LV Chapter 4.1 || Please, Give Me a Goodnight Kiss

The first thing Sasya felt upon opening his eyes the next morning was discomfort. The phone’s ringtone drilling into his eardrums like it was trying to pierce them, an inexplicable stickiness underneath, heaviness and swelling in his body from eating too much the night before and going to sleep without stretching…

Sasya first reached out and grabbed the phone that was rolling around by the pillow. Then, frowning, he looked at the screen. What he initially thought was an alarm turned out to be a call from an unknown number.

“Hello?”

Sasya answered in a sleepy voice. The caller was George, which only added to his discomfort. With his mind still foggy from sleep, Sasya let George’s muttering pass in one ear and out the other.

Then the words “Mr. Clements’ office” caught his attention. Sasya propped himself up on his elbow against the sofa and suddenly sat up.

“What…? What did you say? Could you say it one more time…”

— Come to the office, the one you’ve been to before, after school. Mr. Clements will be waiting for you there.

“Wow…”

— What do you mean ‘wow’?

“I guess Mr. Clements isn’t too busy today? The timing is perfect for dinner, could we perhaps have dinner together? Not that I want to, I’m just curious.”

— He’s always busy. Be grateful he’s making time for you. Come mentally prepared.

George’s voice was cold.

Even after the call ended abruptly, Sasya kept the phone to his ear for a while. Come mentally prepared? While Sasya was curious about what this was about, he began to get excited about being able to be with his sponsor again.

Thinking of Karel made his sleepiness disappear and his mind clear.

Sasya staggered to his feet and, as expected, felt uncomfortable in his pants, so he immediately headed to the bathroom. He didn’t forget to grab the clothes he had worn the day before from his sports bag and took them with him.

Sasya washed away the traces of the embarrassing wet dream by pouring water over his whole body. Then, with shampoo foam still in his hair, he laid out his tights, leotard, and underwear on the floor and hand-washed them. After rinsing the laundry clean, he hung them neatly on the wide, white sink, brushed his teeth, and dried his hair thoroughly.

Whenever laundry was hung like this on the sink, someone who came to clean the room would keep folding the dried clothes neatly. It bothered Sasya, but since they only came in when Sasya wasn’t there, there was no way to tell them not to.

So Sasya left a small note on the sink,

After being busy doing laundry since morning, Sasya practically ran to school. Today, he set a new record of 7 minutes and 42 seconds for the shortest time from the hotel to the ballet school inside Lincoln Center. With the scheduled appointment with his sponsor in the afternoon and setting a new record, the day was off to a good start.

Having naturally warmed up this way, Sasya entered the practice room sweating and heard quite exciting news from Vadim. The ballet company was preparing various promotions for the upcoming spring season, and ballet school students were being given assignments as part of this.

“You’ll be divided into teams of six, with five teams in total taking the test. Ballet, tap dance, contemporary – various choreographies have been prepared, and I’ll arrange the teams so everyone can dance what suits them best.”

Vadim said this as he began calling out names and lining students up in their teams.

Sasya quickly counted the numbers. Six people in five teams meant only thirty people total. Usually, there were about 60 students in one class. According to Vadim, not everyone would be able to participate in the promotion.

“Sasya! And… Oksana.”

When his name was called, Sasya looked up suddenly and met Oksana’s eyes. Lately, he had been becoming more conscious of that girl. While thinking this, Sasya walked to where Vadim had pointed.

“And the choreography you practice will be evaluated directly by the ballet company.”

The practice room became chaotic at the word ‘evaluation.’ Everyone couldn’t hide their excited expressions at the thought that this might become a bigger event than expected.

“Those who make it into the final twelve will dance – not on stage, but in prepared locations throughout New York City… department stores, hotel lobbies, ice rinks, markets, and places like this Lincoln Center plaza. I saw some of the promotional videos, and they’re quite good. Not bad at all. There’s even some pay, so those of you who need pocket money should make sure to pass. Got it?”

Sasya became very excited at the mention of being able to earn money. This was something he absolutely had to do.

Afterward, the choreography Vadim assigned to Sasya’s team was tap dance. Seeing the disappointment on Sasya’s face, who had naturally assumed he would be doing ballet, Vadim lightly scolded him.

“Did you really think you’d get to choose your choreography? If you actually join the company, you won’t even dream of such luxuries! Being able to pull off even the most ill-fitting costumes flawlessly is what makes one a professional dancer!”

