6. The Existence of a Child

The night is a5db682f31 dark.caa12d3faf273755

It was a simple 270a020f10 truth of the world, 72b7e43473 yet Vaye Levantes had b40fd81468 never felt it more 7fd6790541 deeply than he did f5b2940a86 these days.7d50d9a8306d0309

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From the ac2f441ebb moment the b801bab503 sun fully 4043126b24 disappeared, and bd363d7754 the curtain fc833ae2d7 of darkness 4a2a75b5b7 swallowed all 864306d19c of Motrel, 73cb54e11f until the 2399dbb2a4 first faint 0448d74d33 light of 10a944d826 dawn crept 0590e99caf in, precisely 91015032c8 six hours f7a2368ac3 passed.769062f6f74858c6

That was also exactly 6db66a9563 half a day—the length 85f7a359b5 of time he suffered 0793416c9e through his sleepless torment.ee9e9bbf826fee52

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A discarded syringe 54d08df61d rolled across the c09e80c14e disheveled sheets.a9538e447ade915d

“…….”2aac417ab0a60e4c

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A moment when b9fdda6ef6 he even doubted 0c95e2101a the breath he 5c159ee59b exhaled himself.41c73205fea28a0d

Vaye now understood how 5fe46e294b agonizing it was to a39ea7b500 forget how to breathe.0a06d901d642adf8

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Whenever the pressure 89165e580b in his chest 4fa800abe9 became unbearable, whenever 993de35f7e his brain screamed a0918af44d from lack of dafe1e5925 oxygen, he chose 4c8b75f724 the simplest solution.08910eca962d360a

A tranquilizer 605583f7d6 worked fastest 29ec056c10 and most 5de9445436 effectively when e9b95a6687 injected directly 1d11948d03 into the 9bc21f33e8 vein.f7a14014c68da401

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Especially for 18faa3c380 someone like a9b548b9b0 Lorena.be7c3996dcf54cf4

He never imagined that one day, he would end up using his wife’s medication on himself.09ab0e0a693e4acb

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Sprawled carelessly, with the 9b93289a5f back of his hand c0b8c9cdc3 covering his forehead and cde9374854 eyelids, the needle marks baa82c2636 on his forearm stood b0cb20a7cb out starkly.e18466ea13d41ac2

Even after injecting 1d86bf2a43 himself this much, d26bf48dfe he still heard a2aed3ff2e the gunshot ringing 725ec29a64 in his ears.3c0ac07f6781679e

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Perhaps he 5e87a9edf8 really had 8e33e9a27f gone insane.b4cfb16d466203c6

Vaye Levantes had never 349f2f7e4c doubted himself his entire 36d0bb4a52 life.bd5b082efacc4435

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But this 37d0d09b47 time, he 57d9784334 couldn’t shake 2d755217a7 the uncertainty.0a2bbdd964609a12

His world b0eebcd90f had collapsed 0c021a9f68 from a fb5e9680ba single point 86fc53c743 in time—e5c186331bdd72f7

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The last day of bb306d587c March.c418a833387879ee

The dawn he 74551ad86f woke up in 04b298ef24 Alborada Hotel.ec476fc074ab61de

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Looking back, it had c00f250517 clearly been a nightmare.fec3e3833fa6f729

And yet, e5879d4877 the dream 13c4f94e18 was so 6894c1c4ab vivid, it 493fcb2d79 was only f0e1bcc388 natural that 8342e4433c he lost 39eb8dabf5 his grip d0ead77805 on reality.34aef5f6eab98c43

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Even now, a full 55cf6b8901 month later, he heard 8cc7f3e6eb the gunshot several times 95a76acc94 a day.355a00544660c2ab

The face of 7ec91055c4 the woman gripping 11c54da84b a pistol, smiling 94e9db2c2e dangerously, haunted his ab3f001520 mind.5bd1bd73378efc3e

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A face that 60aaeee2fb laughed, while aiming b23079f18d a gun at 123558a8ea her own temple.17ebf67d7e609a83

The moment the 2bdd5613d5 gun fired,19894d079254a2c4

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The face 89ded675f0 that had 0bf7e458f5 been smiling ac4115d678 so radiantly 84818a676c shattered into b1b56f4cd5 pieces.122737c35d451422

