LV Chapter 3.2

“Did you hire a babysitter for the night with this money?”

Two days later, George arrived at the hotel room. He held out several crisp bills to Sasya. Sasya didn’t understand what he was talking about at first, but then counted the money and realized what he meant. It was $525.

“No!” Sasya firmly exclaimed.

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“Mr. Clements said to tell you that people can’t be bought with money.”

“No, that’s not it!” Sasya shook his head in frustration.

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“A thief stole money from Mr. Clements’ wallet! I was worried Mr. Clements would be sad when he woke up and found the money missing… that’s why.”

“I see. Sit down. I came today to explain your living expenses support.”

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George quickly pulled out a printed contract form, explained it to Sasya, and had him sign. The method of providing living expenses would be for Sasya to buy what he needed and collect receipts, which would be reviewed and confirmed once a month.

George handed Sasya a black card that looked similar to the one the thief had stolen.

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“Don’t forget to always keep your receipts.”

“Yes…”

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Sasya’s eyes sparkled brightly, holding a card for the first time in his life.

George suggested testing it out right away. Sasya immediately went to a website selling leotards and shoes, entered the card number, and added a practice outfit he had wanted to his cart.

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“Uhm… Is it okay to buy something over 100 dollars?”

George nodded with a face that suggested a few dollars difference was no problem.

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And that day, George slept in Sasya’s hotel room. Although it was an unexpected kind of kindness that felt somewhat awkward, thinking it was the sponsor’s consideration, he couldn’t kick him out, saying he wasn’t needed.

Except for sitting at the same table briefly during dinner, George worked on various tasks with his laptop open. Sasya also practiced his daily routine while occasionally glancing at the busy George.

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And just before going to bed, George let out a short sigh and approached Sasya, who was covered with a blanket.

Sasya, lying on his back staring at the ceiling, stared intently at George’s face, which he was seeing upside down. The approaching face was expressionless. A moment later, Sasya realized he was about to receive a goodnight kiss on his forehead.

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“Good night.”

A rough hand sweeping back his hair and an uninterested kiss.

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Goosebumps spread all over his body.

The very next day, Sasya wrote an email to his sponsor.

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***

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Karel never replied.

Instead, George visited again the next day, staring at Sasya with a long, searching gaze.

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“…”

Unconsciously avoiding George’s eyes, Sasya looked away, belatedly realizing George might have read his email and feeling a pang of insecurity. However, he tried to pretend it wasn’t a big deal by awkwardly averting his gaze.

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Why is he staring like that?

A good secretary knows to separate work from personal matters. But what if George forgets his role as a secretary and harms him? Sasya was determined not to let that happen. He stared back at George, imagining all sorts of scenarios where he would stand up to George if he tried anything.

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However, George left without saying a word, whether he knew about Sasya’s wild fantasies or not. He simply spread out his laptop and worked as before, mechanically having dinner together as the previous day.

One of the most terrible things Sasya experienced that day was that George gave him another goodnight kiss.

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When George let out a short sigh and his black hair fluttered in the air, Sasya closed his eyes tightly. When his lips touched him, he writhed underneath the blanket.

After George pulled away, Sasya bit his lip and said, “I’m not a child.”

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“I know,” George replied, wiping his lips with his sleeve. Even though Sasya knew George was doing it on purpose, he felt a surge of anger.

Just as Sasya was about to retort, George said,

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“But Mr. Clements doesn’t seem to think so.”

“What?”

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George cowardly brought up his sponsor’s name. Sasya’s body stiffened like a frightened lamb always trembling before his name.

“Are you saying Mr. Clements thinks I’m a child?”

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“If not, then why else?”

George swallowed the rest of his words and turned away calmly.

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Sasya’s insides boiled. He was even more heated by the fact that George didn’t finish his sentence.

However, George calmly lowered the room’s lighting and walked back to his desk. Watching him sit in the chair, Sasya hit the blanket repeatedly. He felt that while he had suffered the humiliation of being kissed by George, George seemed to have lost nothing. But he knew that an eye for an eye might not be the best approach.

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He wanted to email the sponsor but was afraid George might peek again, so he stopped writing. Feeling depressed by the sense of having an intermediary between himself and the sponsor, he just fiddled with his phone.

