MM Ch 5 part 1

PR by neji

“You’re coming, too?”

Lee Kyuwol gave me an odd look as I came out with a jacket draped over my shoulders. My mother had begun planning for an end-of-the-year party in the suburbs several months ago.

Although she claimed that she wanted to celebrate Christmas, the end of the year, and the New Year as a family, I was almost certain that she had merely said this because she wanted to take a look at the villa that Professor Lee’s father, Lee Kyuwol’s paternal grandfather, owned.

I heard that Lee Kyuwol’s grandfather owned a textile factory nearby. However, all three of his sons, including Professor Lee, had excelled in scholarly pursuits. It was said that he was very proud of this fact.

Although my mother did not like the way he blatantly showed his displeasure with her and ignored her, she was very much interested in the inheritance he would leave behind after his passing.

“Didn’t you say there was some kind of event taking place at your school?”

“Yeah.”

Even though my mother knew that there was a ceremony celebrating the new students at my university, she did not change her plans. The reason why I decided not to attend the ceremony and go on the family trip instead was because I felt that she was very happy when she thought I wouldn’t be able to make it. I did it as my final revenge against her before I left. My timid revenge.

“Weren’t you going to go to that?”

“I was going to, but I changed my mind.”

“…Why?”

It looked like Lee Kyuwol truly did not expect me to come on this trip.

“I didn’t want to be a dog that stayed home until the very end.”

With my bag slung over my shoulders, I quietly murmured my answer. Then I dragged my suitcase and followed behind Professor Lee and my mother.

It took about three hours to get to our destination. Professor Lee drove, and my mother sat by his side in the passenger’s seat as she blabbed on and on. In the back, there was Lee Kyuwol and myself. I put as much distance as I could between us and blankly looked out the window. Lee Kyuwol kept his focus on his phone as he played a game the whole car ride.

At a glance, it didn’t seem like anything was different from a month ago. However, everything had changed. The small bandage on the bottom of Professor Lee’s earlobe seemed to act as proof of what had happened.

Professor Lee was a pervert who had stolen my underwear and masturbated to it. Lee Kyuwol had seen this, and I had seen Lee Kyuwol act violently towards his father. My mother listened to my claims, but she refused to acknowledge them out of anger. In the end, she remained silent on the matter.

After making an excuse that he had to attend an academy event, Professor Lee came back after a week had passed. After my mother saw the wound on his earlobe, she definitely realized something strange had happened.

However, among the four of us, no one mentioned what had happened that day.

My mother and I returned to our usual negligent relationship, and Professor Lee became even more silent than usual. Lee Kyuwol continued to go back and forth between the athletes’ village and the apartment, and I remained shut up in my room.

Now that I no longer needed to study, I stayed in my room and began to pack.

I’ve never snuck out before, but I wasn’t afraid of getting caught. The thirty-inch suitcase inside my closet was already full. I called the large-eyed girl whom I had stopped speaking to after middle school, and I asked her if I could stay with her for the time being. She agreed.

My former classmate was now living in an apartment in Sinchon with a college unnie, but I told her that I could give her all the money I’d saved up so far. I clung onto her and begged her for a place to stay for a while, and she was as tenderhearted and kind as before. She was weak to my cries, and she relented.

The tuition payment for my university had already gone through three days ago. I stayed by my mother’s side as I confirmed the money transfer. Then I lowered my head and gave her a curt ‘Thanks’. It was my final act of goodwill towards my mother.

All that was left was to figure out how to live my life from now on. Actually, I was looking forward to it. I was already prepared to cut off all ties with my mother.

As soon as this family trip was over, I was thinking of leaving home.

“What about renting an office apartment near your school?”

“That sounds nice.”

Professor Lee brought up the subject without looking me in the eye. I managed to give him a grin because I knew I was going to leave before then. Even though we were currently eating a meal together, Lee Kyuwol’s attention remained on his phone game. My mother was in awe of the furniture and interior decoration of the villa, and she paid no heed to the dinner conversations. It was a quiet meal altogether.

I pretended to pour water into my cup, but I switched it with some whiskey instead. I gulped it down, but no one paid me any attention. Only Lee Kyuwol, who had his nose buried in his phone, glanced up at me.

