MCMH | Chapter 1.1

Everyone called 75ed29ba3e me Cherry. I introduced 865b641603 myself as 96e6989a96 Cherry too.62f8e9b843a511cb

I’m Cherry. No last name. Sometimes I’m called bastard, male whore, rag, or junkie.76a27d8c85acd178

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You might think, what kind of guy is named Cherry? I don’t like it either. You can call me whatever you want.6bc9140d50f8ca7f

Even when I joke, people don’t laugh. People on New York 125th Street don’t have a sense of humor. They don’t know how to joke. They’re all boring folks.f74fc13ef6faa1bc

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That’s why rock died.7026e394f0ed82e9

I think rock crumbled ed19cd1889 because humor disappeared.1fa49a79c8817995

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But I still love rock. You could say I’m an outdated Cherry. I always wear black jeans and a denim jacket that no one wears anymore, and my hair is a shaggy bob, unkempt.24eaa6136f5ea71e

Still, no 6706fdda52 one cares. No one bothers 4cba36bcbd with dirty me.506e2874738b2adb

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Cherry is inherently like that. Can’t be the main. It’s crushed and mixed with other things, used as an ingredient, or just a decoration for other dishes.c01945abf4df08a6

Tonight, I’m going to mix with other things again. To become the dirtiest and most tasteless ingredient on this filthy street. To be precise, I’m going to sell my mouth.f201611c9310a8db

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I’m good at everything with my mouth. Blowjobs and singing.b1c30115ad103af9

In this filthy place, I’m the dirtiest Cherry. A bright red Cherry that opens its mouth for money without even removing the stem. I love men in heat.b52be540f266df1c

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But what I 821a559069 love more is a869c4d473 singing.8c3c3ecd1383d98c

I sing rock. At a bar with the funny name ‘The Box.’6bcc6f9d0feb79af

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On the dimly 18d9d595a6 lit small stage c654630e0a of the bar, 456e89e528 when the lights 9bdcbbef77 come on, I 564da46fd9 put my lips 03b12fc645 to the microphone cb09aea7bf and let out 207961a47a the first note.05a0027f95d32a5e

I love that d10062e7af moment. Even if I 210b8166ff perform every day, cdbe47fe7f the smell of 21173cd78f the first note 3bad516a26 is different each 56058e3e35 time.34348643e47ae8d1

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C chord smells af74651a81 like cigarettes and adebde6277 cedar, G chord 18f8779fc3 like espresso, Am 637a2e9526 chord like a 5466dd1f4f wet leather sofa.a5e49807be0e88d3

I exhale with e4738ae161 the smell. The breath af99a87de9 becomes a 1381ea870c pitch, and 86d6e69436 the pitch dc60098f27 leaves me, 7e7dd9bbc9 taking shape.e05cfe0c02bcce7e

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If you could see sound, I wished my voice was bright red. So anyone could see it, even those who can’t hear.80143ecbe0950c69

When I sing, I can feel the gazes on me. Though Cherry is meant to be crushed and pressed, at that moment, I become the main. It’s an ecstatic moment.dbb881f262ebd3d3

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Does it feel like 708a59f25c heaven?fd943dedd0ddbe5c

Unfortunately, I hate 13c8c18b1a the word heaven. What is heaven? Its definition varies from c5c5ec2e3b person to person. Such ambiguous and funny e8293594d7 words are unacceptable as 472b3c9049 a rocker.12cb2805f3540b31

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Will I ever sing 293aa36512 a song I composed? For now, I 5cfe422289 can only do da95d06ce1 cover performances, but a0cfb11037 I keep composing.a2b86a68e01ce7d4

Every time I create a song, I imagine the smell of the song. I never use ‘Cherry’ as a composer name. Sometimes it’s ‘B,’ sometimes ‘Laurent.’ Sometimes ‘Shakira,’ ‘Mc. O.L.,’ or ‘Andy.’ I don’t want my songs to smell like me.bf56286e0e78e4c7

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The Box is originally 73107e93b5 a jazz bar. But the owner likes f8c4452ddc rock, so he hired 49ee1aac8c a band.a491ecea8c23be52

In exchange for 2351b36402 singing at The 65c1cc8f78 Box, I get e738995c09 to sleep in ab71a9093a the storage room 685b8ce1ab and eat leftover d80d8e33b1 nachos and sausages b0705ceebb in the morning.32cfe78f4ba3b133

