MM Ch 7 part 3

PR by neji

Gulp. I unconsciously swallowed, and the sound was louder than I expected.

“He asked for help, so I helped him. I never expected him to end up hating me for it.”

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I wondered what kind of face Lee Kyuwol made when he broke his teammate’s arm. He probably wasn’t shaken at all. Because he had helped the boy find ‘a way’.

“After that, my father beat me until I almost died. When I honestly explained everything that had happened, he stopped hitting me. But then I had to go to the hospital and take all kinds of boring tests.”

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His face darkened even more.

“After I took those tests, in the car on our way home, my father asked me. Right now. In this exact moment. He wanted to know what I was thinking. What was going on inside my head?”

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His steady voice took me back into his past. Within Lee Kyuwol’s memories, I saw the blank face of the little Lee Kyuwol as he whispered.

“I answered him truthfully. If I were to cut my father’s wrist, how much blood would cover this car? My father parked the car on the shoulder of the road and I got beaten again. Back then, I didn’t know why.”

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The living room was now completely dark. The sound of raindrops merged with my racing heartbeats.

“I didn’t understand. Honestly, I was also a bit annoyed. Just because they said that I don’t have the capacity to feel sympathy for others doesn’t mean that I don’t have feelings altogether. No, actually…”

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Lee Kyuwol stopped speaking for a moment.

“Actually, when it comes to a handful of emotions, I’m a lot more sensitive. For example, if something troublesome happens to me because of someone else, the anger used to be so overwhelming… And at other times, certain emotions didn’t even occur to me. And when it came to dread or fear, I couldn’t even find the switch that turned them on.”

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Lee Kyuwol’s voice held a hint of laughter.

“I later came to vaguely understand why Lee SangBaek got angry. It was because he couldn’t accept the fact that he wouldn’t be able to control me. I was born this way from the beginning, but the man who called himself my father continued to make me angry because of this one simple fact. I slowly came to the conclusion that I need to settle this once and for all.”

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I chewed on the walls of my cheek as I listened to his story for the first time. My insides throbbed.

“So as soon as it was summer break, I began to search for a location. I decided on my grandfather’s vacation home and jumped off the cliff nearby. Ah. There’s no need to make that face. It wasn’t like I was committing suicide because I was angry with the world. For me, it was like a game.”

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I didn’t know what kind of expression I was making. I merely pressed my lips together.

“As I jumped off, I thought to myself. If I survive this, I’m going to live differently than I’d lived so far. But in the end, I didn’t die. My body hit a bunch of boulders on the way down, and I did get hurt, but… I fractured a leg, and one of my ribs punctured a lung, but I still managed to crawl out of the water. The doctor said that it was a miracle I survived.”

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Because of the falling rain, the atmosphere of the apartment seemed to have sunk as well. The chill caused my body to shudder. Lee Kyuwol stretched out his hand and pulled at mine.

“I began to swim as a form of rehabilitation, but… I liked the fact that my bare skin would have to be exposed for it. Once Lee SangBaek realized that all of my wounds would be out in the open, he no longer put his hands on me.”

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“…Did Professor Lee… hit you a lot?”

His father’s violence was a consistent aspect of his story. And Lee Kyuwol spoke about it as if it wasn’t significant.

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“My earliest memory is a time when I hit my head on the corner of a desk, and I fainted. It hit the optic nerve, so I almost went blind, but I was lucky. Or maybe the surgeon was just that good.”

His voice was dry as if he were talking about someone else. There wasn’t an ounce of sorrow on his face. There was no anger towards his father. The one who was shaken by his story was me.

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Lee Kyuwol had begun swimming at the age of thirteen. Based on his story, up until the age of thirteen, Lee Kyuwol was beaten into submission by Professor Lee.

“Why… did he hit you?”

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“I’m not sure. Whenever he looked at me, I probably reminded him of his mistake.”

Up until that point, I had no idea what kind of story would come out of his mouth. I was just angry that he was beaten just because he was a bit different from other people.

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“What mistake?”

He gazed at me before he finally answered.

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“My biological mother wasn’t German or a college student.”

“…Then who was she?”