In fact, he had nothing more to say in a new email. He had already written everything in the previous email.

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‘Haah…’

Sasya secretly sighed. His forehead, where someone else’s lips had touched, felt hot and embarrassing.

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Maybe his sponsor would visit the hotel’s basement bar this weekend. Sasya, who didn’t know exactly what Karel being drunk entailed, simply wished for his sponsor to come to the bar, hoping to get closer to him.

***

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Sasya tried not to sound too whiny while writing the sentence. He revised the content multiple times, paying attention to grammar. He even considered asking a native speaker at school to check the grammar, but felt too embarrassed to show the letter’s contents to anyone, so he gave up.

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Anyway, he sent an email that he thought was quite well-written, but the sponsor didn’t respond.

The next day, Sasya received an unexpected gift. From that day forward, he would have an additional private ballet lesson every evening after finishing school for 90 minutes.

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“Sasya Shchedrin? Are you Sasya Shchedrin? Nice to meet you, I’m Katie Brown. I will be handling your private lessons from now on. I was a former soloist at the New York City Ballet.”

“Wow… Uh… Private lessons?”

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As soon as he entered the hotel room, Sasya stared with a bewildered expression at the instructor walking out from the practice room. The sports bag in his hand dropped to his feet. He was both excited and confused to personally meet a professional dancer with a successful career.

It’s not like he didn’t want the private ballet lessons. However, he sometimes just wanted to lie quietly at home without doing anything after school. Sasya panicked, unable to believe who made this decision. Without his consent!

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Is this George’s revenge?

“Your sponsor, Mr. Clements, has agreed to pay the full tuition, saying he wishes for your development.”

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“Ah…”

But Sasya couldn’t even show his displeasure at the following words.

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“He said you’re an incredibly talented student. I have high expectations. And your name is Sasya Shchedrin! What a name fit for a principal dancer of the century.”

Sasya, who was quite exhausted from his school schedule, once again passionately completed the 90 minutes of lessons with Katie. Just having a professional dancer who had worked in the field teach him made him nervous, and the thought that his sponsor might ask Katie about his performance made it impossible for him to slack off.

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After Katie left, the F&B team came up and prepared a snack for Sasya right in front of him. They stacked pancakes, sliced bananas, and sprinkled powdered sugar in the air like a show. Sasya clapped. It was more fun than just having the food brought up, but having people constantly coming and going in his room was annoying and exhausting.

But that wasn’t the end. George came to collect and verify the receipts, and just before bedtime, Michael came and, claiming he was on patrol, purposely opened the front door to greet Sasya.

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Finally left alone as night fell, Sasya was completely exhausted. Sasya had never been particularly extroverted. Interacting with people only made him feel more tired.

Finally left alone, Sasya felt a sense of stability rather than loneliness and sent another email to Karel.

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And the moment he arrived at school the next day, Sasya was called over by Julia.

“Sasya? You’ve been commuting from outside the dormitory, but you’re never late and always work hard.”

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“The new place I moved to is close, so it’s fine.”

“Is that so? I was wondering about your physical condition lately.”

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“My body? I’m fine…”

“No pains or anything?”

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“I’m perfectly well.”

Although he answered that he was fine, Julia sent Sasya to the physical center.

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And Sasya had to undergo a full body examination again. It was almost the same level of detailed examination he had when he first enrolled. Apart from the weakness in the back of his thigh muscles and muscle tension in the lower part of his shoulder blades from excessive strain that were always pointed out to him, there were no other major issues.

Although he felt his time was wasted, he was pleased that the physical examination report noted his weight had increased by 2 pounds (about 1 kg).

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With a slightly improved mood, Sasya made one more productive plan. He decided to visit the underground bar of the hotel where the sponsor was a regular.

Although he got hit in the lower back by Vadim during class for being distracted, he didn’t care.

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When Sasya returned to the hotel and went down to the underground bar, the staff had already been watching him since he entered the lobby. Wearing a jersey with the zipper pulled up to his neck and a sports bag slung across his body, Sasya, unaware of their gaze, tried to act as casual as possible while heading underground. However, when he tried to go underground instead of using the private entrance he always used, a staff member immediately approached and stopped him.

