MYFL | Chapter 1.5

It was a busy Friday evening, and the outdoor parking lot was full of cars. Seungjae navigated skillfully through the traffic and into the lot. Following a parking attendant’s directions, he drove over a gravel path and expertly maneuvered into the last available spot in one smooth motion.

It was so flawlessly done that Beomchan wondered if the car was magnetized to the spot. After staring blankly at Seungjae’s profile for a moment, he quickly unbuckled his seatbelt when Seungjae gestured for him to get out.

After verifying their reservation, the staff member guided Beomchan and Seungjae inside. The interior of the restaurant was luxuriously appointed without being overwhelming. Everything was spotless and clearly recently renovated.

The seating was arranged with privacy in mind, spaced far apart with partitions, which Beomchan appreciated because it wasn’t as noisy as most barbecue places.

Once seated at a table for four, the waiter placed menus in front of both Beomchan and Seungjae.

“What should we order? Anything particular you want to try?”

“Uh, I…”

Beomchan only then picked up the menu to scrutinize it. Various cuts of beef were listed with their gram weights and prices. To him, who only knew to cook meat on a griddle and eat it, the menu read like a series of numbers. All beef was the same to him, why so many types? Still, he squinted his eyes, trying to make a selection, given that Seungjae had taken the trouble to bring him here.

Suddenly, Beomchan’s gaze shifted past the menu to Seungjae’s left hand gripping a water glass—specifically, to a silver ring on his fourth finger.

The silence stretched oddly long until Seungjae, sensing something was amiss, looked up at Beomchan, who realized he had stopped talking quite a while ago.

“Ah, everything looks good.”

“Can’t decide?”

Seungjae’s face wore a playful smile, his tone teasing, as if he were talking to a child.

“Yeah…”

Beomchan’s grip on the menu tightened unconsciously.

Seungjae then asked if he should just order something himself, and Beomchan, no longer caring much about the menu, quietly nodded.

Considering they were two adult men and Beomchan’s size, Seungjae ordered a slightly more than generous portion of mixed meats, including cuts like rib fingers and top blade that he particularly liked.

As they waited for their order, Seungjae reminisced about the Beomchan he remembered from eight years ago. There were many inaccuracies, but they were minor, so Beomchan let them slide. Honestly, he didn’t have the presence of mind to correct them. Delicious-looking meats and side dishes were placed before him, and he busily shoveled food into his mouth with his chopsticks, yet he couldn’t really taste anything.

“You said you liked it, and you really eat well.”

It felt like chewing on rubber. The quality of the meat was undoubtedly excellent, but Beomchan couldn’t enjoy it properly due to his state of mind. Seungjae thought he was eating heartily only because he was trying to distract himself from unnecessary thoughts.

It was the place Seungjae had brought him to, the time he had so looked forward to, but Beomchan couldn’t tell if the food was going through his nose or his mouth, nor could he hear what Seungjae was saying across from him. Ever since he spotted the ring, he had been in this state.

Right, it would be strange if he didn’t have a partner.

Seungjae was still incredibly attractive and charming, and Beomchan wasn’t the only one who would notice that. If one were close to him, it would be impossible not to. Why hadn’t he thought of that? Fate, future—all those baseless fantasies he had so easily spun. He felt embarrassed for even having entertained such fanciful dreams for a moment.

They moderately filled up on meat and drinks. A glass of alcohol was placed only in front of Beomchan. They could have shared a drink and called a taxi, but it wasn’t really an occasion for drinking, and Seungjae didn’t seem inclined to drink, so Beomchan didn’t insist.

Initially, Beomchan declined to drink alone, but Seungjae, seeing his former student all grown up, wanted to buy him a drink, using an old man’s reasoning to convince him.

Maybe, Beomchan thought, the alcohol would help relax and ward off the gloom. He agreed, but with each drink, he felt worse.

Then, amidst a faint buzz, he saw a sliver of possibility. A spark of interest flickered in Beomchan’s eyes as he slammed his empty glass down on the table.

He wasn’t planning to make any outrageous moves on someone who was already taken. He wasn’t that reckless.

But if Seungjae was only in a relationship, perhaps there was still a chance for him. Even if he could only hover around as a close former student, he’d take that. It was an opportunity he had waited eight years for, and he felt he could wait much longer if necessary.

“We’ll probably see each other more often now.” Seungjae commented as they drove back.

Yes, Beomchan thought, let’s be satisfied with that for now.

⋆˚🐾˖°

Upon waking, Beomchan immediately grabbed his phone to check the time and habitually clicked into his chat with Seungjae. There was no new message. Lately, he found himself revisiting their chat even without new messages to pore over their past conversations, a habit that had solidified over time.