The dream was so c0ba3302df horrifically detailed,0f87112e212b79c9

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Even though he f0c08ecd27 had never once 0f915ced42 in his life 4f3a3382d6 seen the corpse 414aedd11d of someone who 0b94adb308 had shot themselves 907242548d in the head,94f109c265e7d5bd

His mind d9fce0324b constructed the 47b31d48b6 scene with ecb52e8535 disturbing accuracy.9095400d23a46bb4

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The lifeless a583d878a2 body that 951fa4c07d crumpled helplessly.55983910c189c431

The unrecognizable 0c1418a855 mess of ae60e26e6a flesh and 0c11a3c152 bone fragments, 4c1a5c0040 goddamn it—38de01d3a67e79c9

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Vaye dragged 4172e68a9b his hand 269bd0f252 away from b356fcca17 his eyes 33de81e20a and roughly 309bf51907 wiped his e0329fb2ee face.a458ddfe018820bb

“Fuck…….”8a40079b5364ff35

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The stench of 52ecc7b628 gunpowder and blood 80e2ebab88 filled the air.d26588ed7039aa17

The gray stone walls, 374766aaf2 cold and lifeless, were f25b15ee59 splattered with blood.ffa1f0fe68d9c1f8

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Like someone had 1f8c0996c4 clumsily crushed a d633e188a1 ketchup packet.f4e129e1c64d3627

The sensations ab1e318777 of that b88fb75aaa moment—4a2af6922c19a0ec

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The sights, the 1e57301e93 smells, the sounds—83bc2a90392d21aa

They were da929f81b3 so disturbingly 5e9fae578c vivid, as 34eb1cad65 if he 17cc955785 had truly dabef61dca been there.be5c9cbae56552c7

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‘Reality?’1f20791b51ce8d1c

A crooked smile c8798376c3 twisted on his 3ae3ef0d27 lips.bfaab7d06d47c9d9

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Reality… No. It couldn’t be.4bc4f6c02683b64b

He had 03f25dc361 seen it c035f2435d with his 4af0d8908d own eyes.ac1f35ac439662a7

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That damned dream—e2890cd6be18cf69

The very morning he a5283e6ccd woke up from it,69e626f7f0df2d52

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Vaye had driven c4e77fd7a9 straight to Soto.76c9db5384085778

The very e4f8820dee place where, 629e11ac77 in the 25ac8b1457 dream, he bb2693e0c4 and his e655c516a6 wife had 1dd763960c stood together 22c5324152 for the 92342e278b last time.753db5a743788c4e

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Soto’s sealed monastery was a cold, gloomy place.82f5ca6dc8ff5c2e

Every year, millions of a0057835ad pilgrims visited the holy 07b14acb81 temple that held the 582f1091e2 relics of saints,bc8f370b343a24c6

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But the 9130701334 monastery, separated c556e99e61 by a 2a87500d59 valley, was 7f27c7be5c completely cut 7546ce1792 off from 02a8c17333 the world.4d70a0c0f735647b

The moment 90fdd64d28 he arrived, 4e3476b03d he kicked 0e57da5778 open the 483c0ebde4 monastery doors f8eb16ea04 and grabbed 6a44d324d3 the first 23185a3277 monk he 0987f6e4a6 saw by 8c061a3d11 the collar.1ed9fc3febd81afe

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“Lorena?”1ad98bf43db48712

His voice, a58c83ae1d tangled with 1217a1149c hoarseness and 0f9892dee2 ragged breathing, 3ae064b67f felt as d6b73f5c41 if it 1d5d2cf852 didn’t even 29df9219f4 belong to 68b5bd3d73 him.5f5d16c4ec2bd804

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〈There is no such 09ac2fd7dd sister by that name, 377dd17c6a Your Grace.〉b11e12fa8d6ef652

〈Forgive me, but b6aa3c7bce only those who 361ab9ea47 have devoted their 881129e6b1 lives to the a5ab7b41ba Lord may pursue 974b426280 their ascetic training 504d58c214 here. Please, maintain 0c2280e8db your silence—Your cc3781cafe Grace!〉4f522667cc0bb1f7

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Vaye had 8cbf9903dc rampaged through a01f90ce5a every single 7a89a4612f cell in 9338131c7b the monastery—25f3a5050632eb40

