MM Ch 4 part 1

PR by neji

After that night, my mother and Professor Lee never had sex in the room next to mine again. But even if they did, I didn’t care anymore.

I purchased an expensive pair of headphones that had noise canceling features that could block out the sound of an airplane, and I began to prepare for my midterms as if this was the last exam of my life. I wanted to study until I saw blood drip onto my reference book from my nose. It would be physical proof that I was studying until my body couldn’t handle it anymore.

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I had lost all respect for Professor Lee after he had sex with my mother in the room next door, but I made sure to make use of all the tutors and expert instructors he had hired for me. They mapped out all of my weaknesses and corrected them. They told me that the effort I was putting into my grades wasn’t enough and motivated me to try harder.

The autumn wind still carried traces of warmth. When Lee Kyuwol heard that I had turned in my college applications, he turned to me at the dinner table and asked me a question in a steady voice.

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“Are you nervous?”

I looked at Lee Kyuwol, no longer shaken by his antics. No matter what he thought of me, I didn’t care. My true nature had been like a sea crab hiding under a pile of sand. Now that he had seen it, I didn’t feel the need to pretend to be strong in front of him.

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“…I wish I wasn’t nervous.”

When I murmured in a soft voice, I could feel his gaze linger on my face for a long time. However, I did not lift my head.

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“There’s no need to be nervous. You’ll get in.”

I didn’t want to see Lee Kyuwol’s eyes as he lied.

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“If she’s unlucky, she might get rejected. Don’t relax just yet. It’ll be good to remain vigilant and…”

“No.”

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Lee Kyuwol cut my mother off.

“She’ll definitely get in.”

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His voice was clear and full of certainty. An awkward silence fell over the dinner table. I silently kept my head down and slowly moved my chopsticks.

This was why I couldn’t look him in the eye anymore. After that night, Lee Kyuwol didn’t treat me any differently. He didn’t treat me with disdain or put distance between us. The only thing that might be a bit different was that whenever he spoke to me, his eyes lingered on me a little longer than before.

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And because he had seen my true thoughts hidden inside my drawer, I could not look him in the eye.

When he told me not to worry, all the anxiety in my heart melted away.

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Whenever I saw his eyes as he spoke with such certainty, for some stupid reason, I felt my eyes tear up like an idiot.

The little pile of sand that I created had already collapsed. The moment someone stepped on top of the sand, I realized that I had been waiting by myself all this time. Inside the sand, I had been struggling alone, and I was hoping someone would notice me. I was hoping that someone would come and find me.

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* * *

Waiting for the results was driving me insane. However, time continued to march on. I wrote my self-introduction letter and discussed any special qualities I had as an applicant before sending them with my final college application. On the day of the national exam, I made sure that I was in good condition and finished it without any issues.

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December came. Before the new year rolled around, I received an acceptance letter from my most desired university. All that was left was to prepare to leave this house once and for all.

Possibly because all the tension inside me had completely relaxed, I slept a lot more these days. Now that the critical period had passed, with only a few exceptions, the rest of the school year was a lot more easygoing. I often drowsed during class, and when I got home, I flopped onto my bed and fell asleep while reading a book.

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One Monday morning, I slept in because it was the school’s foundation day. No one was home. My mother was busy shooting the final episode of the daily drama series she was working on. The housekeeper came by four days a week, and Monday wasn’t one of them.

Once I confirmed that I was home alone, it felt very good. Still wearing my pajamas, I walked out of my room and took care of breakfast with some bread and milk from the fridge.

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I sat down on the sofa and turned on the television and switched to a channel running reruns of a certain program. I stared blankly at the screen. I chuckled at something a chatty celebrity said.

I must have fallen asleep on the sofa at some point. As if it wanted repayment for all the lost hours of sleep in the past few years, my body constantly craved sleep.

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I thought I had only closed my eyes for a moment, but when I opened my eyes, I could see the sunset through the large window. It was late in the afternoon.

My head felt muddled, and my body felt heavy with sleep. I was surprised that I had fallen asleep in such an uncomfortable position. As I moved to get up, suddenly…

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Boom!

When I heard the dull sound, my sleepy eyes turned to where it had come from. Following the explosive noise, I heard various objects fall to the ground.

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The sudden noise had come from the study that was next to the master bedroom on the other side of the living room. With an odd feeling in the pit of my stomach, I began to walk towards the door. What could it be?

“Ugh…!”

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When I turned the corner, I saw that the door to the study was ajar. The lights were off, and I could see Lee Kyuwol’s back as he was pressing someone up against the bookshelf. 