Sasya unconsciously broke into a cold sweat and answered very quietly, “Yes…” When Vadim spoke orthodox principles in the practice room, he was so strict that no one could possibly talk back.

After hearing Sasya’s response, Vadim added one more comment as he walked by.

“The legendary Sasya Shchedrin was also very skilled at tap. You should at least match that.”

Hearing his words, Sasya silently clenched his fists.

He had felt it before, but Vadim was definitely guiding him to follow in that legend’s footsteps. Should he be happy about it, since that meant that he had such high expectations? Sasya bit his lip with a lonely feeling.

And that day, after bar work, instead of center class, everyone dispersed to familiarize themselves with their newly assigned piece’s choreography. Sasya, Oksana, and their team members were also given tap dance shoes. Since there were classes during school that taught contemporary, character dance, and tap dance, most students could tap dance, albeit clumsily.

“I want to do ballet.”

Sasya said while slipping his feet into the shoes and standing on tiptoe in relevé position. Although there was a limit to how much the shoes could bend since they weren’t soft ballet shoes, his instep was so strong that he could achieve quite a high relevé even in tap shoes.

Hearing Sasya’s mumbling, Oksana chuckled. While kicking the floor in her shoes to get used to tap, she said,

「Still, be proud. We’re the only ones who know tap well enough to dance it as a performance.」

Oksana spoke to Sasya in Russian, which only he could understand.

She was right. The tap dance team that Vadim had selected also happened to be the students who were best at ballet.

「Shouldn’t he let people do what they’re good at?」

「Think about that after we pass.」

Oksana’s words sounded so cool that Sasya repeated them in admiration, ‘Think about that after we pass. Think about that after we pass…’

Sasya thought he should learn to be more like Oksana. He tended to become speechless when caught in slightly awkward situations. It would be good to remember how well-spoken friends like Oksana talked and use it to snap back at annoying people like George or Julian.

And perhaps because such feelings showed unconsciously, after morning class ended, Sasya found himself following behind Oksana without realizing it. Oksana, who usually hung out with her friends, suddenly turned around, and when their eyes met, she gestured to Sasya, who had abruptly stopped in his tracks.

“What?”

Even though he was the one following her, Sasya asked casually.

Oksana went straight out into the corridor and led Sasya to the tree shade near the door. After carelessly looking around, she suddenly asked Sasya,

「So… how did you know you liked boys? Did you want to kiss a boy?」

At the sudden topic, Sasya turned pale.

「That’s a rumor. A baseless rumor. It’s a lie. I’m not gay.」

Sasya spoke quickly while carefully checking again if anyone was passing by. The only fortunate thing was that they were speaking in Russian, so even if people passed by, they wouldn’t understand.

“Really? Then, have you ever dated a girl?”

“Yeah… I have… once.”

Sasya cobbled together a flimsy lie. For some reason, he didn’t want to appear like an inexperienced child.

「Before coming to America?」

「Yeah…」

「Have you kissed her?」

Surprised by the bold question, Sasya shook his head. Oksana put her fist under her chin and made a thoughtful ‘Hmm…’ sound.

「Actually, I’m choosing who to have my first kiss with right now.」

「What?」

「If I’m going to do it, I’ve decided it should be with a handsome and cool man like a movie actor. But they say love makes you blind. What if I end up falling for a really ugly man and give him my first kiss? What then? I’ll definitely regret it if we break up. Looking at the far future, I’d be at a loss, right? So, I’ve decided to choose the most handsome guy in a completely objective state, without being in love, and get my first kiss over with.」

「…」

「Then I won’t have any regrets even when I’m a grandma, don’t you think?」

Sasya found himself nodding unconsciously. He had never thought about putting this much meaning into his first kiss. While wondering if all girls were this smart, Sasya tried to imagine what kind of first kiss he wanted. But no particular image came to mind… Only Karel, who had bowed his head to give him a hot, burning goodnight kiss on his forehead, briefly crossed his mind.

「So what I’m saying is… someone like you would be good enough as my first kiss, someone I wouldn’t regret it having it with.」

「Me?」

Oksana nodded and narrowed her eyes. It looked like she was carefully observing Sasya’s appearance again. Sasya covered his mouth with the back of his hand, afraid Oksana might suddenly kiss him, and shook his head.

「I’m not mentally prepared yet.」

「Yeah, neither am I, actually. I’m not suggesting we do it right here.」

Sasya felt relieved at those words. For now, he was just glad it wasn’t happening today.

If it was Oksana, she might charge across the corridor like a bull, kiss him, do a tumbling pass, and disappear like last time.