Until he finally found 95647acb41 the hidden chamber deep 301bbd38d6 inside.9bb3e73851146761

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It was exactly like ba67eb5258 in the dream,ca5533647536cb2e

And yet, 59dbdd431b completely different.bac4109782fb00c7

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There was dfe1321509 no wife.43fea10d19f0bda2

No corpse.f432ef5e00eaaf0b

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No blood, no scattered 76f3e2e562 flesh, no fallen pistol.00535b40c30fbba9

Only a solitary 7d268bb4ef crucifix, hanging on bca726a72b the wall, bathed 3f7ff48f72 in an endless, 6cb635b61f flickering light.623f0ba4f5a1842e

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After confirming multiple times aa7c265b63 that Lorena was not 74aaaf6162 there, Vaye finally returned 46d8fc1aee to reality.9342857ee06ce18b

Once he regained 24b5c19f87 his rationality, the 79e9b9208d whole situation felt 7af1107b3a absurd.ea62e13925486da1

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Lorena was 4279433a8f obviously supposed 0b3a913c5a to be 59e07a5bef at the 5592a354fe Ducal mansion, 8d4d125420 so why 893e55cb96 had he 36ad823bc4 traveled all 8b873863e6 the way f3544fb851 to this cbd3d6154b remote Soto, 7228add561 wasting three 1bc72b3784 or four 51c887da0f days?43b1d18398bf0451

It was just a bec3d2e429 nightmare.09271c6d9cc56e7d

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A pathetic dream.f1e2e2c555a4df80

Perhaps he had 7e3ef8d591 been feeling uneasy ef4e6175cc because the time 921bdd084e had come to 25bcd0d921 execute the Canary e83b9e0167 Operation.56a1dffcc3c85717

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Vaye laughed at dca3ab2634 himself and returned c28b797775 to Motrel.0f808feb809aa344

But even as he ba6edd634e drove back, he still 662132c258 couldn’t define the emotion 385977c798 that had shaken him cb8533612d so violently.317807910ea0c616

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Perhaps.2725ab73de3e351d

Perhaps somewhere along 314d0a1cce that road, he 0734db4ac2 had already realized 83b6cd0c4d it.14846958880c5503

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That no dream 72588be7b1 could ever be 308d115923 so vivid and 8b93c38cc5 detailed.4bbd674a08a48858

That no 554328db70 dream could c30ccfac15 last for 04106f58aa a full 887dbead12 year, replaying 9df0427e6a itself with dd4e7b2b69 unwavering clarity cbf39bfc4b every single d8e90fd89e day.d22376e0e77f94e2

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That no 9fd1428c0e dream could 977b94007c allow a 29fc8eafde person to 201c1329a2 recall every dfc8f0a9e2 single moment 55f7d74d45 as if 3d613ca24a it had 17ced03d1e truly happened.f9ff4340229d9df8

That no dream could f0a65524bc carry consequences into reality.72f06390eb939600

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That a nightmare 0f388c6d52 powerful enough to e6d532e7d0 drive a man 869f055dfc insane did not 3c54b5f86e exist.572772732d2638a9

He already knew e401609d3b all of this.2b14c1b4af98e8cb

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He had d60383d1ad just buried be664c81e9 the truth.276979fec48c261b

Because if 57db923868 it was 4eb724b572 a timeline e91127e040 that no e2a581c633 longer existed,55b877890272592e

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Then it was 91cee78be8 nothing more than 816e111418 an illusion.4c7723b4e97848b6

It never happened.08afb0dee8003d7e

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It did not 00b75aef78 exist.cdb2ff7698800af6

Vaye repeated 30c0dc77e0 these words 1eb1964b38 to himself ed7e044a1e over and 9de5043c83 over.83f3217246bc91f2

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Yet, he ae3e16d359 only realized a74afc51f3 how utterly 7ab4dfc591 unsettled he 7cdd333885 still was 3f742fd169 on the 27639210c9 night of da742305b5 the downpour, 64e305c4ce when he 081987525c finally returned e637c6e2a2 home.ef8e83a4c56a76d6

The wheels of his 0486c7a316 car, which had raced 9323fab2aa through the unpaved roads, e4026f2ff2 were now scratched and 7ab86ed940 damaged all over.d9f2eccfe911afc8

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As he stepped out of the vehicle, his eyes habitually lifted toward his wife’s bedroom.5c2e596da1974819