The first night I got drunk and fell asleep, I had a nightmare that I had plunged into deep water. When I woke up, my surroundings were filled with smoke. I managed to escape the flames and escape the burning villa with Lee Kyuwol.

“Actress Jung Misook and her husband, Professor Lee SangBaek of K University, were victims of a burglary homicide and passed away.”

That day, the burglar discovered Professor Lee, who had been drinking in the living room, and my mother, who had woken up from her slumber. He killed them before setting the villa on fire. Lee Kyuwol and I managed to escape the villa just before the gas pipes exploded, and the culprit was the man we saw when we had finally made it outside.

After checking surveillance footage, the police apprehended him a couple days later at a motel near Busan Harbor. I heard that he was a Filipino laborer who worked at a factory nearby. He was an illegal immigrant, and he was scheduled to be deported back to his country. However, before he was sent away, he saw the luxury car parked at the villa, and he decided to break in to steal some valuables. Ultimately, he accidentally committed an even greater crime of murder.

That day, only Lee Kyuwol and I knew that my mother, who had been wailing behind the burning sofa, could have survived. Lee Kyuwol, who had decided not to save his injured father and instead carried me, the one who was still physically intact, looked the same as he did that day. 

Before he was called to testify in court, Lee Kyuwol gave an account of what happened while we were still in the hospital.

“When I realized there was a fire, I woke Dayoung up and went down to the first floor. By then, the fire was everywhere, and I didn’t see anyone. I thought my parents had already gotten outside.”

His calm, gray eyes looked at me as I trembled behind the policeman. They were speaking to me. The truth disappeared along with the burning villa, so don’t say anything stupid.

* * *

The wake took place at the funeral parlor inside the hospital affiliated with his father’s university. Because of Lee Kyuwol, his father, and my mother’s social circles, the funeral parlor was constantly crowded with mourners.

Because I was so out of it, Lee Kyuwol greeted the guests in my stead. He even greeted my distant relatives whom I had not seen in a long time.

Although I was one of the chief mourners alongside Lee Kyuwol, I couldn’t greet anyone let alone speak. Everyone was understanding because they thought I was reacting this way due to losing my only remaining parent.

My maternal grandmother and grandfather had long passed away, and now with my mother’s death, my only remaining family was my uncle who lived in the United States. You’re an adult now, so do your best. My uncle’s brief words did not sound like encouragement. Instead, I could feel his reluctance to deal with any potentially troublesome requests.

“What are you going to do now?”

“We plan on tying up any loose ends and will slowly start thinking about what to do next. We will do our best not to trouble any of the adults.”

“What do you mean? If you’re having a difficult time, don’t hesitate to call me.”

“I will, Uncle.”

Lee Kyuwol’s family dynamics seemed a lot more normal than mine. Most of his family worked in the justice system as lawyers and judges. Once they heard what had happened, they rushed over and blocked the reporters from entering inside. With an untouched bowl of spicy beef and vegetable soup in front of him, Lee Kyuwol and his family began to discuss his future plans in grave voices.

“How is your injury?”

“It’s not serious enough to affect my performance in future competitions.”

“How could a swimmer get burned like this…?”

“Please do not worry about me.”

Lee Kyuwol would often glance at me. Whenever he did this, I was overwhelmed by another wave of guilt and avoided his gaze, but I soon realized that my eyes were always following him. Whenever this happened, as if my eyes had called out to him, he would turn his head to look at me.

His steady slate-gray eyes made me feel anxious and relieved at the same time.

Although this sounds ridiculous, it was true. Even though he knew that I was an idle spectator of my mother’s death, his eyes were not shaken at all. Just like the first time I met him, his gaze was calm and steady like a person who did not have any emotions inside. Although I was afraid that he knew my greatest weakness, when I saw that he showed no change despite knowing my darkest secrets, I felt relieved.

And I knew why. During the past year when the two of us went from being complete strangers to members of a family, he had never disclosed anything that had happened to anyone else.

It was a baseless trust. I was like a boat that was about to capsize due to the waves of a stormy sea. I wanted to stick myself next to a large ship that could block the wind, keeping me afloat.

I was not the only one who had lost both parents. Lee Kyuwol was able to keep a polite smile on his face even though his father had just died. His unshakeable cold nature… I wanted to trust it.