“Sasya Shchedrin? May I ask where you’re heading?”

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It was a young woman with a full smile. Sasya was surprised that a staff member knew his name even without using a name tag. He quickly collected himself and spoke.

“I heard there’s a bar in the hotel… My friend sometimes comes here.”

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“Oh, your friend…”

“Yes. I was wondering, do they by any chance sell Cola there?”

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The staff member said yes with a somewhat ambiguous smile and guided Sasya to the basement.

It was a bar with an antique interior from the early 1900s. The door had vine patterns carved in relief and intaglio on dark wood, with a brass handle that had weathered with time. As they went inside, chandeliers hung so low they almost touched the top of one’s head. The glass surfaces were covered with a frosted, misty pattern that spread a soft light.

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While frantically looking around, Sasya realized that this place here was similar to Karel’s office that he had visited once before. He seemed to have quite a consistent taste.

Sasya ordered a Coca-cola at the corner of the bar. The bartender, dressed in a sleek suit, happily served a glass filled with ice when Sasya ordered it on the rocks. He didn’t forget to add a cute straw to the glass.

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Sip.

The drink was finished in just three sips. With nothing left to drink, Sasya felt a bit awkward and thought he was bored because he was alone. If he had been with his sponsor, it might have been more interesting.

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As dinner time passed, the customers filling the space were all so stylishly dressed that Sasya felt a bit intimidated, so he paid with the card Karel had given him and quickly went up to his room.

Unbeknownst to him, the 16 year old boy’s nighttime escapade was being reported in detail to Karel through George, the hotel security officer Michael, and the concierge and F&B teams.What weight the sponsor would give to this nighttime outing among his numerous tasks was anyone’s guess.

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The reply didn’t come until Friday evening.

Sasya, feeling lonely, asked the concierge to bring an ice bucket and then drank mineral water with ice.

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“Haah.”

Sasya let out a small sigh.

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He had learned a cool, adult habit and was enjoying this spacious hotel room, but he felt lonely.

As the sun set and the night gradually deepened, Manhattan’s streets were busier than usual. It was a Friday evening. Sasya, with nothing much to do, approached the bar by the window. Then, as if by habit, he spread his legs in a side split and pressed his body as close to the wall as possible.

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When his legs spread to 180 degrees, his chest touched the window. The cold temperature of the glass against his T-shirt made him shiver slightly. Sasya swayed his hips back and forth, fully extending his legs and pressing closer to the window. When he pressed his cheek against the glass, the ground far below came into view.

As Sasya was observing the people that were as small as ants, he heard the sound of a door opening behind him.

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“Sasya Shchedrin?”

“…?”

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At the low voice coming from the entrance, Sasya turned around.

However, the entrance was dark and distant, so he couldn’t clearly make out who it was.

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“Do you know how to drink?”

Walking across the living room with heavy steps, but not rudely, with a very quiet and slow pace.

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Sasya looked up at the blonde man who revealed himself in the darkness.

“…Mr… Sponsor…”

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“A minor shouldn’t already have such habits.”

Lightly reproaching him, the one who entered the room was none other than his sponsor, Karel Clements.

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Realizing the scene before him was not a dream, Sasya was startled and jumped up as if springing from his seat. The muscles on the inside of his thighs, which had been fully stretched and then suddenly contracted, ached, but he didn’t show it.

“…No. I didn’t drink alcohol.”

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“Your email was full of regret, like someone who’s tasted all the bitterness of life.”

Saying this, Karel sat on the living room sofa. The way he settled in so comfortably, as if he lived there, made Sasya’s heart race.

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Moreover, although he hadn’t replied, he had undoubtedly read Sasya’s email in its entirety. Sasya, who had been shrinking from surprise, quickly became excited.

“Do you have any plans to drink today?”

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“I’m not sure yet… I’m a bit tired. Instead of meeting with someone, I thought I’d drink some water here.”

“…”

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“Just kidding.”

Karel’s hand held a small basket. In the basket he personally brought were a white napkin, a glass, and a bottle with a golden liquid swaying inside.

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“Is that… alcohol?”

“It is. It’s one of my favorites.”