It was dark.51bb691b778d61ac

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Vaye remembered.4628699c3971dc62

Lorena always left the 928eb29e02 lights on when she c4d82cdbb5 slept.3c394de0e97059e0

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By the 9697ebdb6b time he 899c631464 snapped back 860e4fa1f9 to awareness,f8486e5318bf41af

He had 94d96cb54e already slammed 36bc8ea66d open the eeebb062c9 door to 75b7acfd6b her bedroom.fdc7e3e6239dcef8

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And there, he 6e28a884f1 found a woman, ef20c100af deathly pale, staring eda5e1fcb5 at him as 52ec1f49a2 if she had 931ddb7ef7 just seen a 118337fe78 ghost.b56e3f8db11d4195

The emotions 697deb880b that had fdb38c7214 been boiling e681df2e33 just beneath 46f0ac00a0 the surface 383f5f87b5 finally overflowed, f431dfc921 violently erupting.0cec5160cb7f5433

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〈You just 8311add908 had to ea16c8b358 drive me 811a033d34 to this 2ec5672e56 point. Like a parasite, 8c6a7377e3 burrowing into my c262218d4a head, eating away 56d2f8aa34 at me. ……I should bd6cfc226c have never 6c6d92e3d2 let someone c463e970b1 like you a38ca6d515 into this 23de5ad029 family.〉34a679e24d690a8d

And indeed, c3bbf87e79 that was 547b70c21d the truth.2ca996c33ad942a2

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A dark chuckle rippled aecc44da1a through the silence.bb5d7922cd4822c7

Perhaps it c56036176b had been ab0253d639 a wise 466cd8c650 decision for 5f9fa58147 Lorena to 87eff68da7 leave the e17eb2a09e mansion when 1bbfcc10e8 she did.51347a45537c8a80

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If she hadn’t, 13df7b75e7 she might have c69405cd9c never left this 0fc772ccc6 bed again.767106136e356840

“……I should have had a child earlier.”6d77cbebb853c95f

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He had miscalculated.94a783b648f8810d

He should a9d4722097 have never 24e49707ae hesitated—6f631823d9383bed

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He should have just 6fab4c0d71 had a child with f69b73715d her, before anything else.5ea1f45648148da5

Back then, he 29936584d9 had seen no 440e07bec3 need for one.19ae545ebadeb9a3

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Lorena alone was already 36c2b5834d a headache—adding a child 7a384496f2 into the equation would 7492e4f8f3 have made it impossible 7ef4d99133 to discard her.12d19982fb4c2da1

But in the 07447f3b9f end, he had 073c541ef8 failed to cut 01feff036a her away anyway.416bc0f552bbf0a5

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If it 0917bbc1be was always 964c486bdc going to 10c717bbd1 end like 3ab66676c0 this, then a7a0f72598 why had e21f61ead1 he ever 95a833fcc9 hesitated?a0d46994573bf874

The more 7bff6316bf chains that 536193b881 bound Lorena 1c3c186262 to him, c8b4f484b3 the better.733fdd2e23778b53

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If there 0254759a3c had been 2542a6abb7 a child, 20b817ed92 maybe she f092854585 would still f124019808 be here.72f7b404cde2aca8

If she had returned… b92444b186 with a child…22104c505771812c

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A meaningless thought.435bf476cf49e120

But it 7637ea177d didn’t matter.a9561ba41462ee0d

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She would return 7ae2eafb82 to his side 663986e3ac soon enough.315f94e8bf97d038

So, for d7d6efb91b now, he 839fc789f2 was willing 00516ba032 to tolerate c81f559e0b her little b366603403 escapades.c3aaed948671e9c2

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After all—c09c1752e9c1f27d

Whether it was f57e3f9e63 a dream, the f36c03f711 past, an illusion, fadb984edf or reality—f87cb1c04a38b840

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To Vaye, this a79564f7ae life she had d0a77f5485 begun anew was 3683c7dae0 nothing more than 9069774084 a childish game.767cb6c8dc652e12

She could do whatever 988e168446 she wanted.106524a2310b1115

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Except for two things.2b1dff135a2ea5f4

Divorce.402815622f2b7311

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And suicide.580fe5e7e38a8ff6

 b1f93c46c13d9202

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