「Since it would be your first kiss too, I’m a bit ‘concerned.’ If we both don’t know what we’re doing, it won’t be very good.」

Oksana had a good vocabulary. Sasya rolled around in his mouth a word he knew but had never used. Then he asked Oksana, who was still seriously contemplating, something that had just occurred to him.

「By the way, you did gymnastics, right?」

「Yes, when I was young… Why are you suddenly bringing that up?」

It seemed he had said something out of context again. Feeling self-conscious about being called out on his lacking conversation skills, Sasya awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck.

「Anyway, I’ll go think about the perfect time.」

With those final words, Oksana waved her hand and quickly disappeared back through the door.

Sasya went over the recent conversation step by step. He was curious how she had reached such a conclusion when he hadn’t given her permission.

Thinking he should seek advice from his mature and experienced sponsor after today’s classes ended, Sasya entered the hallway.

***

That day passed very slowly. From the morning, Sasya had wanted to run to Karel’s company, checking the clock almost every 20 minutes. As soon as the last class ended, he dashed out of the school. Instead of taking the subway from Lincoln Center, he ran straight across the streets.

His elastic legs lightly touched the ground and sprang up. Walking would have been a bit crowded, but it didn’t take long to reach the Times Square area, so it was better than waiting for the subway.

However, one problem Sasya hadn’t anticipated was that by the time he arrived at the building, his entire body was drenched in sweat.

“Uhm… hello? I have an appointment with Mr. Karel Clements today.”

“Sasya Shchedrin?”

The security guard in black suit, whom he had seen before, asked before he could finish speaking. Sasya nodded.

“Yes, that’s me. But is there a bathroom on the first floor?”

“There is. Why?”

“I’m sweaty, so I want to clean up a bit…”

The security guard made a somewhat complex expression at those words, but pointed to the end of the corridor. Next to the elevator he had taken once before, there was a door leading to the bathroom.

Without hesitation, Sasya headed there and filled the sink with water before dunking his small head in. The cold stream of water hit from the back of his head, flowing down his nape, crown, and face as he bent over.

Still bent over, Sasya felt around the sink area for hand soap and, finding it, worked up a lather and thoroughly rubbed it into her hair. He reached behind his neck to wash away the sweat gathered on his spine. After washing his hair, his whole body was shivering and felt numb from the cold, but he felt better knowing he wouldn’t have to appear before Karel covered in sweat.

Next, Sasya shook his head so vigorously it felt like he might get a concussion. Then, he rummaged through the restroom stall for toilet paper, rolled it up, and squeezed the water out of his hair. Finally, he looked in the mirror and lightly shook his head. His hair was split into strands, but it didn’t look too bad. He was a bit bothered by the water running down his back, wetting his shirt, but it was bearable.

“Uhm… sir.”

“Yes.”

The security officer’s face seemed to say, I’m curious why you did that, but I won’t ask. Sasya, ignoring the unspoken question, asked with a faint hope,

“Do you happen to have a comb?”

The security officer, listening to a radio transmission in his ear, led Sasya inside. Ignoring Sasya’s obvious questioning gaze, he opened the door to a candy shop.

“Do you have a comb?”

“I should have one, hold on…”

Eventually, Sasya managed to borrow a comb from the candy shop owner. He then combed his hair neatly, looking at his reflection in the shop’s glass window. His hair parted evenly, like two halves of a chestnut shell.

“Thank you. Well, I’m in a hurry, so I’ll go meet Mr. Clemens now.”

Speaking confidently, Sasya stepped into the elevator. As soon as the doors closed, the security officer said in a low voice, “He’s on his way up.”

At the same time, Karel remained silent upon hearing about Sasya’s antics on the first floor. To be precise, George, who had heard the story through the security officer’s radio, reported it to Karel.

Breaking the brief silence, George continued,

“He must have left school very quickly. It’s commendable that he arrived on time for the appointment, but I guess he had enough time to wash his hair with cold water.”

“…”

“Don’t scold him too harshly. He ran all the way here to see his sponsor, after all.”

Timely, the sound of the door opening behind them prompted George to place a small crepe and a glass of milk on the table before leaving. It was a dessert he had bought himself, thinking Sasya would be scolded to the point of tears today.

Even as his secretary left, Karel remained silent, simply stroking his chin.

As George stepped out of the reception room, Sasya was just entering.