Once the wake was over, Lee Kyuwol and I took a taxi back to our home. He sat in the passenger’s seat and I sat in the back. During the whole car ride, we did not say a word to each other.

The taxi driver took one look at the haphazardly placed white ribbon in my disheveled hair. He saw Lee Kyuwol’s black mourning suit with the white band around his arm. The man did not say a word and quietly changed the radio station a few times before eventually turning it off completely.

The empty apartment still carried the same air that it had before we had left for the villa. This was our first time returning home after what happened.

My throat was burning, so I took my coat off and walked to the kitchen. I saw the half-filled cup of coffee that my mother had not finished and placed in the sink on the day we left.

I did not move to get a new cup. I merely stood there, staring at the pink lipstick stain on the rim of the cup. 

It was strange. I hadn’t reacted when I saw my mother’s coffin, but when I saw the small trace she had left behind on the coffee cup, my heart began to race.

My beautiful mother, who had walked out in a white nightgown as she searched for some coffee, was no longer in this world. And the one who had ultimately sealed her fate was me.

Even though I wasn’t cold, a shiver ran down my spine. I turned my head away. Lee Kyuwol passed by me. I watched him open the refrigerator door and pull out a bottle of mineral water.

He uncapped the plastic bottle and brought the entire 600 milliliter bottle up to his lips. The large apartment was plunged into silence. Therefore, the sound of him drinking the water seemed even clearer to me.

As he drank the water, his piercing eyes were looking at me. Unlike how I was at the funeral home, I no longer avoided his gaze.

Unlike a mere week ago, I no longer felt uncomfortable when it was just the two of us. Now that strangers’ eyes were no longer looking at us, I felt like a small breathing hole had formed in my suffocating surroundings.

Having witnessed my loss of humanity… Having noticed my descent into depravity… Lee Kyuwol took one step into my world. He became the sole witness of my crime. I could not tell him that this was all out of my control. I could not act like I was a victim of circumstance to him.

He slowly drank the water before pulling it away from his lips. He held up the half-filled bottle of water to me. As always, his eyes were still on me.

I did not reject his offer and took it. The flames of guilt in my chest were burning my throat into ash. I finished the rest of the water in the bottle, and I gazed back at him the whole time.

“Haa…”

A ragged breath burst out of my lips. The water was so cold that it seemed to freeze one side of my head. I began to move to put the empty bottle in the sink, but I saw my mother’s coffee cup again. I clenched my teeth.

If those pink lips were still alive now, I felt that they’d open and speak to me.

“Dayoung, give me a cup of coffee. Why have you been like this lately? As long as you endure a little, I will be more comfortable. Can’t you let me be happy? How can you do this? How dare you do this to me?”

Crash!

Lee Kyuwol silently came up behind me and picked up the coffee cup. He slammed it down on the marble table and shattered it to pieces.

My entire body began to shake, and I drew in a deep breath. The fragments scattered across the surface of the table. My gaze automatically turned to Lee Kyuwol.

Although he’d acted violently, Lee Kyuwol’s eyes remained calm. However, I felt that I saw a sharp gleam flash in his eyes as he looked at me. I watched as he slowly walked towards me, and I reflexively stepped back.

When my slippered feet hit the refrigerator, there was nowhere I could go. It was still early evening, and the lights weren’t on. Darkness quickly settled inside the room. Lee Kyuwol’s large shadow completely covered me.

Tears began to drip from my eyes. It wasn’t because I was scared of him. I hadn’t shed a single tear at the wake. No, I couldn’t bring myself to cry at all. However, when I saw the last trace of my mother, I was filled with an overwhelming sorrow. It was quite ridiculous. The one who made her that way was me.

“…Do you regret it?”

He asked in a low voice as he trapped me between his arms against the refrigerator door. When I heard his question, I asked myself this for the very first time.

Was I regretting it? The person who had tormented me throughout my short life, the person I wanted to kill, had finally disappeared. Did my heart hold a touch of pity for her?

I got goosebumps at my own duplicity. If I loved my mother, I would have kicked the burning sofa away with my foot and saved her from the net of fire closing in around her.