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Lee Kyuwol’s father had fallen in love while studying abroad, and the couple gave birth to Lee Kyuwol. His biological mother passed away during the birth. That’s what I found on the internet.

“When Lee SangBaek was sponsored to study abroad in Germany, he was given a house to live in during his studies. There was a Russian woman who took care of the housekeeping. She was an uneducated single mother, and she wasn’t very good at speaking German either. The first job she had when she came to Germany was that of a legal prostitute.”

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When Lee Kyuwol saw my stiff expression, he chuckled.

“It’s too early to be disappointed. It gets even more interesting from here.”

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My hand in his grasp grew damp with sweat. My heart raced. I didn’t want to hear more, but at the same time, I wanted to know more. Lee Kyuwol massaged my damp hand as he continued his story.

“Once her child got to a certain age, she quit being a prostitute. She didn’t want to continue working in a field her daughter couldn’t be proud of, and now that she was up there in age, the money didn’t come in like it used to. But the woman continued to live to the best of her abilities. Whether it was scavenging or being a housekeeper, she didn’t discriminate when it came to saving up some money. She dreamed of living a happy life with her child, but… One day, the woman came to clean the house, and her daughter came to help. Lee SangBaek discovered her, and everything went downhill from there.”

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As Lee Kyuwol unraveled the true story that had been hidden from the public, his voice sounded excited as if he were talking about someone else.

“The Russian woman spoke in broken German and apologized as she lowered her head. This hadn’t happened before. Because of her school break, the daughter had come for this one day. The woman apologized and said that they weren’t sneaking around the empty house at all. This timid, rich, Asian student graciously forgave her and even went as far as to offer her a job as a live-in maid. Of course, her daughter was welcome to join as well.”

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My throat closed up, and my body shuddered. My hand went cold, and I tried to pull it out of Lee Kyuwol’s grasp, but he merely tightened his grip.

“Lee SangBaek probably groomed the daughter the best way he knew how. The daughter probably relied on him a lot more than she did her mother, and ultimately, she mistakenly thought that she was in love with him.”

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His story sounded like it was a lie. This horrifying story continued to unravel, and there was only one reason why it was going in this direction.

“The young girl believes she can do anything to prove her love. After his graduate program is completed, he returns to Korea. The girl waits for him everyday, and she writes letters to an incorrect address. Her mother is too busy, and the girl manages to hide her swelling belly from her. She continues to protect the fruit of their love, but…”

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“……”

“One day, the letters she sent came back undelivered all at once. The daughter locks herself in her room and refuses to eat or drink, crying all day. The Russian woman, who didn’t know the reason for this behavior, comes to discover the full story of what had happened. And she manages to scrape together the money she didn’t have and get themselves on a plane. Holding the hand of her daughter who is seven months pregnant, they travel for over twenty hours. Exhausted, they managed to step foot in Korea.”

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As I listened to a story so similar to that of my mother, I didn’t know what to say in response. All I could do was breathe.

“The twist in this story is that the Russian woman was smarter than they thought. Instead of going to see Lee SangBaek, she went to his father. Lee SangBaek’s father didn’t even acknowledge her, but when he finds out that her daughter is carrying his own flesh and blood, he begins to interrogate her. The terrified daughter begins to show signs of premature labor, and blood begins to flow down from between her legs. Instead of taking her to the hospital, Lee SangBaek’s father calls a doctor to the house and attempts to have the girl give birth at home. Ultimately, after pushing out a premature, mixed-blood baby, she dies of excessive blood loss. And when she died, she was…”

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Lee Kyuwol stopped speaking for a moment. With a flickering smile, he continued in a low, steady voice.

“In Korean age, she was only fourteen¹.”

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When I heard the horrifying remark, I covered my mouth with the hand that was not in Lee Kyuwol’s grasp. My breaths were uneven as they brushed against my fingers.

“The Russian woman’s body was discovered in a mountain cave six months after her disappearance. And the child who entered this world because of Lee SangBaek’s perverse sexual appetite gets lucky and enters the family registry at the order of his grandfather, who takes the family bloodline very seriously. He constantly tells the child that he is lucky that his mother was a white horse.”