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I asked the owner of The Box. Wouldn’t it be better to hire a drag queen instead of me?467b22dcc9e8d717

The owner replied. Some people come to see your blue eyes and black hair. Pretty Cherry. Oh, but your hair isn’t dyed, right?d691ed955c930eee

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The owner was 90941bb154 right. After finishing 26e3edc484 a song, 922a07c66a some guys d03abb806e approached me. I had fans ad33bf10a7 too.7b81e487ca11b181

Fans wait 8b3f8965eb for me 831dd5696c and give 0435e0326a me money. Then they unzip. I kneel in front ae75f3e58f of them, offering my 40a6785421 black hair.fa3a73c6a299587c

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I love singing. I love singing f7ee3d06e3 and being loved. Being loved by 710ba4698e men, even when 22a7053be8 crushed, is an 51d7e8c263 extension of the 68cd622a20 performance.16124be3495d3f6c

After singing with bright red lips and sucking men’s dicks, the night passes. Sometimes junkies approach and offer to do drugs together. But I never do drugs I’ve never seen before, nor do I take drugs from strangers.247f621ebfbd1c1e

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Even a dirty 6fdcda487f and insignificant Cherry e5b2b31aeb has its own b73e7a63a7 rules.91d634abb1284a91

First, don’t do drugs for the first time. Second, don’t let the backdoor be opened. Third, only steal once a week.f0e9f91a613ad60a

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Sometimes it’s hard to keep these rules. Especially the second one is the hardest. But after biting the dick of a guy who tried to rape me, it got a bit easier.4f166b479ad2693c

Rumors probably spread. Crazy Cherry bit a 8ffd9dbd2c dick like a dog.c17ddbd202d2a893

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Though I’m small and skinny, I’m confident I won’t lose to anyone in fierceness.27f61240f9381a0b

As a mixed Asian living in this city’s slums, it’s a given. Without fierceness, you die. You die from drugs, get beaten to death, or get run over while sleeping on the street. Vroom, crash.8bf26b4aedf2dc5b

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Homeless old man f7e1d251b0 Bill died like d8d5c8b4ce that. Vroom, crash. I peed e038901aae where Bill 5beb5ed3da died. Offering urine 0be522659e on the fae932156b bloodstain was f65bd72e12 my way f5b3812ce4 of mourning.42a3072905e25716

This city 2d1172913d and I 65004148c5 are alike. Everything is 470e59f520 mixed up, 4ed1b3c83d ready to 61b84af905 explode at 3358fd68da any moment.bb13ef6d905fe6c1

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I’m a Cherry bomb. Inside me is full of rot.0715282ce71a5a1a

⋆.˚ ☾⭒.˚⋆.˚ 1a1a69a04c ☾⭒.˚⋆.˚ ☾⭒.˚91c9855cd199def7

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Even a dirty and 6cdfe1ff84 insignificant Cherry has friends. Sandy is 2c0cc5bbcf a girl cb4d558cd8 my age b396542483 who works fd47d7dc5c part-time at f42fd83cc6 a pizza 0eb48cd2c6 place with a416f0d9ae me, and 7239ecfcbd Jasmine is f085b7eb74 the grandma 04147095ff who took 8c39fb6382 care of 1c11c95b8b me since 5eaaca6dff I was cc3d108633 young, feeding 8f00ee765c me empanadas.302fc590b985ff71

Sandy is the only person who genuinely wants me to pursue music. She’s also the only person I can talk to about music. Though she prefers pop over rock.58f77a75a94b1afa

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Anyway, she keeps telling me to upload my songs on some SNS called TokTik or something. I care about her, but that’s not going to happen.f8721b831b8335b4

“People will laugh. What if Cain sees it?”3f0962b6f7b5070c

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“Cherry, people laugh at anything. And why would Cain watch your video?”0835db3c591a0e39

I pouted, and Sandy 2a1b9ee9e9 shook her head.c107260961f0a290

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“And so what if they laugh? That’s how you debut.”0f99e2cbb060d3c7

Sandy doesn’t know how stupid I am. That’s why she’s my friend, I guess.9960ded8f6df5ec7