“Can you make it…”

As a cry burst out of my lips, I held my breath. However, the hot tears continued to flow down my face. I couldn’t stop them.

“So that I don’t regret it…?”

I turned my reddened eyes to Lee Kyuwol and whispered my request. Lee Kyuwol bent down, and his gaze drew closer and closer. I saw my disgusting reflection in his calm eyes. I’m sure this was exactly how he saw me as well. Even if he despised me, I would have nothing to say.

“…Why?…You’re not confident you can?”

Lee Kyuwol’s large hand enclosed around my flushed cheek. His breaths felt hotter than his touch as they brushed against my face. He stared at me and whispered in a raspy voice.

“Of course not.”

Instead of showing disdain at my attempt to use him in such a disgraceful manner, he pressed his scorching lips to mine. His tart tongue tasted like vitamins as it slid in between my parted lips. Neither of us closed our eyes.

My tears continued to fall without end. As they touched my lips, Lee Kyuwol sucked on them as if he were drinking nectar. When I turned my head, his face followed as well. His tall nose gently pressed against mine, and our kiss grew deeper.

Lee Kyuwol tangled my floundering tongue with his, and I could no longer hold my breath. I let out a ragged breath before drawing in a deeper one.

“Haa…”

A breathy exclamation burst out of my lips. As my mouth remained open like a fool, Lee Kyuwol freely moved around. At some point, his large hand moved from my cheek and now covered almost half of my face.

If someone saw us from behind, they would not have seen me because Lee Kyuwol’s large body was completely covering mine. Although it was ridiculous, the area between my legs grew damp from the thought.

My arousal that came from my very first kiss was far from a heart-racing, intimate, and sweet romance. He was like a large tree in an endless forest. If I plunged into its depths, I would be completely hidden away. The thought of it caused my body to flush with excitement.

Our tongues tangled like snakes, and Lee Kyuwol recognized the arousal that caused my body to tremble. The kiss sucked me in. His other hand firmly wrapped around my hips and stuck me closer to him.

His hand was hot. His breaths were the same as they tickled my nose and cheek.

As his breaths grew hotter and hotter, the more his tongue brushed up against the roof of my mouth before sucking on my tongue, his body grew harder, and I drew away from him.

Our lips barely managed to pull away, and a husky breath escaped through Lee Kyuwol’s lips. His wide chest bumped against me with each breath he took. Although his usually calm eyes were now filled with a fever, the rest of his face remained expressionless.

I suppressed my palpitating heart and looked up at him defiantly.

“Is that… all?”

Lee Kyuwol’s blank face twitched. I watched as his long eyelashes flickered, and I realized that I had finally succeeded in shaking him. His smiling mask that my mother and I had seen when we first met, and the same mask that he had put on when he greeted the guests at the funeral home, was nowhere to be seen. His face slowly twisted.

His arm around my hips tightened. He stared at me before slowly opening his mouth.

“You…”

His Adam’s apple violently bobbed up and down.

“You will never be able to return to the way you were before.”

I could tell that Lee Kyuwol’s words were not a threat. This was Lee Kyuwol’s true self as he spoke to me in a husky, raspy voice.

I was finally able to read the whirling emotions behind his eyes. As they darkened, I could see that it was his masculine desire for me. I had never seen that look from him before, so when I saw it, my body began to tremble.

I saw his desire to obtain my everything. This was the reason why he fell for my shoddy provocation.

“…I don’t want to go back to the way I was…”

Lee Kyuwol already knew this. There was no way he didn’t know that I wanted to self-destruct due to the guilty conscience regarding my mother’s death.

However… Even though he knew this, he did not turn his back on me. Although I selfishly told him I wanted to use him, he gave me the answer I wanted to hear.

“I’m… going to break you.”

His low voice grew raspy towards the end. His hand on my hip tensed and began to tremble. His deep gray eyes were overflowing with masculine arousal. Lee Kyuwol’s eyes were telling me that the gentle kiss we had just shared a moment ago was merely the beginning of his consolation.

The violent desire that had been hidden underneath his indifferent, gray eyes intensified the moment I gave him my consent, and he warned me that he would break my world. Within the murky fog of dread, I felt an overwhelming sense of relief.

 “…I’d prefer that.”