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“…”

Sasya had absolutely no intention of drinking, but he became somewhat intrigued by the bottle Karel was opening. What would the taste be like, for something he says he really likes?

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Sasya carefully approached and sat across from Karel.

“When I have muscle pain, I get a massage at the spa. There are facilities like that in the hotel, and they even come to my room.”

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“…”

The liquor bottle in Karel’s hand looked more like a meticulously crafted crystal piece than a mere alcohol bottle. Even through Sasya’s unknowing eyes, it was undoubtedly expensive.

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Realizing Sasya was fixated on the bottle, Karel asked, “Want to taste it?”

“No? I hate alcohol, so I won’t even touch it…”

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In fact, he had never properly tried it, but Sasya said this. but he didn’t want to end up like the other Sasya Shchedrin, who had been an alcoholic.

“How unexpected. The great dancer who shares your name apparently… loved alcohol.”

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Sasya was surprised to hear the name of a legend from his sponsor. A small ripple formed in his heart.

Everyone who met him and had even a slight interest in ballet would talk about Sasya Shchedrin. But he didn’t expect even his sponsor to do so. With a bit of defiance rising, Sasya muttered bluntly, “Sasya Shchedrin was an alcoholic. I don’t want to become like that…”

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“…Is that so?”

Karel dismissed it casually. No, he seemed to intend to do so.

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“Yes. That’s a lack of self-discipline. For a dancer, self-discipline is first. The second most important thing is also self-discipline. I don’t understand how Sasya Shchedrin, who couldn’t manage himself and became an alcoholic, was so respected. If… If I become a principal, I will never even touch alcohol. That’s for sure…”

Karel’s head tilted slightly, and his eyes narrowed slightly. The gaze that seemed to be probing, or observing, made Sasya unconsciously swallow hard.

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“…Good attitude.”

It was a compliment, but it felt oddly pointed, leaving Sasya a bit confused.

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“Yes… I won’t ruin my life with alcohol like a fool.”

“Good.”

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Though Sasya wasn’t sure what was good about it, he thought it was a positive response.

Karel, who had been crossing his arms, shifted his posture and sat up, placing ice in a small glass and pouring the liquid that looked like honey. Sasya blinked while watching the liquid flow between clear ice. Seeing two glasses, it seemed he should be given one too, but the sponsor had prepared only one glass and placed it in front of himself.

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Sasya felt a bit regretful, thinking it might be because he had refused way too firmly.

“So, is that why you keep your friends at a distance?”

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“What?”

“Going out with friends, doing a few silly things, dating a cute girl. At your age, that’s everything. Even monks in monasteries probably don’t abstain that much.”

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“…”

“I was wondering if you’re intentionally avoiding those things. You should enjoy these years, your youth, to the fullest.”

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“It’s not on purpose… I’ve just never had friends ever since I was little.”

Sasya spoke honestly. The sponsor listened to him with quite a serious expression.

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“My mother said I was the problem. She said I wear people out. Everyone says I’m exhausting and annoying after getting a little close.”

“…”

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“And the boys thought it was weird that I did ballet… They never let me join their group, even when I was little.”

“Those are bad friends. They’re low-class.”

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“That’s right. They’re low-class. They’re idiots.”

“They’re the kind of people who would never see a ballet performance in their lives. Don’t mind them.”

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Karel’s blunt dismissal of them made Sasya strongly agree.

In Sasya’s hometown, many people were poor. Heads of families went to Europe or America to do odd jobs and send money back, and his peers worked not to achieve their dreams but to earn money. In this rural area, no one seemed to enjoy ballet, opera, or classical performances. The most common hobby was drinking low-quality draft beer in dark pubs, betting on football games, or lying on the couch watching TV all day.

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Sasya, who had been secretly criticizing such pathetic people, soon became enveloped in a sense of powerlessness. For reasons he couldn’t quite explain, he felt a sense of suffocation and became depressed. His mother appeared in his mind. His mother, Galina, didn’t have a life much different from those he considered pathetic. Working as a caregiver for disabled elderly, she would return home exhausted and just lie down watching TV. When Sasya would talk to him about his entire day, she would listen with an indifferent face, barely responding.

He knew his mother’s life was too hard, and that she loved him and had divorced his father to protect him, taking sole responsibility for his life. Yet, he still felt lonely.