“I warned you not to annoy me. Didn’t I?”

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Lee Kyuwol cursed in a low voice. I saw that Professor Lee’s globe and laptop had fallen to the floor and rolled underneath the desk. It seemed like this was what I had heard a moment ago.

“Ugh… K-Kyuwol…”

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Although it was a bit difficult to understand, I could immediately tell that the strained voice belonged to Professor Lee. I frowned and blinked. From what I could tell, Lee Kyuwol was currently acting violently towards his father. It was such an unexpected scene that the circuits in my head had a difficult time connecting.

Why was Lee Kyuwol currently strangling his own father’s neck? And even if he was a timid geek, why wasn’t Professor Lee fighting back? No, why did he seem like he was very flustered?

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“It’s not what you think… Ugh!”

“Would it be better for me to cut off your wrist? Or shall I just cut off your dick instead? Just say the word. Don’t you know that I am more than capable of helping you?”

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Lee Kyuwol pressed against his father and whispered. However, I could tell that it was filled with excitement. His ragged breaths mixed in with his threats told me that he was very dangerous right now. I wasn’t sure what had happened, but I realized that if I let things continue, something bad might really happen.

I gulped and opened my dry lips. I mustered all my strength to force my voice to leave my throat.

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“…Lee Kyuwol.”

Lee Kyuwol spun around. Only then was I able to see his skinny father who had been blocked from my view by Lee Kyuwol’s large frame. As expected, it was Professor Lee.

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“What are you… doing…”

My voice faded away. My pupils dilated inside the windowless, dark study. It wasn’t because of the sharp fountain pen clenched inside Lee Kyuwol’s hand as it pointed towards Professor Lee’s carotid artery. It wasn’t because Professor Lee’s pants were hanging down on his knees, exposing his dark penis between his legs.

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“Get out.”

Lee Kyuwol murmured in a low voice. Although it was dark inside, I could clearly see his eyes. His gleaming gray eyes were filled with a bloodthirsty aura. The sharp fountain pen drew nearer to his father’s neck.

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“……”

As if I had forgotten how to blink, I remained frozen in my spot. Why were my panties, the ones with a childish apple pattern printed all over it, currently on the floor of the study?

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I wanted to deny my reality. The correlation between the fact that Professor Lee was currently standing here with his genitals exposed and my underwear that was still stained with my menstrual blood. There was only one reason why my underwear that I had hidden deep within the small laundry basket under my desk was currently in a place like this. 

“Jung Dayoung. Get out.”

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I didn’t even want to imagine all the dirty things that had happened here, but Lee Kyuwol had seen them firsthand.

“……”

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Instead of growing flushed from the humiliation, it felt as if all the blood was being drained from my body. How was I supposed to react in this situation? This was on a completely different level from the average pervert that liked to touch women’s bodies on the subway or the deranged sexual deviants who masturbated inside their cars outside of the school. 

“Dayoung… This is…”

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When I saw the Professor’s eyes trembling from behind his skewed glasses, I shuddered. My legs began to give out from under me. When Professor Lee tried to give an excuse for this situation, Lee Kyuwol pulled back his arm before thrusting it towards him.

“Hee, ugh!”

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A strange groan burst out from Professor Lee’s lips. The fountain pen grazed his carotid, and bright red blood began to trickle down from the wound. The fountain pen had pierced through Professor Lee’s earlobe instead of his neck. I watched as Professor Lee squirmed in terror like an insect before finally opening my trembling lips.

“…Lee…Kyuwol.”

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Even though I didn’t know what to say, I called out his name. Lee Kyuwol looked at me. Our eyes met. Despite avoiding his gaze until now, I looked directly at him this time. And I felt some relief when I saw that his cold, deep eyes had not changed.

It was laughable. I could hardly believe that I cared about Lee Kyuwol at all in a situation like this.

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For a moment, I was worried that Lee Kyuwol would think something strange was going on between me and his father. Even though I knew that I did nothing wrong, I was afraid that his gray eyes would be filled with contempt when they looked at me. Just like my mother’s eyes when she misunderstood me several times before.

“Give me…”

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That might be why I used all my strength to squeeze my voice out of my throat.

“Give me back my stuff.”

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I clenched my sweaty fists as I asked him.

“Give it back. My stuff.”

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I screamed at him with my eyes. I’m confident. The pervert here is your dad. I’m merely the victim. I straightened my back with much effort.

Lee Kyuwol silently stared at me with narrowed eyes, and the hand that had been grasping the nape of his father’s neck loosened. Professor Lee hurriedly pulled up his pants and took a step back from his son.

