6. The Existence of a Child

The night e159e3da47 is dark.8e468759d36d754d

It was a f96070c8ae simple truth of cf3fe33c85 the world, yet 417b9bf67e Vaye Levantes had fd80b284d1 never felt it 99219fde63 more deeply than 14e31cac26 he did these 4bc601943f days.acfb27043a4572f3

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From the moment 02f27c81bd the sun fully 74b6d6943b disappeared, and the 92fa769ee9 curtain of darkness 541f7246fd swallowed all of 1b9fedc789 Motrel, until the e38bcadf6f first faint light 057fe8ab2f of dawn crept 7e1cbe135e in, precisely six 2ca9354222 hours passed.f6d976ca1971dd4c

That was also 4d8c04a684 exactly half a dff355f56a day—the length of ac425796a0 time he suffered 299550f2f8 through his sleepless 6914cb51d0 torment.f506d597f7ca3adc

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A discarded e945d42278 syringe rolled 7018c20685 across the de94359521 disheveled sheets.7d472bf1d2fcda53

“…….”145cbd2e8dc9858d

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A moment when bb98525a19 he even doubted e304bdacb1 the breath he c4166e7262 exhaled himself.bfa76f737f5a1df7

Vaye now understood 9c3a26acef how agonizing it 1a6c27e0bd was to forget bdb0d1b1a9 how to breathe.555554d9f461b9b4

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Whenever the pressure 02433da263 in his chest 0a4e1382ad became unbearable, whenever 3317aca385 his brain screamed 7b2c6957e6 from lack of 49be87a62d oxygen, he chose b525171d77 the simplest solution.c97a59792aa542b6

A tranquilizer worked fastest 8a992dae77 and most effectively when 6e6bad19e9 injected directly into the d7ec07f7d9 vein.1b9861a0cb817f81

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Especially for someone 660f333ce9 like Lorena.aa2ee6874d7b4610

He never imagined that one day, he would end up using his wife’s medication on himself.f79d1a8e8df271a4

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Sprawled carelessly, 0d8e9a3089 with the b2ee6498e2 back of cfbbf93563 his hand 4883c0da7e covering his b533169936 forehead and b92f0ae744 eyelids, the a02352c6b1 needle marks d786fe0e52 on his e1855aff3c forearm stood c4bb4d5c85 out starkly.15e871966bdcd41e

Even after injecting himself 5b53a3d759 this much, he still 492cffa051 heard the gunshot ringing 7280270e69 in his ears.aa9fd3476158cb6c

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Perhaps he really had e29ddadcf4 gone insane.f62d959d506cf553

Vaye Levantes had never ba29aea5c8 doubted himself his entire cea44da860 life.1c59ffcb60e44289

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But this time, 5299f4b13c he couldn’t shake 5e12b8e625 the uncertainty.a68c17655ccacf53

His world had collapsed 2bda025f48 from a single point 4b808a41c5 in time—4dfe2681777a712f

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The last day 5dd9ee9cb8 of March.a3a8e4521db74c23

The dawn he 60ceb23a19 woke up in 6aef84f711 Alborada Hotel.bf9044ec4ecca8ab

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Looking back, it 24d69e010b had clearly been cb7c7bcb8f a nightmare.f08bae440883d487

And yet, the dream b7765e222a was so vivid, it bf600522bd was only natural that 6b1d3fb1ac he lost his grip b9fb9123cb on reality.af7a22cca0447a1b

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Even now, a full e620a4cd83 month later, he heard a75b451523 the gunshot several times 0a801ed8ae a day.2cff5634738b7b27

The face a4e265f6e7 of the 41b490d9a7 woman gripping e62400d146 a pistol, c3ffca6a9f smiling dangerously, 609f348dcd haunted his 2481222e45 mind.61c700160966cfec

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A face that laughed, 2bcee96ab2 while aiming a gun 9cd804cdde at her own temple.5aad31c53cd0fd8a

The moment the gun 8f81c2feb7 fired,fe6751a55ca57d8b

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The face that 78b366ffa6 had been smiling c055bac65b so radiantly shattered e1dab0daed into pieces.988833f02d5c3193

