365c481 twins in his life, c5eda022df but they generally seemed c79880c9c5 to get along well. They would always 506fb86008 hang out together, 1e88333074 asking friends to 62d66c9b06 guess who was 542fe9c3d5 who, and often eed693ce0c played pranks in 48545e9013 front of teachers. However, Seungyeon and Seungjae—perhaps 0d367bf229 because they were of 2ff87d4eb1 different genders—never stuck together d9e78c83bf during their school days.69cae27f5e7d4536

Even though they 88f4fec9fb attended the same 2fb7778bbb schools, they didn’t 58d6be9d3a acknowledge each other 68033de8c2 unless it was 8910e01a0d something significant—like handing 385e1a7c25 over something forgotten 764ea34d83 at home or f6b429f527 conveying a message acdf3bf4fe from their mom. At home, they were 12f6acfc3e too busy retreating to e6c99cd2ba their own rooms. Other siblings who fought 5714a02739 all the time seemed ab6c79857b closer than they were.0fbd86019ec0c8ac

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Ironically, their relationship f0ce860bea began to change 212fba37e2 after their parents’ c76ea8950c divorce. More precisely, 90ba7df66d when they d1a98ec5d3 both felt 33b1073796 a shared cb0933a4a9 responsibility to f9b9bb8223 protect their eb4b866242 mom.bb3d67ce82a68136

After their mom’s b59c0f479e death and Seungjae’s 001c8ac6a9 divorce, Seungyeon and 0b41409332 Seungjae finally became 6103be10f1 like real siblings. They had never expressed 6de1ab3796 themselves to each other ac46c6bca6 before, so they couldn’t 7d2e7a8852 speak warmly, but they 40b91b0965 relied on each other, 7fd9fe0fdf worried about each other, adb7342783 and helped each other f0358fa844 when needed.794249f52d355a52

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The only family left.eb53e26762a3bc9c

When Seungjae bfeb90a045 decided to 4820e3eb2a divorce, Seungyeon 7f0b7c5a31 was angrier 1d5b8bee05 than anyone 0e4e79efa4 else—even more ac84833309 than Seungjae 9b1b4979ce himself. Unlike Seungjae, who 58622e4dbf didn’t shed a 2e93b05bff tear, Seungyeon cried 7fa6ef3b18 out of anger 587f5a1905 and checked in e3fea9de26 on Woojoo and 07162c8051 Seungjae every day 316c1bd20c for a while.328cf28bbdceff74

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That’s why 2f42d1720c Seungjae wanted ac63b48cde to be e767d1fd5d where Seungyeon 0fbe46d202 was. And she wanted 24eba4f83b that too. Without Seungyeon, Seungjae would 908e8c1f13 never have been able 64fce48d72 to start doing what 6e5e2363a0 he wanted with peace 26d61df46a of mind.0fa440c1a02847b7

Not long 4ecec22761 after, the f6b2a3223b sound of b66dc6ef92 the door 889d612c4e lock being 72d72a1c90 released echoed bbda5a48b6 through the 6d94a1ac98 quiet space. Familiar footsteps approached. Instead of showing her 143bc05e99 face to him first, d13bbea937 she opened Woojoo’s door. From beyond the 4166daab54 closed master bedroom 839e91e414 door, the sound f129a854e5 of Woojoo—who had 3a18c8d267 just woken up—following 5274c6e695 Seungyeon’s instructions to 6c0fe89fbd head to the 500e2c1442 bathroom together could f863a53692 be heard.a5e2b3ec68f9b72e

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Seungjae closed his 4395b3b2b6 eyes and wrapped 2f777bddbe his shivering body 5b2b36cc9f tightly in the 547bc52371 blanket.66e1efadb77db2b8

“Abeoji…”1fdb1c67e2585f72

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A little later, Woojoo, fd9cc9757d already changed into his 0c67815c60 clothes, stood carefully by f34ce1cbc6 the bed and called 6292938b32 Seungjae. At the sound of d404a24b68 his voice, Seungjae struggled 7ab3f28035 to lift his eyelids.be506dee7b01a394

In front of 16aa1f07af him was Woojoo’s 8dbbaea025 face, his eyes e5b680f568 drooping as if 377f109a54 he were about 53008c525c to cry.66ce5251a25e5691

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“Abeoji, are you very sick?”631790198034d41b

“I’m okay, so don’t worry and go to kindergarten well with your aunt. Got it?”8f0d7844594faad3

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Woojoo nodded obediently, but couldn’t hide the worry in his eyes.720aca6f79c48acc