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My tear-filled eyes grew warm, and I slowly blinked. I didn’t want to cry. I didn’t want to sympathize with his tragedy, and I didn’t want to compare his tragedy to mine and console him.

“Time passed by… and when Lee SangBaek revealed his dirty sexual desires towards you, I thought I truly wanted to kill him.”

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My pulse raced inside the hand that was in Lee Kyuwol’s grasp. The unpleasant memories of Professor Lee masturbating to my underwear began to pierce through my head. Even the fountain pen that Lee Kyuwol had plunged through Professor Lee’s earlobe, the red blood dripping down his hand.

“When he did die, I had a difficult time managing my facial expressions at the wake.”

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Lee Kyuwol’s gray eyes captured my shaking ones. His voice flowed out of his throat and continued to twist around my body.

“…Truth be told, I was in a good mood because a human being that deserved death had died.”

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A breath that I had been holding burst out of my mouth. I bit down on my trembling lips. He remained calm and steady, unshaken as he always was. I was the only one who wore my heart on my sleeve at the slightest shock.

Silence filled the space between us once again. All I could do was keep my trembling eyes on him.

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“…Do you find me disgusting?”

Lee Kyuwol broke the silence. He asked quietly as he gazed at me in the darkness. I shook my head.

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“No.”

“Then do you love me?”

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He continued to ask me questions in a low voice. I hesitated. It wasn’t because I was surprised by the sudden question. Lee Kyuwol’s question was something I asked myself several times during the past few months. I gulped, and I forced my voice out of my dry throat.

“…No.”

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I answered in a soft voice. His expression did not change as he continued to look at me. I slowly brought my face to his. I didn’t know why I was doing this. It’s just… at this moment, I wanted to reach Lee Kyuwol. It didn’t matter if it was a hollow consolation. This was all I could give him right now.

When our lips tangled together, Lee Kyuwol straightened up and laid me down on the sofa. As we kissed, he pulled up my clothes. He caressed my bare skin underneath the baggy knit top. His hands were damp with sweat. As we let out ragged breaths, I could taste a slightly sour sweetness on his tongue.

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“I don’t love you.”

I murmured in a trembling voice as my lips remained on his. Whenever I was with him, it felt like I was inside a cave. Judging from the faint light trickling in, I knew the exit was nearby, but I could not get out. Instead, I wanted to delve even deeper into the darkness.

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“It doesn’t matter.”

When I heard Lee Kyuwol’s hot whisper, I finally realized why we couldn’t help but be together.

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“Even if you think I’m a monster, even if you don’t love me, I don’t care.”

Our attraction was inevitable. If my life was a movie, it would be an unpleasant movie that the audience would avoid watching. I wanted to kill the scriptwriter who had written my character to come from a broken family through some bizarre fate.

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“Let’s just continue to live together like this. The two of us.”

Lee Kyuwol slowly shook me in the darkness. He made my heart race and burn. It was making me feel uncomfortable.

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“……”

I couldn’t give him a reply. I had a feeling that if I opened my mouth right now, I’d do something I wouldn’t be able to take back. I avoided his eyes.

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My pounding heart pumped hot blood throughout my body. As I turned my head away, Lee Kyuwol buried his face against the crook of my neck and let out a hot breath. It was so hot that it burned. I felt dizzy. His hand lowered my pants and underwear and gently opened my wet entrance.

“Hnng…”

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Lee Kyuwol no longer took me violently. He pushed a finger inside and gently rubbed. It was slow and soft like a feather.

“Lee Kyuwol.”

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“Yeah.”

He licked my lips with his tongue as his hand plunged even deeper, caressing me. My hips automatically flinched, and something hot began to flow out. When Lee Kyuwol began to slowly circle his thumb around the bundle of nerves of my clitoris, I grabbed his wrist.

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“Don’t do it like that.”

“…Why not?”

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When I blocked him, he asked in a husky voice. He knew better than anyone how wet I was.

“You don’t dislike it.”

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He was correct. I didn’t dislike it. That was the problem. I tightened my grasp on his wrist and pleaded with him.

“Just do it.”

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“…I don’t want to hurt you.”

I felt like I was being sucked in by his distant gaze. My heart ached, and my body grew hot.