He worried initially that if Seungjae sent a message suddenly, it would immediately show as read, which could be awkward. But sadly, Seungjae didn’t message him often enough for that to be a frequent concern.

Beomchan scrolled through their last conversation in the air with the tip of his thumb.

Spoke with the interior design boss
6:20 PM

He said he’ll come by tomorrow afternoon
I keep relying on you
Thanks haha
Let me know whenever you want to eat something
6:21 PM

A few days ago, after hearing that Seungjae was looking for someone to handle his café’s interior, Beomchan had introduced him to a reliable contact of his father’s who had ample experience in café interiors. Though part of his motivation was genuine assistance, there was also an undeniable hope that it would deepen their connection. Each time Seungjae expressed his gratitude, Beomchan felt a twinge of guilt.

Yep haha
6:22 PM

⋆˚🐾˖°

“…Why did you send it like this?”

Beomchan’s lips, which had been smirking at Joo Seungjae’s message, froze as he read the reply he had sent below. It was too childish. He had thought hard before sending it, but a day later, it seemed awful. Beomchan just flipped his phone face down beside him.

So he’s coming today too.

As Seungjae had said he would come often, he was frequently in and out of the building preparing for the cafe’s opening. They bumped into each other unexpectedly often, and there were times when Seungjae looked so busy that Beomchan just passed by after seeing only his back. Even seeing him often, days like today when his coming was certain still held a flutter of excitement.

Should I ask him to pay today?

The last time, in the car heading to a barbecue place, he had planned to secretly pay while Seungjae was away from his seat, but the sight of the ring had distracted him completely, and he ended up getting treated, which still bothered him.

Would it be too forward if I flirted a bit with someone who already has a girlfriend? The moment he recalled the ring, his fleeting excitement quickly faded. Even seeing it with his own eyes, Beomchan often forgot that Seungjae had a girlfriend. Maybe he wanted to forget.

Beomchan still hadn’t seen this fortunate guy. Usually, if someone’s partner is opening a shop, they’d look in together, wouldn’t they? Of course, it could be that his girlfriend visited when Beomchan wasn’t there or wasn’t looking, but all Beomchan had seen was Seungjae busy alone in the empty store.

Beomchan already disliked this faceless guy. Was he just busy, or had Seungjae moving here turned them into a long-distance couple? Despite not wanting to see Seungjae with his girlfriend, curiosity about what kind of guy he was, and a desire to see his face, sprouted within him.

Beomchan found it hard to understand his own feelings, but concluded that unrequited love probably made one’s emotions swing wildly all by oneself.

After quickly filling his hunger with whatever was in the fridge and washing up, he checked the time. He had delayed more than usual. Had he been staring at that message for so long? Even though it was his secret, he couldn’t help feeling embarrassed each time he became aware of it.

Beomchan ran his palm through his hair to tousle it and then grabbed a hat and slipped on his sneakers. As he went downstairs for his morning exercise, something seemed unusual at the base of the stairs.

Is he already out?

As Beomchan stepped outside the building, he saw Joo Seungjae’s back, who was finishing a call on the first floor. It seemed like the interior designer boss had come early, but Seungjae was alone. As soon as he finished the call, Seungjae turned around and, spotting Beomchan, came towards him with a bright expression.

“Hey, Beomchan. Good timing. Do you have a screwdriver by any chance?”

“A screwdriver? Yes, I do. Should I lend it to you?”

“Yeah, that would be great.”

Living alone in an old rooftop room meant that one had to fix things now and then. It was best to have the necessary tools to avoid unnecessary expenses.

Beomchan led Seungjae back inside the building. He could have told him to wait while he fetched it, but he didn’t. Why pass up the chance to be together?

Beomchan’s steps took them past the taekwondo dojo to the end of the corridor on the third floor. Seungjae, who had expected to head to the dojo, hesitated for a moment but then followed him.

“What, you live here?”

As they opened the iron door and ascended the stairs, the sight that greeted them made Seungjae ask in surprise.

“Yes.”

“Wow, just go down the stairs and you’re at work.”

Beomchan had chosen this place over his not-so-far family home for the convenience of commuting, but there were other reasons too.

He had officially started living here after graduating from college. During his university days, he lived close to school, so he rarely stayed at his family home. After moving back, he often found himself thinking of Seungjae during painful moments.

Even if it was just a one-sided, incomplete love, sleeping and waking up in a place where he had once spent time alone with him felt heavier than expected. Was he really the type to cling to the past like this? Beomchan found himself pathetic. That’s why he decided to leave home. If it was over anyway, he wanted to let it go completely.

And yet, here he was, in his so-called escape, together with him. How pointless.