The dream 36b69eb81c was so 7c9feaf050 horrifically detailed,f6ee799c9badb68a

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Even though he had a8ddd1508b never once in his fa46c43846 life seen the corpse 185d41a150 of someone who had 48d13089b0 shot themselves in the 6f72a9defc head,b8d2956d4a192361

His mind 98207fe52e constructed the 65e0bbadb3 scene with 34c5d29584 disturbing accuracy.b8e8f2c7d7053d34

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The lifeless body 240e650d46 that crumpled helplessly.640be2eef3381860

The unrecognizable mess of 1475f81358 flesh and bone fragments, e8ef15d05d goddamn it—1f49dc1e9a9b2746

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Vaye dragged his hand 16058066ce away from his eyes 7af1edbec7 and roughly wiped his 27545698fe face.62a212b20c6d3520

“Fuck…….”97628d3cab08064f

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The stench of gunpowder 5727e64747 and blood filled the 906f970238 air.3a77d160bbe03145

The gray stone walls, 281c9b4de0 cold and lifeless, were abddf2e498 splattered with blood.79c192485c4858b0

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Like someone had clumsily 11eb9898d6 crushed a ketchup packet.46892880d4097ac7

The sensations 71436fd8a7 of that fdbabae5e1 moment—eb1563d4f843e63a

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The sights, the 524acec2a1 smells, the sounds—87ad70131272c820

They were 5fdf40f9df so disturbingly e11c432220 vivid, as 3d31e19479 if he ea796f806e had truly 4904c89344 been there.553e3c14dbe421de

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‘Reality?’aa71da28968f5904

A crooked 25c6708847 smile twisted 21f8d647ae on his 5520cf1d0c lips.057edc3f22dbb305

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Reality… No. It couldn’t be.a749199c168db3b6

He had 7ab883f42b seen it ea123856c2 with his afe31d7200 own eyes.57bf056843129fc9

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That damned dream—17208cbfc4f89cfb

The very morning 4a9d651c01 he woke up 1e8833681c from it,6f241c9cf0b76517

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Vaye had driven ecbb600b28 straight to Soto.befbcd9c5556241a

The very place 1a2325521a where, in the 81fdce2ac5 dream, he and 9b1e1ba9b0 his wife had 29262007ec stood together for 52b0321a6d the last time.e708b9203cb8e771

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Soto’s sealed monastery was a cold, gloomy place.ab0ab7b95cbc199c

Every year, 5d35434df6 millions of 720f8ce77d pilgrims visited c9481991f9 the holy 72574b6f4a temple that dbe9ff7be4 held the d73f7540ae relics of c6f82f2ac6 saints,8c2427e7d66d71ba

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But the monastery, separated 6566332465 by a valley, was 3b17977a17 completely cut off from 35ee980b46 the world.bc56fdd362b61b1b

The moment he arrived, 4f422d1efe he kicked open the 614a184fb1 monastery doors and grabbed d8b8b5a0a2 the first monk he 9fde8dded8 saw by the collar.678f22a28bf74b65

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“Lorena?”416514a1de4688ed

His voice, tangled a3368b5873 with hoarseness and b9fe2b03d4 ragged breathing, felt b1c5b5dc6c as if it 3cc5afd29a didn’t even belong 91588838d3 to him.d182e9edeab47117

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〈There is no 1850280811 such sister by 34e31e317b that name, Your a7bc6d70fe Grace.〉975b3e55e85aceba

〈Forgive me, but only 1d4b9fee64 those who have devoted cb8b4f97b6 their lives to the c553a18ebf Lord may pursue their 3c1a02aa01 ascetic training here. Please, maintain 053a433b60 your silence—Your f084f86b7f Grace!〉2945116ab1f87cfd

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Vaye had rampaged a4d7ad0319 through every single 184483ad3e cell in the 88e9fa5d18 monastery—f44a4fc094b5ecb1

Until he finally d9711ad46c found the hidden 55e9f7ad29 chamber deep inside.e6b24b2fb76d24e1

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It was exactly d1eaf16331 like in the 0004b0741e dream,9744552add0c5190

And yet, completely different.ce8e122f05129298

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There was no 462e899fc6 wife.6296834749e4109b