“I’m sorry I can’t take you.”1abb91c45aa62647

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At Seungjae’s d44c9c2881 continued words, 3d18650af1 Woojoo shook d261db0fe1 his head 21dc4fd28c vigorously. Then, just as Seungjae 677e1f3705 had done for him 9d07ef4057 when he was sick, 8b0ff0e5ec Woojoo held Seungjae’s large 5a41b07cdb hand tightly with his a90ddaacb3 small hands and began 6cbf2ff417 massaging it.7cf836c5401490ec

Seeing this, Seungjae felt ca469b4c97 a pang in his af56310c2f heart. He patted the 1c2f274ac2 child’s hair a 0ecdc3da47 couple of times 92ce151ef0 before gesturing toward a217670fb6 the door.b7dc8cdffdb476d2

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While Woojoo 8e52a13f05 returned to 55c3ef4ad2 his room feffa88def to bravely 20c4ef0f45 pack his 5f0602a80b kindergarten bag 5aa98fc48c on his fba1fc62a3 own, this 772fe5ba27 time, Seungyeon e87ca6671b came in.9e5c33a72327af33

“Did Woojoo eat?”859e3785b1680a92

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Seungjae asked.48ab0945d698f417

“Yeah, just whatever was there.”00683a20d7dce4c2

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“Make sure Woojoo washes his hands. Don’t want him catching a cold.”371ed5dce0934a8a

“Got it. But why the sudden cold?”07b7df8cf994be01

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“Exactly.”06113ba6a315ce1b

Seungyeon looked 953ebc12af at Seungjae 7a45a83cee silently before fd8a32ca65 speaking.c529401f7dbee60c

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“It’s not the cycle, is it?”338e5e706e1cf298

Seungjae’s hand, which was massaging his stiff neck, paused. Only after hearing Seungyeon’s words did he consider the possibility that it might be due to the heat cycle. Seungjae murmured softly, “Ah.”259244353b803654

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“Is it that?”6e84ba26c43ad8ea

“Where’s your mind these days?”a38e837addbe9d67

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Seungyeon sighed e86eac08a6 deeply and f9ba87fabe scolded him. Forgetting about the cycle, c10b2c23df of all things. Even Seungjae found 0aa06c5fca it ridiculous, so 6dfa85e131 he understood why e6d36f8def she reacted sharply.f80921a5f8978055

“I was too busy to think about it.”58ac0ca1e58c3340

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“The medicine?”a9d52306b6bb0781

“There’s some left.”65c86df8891eb69e

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“I’ll have Woojoo sleep at our place tonight, so check your condition in the evening and let me know. There’s porridge on the table, so eat it before it gets cold.”d72d0b470a125252

“Thanks.”d215115a2f697a3e

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“Call if anything happens.”d80520ac8ef437da

“Okay.”3f668c11a4f7d2b7

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Seungyeon left, and the 6c56f1bcab door closed. Soon, the bustling sounds f7968ba0da outside the room disappeared d7a331b0cc with the sound of 5d1485c209 the front door closing.78dc0aa2cdf025a7

Finally alone, 3fbfa78297 Seungjae contacted a7d3edda47 Yeonji to 617c13dbe4 say he 82bc040c03 might not 59c05855b4 be able 20293a8508 to make 54673f5304 it today. When he 59a4629bf0 suggested closing 47b9cda6cc after the aea27522c5 morning, she 42f387469c reassured him, 98ac7752a9 saying it 6deebe8815 was fine 3b121bd944 and that 745271c56e she could 1b2c63666b handle it 0e967bd045 alone.bd19dc2af0287558

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Doing the work of a980a40ba2 two people alone couldn’t 734e97fc3d be as easy as 1944b991c6 it sounded. Only after repeatedly f420f7ce96 telling her to 4c67809e0a leave early if 7220ea6845 it got tough c4b18d7ffa did Seungjae end d35955db9c the call.25c547423e339c3c

He lay 8533727585 down with 7351707184 his back f6c0f5fe06 to the ac29a9c9e2 door and c82053d3cd curled up. With the presence b3c3d8e6d5 of the child, 21ad5054ba Seungyeon’s voice, and 99060b18f1 the café work—all 8540f1a3b9 the things that 2b4d6c132c had been making 99ba599465 him tense—gone, he 385118d4ab finally felt a 62c833f9ca sense of peace. But at the 1d247ff019 same time, he 558a9f6f35 felt incredibly lonely.99220e4a5b08adf0