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Lee Kyuwol threw the fountain pen onto the desk and bent down. I watched as he picked up my crumpled panties. He gazed down at it. It was damp with some unrecognizable fluid. Ultimately, I watched as he put it inside his pocket. I painfully bit down on my lips.

“Later.”

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Lee Kyuwol took a step towards me, and his Adam’s apple bobbed up and down.

“…I’ll give it to you later.”

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There was no scorn in his eyes as he murmured to me in a low voice. A sigh of relief burst out from my lips.

Before the tears began to fall, I quickly turned around. Then I hastily changed my clothes, grabbed my cell phone and wallet, and rushed out of the apartment as if I were making an escape.

「Do you think this will be the last time?」

「Tell Jung Misook about what happened today.」

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I sat blankly inside a cafe and mulled over this. The thoughts continued to run through my head over and over again, but I still had not come to a decision. Like that, four hours passed by.

「If you can’t tell her, I will.」

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When I read Lee Kyuwol’s second message, my heart hardened. Then I wrote him a reply.

「This is between me and my mom.」

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「Don’t come in between us.」

Now that I actually said it, I felt even more certain. If someone had to tell my mother about what happened today, it had to be me. Although it would be difficult to see her so angry and hurt, this might be something the two of us needed all along.

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My mother might scream out hysterically at her ill-fated luck with trashy men, or she might be overwhelmed with emotion. However, I felt that I could writhe and cry for her as well. Actually, the one who wanted to cry the most was me.

We’d cry and wail until we were both exhausted, and I hoped my mother would call me over and say, ‘Come here, my daughter’ before pulling me in for a hug. I hoped she’d hug me and stroke my hair.

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I wanted my mother to console me. If my mother could treat me the way Lee Kyuwol, a complete stranger, treated me, I felt that it would make up for everything I’d gone through until now.

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* * *

“An academy overseas? So suddenly?”

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She passed by me and walked towards the bedroom as she held the cell phone up to her ear.

“You’re not the type of person to forget such an important item on your schedule. Haven’t you been very tired these days, Professor?”

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My mother spoke in an affectionate voice. When she saw that I was following her, she looked at me with a questioning look on her face.

“I’m thinking about ordering some herbal tonics for you.”

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I silently waited for her to end the call. Once she was finished, she asked me.

“What is it?”

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I must have looked even more disheveled than I usually did, so it was only expected that she looked more displeased than usual.

“There’s something I need to tell you.”

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“I’m tired. Can’t this wait until later?”

“It’s important.”

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I gulped as I watched my mother take off her coat and hang it in the closet. My heart was racing, and I was nervous, but I needed to tell her. You were pregnant and gave birth, but you lied and married your husband. And this husband of yours is actually a pervert who stole his stepdaughter’s underwear and masturbated to it.

“…Let’s go out first.”

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As if she’d recognized that something was wrong, my mother opened the bedroom door and guided me out. She pulled out a cigarette from her purse and sat down on the sofa with a tired look on her face.

“What is it?”

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“About Professor Lee…”

When I saw my mother’s undisturbed gaze, I felt the guilt of what I was about to do creep up. However, I pushed it away. I reminded myself that I wasn’t the one in the wrong. It was Professor Lee.

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Even if one was to say she was unlucky with men, this was absolutely foul. Although she would be devastated to hear this coming out of my mouth, I wanted her to realize on her own that living alone might be better for her.

“What about Professor Lee?”

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When she saw me hesitate to continue, she asked back. I clenched my sweat-drenched fist and continued in as steady a voice that I could muster.

“I saw my panties in his study.”

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My mother’s brow furrowed. Her stiff face gazed at me as she took a deep drag of her cigarette.

Her breath mixed with the gray smoke and disappeared into the air. My eyes stung as the smoke touched my face. I did my best to keep my gaze steady as she looked at me in silence.

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“…So?”

She broke the silence and opened her mouth. Her raspy voice spit out the word. I was astounded by her reaction. It contained neither shock nor surprise. I began to chew on my lips.

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“His pants… were down.”

“So what about it?”

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My mother’s voice gradually grew louder.

“So what if your panties were there? Did Professor Lee molest you? Did he forcefully drag you into his embrace? No, wait. Why were you in his study in the first place? You usually don’t lurk around that area.”

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“M…Mom.”

I stuttered at the unexpected development. Her long eyelashes stood up on end as she looked straight at me.

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“I told you not to call me that because it might become a habit, didn’t I?”