No corpse.3d82f8905fb775ef

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No blood, no b79cfc43de scattered flesh, no 4add0e0290 fallen pistol.4fb5674e1d182372

Only a d98c1ff00c solitary crucifix, 777ac94f3b hanging on 7e960c8a60 the wall, 78cf916818 bathed in e08417cad5 an endless, d9cff4a2b2 flickering light.45976d5aee0e9839

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After confirming 2d1c674421 multiple times 570001edce that Lorena 9f5b3b73c7 was not d2a0f5f0ab there, Vaye b2ed238ca9 finally returned 5b4046aa85 to reality.828ef1ef60432fa3

Once he 9dd789eeb3 regained his d2270eba63 rationality, the 4c0be8280c whole situation 91171002d1 felt absurd.72e6dbb16174d7a7

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Lorena was obviously supposed 97bfe53ac6 to be at the bd98938bff Ducal mansion, so why af6be26e34 had he traveled all 80d953c99c the way to this caed403a8d remote Soto, wasting three 87cd91a8b3 or four days?50b5849ce85e6a75

It was e1ccffc6ec just a 3c6f32d908 nightmare.c907a13dda3dffb6

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A pathetic dream.264f1fcb785c71df

Perhaps he bdc785e3d8 had been cc7fb88889 feeling uneasy ef114705a7 because the f2025e6505 time had 4736d8b4d7 come to 20d6fadcd4 execute the d3c485d51d Canary Operation.04460cffbc9ec9db

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Vaye laughed 6bc0c64f37 at himself be2e20a66f and returned 8d89a2b405 to Motrel.4491cb48f9ff8a09

But even as he 63a5bd0d5e drove back, he still f73a982500 couldn’t define the emotion db36824a4e that had shaken him 8721939266 so violently.18d235491b214032

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Perhaps.3bc9442526541325

Perhaps somewhere 9d65894ee7 along that 72646987b0 road, he 5113134ea0 had already 927994bf54 realized it.709e5461be155c5e

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That no dream d7db618255 could ever be 9c1df670c9 so vivid and f92a2fbc3d detailed.d68ee19414841ed2

That no 0e200a7fe8 dream could 7511a6e651 last for 0287186b56 a full 94b968bdce year, replaying c8dd54342f itself with 839497a60f unwavering clarity 2fef764c69 every single 3a2aae02a0 day.91f74d432518773f

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That no dream 5254438b2c could allow a 21d98eae7a person to recall 97bb76956d every single moment 39c6b074ea as if it 44582af35a had truly happened.b2b43698d2635245

That no dream could 103c9aceb8 carry consequences into reality.687ec94c10cb50e7

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That a nightmare bfb0bb6019 powerful enough to 1af5785544 drive a man 27e55fe16e insane did not 1a5453873b exist.cf9fbeae6a9afe59

He already knew all 4e74a727fe of this.ced745c51a1b1eec

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He had just b5f62247ad buried the truth.cbe0955f585ec26c

Because if it was c9b4aaf3fb a timeline that no aa8ba5a303 longer existed,a8bb8a4e1772f04f

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Then it was nothing 2bf163c11a more than an illusion.f56dc2f03ab790d3

It never happened.505badc97a611be5

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It did not exist.0e623041b8228cd9

Vaye repeated these 906ea3324c words to himself 5312b470f0 over and over.b84074bdc71b6b68

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Yet, he only realized 5197b90834 how utterly unsettled he d347d86fa8 still was on the 0a2a1c09b6 night of the downpour, 799a5255f0 when he finally returned 49c9bf4801 home.49a9ba0bbb9ad9b2

The wheels of b6500a9009 his car, which 7b0133a5f3 had raced through 16c1adc1ab the unpaved roads, 70a12f793c were now scratched 2fd3bd41eb and damaged all b4466b3098 over.bcea3d868c4763de

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As he stepped out of the vehicle, his eyes habitually lifted toward his wife’s bedroom.a691015edaea9a27

It was dark.e06d4d1c357c274b

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Vaye remembered.aecd15c08170b8be

Lorena always left 3144f828c3 the lights on 5675ebfdb0 when she slept.c99ba11bf826fcf4