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This was also why sitting alone in this excessively luxurious room wasn’t particularly great.

‘But he told me not to mind them…’

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Like Karel’s sharp words, he too wanted to turn off his nerves to ignore them. However, Sasya did not know exactly how to do this. In his mind, he kept imagining cutting his brain nerves with a cutter.

Once a sad thought entered his mind, he wanted to burrow under the blanket.

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Karel moistened his lips with alcohol after suddenly becoming silent, looking at Sasya’s expressionless face. Then, with a gaze as if trying to look beneath the surface, he spoke.

“According to Maurice Béjart…”

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“…”

“A ballet dancer has the body of half a nun and half a boxer.”

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Sasya had heard this before. It was also a phrase the artistic director often used as a habit. Karel placed his glass on the table while making eye contact with Sasya, who had raised his head.

“Ballet dancers are as harsh in training their bodies as boxers, and their lifestyle is no different from nuns who have entered a monastery. Choosing a life dedicated to a single labor is not an easy task, especially from such a young age.”

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“…”

“You’re serious about ballet, right?”

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“Yes.”

“That’s enough for now.”

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Sasya felt a slight sense of relief at the sponsor’s words that seemed to understand him deeply.

And then he immediately felt resentful.

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If he had been just five years older, he could have sat with Karel, tilting glasses and discussing life more seriously… Perhaps Karel would have also shared his worries with him. He too wanted to be of some help to his sponsor.

“Mr. Sponsor…?”

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“Yes?”

“What does alcohol taste like?”

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Sasya, who had been pondering for a long time, asked about something he thought he could ask. He had no interest in alcohol, but he thought it wouldn’t be strange to ask about its taste.

“Hmm…”

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Karel, who had just brought the glass to his lips and taken a sip, slightly squinted his eyes. Though Karel drank alcohol cleanly without making a sound, his Adam’s apple moved, indicating he had swallowed the golden liquid.

Sasya felt puzzled again. The expressions of adults who drank were always the same, to various degrees. He had never seen anyone look happy after drinking.

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“Come here, Sasya.”

Sasya tilted his body towards Karel, who was gesturing to him, and looked up. Karel’s expression was deadly serious. However, more than anything, he was surprised that Karel had called his name.

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The sponsor had called his name. Like a friend.

As Sasya leaned forward, Karel shook his head and lightly tapped the spot next to him. Sasya asked back with widened eyes.

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“Sit there?”

“Yes. Come here.”

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Karel sat on the leather sofa, and Sasya’s long, slender body climbed up and sat beside him. While adjusting his body that kept tilting towards Karel due to the uneven surface, Sasya wondered if Karel weighed over 100kg.

Karel placed ice in one of the still-empty glasses. Sasya’s chest swelled like the front of a small bird fattened with white winter fur, filled with anticipation.

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“Promise to keep a secret.”

“A secret…”

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“I’m just letting you taste it.”

Sasya muttered ‘Oh my’ when he saw the glass Karel handed him. The golden liquid was barely pooling at the bottom of the glass. However, as if blocking Sasya’s disappointed gaze, Karel brought his index finger to his lips and went “Shh.”

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“If they find out I gave alcohol to a minor, I’ll be taken away.”

“…”

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“And Sasya, you’ll be taken away too.”

Karel’s voice, whispering softly near his ear like a secret, was too sweet. The content even made Sasya’s small chest flutter.

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“Will you be my accomplice?”

Sasya nodded as if enchanted. He took the glass and brought it to his lips.

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What first touched his lips was cold ice. While making eye contact with Karel, Sasya swallowed a very small amount of alcohol. The tingling temperature at the tip of his tongue, the stimulus of alcohol, and the taste of the liquid that enveloped his tongue before going down his throat…

“Ahhh…“¹

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Sasya realized he was making an expression similar to the one Karel had made earlier when frowning. Sasya had learned an adult sensation. Furrowing one’s brow was not necessarily because the taste was terrible.

“It tastes good.”

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Karel raised his eyebrows as if surprised.

“This is not a drink you savor.”

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“…Really?”

“You’re definitely a drinker.”

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Sasya, who did not understand the word ‘drinker’, watched as he quickly snatched the glass away. However, Karel did not add more alcohol to it.