“Hmm…”

George let out an involuntary sound of dissatisfaction. While it was commendable that Sasya had gone to the trouble of washing his hair with cold water in the first-floor restroom, objectively speaking, the result was far from presentable.

His hair, wet and clinging to his round head like a cow’s lick, a cheap black jumper revealing a bright blue jersey underneath, slightly worn joggers with slightly protruding knees, and old canvas sneakers with thin soles…

If Sasya had seriously sought advice on his appearance from anyone, they would have pointed out something other than his sweaty hair.

However, seeing Sasya’s cheeks flushed pink from the heat of running all the way here, George lost the urge to criticize his appearance. He thought anyone, not just himself, would feel the same.

“Hello? George… Have you had dinner?”

Sasya’s slender, deer-like body, barely concealed by his shabby clothes, approached George with a stiff posture.

“Has Mr. Clemens had dinner too?”

Sasya believed he was casually exchanging greetings, but the underlying meaning of his question was transparent. George closed the door handle. Sasya’s flickering gaze landed on George’s hand. He seemed puzzled as to why George had closed the door leading to Karel’s office.

“Come here.”

“I only have business with Mr. Clemens…”

“I know. I’m giving you a tip, so just come.”

At the word ‘tip,’ Sasya misunderstood, thinking George was about to give him some pocket money.

However, George placed a hand on Sasya’s thin shoulder blade and led him a short distance away from the office door.

Then, bending slightly, he whispered quickly and quietly into Sasya’s ear, as if sharing a secret.

“…Don’t lie. Don’t make excuses either. Even if you did something incredibly dumb, be honest, and he’ll be lenient. So, don’t earn a beating by lying—tell the truth.”

“Huh?”

As George spoke faster, his English became accented. But Sasya’s confusion wasn’t just because he found the accented English hard to understand.

When Sasya looked at him with a bewildered expression, as if asking for a more detailed explanation, Georg slapped Sasya’s butt as if swatting a lazy horse that refused to move. The sudden, overly familiar touch made Sasya jump and glare at him in protest. But before Sasya could open his mouth, George opened the door faster.

“Go in.”

Glaring at George, who opened the door with a calm expression, Sasya pressed his lips together and approached the door.

He cautiously took a step inside.

Karel’s office, with its dark carpet covering the entire floor to muffle footsteps, still exuded a serene and mysterious atmosphere. The tapestries, clearly meticulously woven, and the high-end furniture with intricate vine decorations were undoubtedly over a hundred years old. It was a place that always evoked a sense of intimidation and unfamiliarity.

And there, in the center of the room, sat Karel. In the same spot as before.

Sasya had planned to call him ‘Karel’ once when their eyes met, as he had been allowed to do before, but it didn’t go as planned. So, Sasya approached him in silence.

Unlike before, when Karel had been breaking cookies for Sasya, he now sat with his legs crossed, leaning back on a single-person sofa. In his hand, he was rolling a small sphere that gleamed golden.

What’s that? Is it edible?

For a moment, Sasya’s curiosity got the better of him, and he forgot the current situation. Karel watched Sasya quietly before gesturing with his chin to the opposite seat. It was a signal to sit.

Once seated, Sasya carefully took off the crossbody bag he had been carrying and placed it on his lap. Feeling awkward, he glanced around. It felt different from the hotel room where he usually met Karel, as if they had grown distant.

It was only after a while that Sasya realized he hadn’t greeted Karel.

“Mr. Clements…”

“Sasya Shchedrin.”

As soon as Sasya opened his mouth, Karel spoke simultaneously. For some reason, Sasya forgot what he was about to say.

Was it a coincidence, or had Karel intentionally cut him off? Sasya, who had no knack for human relationships but was sensitive to people’s moods, held his breath as he looked at Karel.

Instead of continuing immediately, Karel placed the golden sphere he had been holding on the side table. Two small, textured spheres rolled around on a silver plate. Just as Sasya’s eyes followed the rolling spheres, Karel spoke in a subdued voice, as if to focus his attention.

“Do you want to become an outstanding ballet dancer?”

“I do…”

Feeling like he was being interviewed again, Sasya straightened his back nervously.

“Diligence, interpersonal skills, ambition, character, technique… and talent and physical condition are basics.”

“…”

“How many of these do you think you possess as a dancer?”

Sasya lowered his gaze at those words.

“…Out of ten?”

Karel furrowed his brow at Sasya’s cautious question. Sasya’s heart sank to the floor. Just the way Karel lightly touched his temple made Sasya feel like an annoying speck of dust.

