My Lord Chapter 24

Sedian fell asleep with his face resting on my hand as a pillow.  

 

Even though I had provided relief through magic during our time together, the bark-like scars still spread across his face, showing no signs of receding.  

 

They looked so painful that I couldn’t even touch them.  

 

Just looking at them made a corner of my chest ache, so I deliberately averted my gaze. Turning away, I condemned myself—my faults, my wrongdoings.  

 

“……”

 

I resolved to heal him as quickly as possible, no matter what it took.  

 

Muttering to myself, I waited until Sedian had fallen into a deep sleep.  

 

How much time had passed?  

 

Only after Sedian shifted in his sleep and lifted his face from my hand was I able to leave the room.  

 

It was to take back the untouched breakfast I had prepared to the kitchen. Thinking it might be a good idea to prepare holy water and warm tea, I asked Daisy for holy water and then headed to the kitchen.  

 

“……Oh?”

 

As soon as I entered the kitchen, I saw a girl with orange hair tied into pigtails. It was Lily, who had recently joined as a cook alongside Ellen.  

 

“Why is the food…?”

 

Lily was staring at the untouched food on the trolley, her mouth slightly agape.  

 

I had heard she was working hard, but it seemed the fact that her carefully prepared dish was returned untouched had troubled her. Her wide eyes blinked in shock.  

 

“D-did the young master not like it…? Is it being thrown out?”

 

“That’s not it.”  

 

Worried she might misunderstand, I quickly responded.  

 

“The young master isn’t feeling well. It’d be good to prepare some thin soup for lunch. It would also be nice to have some bread to go with it.”  

 

“Oh… I see.”  

 

Lily nodded in relief and smiled faintly. Then, twirling one of her pigtails with her fingers, she tilted her head and looked up at me.  

 

“Is the young master… very unwell?”  

 

“He’ll be fine.”  

 

I answered, but I clenched my teeth instinctively.  

 

Fine?  

 

Really?  

 

Sedian had been fine when he came to my room.  

 

Yet, shortly after, he suddenly fell ill. The pain from the curse comes irregularly, so it’s to be expected. That’s why it’s only natural to stay by his side and wait until the pain subsides.  

 

But the weight of my guilt made it hard for me to think of this as merely “natural.”  

 

My hands clenched tightly on their own. I couldn’t help but think Sedian’s suffering and pain were all my fault.  

 

-Stay by my side. Forever.

 

I should’ve told him it was impossible.  

 

Because I was the one who caused his suffering, I shouldn’t stay by his side.  

 

But I couldn’t bring myself to say it.  

 

If I wanted to resolve my guilt, I should confess the truth to Sedian and accept my punishment. But selfishly, I wanted to live.  

 

I couldn’t tell him. All I could do was keep this feeling hidden and continue to stay by Sedian’s side, healing him.  

 

-…Thank you.

 

-Thank you so much.

 

I didn’t deserve those words, and that made it all the more unbearable.  

 

Sitting in a chair at the corner of the kitchen, I buried my face in my hands.  

 

“Honestly, I don’t know anymore.”  

 

Lily didn’t know my true identity. To her, I was merely the benefactor who had assisted Gilliard.  

 

Perhaps it was because she didn’t know me that I felt more at ease. Without realizing it, words from my heart started to spill out.  

 

“I don’t even know if the young master is actually getting better. I don’t know if it’s okay to leave him as he is. I feel like an incompetent fool who can’t properly care for him despite being by his side. And I don’t even know if protecting him is really for him—or just my selfishness.”  

 

Muttering and lamenting to myself, I suddenly realized what I was saying and lifted my head.  

 

“What am I even talking about? I’m sorry.”  

 

“N-no!”  

 

Lily frantically waved her hands.  

 

“You, you can… keep talking… if you want.”  

 

“Thank you, but it’s fine. Thanks for listening.”  

 

Feeling embarrassed for saying unnecessary things, I tried to leave quickly.  

 

“Umm… butler…”  

 

Lily called out to me from behind.  

 

“I’ve heard… about how you helped me and the commander….”  

 

“Oh, I see.”  