Although Karel didn’t allow even a tiny bit more alcohol, Sasya could go to bed happy. This was because he felt like he had become close to his sponsor like a friend overnight, and felt like he could fly.

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If he could wish for something more, it would be for Karel to spend the weekend at this hotel, but since he had gotten close to his sponsor today, he thought it would be okay to be alone for a few days.

“Mr. Sponsor…”

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Sasya called out in a small voice while covered in blankets and lying down.

“Yes. Do you need something? Should I turn off the light?”

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“It’s not that…”

Karel remained seated on the sofa as before, where Sasya could look down at him. Sasya hesitated, wondering if he could ask this.

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Karel waited patiently for Sasya’s response.

“How do your friends call you?”

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“…”

Sasya looked up at Karel from his overturned perspective, lying down.

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Karel’s hair, which he had after showering, was slightly damp, darkening in color and disheveled over his forehead. Sasya thought Karel’s hair was very beautiful. He also thought about how nice it would be if he had blonde hair that could look different colors depending on the situation.

“Karel.”

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Karel answered briefly, looking down at Sasya.

“Call me that too.”

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Sasya squirmed in the blankets. His words somehow felt ticklish.

It was true that he wanted proof of becoming closer to his sponsor. Just like the sponsor had unexpectedly called him ‘Sasya’ earlier, he internally wanted to call his sponsor familiarly, but he didn’t show any signs of it…

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But how had Karel known and answered that?

Karel, Karel… He repeated it several times in his mouth, but it would take some time before he could actually call it out. He didn’t have the courage tonight.

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***

Sasya, who woke up a little early to match Karel’s waking time, was surprised to see George in the room.

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“George… It’s Saturday, do you have no appointments?”

“That would be you.”

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When George whispered softly, Sasya quickly looked at Karel in surprise. However, Karel, who was definitely within hearing distance, didn’t scold George. Sasya felt his world crumbling as he glared at George.

“Go eat breakfast quickly. Mr. Clements is busy.”

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At George’s words, Sasya became dejected and sat at the table. It seemed Karel would leave early Saturday morning in a fancy car driven by his secretary. Sasya’s hand kept slowing down, thinking Karel would leave after finishing breakfast.

And before leaving, Karel handed Sasya an iPad that he had received from George, saying the best textbook for Sasya was inside.

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“You don’t have to return it. It’s a gift.”

Watching Karel leave the hotel room in a three-piece suit with a neat walk, Sasya unconsciously felt a slight distance. He had wanted to call out his name when he woke up, but Karel hadn’t stayed long enough to start that resolution.

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Sasya, wearing a loose white T-shirt as pajamas, stuck to the wall and watched Karel leave, holding his breath. The last thing was Karel turning back and giving Sasya a brief eye greeting before the door closed. Sasya didn’t even get to say goodbye before the door shut.

Only after Karel left did Sasya realize he hadn’t spoken to Karel at all during the entire morning.

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How rude he must have thought I was?

Yet the sponsor maintained his manners until the end.

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Returning to the quiet room, Sasya sat at the dining table and halfheartedly picked at the cold food. His stomach was full, but he couldn’t think of anything to do. Then he helplessly burrowed into the blanket. Though he tried to take a nap, he couldn’t sleep because he had slept too comfortably yesterday.

Sasya had no choice but to touch the iPad Karel had left. He was a newbie with technology, but he wanted to get used to it since Karel had given it to him.

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After playing with the iPad alone for three hours, Sasya became somewhat familiar with its operation.

And he discovered a video Karel had separately placed.

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This was probably the ‘textbook’ he had mentioned.

When he pressed play without much thought, he didn’t know it was a movie that was just over two hours long. Though he didn’t intend to watch it properly from the beginning, Sasya was soon immersed in the video. Lying on his stomach initially, he moved to the sofa when his back and shoulders hurt, holding the screen high. His black hair scattered on the sofa.

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―It’s not about shining occasionally, but about dominating every moment. That’s what being a principal is. And Sasya Shchedrin knows how to do that so naturally.

An old man with graying hair was singing praises about Sasya Shchedrin. The phrase ‘dominating every moment’ stuck in his ears.