When they had met here before, Karel had comforted him kindly as he sat crying beside him… Sasya couldn’t understand why Karel had now become a strict teacher.

“Diligence… five points. Because sometimes I don’t feel like doing things. Interpersonal skills… one point. I don’t know what ambition means. Character… five points, no… four points.”

Sasya’s voice grew smaller as he spoke. It was hard to give himself a score above five, as anything above that seemed above average. But even with his humble self-assessment, Karel’s expression didn’t brighten.

“So, according to your own scoring, you’re not very satisfied with your abilities, are you?”

Last time, Karel had called him ‘Sasya,’ but now he was back to using ‘you.’ Sasya didn’t know why. Before he could even process his emotions, he felt his eyes grow warm. It was a sign that tears were welling up.

“In my eyes, you were the student who desired the opportunity the most. So why have you become lazy after being given the conditions?”

“…I’m sorry.”

Sasya hung his head and spoke in a small voice.

“You don’t need to apologize to me.”

“…”

“You should apologize to someone else. Explain why you stood up your private tutor yesterday without a word.”

Sasya’s pupils shook at the unexpected reason.

“Private tutor…”

“Yes. Ms. Katie Brown waited all evening at the hotel for you, but you never showed up, so she left.”

Sasya’s heart, which had already fallen, sank even further. Realizing he had made a mistake he hadn’t even considered, his entire body turned cold.

“If you’re refusing private lessons from a professional ballet dancer, there must be a good reason. Go ahead, explain.”

“I… I…”

Sasya opened and closed his mouth, unsure of what to say. He had gone out because Levin and Julian had offered to buy him dinner… It was a stupid reason. Even stupider was the fact that he had taken the opportunities Karel had arranged for him lightly and completely forgotten about them.

But there was no way Karel would accept that he had simply forgotten. Sasya hated his own stupidity and, overwhelmed with regret, closed his mouth. If he could turn back time, he would go back to last night. If possible, he would have skipped dinner and returned to the hotel for the private lesson. Then he could have sent an email to his sponsor saying he had diligently attended the class… If he had done that, he might have satisfied Karel.

“I… I met a friend yesterday.”

“I see.”

“It’s not even a friend I like that much, but they offered to buy me dinner… I don’t know why I did it. I just forgot.”

Sasya’s voice trembled slightly. Though he knew there was a hint of tears in his voice, Karel’s tone didn’t soften at all.

“Didn’t you even think to check your phone?”

“I hardly ever contact anyone, so I often forget. The battery dies quickly, so I don’t charge it often… I didn’t know. I didn’t ignore her on purpose. I’m… stupid and trash. I want to apologize to Ms. Brown. I’m scared she’s disappointed in me. I didn’t mean to do it. I’m really sorry.”

Sasya blamed himself, thick tears falling drop by drop. Ms. Brown was a real professional dancer. She could speak well of him to the ballet company. He felt pathetic, crying after betraying his sponsor’s expectations, knowing he was too stupid to remember an appointment with such an influential person.

Diligence, interpersonal skills, character, talent… He couldn’t confidently give himself a perfect score in any of these.

If there were an evaluation category like ‘desire to dance ballet well,’ he could have given himself a perfect score.

Sasya’s heart was always filled with a desire to dance ballet better than anyone else, and that made him suffer even more. Being outstanding in class wasn’t enough to reassure him, so he craved recognition from others, which is why even Vadim’s small criticisms often broke his heart.

Asking Sasya to rate himself was a cruel act.

“You didn’t mean to do it…”

At Karel’s muttered words, Sasya finally couldn’t hold back his overflowing tears. He burst into loud sobs.

“Yes… I didn’t mean to, ugh, uh… waaah.”

Sasya was now hunched over like a shrimp, crying and hiccuping. He wanted to say that he never took the opportunities his sponsor gave him lightly, but he was scared Karel wouldn’t believe him.

“Stop crying and have some milk.”

Sasya shook his head. He didn’t deserve to drink milk.

“I deserve to starve…”

“Drink it and calm down.”

At those words, Sasya forced himself to drink a whole glass of milk. The sudden rush of liquid made his esophagus feel tight, but he gulped it down in one go, thinking it was an order.

Karel watched Sasya with a bitter expression and let out a short sigh.

“I understand, so apologize to Ms. Brown directly.”

“I will. I will. I won’t skip classes without notice again. I’ll go straight home after school. I won’t waste time hanging out with worthless kids.”

Sasya spoke desperately, still unable to meet Karel’s eyes. If he saw Karel’s still-stern expression, he felt he might start crying again.