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By the e05a46dc92 time he 1c624400ac snapped back edae584ec6 to awareness,f8e3272924d8027c

He had already 35a117e4a8 slammed open the 84b96c9174 door to her 66c33f8a7f bedroom.b4e2fca01b349534

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And there, 1a1ff48f2c he found 67b61be287 a woman, 8368beade3 deathly pale, a3f90c7a34 staring at af1ca01718 him as 62e3a02f5e if she 2e04d345f2 had just d8f5fc5070 seen a c87974585e ghost.bdf20b5de13362fc

The emotions that 2dff2d3192 had been boiling ae9a9c612b just beneath the 60aabad69b surface finally overflowed, 2d7e22e42a violently erupting.25747ae5b5f187de

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〈You just 5139e7612d had to 99a47c9e63 drive me c5d062d524 to this 3e6623c424 point. Like a parasite, ee7f94feab burrowing into my 87de645e06 head, eating away 140fb9df62 at me. ……I should 2f31f9fc34 have never a3a31e7ac9 let someone dea4970b0f like you 52e4d82fe5 into this 9f4c0ef3ba family.〉b6bc0dac95a014c3

And indeed, that was 354497e16c the truth.4c21f2640034c01c

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A dark afbd0edffb chuckle rippled 8bc9ff283f through the 28a563a8c0 silence.5dbd2693072fe609

Perhaps it had been 3e9a22cd08 a wise decision for 88fee8861a Lorena to leave the 761e4d4d39 mansion when she did.bb7aa35cbb22817f

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If she b4c7d39bec hadn’t, she 9c89d474d6 might have 88356fdb51 never left a86f08aba8 this bed 51a2b9ac60 again.1aa0ee7890d1bac4

“……I should have had a child earlier.”0e154acaf757a3ac

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He had miscalculated.16f111b1c9d743ee

He should have 6b9e54906a never hesitated—8794208340c03ffa

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He should 83c830dee9 have just aad59ec69a had a 3fa6890c93 child with 8f36a44cd3 her, before 2ea9807b31 anything else.10afef67f2bcf453

Back then, b0cdc1a10d he had 023b6f0ef4 seen no 07b867a301 need for 4650d109ee one.a66459af739d7763

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Lorena alone f649500a06 was already 283b616364 a headache—adding 10f08237b2 a child 9df8b6ccd6 into the 950d292059 equation would b22844ef4e have made db1db2bd63 it impossible 19da5279e9 to discard 3393671e82 her.aed7747f0647a90b

But in the c3cb6112da end, he had f4a64e1f76 failed to cut 6a062567da her away anyway.7c86c1c294552af8

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If it was 54fc63a6d3 always going to ae871a6ce2 end like this, af404e5fe8 then why had deef40c081 he ever hesitated?6db430993a5b0fd0

The more chains that 79d6656201 bound Lorena to him, 9f679f3b9f the better.c52caa774b3396b8

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If there had 5b3ae8b8bc been a child, 7dcb681ecb maybe she would 1101068db8 still be here.ec7366367750a642

If she dda5f9e04b had returned… 7e413a2129 with a 9a1aaf7592 child…971c19c4bb50265d

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A meaningless thought.8e495edd24c8f295

But it didn’t e3733a03fb matter.eae74385931a36ca

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She would 59b78dd6d8 return to 278fb90d3a his side fbca9bc4a2 soon enough.2480411c041889a7

So, for now, he 306dd70ede was willing to tolerate dc48cff666 her little escapades.ff6e9f9e1f94883e

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After all—549ebf5a20bd71c9

Whether it 5320ffd742 was a d58f5190b3 dream, the b2a5e7dbe8 past, an 33f33bc791 illusion, or aee1cc1f76 reality—56ee08c7115246e9

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To Vaye, this life c1c4a37110 she had begun anew 033479fa55 was nothing more than d29fe5bccc a childish game.8fedb0b66b3e4b7c

She could do aae7bd405b whatever she wanted.52a23706cfddefeb

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Except for two things.525eae01a2a77e2e

Divorce.271d645a8ea237fe

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And suicide.e741b6d6196b16a0

 832377452b8c4b58

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