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Just as the words suggested, the man on the screen had a dazzling technique of perfectly controlling his body’s strength and balance. He felt him as a rival of sorts, but that was because of the gazes of those trying to find Sasya Shchedrin’s shadow in him. Regarding the legend’s technique and expressiveness, Sasya had no choice but to acknowledge it.

The more he understood the professional field, the more undeniable the skills that have reached a certain level become. Once you had an eye for it, it was unmistakable.

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Holding the ipad, Sasya walked to the practice room and raised his right leg high on the bar, leaning on it. Watching the man move made him want to move his body too.

The documentary was densely edited with Sasya Shchedrin’s rehearsal and practice videos, stage videos in costume, and interviews.

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Sasya’s eyes, immersed in the video, lingered long on one scene. The man filling the screen was greeting someone with a smile on his face. Instead of going on stage, he sat on an ordinary small chair.

―A dancer’s life is short.

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Sasya Shchedrin’s voice was lower and huskier than expected. His slightly messy black hair was mixed with gray in places, and his face, clearly aged, had natural expression lines when smiling or speaking. Yet, somehow, he seemed boyish, and his skin revealed the smooth elasticity characteristic of someone who had trained their body for a long time.

―Their end is not decided by someone else. You just come to know when it’s the time.

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An unseen voice asked, ‘When is that time?’ The aged Sasya Shchedrin paused in thought before continuing.

―I’ve trained thousands and thousands of times to perfect this one move, and someday… I’ll be trapped in this body, and the day when it’s impossible for me to do it will come.

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As he continued speaking, the subtle smile on Sasya Shchedrin’s lips slowly faded.

―And the end is, ‘oh, I can’t do this move anymore’… The moment you know that.

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And Sasya Shchedrin said nothing more. He just remained silent with an expressionless face.

His fingers resting on his chin were habitually stretched elegantly, but he was clearly immersed in a sense of loss.

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And the young Sasya was captured by a peculiar emotion.

It was later discovered that this film was produced in conjunction with Sasya Shchedrin’s retirement.

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“The retirement age for our ballet company is 42. Even if you retire earlier due to injury or declining skill, as long as you contribute to the company in some way, you can receive a salary until 42. You know Olivia, the part-time instructor at the ballet school, right? She’s exactly that case. She was in a car accident at 28, when she should have been at her peak as a dancer, and unfortunately, she couldn’t return to the company even after rehabilitation. That’s why she’s teaching you now.”

“…”

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“So don’t worry too much. We won’t immediately kick you out for being useless… Of course, there are many ballet companies that treat corps de ballet members like machine parts, but here, the atmosphere is quite humane. I’m making it that way. Plus, you’ll receive a pension and severance pay based on your total years with the company.”

The artistic director spoke a quite long sentence at a rapid tempo without pause. Then, with his mouth corners pulled up in a bit of a smile, he looked down at the boy with a somewhat ambiguous expression.

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“Was that explanation enough?”

The boy, Sasya Sedrin, tilted his head slightly and looked up at the artistic director with wide eyes. His blank face didn’t even provide a clue to judge whether he understood or not.

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“Hm?”

The artistic director seemed to feel like he was being asked for patience when he looked at Sasya, who was staring at him intently, and asked again.

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Then Sasya lowered his gaze and spoke in a slightly nervous tone.

“Is it 42 for everyone?”

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“What do you mean?”

“I understand that you can stay in the ballet company until 42, even if you get injured or can’t perform. But if you become incredibly good… if you’re extremely excellent, do you have to dance only until then?”

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Sasya’s voice lacked confidence. Sitting on a small wheeled chair without a backrest, he idly rolled the wheels.

“For example… like Sasya Shchedrin. Oh, I don’t mean me… the old man whose name the Shchedrin Studio is named after.”

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The artistic director shook his head.

“He wasn’t just an ordinary ballet dancer. Precisely… how should I put it. An icon of an era.”

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“…An icon? Does that mean becoming famous?”

The past Sasya Shchedrin had been active as a dancer much longer than 42, and reportedly worked as a choreographer until he died of old age. A life with nothing but work, never getting married.

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Sasya was curious if such an opportunity would be available to him too.

“Can I become an icon too?”