“Eat the crepe too. George prepared it.”

Sasya ate the crepe, tears still clinging to the corners of his eyes. His chubby cheeks and pouty lips moved as he chewed the crepe, though it was clear he wasn’t tasting it.

Karel sighed and stood up. He then took the crepe from Sasya’s hand.

“I don’t understand why you’re crying as if the world has ended.”

“…”

Sasya looked up at Karel with wet eyes as he wiped Sasya’s fingers with a wet wipe. The way Karel held Sasya’s hand in his large, warm one and carefully wiped off the cream stuck to his fingers felt affectionate.

“You’re not disappointed in me?”

“I never said that.”

Sasya felt even more confused. Karel’s way of speaking was subtle and full of gaps. He wished Karel would be more direct—whether he was disappointed or not.

“…Just a little… even a little.”

“I don’t judge people based on a single mistake.”

“…”

“And I won’t revoke what I’ve decided to give you because of your behavior.”

Those words helped Sasya feel somewhat reassured, but they also left him with a strangely bitter feeling. He instinctively realized that no matter what he did, it wouldn’t shake Karel’s judgment of ‘Sasya Shchedrin.’ It was a truth he had somehow grasped.

“Make it a habit to charge your phone before bed.”

“I do, but it dies before I get home. To keep it from dying, I’d have to find an outlet during lunch or break and stay plugged in, but it’s a bit annoying… But I’ll make sure to charge it from now on. I should buy a portable charger.”

“I see…”

Karel picked up the landline phone on the table and pressed a button. It was an antique model with a circular dial.

A moment later, without any words exchanged, George entered, as if he had known.

“Prepare a phone for him before he leaves. The latest model.”

“Understood.”

As soon as George closed the door and left, Sasya sniffled and looked at Karel with hopeful eyes. Karel was neatly folding the wet wipe he had used to clean Sasya’s hands before tossing it into the trash. Karel’s blond hair and even his lowered eyelashes reflected light dazzlingly. Sasya stared at his profile, almost entranced.

“Give me your phone.”

After tossing the tissue, Karel turned back to Sasya and spoke. Sasya handed him his phone, which had thin cracks spreading like a spider web across the screen.

“This is… quite an old model.”

Karel’s hand was so large that Sasya’s phone looked like a tiny toy in his grasp. He pressed the screen to check the battery level and seemed to accept that Sasya hadn’t been lying about it dying often.

“I’ve had it for two years. It was a hand-me-down, so it’s probably even older.”

“If I give you a new phone, you can’t use the excuse that your phone died and you couldn’t be reached.”

Karel said with a slight smile.

Seeing his smile, Sasya felt a sudden wave of relief.

As the tension in his body eased, Sasya realized he had been tensing his entire body unnecessarily. His tightly clenched jaw and tense shoulders ached. Letting out a small groan, Sasya hunched over, and Karel asked,

“Where does it hurt?”

“It’s muscle pain. It’s always there. Ah… it’s nothing serious.”

Remembering that Karel had asked him to rate his physical abilities earlier, Sasya quickly added that it wasn’t a big deal. A dancer’s body would wear out eventually. There was no need to show that he was already in pain.

“Where does it hurt?”

“My back… and under my arms a bit… Ah!”

Karel pressed exactly where it hurt, and Sasya let out an involuntary cry. Startled, he looked at Karel, who gestured for him to turn around properly.

“Shall I give you a little massage?”

Sasya nodded without thinking.

“Given the physical demands of the job, all the dancers I know are always suffering from muscle pain.”

Karel naturally had Sasya turn around and sit back. With a gentle push, Sasya leaned against the back of the leather sofa, almost lying down.

“Have you ever gone to the hotel spa?”

“No, not yet…”

“It’s not specialized for dancers, but things like myofascial massage can be quite useful.”

Sasya glanced at Karel, wondering if his anger had completely subsided. But whether Karel was being strict or not, his tone didn’t change much, making it hard to tell. Even if there was a slight change in emotion, a sixteen-year-old’s limited experience wouldn’t have been able to detect it.

Karel’s palm touched Sasya’s back through the slightly faded blue jersey. Then, a careful hand swept down his back. The palm pressed gently along his spine, starting from the base of his neck, as if to ease tension. Sasya unconsciously closed his eyes. It felt less like a massage and more like soothing a child.