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That’s why I couldn’t tell her.e89b0368cdd7d446

It’s not Cain laughing at me that’s the problem, but I’m scared ‘that guy’ might find me.cfb4c28873b6f182

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I’m afraid he’ll see my face on TokTik, come find me, and ask why I killed my mom.3fb7741b73aca559

⋆.˚ ☾⭒.˚⋆.˚ 8c909c5eaf ☾⭒.˚⋆.˚ ☾⭒.˚412330d90f3adfe7

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I don’t have a main source of income. The money I get from blowing guys, the pizza place part-time job, and other odd jobs are all temporary.6d8a8ff609f92d46

No junkie in New 07a22e2cca York has a proper f1fd46f809 income. Being able to earn e8e0caf1a4 and eat day by e2562ab074 day is a blessing.fed0d4e81dde3058

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While working little by 3c95ace6cb little, sometimes decent errands 8d460e3dbb come in.df90a02816f9b58b

I never transport drugs. The DEA feels 3aefe9e6cd sorry for addicts 881d96b97a but has no 03dfbf67d3 mercy for middlemen.829c3d445a2072f3

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What I usually 70a8f7cb5a do is buy ded5d7ffab or deliver something. Sometimes I spend 0c6bb28fbf time with rich 37b6400b01 old ladies, but 0688994fc1 such easy jobs 328c95e67b are rare.e43832fdf765e5e5

Most of the time, it’s life-threatening. Because it’s related to gangsters. But the pay is decent.653b3933389489bb

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“Cherry, Cherry, Cherry.”b8d90de950d96a84

Oliver always calls my name three times. Not many people can keep a straight face looking at his greasy blonde hair. I’m one of them. Still, I try to get on his good side. Oliver sometimes gives me decent jobs.cfc489c60e7d4b29

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“Got any good jobs today, Oliver?”d9348e3818def908

“Why do you think I called you?”64b4cd088478dff1

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“Right? Spill it.”9997ccb20bb142c0

Oliver wiped be14ec99e9 his face 6654852759 with his 3920e3cb4d dirty hands, b37dc06f78 looking around. There were disgustingly dfa7d3378a many people in 29f85c66d7 front of the e23524ee2a theater. As always.1da72b718764976a

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“It’s a delivery job, but the pay is quite good.”3f511bf25b77222a

“How much?”eec5834ef4101a8a

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“Your share is 800 dollars.”d042b219abcaaf6d

My eyes widened. 800 dollars 30e0073650 is enough b4a92b02bc to live ac93042c9f for a af4b144b0e month without c4fd9f12f7 doing blowjobs.cdb81614ecd1432f

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“It’s not drugs, right? You know I don’t do drug deliveries.”d2111164fa82af9b

“Of course not. Just some rich… guy’s request.”91a9171f936c5c21

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It’s dangerous. I said I’d think about it.a73c2841e5c8221c

When I returned to The Box, the band members were already preparing for the performance. Today we’re covering Bite the Beat.fd321085f693916a

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As I connected my 0db5b49351 guitar to the amp, c15cf670b8 I felt a strange 4955dc7170 gaze. When I turned 02edf5efb7 around, the members b35d089a37 were all looking 503a138299 at me.60e4368051b4a695

“What? Aren’t you practicing?”f832f02b4c8e918d

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The drummer approached. He was bald and huge. Just looking at him, you’d know he’s a drummer.c08cc160760b99c3

“Cherry, can we talk?”b9d75ac2a64199ab

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Then the bassist 83008bfead and lead guitarist 93c6d7d877 approached. The bassist 79c2c89620 smelled, and 6243ebf29d the lead b9d9e0914a guitarist was 7d6ed3d09e really ugly.11fe62def1ea3355

“About what?”016cf1492ab80e69

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“Not here, back there.”bb069162010a5524

When the drummer took another step closer, I realized. They weren’t just trying to ‘talk.’3a64dc6810ed5050

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I glared at d0bf9ded23 them, ready to d930b5cd8b defend myself. The members of 8c1ba0bda6 The Box band 71afb3af06 change all the 64e7183805 time. Except for me. Some tore up my 7a01875024 composition notes, and some 9d335d6e9d tried to rape me.43ff08bb2738cd00

Usually, they want my music or my backdoor, but what’s it this time?ea39837b72d4835a