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“It’s fine. Do it like you always do… Do it… hard.”

My voice came out strained because I was trying to hold back the moans. I wanted him to take me fiercely like he always did. So that I couldn’t think. I wanted it to be as painful as possible.

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“What are you afraid of?”

Lee Kyuwol licked up my neck as he whispered. His middle finger and ring finger softly caressed my entrance, and his palm rubbed my clitoris. I could feel my walls squeezing around him. His lips and tongue made wet noises as they brushed up against my clavicle.

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“Ugh… Just… Can’t you just do it like that?”

His other hand pulled up my baggy knit top and squeezed my breast. He pulled my nipple into his mouth and rolled it around with his tongue. He tickled the sensitive flesh. I felt like I was going crazy. The slow, sticky sounds were coming from my body as well as his hand.

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“Please. I’m begging you.”

I gasped as I pleaded. His hand slowly pulled away, and both of my legs were lifted up into the air.

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“Aagh!”

Smack. When I felt the intense pressure penetrate me, a cry burst out of my mouth. Lee Kyuwol had used all his weight to thrust his cock inside me.

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“Nng! Aagh!”

Lee Kyuwol did not go easy on me. He took me so fiercely that my spine ached. All I could do was let out a ragged breath. When my mouth opened, Lee Kyuwol plunged his tongue inside and kissed me. Smack, smack. His cock pumped into my drenched entrance and scraped along the walls.

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“Nng…!”

I shook violently between him and the sofa. Lee Kyuwol squeezed my breast and bit the peak. He pressed his thumb on the trail of tears trickling down my cheek and rubbed. It was so painful that I could barely handle it, but he knew that’s how I wanted it, so I felt that he was being fiercer than he would have liked. That thought confused me even more.

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“More… hnng! More…!”

My body flipped around. Lee Kyuwol panted as he pressed his swollen length down the crease of my bottom. I was crushed underneath his body. I was glad because now I couldn’t see his eyes. His observant eyes would be able to see what was underneath my chaotic gaze, so it was much better that he break me.

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“Ah…! Aagh!”

As I writhed underneath the powerful wave of ecstasy coursing through my body, Lee Kyuwol whispered into my ear with a distant voice.

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“There’s no need to be afraid of anything.”

“……”

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“All you need to do is stay by my side.”

He must have recognized my chaotic thoughts. It made me feel even more afraid. I was definitely not feeling sympathy for Lee Kyuwol. I had already come to the conclusion long ago that the most unfortunate person in this world was me.

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I acknowledged that half of Lee Kyuwol’s head was broken and that he was a crazy bastard. Professor Lee, the man whom I considered to be a pervert, was confirmed to be a pedophile, but that didn’t change anything.

What Lee Kyuwol and I were doing wasn’t love. It couldn’t be love. Ultimately, Lee Kyuwol and I were merely using each other. Inside the dark, dank cave, we committed these acts to console ourselves.

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But I didn’t know why I felt so sad that it brought tears to my eyes.

“Even if you think I’m a monster, even if you don’t love me, I don’t care.”

Despite what Lee Kyuwol said, why was I always concerned about how I looked in his eyes? In the end, I was merely a disgusting human being that was using him to escape the guilt I felt for watching my parent die before my very eyes.

So why? Why did I hope that Lee Kyuwol would not see me as a monster? Why did this desire rear its head deep within my heart?

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Ever since I was young, I was a child that did not receive love from anyone, and nothing was different now. I was currently like a dirty torn rag, and Lee Kyuwol knew my condition better than anyone. Therefore, there was no way he could love me. But this thought caused one small corner of my heart to twist and ache painfully.

I needed to stop things here.

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My survival instincts were sending me warning signals. Before it was too late, I needed to escape this darkness. If I didn’t, I might be completely swallowed up by Lee Kyuwol’s darkness.

That year, the monsoon season lasted much longer than expected. As if it didn’t want the summer to just pass by, the rain continued to pour from time to time. During this damp, humid season, I constantly thought about Lee Kyuwol as I watched the rain trickling down the window.

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More specifically, I thought about our relationship. About our indescribable relationship and how I should end it.