“Hic…”

Suddenly, Sasya started hiccupping. It was probably because the tension had released after crying. Every time Karel pressed his palm, regular sounds of ‘ugh, uk, hic’ burst out, making his back shake greatly. Embarrassed, Sasya tried to hold his breath to stop the hiccups, but his face just quickly turned red while the hiccups wouldn’t stop. When he tried to raise his hand to cover his mouth, Karel gently pressed and shook his back with his palm.

“It’s because the tension has eased. It’s natural.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Why are you apologizing?”

At Karel’s question, Sasya was at a loss for words. When asked so directly, the answer became difficult.

“Try to relax more.”

“But…”

It was hard to relax with Karel’s hands on him. Even through a layer of clothing, his high body temperature transmitted directly to Sasya’s back.

“Your heart is beating very fast.”

“That’s because I ran here from school…”

Even though it had happened an hour ago, Sasya made that excuse. He didn’t know any other reason himself.

And as Sasya kept turning his head back to check Karel’s face, his large, warm hand gently pressed his slender nape against the backrest. While the pleasant pressure touched from the scalp to the temples, and then to the long neck with its distinct lines, the hiccups had subsided without notice. When he slowly massaged the small, well-shaped ears that had gotten slightly red, pressing them between his thumb and index finger, Sasya’s eyes even closed. His considerate touch moved down the neck to the delicate shoulders and shoulder blades.

“Ahh…”

Startled by his own nasal moan, Sasya opened his eyes. The texture of the leather sofa came clearly into view.

“Does it hurt here?”

“It hurts, hurts a lot…”

Karel’s fingers were pressing below the armpit. It was the exact spot Karel had identified earlier. Until now, Sasya had only felt pleasant pressure, but the spot Karel was pressing now made it hard to breathe with each poke. He became immobilized as if struck at a vital point.

“It’s very tightly knotted.”

“Ugh… it hurts. It hurts.”

“If we don’t properly loosen it, it will keep getting knotted.”

The words ‘please spare me’ came out involuntarily. But Karel’s touch was merciless. Sasya could feel the deep muscles near his back, under the arm, knotted very tightly. Even while in pain, Sasya tried not to twist his body and somehow endured it. He just breathed quietly while focusing on the pain. When he thought of it as similar to the sensation of forcefully stretching his body to its limit, it seemed a bit more bearable.

“Ugh…”

“It seems impossible to loosen it all at once.”

“If we do this… ugh… will it really loosen up?”

“Of course.”

Karel’s words seemed true as what had initially hurt even with just deep pressure now felt bearable even when he applied pressure with a shaking motion. Still, there was real pain, and Sasya’s nape began to get slightly damp with sweat.

“Pain here means you’re overworking your arms. If the pain continues, it will also put strain on your back and spine. I haven’t seen many dancers who retired due to arm injuries… but the aftereffects will show up much later.”

Sasya became frightened at Karel’s words. He became scared hearing there were already problems before even becoming a professional dancer.

“Still, your back muscles are good. The erector spinae seems to be holding up well.”

Karel’s massage ended with checking the muscles along the spine. The brief massage only took about ten minutes, and when his hands left, Sasya felt disappointed and slowly turned around. Karel, who had been closely pressed against his back until just moments ago, had already moved away and was picking up a napkin from the table.

“…You seem very knowledgeable, Mr. Clements.”

Karel wiped his hands with the napkin. It was as thorough as when he had wiped Sasya’s hands of the crepe’s grease and cream. Now that Sasya thought about it, the cold sweat from the massage and the dampness of his shirt from washing his hair earlier felt uncomfortable. He felt embarrassed and sorry that Karel had touched his sweat.

“Do I seem that way?”

A smile appeared at the corner of Karel’s mouth.

“Of course. Even the people at the physical center don’t explain things this thoroughly.”

“…I’m very interested in the human body, especially dancers’ bodies.”

“…”

“I studied it.”

As he said this, Karel met Sasya’s eyes. Instead of answering, Sasya swallowed dryly.

It was something he still felt, but there was something cryptic about his words. It sounded like Sasya could attract his interest because he was also a dancer. Additionally, it seemed to suggest there were ‘other dancers’ he was interested in, which made Sasya feel strange.

Not sure whether to be pleased or disappointed, Sasya gave a noncommittal response while mulling over Karel’s words.

“…That’s impressive.”

“Have you eaten?”

At the sudden change of topic, Sasya looked up at him as Karel answered.

“I’m going to have dinner right now, would you like to join me?”

The complicated feelings from his previous words vanished in an instant. Sasya nodded his head vigorously several times.