Suddenly, I couldn’t breathe. I felt all the energy drain from my body, and my head went numb. My mother’s figure suddenly split into two as my eyes grew fuzzy.

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“You’re a girl. Just how bad are you at taking care of your own underwear that it’s catching the eye of another man? Do you still think you’re in elementary school?”

Bang, bang. It was as if someone was shooting me with a gun. A dull pain began to spread throughout my heart. 

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“Or did you drop it there on purpose?”

Whenever her words pierced me like bullets, my corpse-like body couldn’t help but flinch in reaction. My appalled face stared at her as I mumbled to myself.

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“H-How… How can you say that?”

Haa, my mother sighed and pressed her hand holding the cigarette to her temple.

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“That’s what I should be saying. How can you say something like that to me? How can you… How can you… only think about yourself? Just who did you take after to be so selfish like this?!”

“…I… I only think about myself?”

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Like an idiot, I kept stuttering. This woman, my mother, had no right to say something like this to me. The sorrow that I had kept locked up inside ever since I was ten years old began to surge out, burning every corner of my body.

I did not scream. I merely felt my body burn into black ash as I looked at her and asked.

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“What am I… to you, Mom?”

“What?”

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I felt my throat painfully close up, so I gulped.

“Did you ever… think of me… as your daughter?… As your family?”

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“Ha, jeez.”

My mother looked at me and snorted in disbelief. Her eyes gleamed. Her red lips stretched into a crooked smile.

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“I gave up on my own future to give birth to you, and I took responsibility for you until the very end. When I was your age, I went out and stood in front of a camera. I earned money by taking off my clothes in front of thousands of eyes. But what about you? Have you ever lacked for something? Did I ever tell you to go out and bring back some money? Or did I ever pressure you to succeed? I’ve done everything you’ve asked me to do, and I even helped you with your studies because you asked. When have I ever stopped devoting myself to you? But now you come to me and what? What did you just say?”

My mother shouted out her piercing words. She slammed her trembling hands on the marble table.

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“Sometimes, when I look at you, my teeth chatter because you terrify me. You’re so despicable and gloomy that I can’t believe you even came out of me. You know that?”

“I… I… What did I do wrong to deserve this?”

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I truly wanted to know. Therefore, I used up all my strength to keep the tears from falling as I asked her back. I rubbed the back of my hand against my flushed face and the bridge of my nose.

I wanted to behave as rationally as possible. I didn’t want to cling onto her like a little child who craved for her attention, but I wanted to know what I’d done wrong. Why she didn’t love me. I wanted to know the reason.

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“…Tell me what I’ve done wrong.”

If you do, I’ll fix it. I’ll try even harder from now on. I’ll fix it no matter what.

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“You’re keeping your mouth shut and thinking about what to do next. Your gloomy little head is thinking of ways to make me suffer right now!”

My mother shouted out, and her voice grew raspy.

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“No, I’m not.”

I shook my head. What she said wasn’t true.

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“That’s not it at all, Mo—…”

I realized my mistake too late and quickly bit my lips. I had almost called her ‘Mom’.

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“How can I trust your word that Professor Lee did something like that?”

“Lee Kyuwol saw it, too. I’m not lying.”

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I pleaded as if I were trying to hold onto a lifeline. My mother lit another cigarette with a trembling hand and guffawed in a husky voice.

“Did you try to seduce him, too? Is that why you’re trying to create a rift between him and his father? Is that what you were trying to do?”

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“…Why… would I?”

“Why wouldn’t you?! You’re probably doing it to ruin the marriage I barely managed to accomplish!”

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I was truly in awe of her imagination. Ah, I guess she can see it that way. A person’s imagination knew no bounds and was juvenile. And it could be just as cruel.

“Mom… You can’t trust me that much?”

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“A girl who hasn’t even hit puberty yet was rolling around with her mother’s man! How can I trust you?!”

In the end, her mother began to talk about the events of that one summer’s day. When I received confirmation that she had been seeing me in this light, I almost laughed in disbelief.

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“A bitch who goes around carrying birth control pills in her bag!”

“Ha… hic…!”

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The twisted laugh transformed into a laughable hiccup inside my throat. Due to stress, my menstrual cycle had become irregular, so I went to the gynecologist on my own and received prescriptions for birth control pills to help regulate my cycle. I had been careful to keep it a secret in case she grew concerned or worried, but all of my efforts had shattered into a million pieces.

In the end, my mother trusted me less than another man. To her, the foremost person in her heart was not the daughter she had given birth to. It was a man who warmed the spot next to her. Even though they had betrayed her countless times while I had never betrayed her once, she loved them more than me.

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