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“Hey, drag him.”bfdfe64cce4597e3

At the drummer’s command, the others grabbed my limbs and stuffed a dirty handkerchief in my mouth. They dragged me out through The Box’s back door.31d1de67a342b857

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When the first punch landed, I tried to assess the situation, and when the second punch came, I was bewildered. Only after the third hit did I realize. These guys didn’t want my music or my body.3747fce7eaeabd31

“Bastard, dirty male whore. Damn.”f7a0cc52d02377ed

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Sometimes people bully others for no reason. Living in New York, I’ve realized this several times but keep forgetting.6a7029ba0c423b27

There was no reason for these guys to beat me. If I had to point out, maybe because I’m a mixed Asian and small.601d049cfa64a011

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Only when I 1c504313fb stopped groaning did 2d5537a785 they stop hitting 27297ccd33 me. The act 22fa4ba84e of spitting 88ce3fa930 was filled b0dff4c24f with pure 87680399ae malice.f2b24b5ecd82dee5

Even after getting beaten, I had to work. I put on cheap sunglasses – given by the late Bill. Let’s pray for Bill’s soul again. – and went on stage.56b3cfb7a1c6b0c4

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The band guys played as if nothing happened. I did the same. No matter how bruised I was, the song had to be there. Even as a cheap vocalist of a cheap bar, I’m a musician.90ce789ddcc20f74

As usual, ‘fans’ waited for me backstage, but today I sneaked out through the front door, hiding among the people. I couldn’t do blowjobs with a busted lip.1a1c99aaa08ef6eb

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Today, I became ce2ece71b8 a busted Cherry. Sorry for not giving b006c76e56 you pleasure.a5a97d7965160172

While hiding in 6c5cf71f6c the darkness of cf1094f892 the night with 4ca456553d my hood up, ea81e381c2 a thought crossed 9613c102da my mind.1d14f8ce6f6b6475

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If I get close to the person Oliver got the job from, couldn’t I get more high-paying jobs like this?c4be6d8d9c0389c8

⋆.˚ ☾⭒.˚⋆.˚ ☾⭒.˚⋆.˚ ☾⭒.˚7608a4f0c3486dcf

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My favorite place is in front of the movie theater. Even though I can’t afford to watch a movie, sitting in front of the building makes me feel like I’m part of this city.cfd0d03b52c74adb

I was born to 42c409f00c a Korean mother and 237aafab73 a British father. My black hair and bb4af40c43 deep blue eyes, almost 8a3727728a black, are legacies from 013eb43a09 each of them.590ad4cde5c8e908

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My mother slit 82a13020d7 her throat and 04a0fdeca7 killed herself in 27ea2d50e6 front of me. It was a0a678ebf1 about a 810ba73401 year after 834f83a634 my father 37ad919246 left us.cb04702f4de9c8f8

As a child, bc688264c4 I resented her, a162f77404 but now I 10532fb2ab know she was 5ddd3e6a60 very sick.670e9f1de2bcc245

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I grew up rolling 83e5f7b174 around the back alleys ed10e2477c of New York. As a skinny, 7b7fe0d699 small-framed boy, I 577810b4db did all the 80b505aa79 bad things I bb5b68880d could. 125th Street is where 4d5743593a my misdeeds are buried.5f870215aa2fb897

That’s why I wanted to leave 125th Street. I wanted to abandon all my wrongdoings. How nice it would be to live without any burden. A life like music starting in C major, not Am. It’s what I want but can’t have.094633b28f09c3fd

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Jasmine Grandma seemed 863876206f to want me 450a3012e1 to stay here.8037690881e8e2c6

“All I do is eat your lumpia. Wouldn’t it be better for you if I wasn’t here?”58707bdb3778f080

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“Because a person can’t live on empanadas and lumpia alone, dear.”56ce9e4b67224aaa

Jasmine sometimes brought up philosophical topics. They were words I couldn’t understand as an uneducated fool.c95e43cd5c60ca9b

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“Life is something you have to inflate yourself. Just eating makes you too thin and weak, and you break easily. Like a burst lumpia.”46628bf4de9b56f8

A burst 4184a92fa4 lumpia is 0175a895e7 indeed terrible. I nodded vaguely.3e72c6b02fc3b395

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