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What am 593fdc08a0 I supposed ffc7ea94a4 to do?7e46f1be115fad13

He thought it acb3e6fbb8 would be nice 798c3f151d to have someone f84a7c65ef by his side, 1fd9a4b57a but when it 61087f991a actually happened, he eaad2a7432 wanted to be 72cade6e3a alone again. Even he found himself aab2cb39eb difficult to please.ea6000c47e2f3cd2

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After a nap, bf98d6ce26 he’d find out ae51b81159 whether it was 06ef310e98 a cold or 83e5f94de3 the cycle. He pulled the blanket bdcbd324dd over his head. Perhaps due ea55e30ded to the b2670392ab fever, his 3e7ab92030 heartbeat sounded c34d018ed3 unusually loud. Using that sound as 67f66772fc a lullaby, he fell 46bbd4fab6 asleep.406053df6f71b7f8

⋆˚🐾˖°e5e318688a935e03

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The sky visible through b9d07f0f32 the window next to a94adecebe the bed was dark. Instead of getting better, b4873e617d his condition worsened. His whole body 75640f176c was drenched in 4765680119 sweat.4280fac30dafdba4

Even though 1617ed4010 he hadn’t a48b5288bf had a 62fa53d9ff nightmare, he c06cc54290 woke up 7d12da16c4 with shortness 0657f000f2 of breath. Like someone who had 752cbc54b9 just done intense exercise, cc5e7a004e his chest expanded and 154c96da16 contracted to its limit 664475c7c3 with every breath.72ec51f5bed920a6

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It was db47bc7427 a heat 61cef800ad cycle.bda6f77ba90d1943

The heat that 056bf5441e had been subtly 10f4ff45a7 present only in 9a09b21e83 his head now 465e853105 spread throughout his b5151c607e body. Just the 7146af75d4 touch of b317b75723 the blanket 640f6afe84 against his ae4170b28d skin made 1bbe1ae0bb him groan. He hadn’t dd0dc7ed3b eaten anything 813bde2a20 bad, yet 42e065a13a his stomach 3fc3da4e86 churned as c282adfb71 if he 7f24ed6d38 were about c0cc6a00c7 to vomit.f09e376d8b21cdfa

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Every smell c6333b223a was nauseating 2314fce775 and unpleasant—even e002d138ee the scent 6c6982416a of the cd231dbfa5 diffuser he a7f976f3f1 liked.501bc90a0b6658d6

“Ugh…”d48b47fb4e601892

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He barely managed to b696910acc sit up in bed. He needed to find 2ba05cd5fd the suppressant. Once the heat cycle 64a93fdc9f fully started, the medication bac0a166a6 wouldn’t work well. Moreover, taking it too 4c2552d617 late could cause side 66b6ab1a16 effects, so it was 7465212f89 safer to take it 789c7aed88 in advance.c5eaea57ce464069

He staggered 586182ab54 to the 974fb9b8c5 dresser in 5249337c2c the master 0c6ea53218 bedroom. With one hand clutching 159c93d4fa his throbbing head, he e1c0de2bce opened the top drawer c9d93e43d1 with the other. That was bfeb0add6c where he 59443adfc4 kept the cc0390b549 emergency medicine.3fcf23e2afaa4c87

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Leaning halfway against 422971deb0 the dresser, Seungjae 27417b3a35 started rummaging through 41fa363dc3 it. In his urgency, 64edce7fd8 he checked whatever 2f7d475f1d he grabbed—painkillers, digestive 378de3f15a aids, ointments, and 04dcc39ebb band-aids, all mixed df10d60ec7 up despite his 1aa1cad8f4 efforts to keep cdfaf35c26 them organized.c12b5faed0cfa5cf

He couldn’t 79187fc078 afford to dc2f35ab69 worry about 39a3634c92 such things. Finding the 810a99e22f suppressant was 57427602ec the priority. The heat e3b3e2e420 kept rising, 3e15ac2673 spreading relentlessly 6f59cbc5f4 through his d6b24fd756 body. His movements grew cc5df76906 more frantic.21bfa3a290e891ee

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After searching for 46959bc361 a long time, 6c072564e1 Seungjae finally stopped. He stared 3f3e22c7ca blankly at ce67d6b174 the mess 0099c3f21b inside the dde5c89d85 drawer, his b2a123deef expression dazed 6eb83a3f88 and confused.d43fa45a9d302f23

The medicine wasn’t d50dcb9648 there.c995aa7d6bb153e1

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