 

“At first, I didn’t know why you were here, but I heard a lot about you from others. They all said you’re kind and a good person….”  

 

So they talked about me behind my back. Why not say it to my face?  

 

Feeling embarrassed again, I coughed awkwardly and turned away.  

 

“And, they said the young master has brightened up since you arrived.”  

 

“Is that so?”  

 

“Yes… Everyone knows how much you care for the young master… and, of course, he knows too….”  

 

Lily added, slowly approaching me. She held out a piece of rye bread she had been holding, as if offering it.  

 

“Isn’t that enough? Just caring for the young master… isn’t that enough?”  

 

I blinked slowly.  

 

Now that I thought about it, Ellen had said something similar.  

 

-At least you’re giving him a cure. There are plenty of people in the world who only give sickness without offering any cure.  

 

Even though I was at fault, taking care of Sedian and desperately trying to heal him might be a way to reduce my sins.  

 

“What a selfish way of thinking.”  

 

But.  

 

But still…  

 

“Maybe thinking like this makes me feel better right now.”  

 

If I kept digging myself into despair whenever Sedian was in pain, it would only make it harder to treat him. No matter how much I tried to hide it, he was someone who was sensitive to others’ moods. He would quickly notice any change in my demeanor.  

 

After some thought, I nodded to myself.  

 

Yes. I’ve made up my mind.  

 

I’ll bear my guilt after healing Sedian.  

 

For now…  

 

“Let’s focus on the treatment.”  

 

Having sorted my thoughts, my mind felt clearer, like finding the right path after wandering in darkness. Smiling brightly, I took the bread from Lily’s hand.  

 

“Thank you. Thanks to you, I feel a bit lighter now.”  

 

Lily’s face lit up with a smile.  

 

“Yes, yes! And, um, the young master… will definitely get better!”  

 

She clenched her fists and struck a fighting pose, which was so adorable that I couldn’t help but smile again.  

 

Despite barely knowing me and being forced to work here, she cared not only for me but also for Sedian. I felt grateful.  

 

“Yes.”  

 

I patted Lily on the head and said:  

 

“I’ll make sure of it.”  

 

***

 

Fortunately, Sedian recovered afterward.

 

It was just a brief period of pain; after taking a nap, he was definitely better and we had meals together and continued with our walks.

 

Just to be safe, I kept an eye on him for a few days, but there were no more days when he was in pain.

 

Instead,

 

“Rey. Come here.”

 

Sedian wanted me to be in his sight. Not just once or twice, but every day.

 

“Hand.”

 

I paused for a moment as I looked at Sedian’s hand, which he had extended toward me.

 

“What are you doing? Aren’t you going to hold it?”

 

“…Ah, no! I should hold it!”

 

At his blunt urging, I finally took his hand. The skin felt much softer than when we first met. The warm temperature passed through clearly, and I felt that Sedian’s curse was gradually lifting.

 

I should have been relieved, but I couldn’t bring myself to.

 

It was because of one question that had been bothering me recently.

 

Why suddenly…?

 

It had already been several days.

 

Sedian didn’t want to let me go. Even when eating, and even just before going to sleep, he kept me by his side.

 

Not only that, but whenever he saw me, he tried to hold my hand and stay close. It was as though he wanted to cling to me like a newborn chick and not let go.

 

I felt a little bewildered. No, to be honest, I felt very bewildered.

 

It felt like a kitten that used to hiss and arch its back when you got too close, suddenly rubbing its face against my hand and pushing itself against me.

 

I don’t dislike it, though…

 

It wasn’t that I disliked it at all. In fact, I liked it. By having contact with Sedian, I could lift his curse, so holding hands and walking together every day was beneficial for both of us.

 

But still, I kept thinking, Why all of a sudden? It was unsettling, and somehow scary.

 

I swallowed dryly and looked at Sedian, who was walking beside me.

 

“Young Master”

 

“Hmm?”

 

“…Why are you answering so kindly?”

 

Wasn’t he the type to respond with just “Uh” or “Why”? But now he was answering so gently? It made me even more afraid.

 

“If, um…”

 

“Say it.”

 

“Did I do something wrong?”

 

Sedian blinked his large eyes.