***

At the dinner table shared by Karel, George, Sasya, and another secretary he was meeting for the first time – four people in total – Sasya felt an even warmer atmosphere than during family dinners.

The three adults didn’t dwell long on topics Sasya didn’t know about, and they frequently refilled empty glasses or pulled distant dishes closer to the ‘young boy,’ showing constant consideration. Among them, Karel was the most kind.

He carefully removed the meat from the lobster that Sasya didn’t know how to eat and placed it on his plate with melted butter. Noticing Sasya eyeing the champagne glasses the adults were drinking from, he ordered a bottle of non-alcoholic champagne. Watching Karel place orders with perfect manners or handle his fork and knife more elegantly than anyone else made Sasya feel proud as if it were his own accomplishment. Moreover, his bag contained the latest model phone Karel had given him as a gift.

It brought back memories from long ago when his older brother hadn’t yet left home and all four family members sat around the dinner table. It was a memory from before he was ten. Back then, Sasya didn’t worry about whether he should say something or not before speaking, and like a child, often spoke without context. He didn’t even remember what he had said, but when laughter erupted around him, he felt happy too.

And now Sasya was feeling that way again after a long time. George, who deliberately put on a serious expression when making jokes, shared a sense of kinship with Sasya as someone who was even more obsessed with sweets than he was. He knew all the famous dessert shops in New York City. And Woods, whom Sasya met for the first time today, pointed out one similarity between George and Sasya – they both had tear moles.

In the warm atmosphere, Sasya began to speak up little by little. He didn’t forget to check Karel’s reactions after speaking.

“So, when did you decide the date for the first kiss?”

Woods asked. She had smooth, dark skin and perfectly straight, flowing black hair.

“We haven’t decided that yet. Oh, Oksana said she’d think about it.”

“I hope it’s not too far in the future.”

“…But it might not happen. When I told her it would be my first time too, Oksana hesitated. I think she doesn’t like my lack of experience.”

Woods muttered, ‘Cute… so cute. It’s been a while since I’ve heard such an innocent story.’ As she chuckled while speaking, Sasya felt somewhat proud and checked Karel’s reaction too. But he was eating silently without any change in expression.

Feeling somewhat deflated, Sasya downed his share of champagne in one go. A ‘phew’ sound came out involuntarily. Though it definitely didn’t have alcohol, he strangely felt tipsy. Blinking slowly, Sasya muttered,

“I’m curious about other people’s first kisses too…”

“You want advice, right? Well, at that age, people tend to worry about whether they’re behind or ahead. Hmm… I was sixteen. If you succeed with your first kiss with your girlfriend, you’ll be the same age as I was.”

Woods said, tapping the table with her smooth fingernails painted in a color similar to her skin tone.

“What about George?”

“I was eleven.”

“…Oh, wow.”

Looking at Woods’s dumbfounded expression, George’s face clearly showed a ‘I won’ expression.

And Sasya quietly waited for Karel’s turn. But after looking around at the empty dishes on the table, Karel only said, ‘Shall we go now?’

Outside the restaurant, the Museum of Modern Art lobby was full of people waiting. Most were dressed up.

Come to think of it, despite it being a busy time, Karel had naturally gotten a room table without waiting. Sasya recalled how the waiter had respectfully taken his plain black jumper and hung it on a hanger during coat check. Suddenly he felt embarrassed, belatedly self-conscious about his worn canvas sneakers. Sasya unconsciously gripped the strap of his cross-body sports bag tightly.

As soon as they completely left the Museum of Modern Art building, Woods whirled around and asked,

“So when are you going to tell us the identity of this cute boy? Don’t tell me my boss had a hidden son?”

Woods was deliberately putting on a serious expression. Sasya was about to answer but remembered that the question wasn’t directed at them and looked up at Karel.

“What if that were true?”

Karel gave another ambiguous answer, neither confirming nor denying. Woods quickly counted on her fingers, calculating the age at which Karel would have had to have a child Sasya’s age, and made an incredulous expression.

“In high school…? Ha… Even if that were true, I wouldn’t even be surprised, if I’m being honest.”

“You all go ahead. I’ll take a taxi.”

At Karel’s words, the two secretaries dispersed in opposite directions. Woods waved to Sasya saying, “Be sure to let me know when you succeed with your first kiss.” George caught a taxi nearby.

Now only the two of them remained. Sasya’s heart beat slightly faster.

“I’ll take you to the hotel.”

Karel spoke softly, and Sasya nodded.