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However, the artistic director seemed to think Sasya had gotten a bit carried away at a young age and answered in a somewhat cold voice.

“Who knows. I’m not sure what you want. If you become a famous star with many fans, even without being in a ballet company, places will want to bring you as a guest performer. You could participate in gala shows around the world… At that point, age won’t be a flaw.”

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“…”

“But do you want to dance, or become famous? If it’s the latter, think carefully. Even if you succeed in becoming famous, you won’t know if audiences are coming to see your dance or just to see a celebrity.”

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The last sentence had an edge to it.

“But before worrying about that, you must first become an outstanding dancer. You’re too young and healthy to be worrying about retirement.”

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Saying this, the artistic director patted Sasya’s lean and taut lower back and stood him up. It was time to go.

“…Thank you for the advice.”

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“Sure. Come find me anytime you have any concerns.”

At those words, Sasya felt a bit strange. The artistic director was not someone who could always be met just because a student wanted to meet him.

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In any case, as soon as he opened the door and came out of the office, he made eye contact with Julia, the house mother. Originally, Sasya had come to the office to see Julia, not the artistic director. Yet while asking Julia about the typical retirement age for ballet dancers, the artistic director had pulled him inside, acting as if he had known Sasya from the beginning…

It was a bit confusing, but Sasya thought he was lucky today. The artistic director wielded tremendous influence in the ballet company and was the one who conducted the auditions. It wouldn’t hurt to have made an impression.

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After giving a brief greeting to Julia, Sasya left the office.

His long legs and raised butt were elastic with good muscle tone, without any sagging, and while his body was thin to the point of looking emaciated, his face was full of baby fat with chubby cheeks. He was definitely too young, healthy, and full of vitality to be contemplating retirement.

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However, since watching the video Karel had left, Sasya couldn’t escape thoughts about the distant future.

‘If I can’t dance, what will I live for then?’

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This was probably a concern not just for himself, but for most people who had made dance their profession.

There was something the artistic director had said that deeply pierced Sasya’s heart. That if he became hugely famous and forcibly extended his career as a dancer, the audience would eventually not know whether they were coming to watch him dance or just to see a celebrity.

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If that were true, surely even the most proud dancers would find such a situation unbearable. Audiences coming just to ‘observe’ a dancer whose skills had declined compared to the past…

He now respected all dancers who had gone through that period.

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At the same time, Sasya was experiencing an early sense of emptiness.

In fact, he had felt strangely melancholic while watching the video yesterday and had ended up turning it off midway without watching till the end.

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***

Before finishing school that day, Sasya received a message from Levin. It said that if he was okay with it, Levin would treat him to dinner together with Julian.

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Julian was a bit annoying, but meeting him meant getting to eat something delicious. Sasya, who was still savoring the marshmallows from the high-end department store that Julian had bought him, headed to Union Square station where NYU was located instead of returning to the hotel.

With both hands stuffed deep into his trouser pockets, he nimbly ran down the narrow subway entrance and got in just before the doors closed. Like a squirrel climbing a tree, he quickly boarded the subway, which was moderately crowded. As he got closer to Union Square, more and more people filled the train. Sasya flattened his body as much as possible, pressed against the door, and the moment it opened, he burst out. When he was about to collide with people, he would put force into his ankle and change direction. Skillfully navigating through the crowd, he was the first to get out.

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Outside the station, Julian and Levin were waiting under the agreed sign. Despite having run excitedly, Sasya approached them somewhat hesitantly.

“Sasya, long time no see. You’ve gained some weight, huh?”

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“Two kilos…”

Sasya shyly boasted to Levin.

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“You were taken away in a police car before, right? What have you been up to?”

“…”

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However, when Julian’s hand tried to touch his head, Sasya tilted his head to avoid it. Then he maintained silence instead of answering. Julian talked about him being a ‘stubborn and ill-mannered child’ but didn’t scold him too harshly.

The place the three of them moved to was a restaurant inside a hotel not far from the station. Sasya had never paid much attention to hotels while living in Manhattan, but recently, after moving into a hotel, he was noticing more things. The place Julian brought him to seemed quite good, but it was incomparable to the place he was residing in because of his sponsor Karel. Sasya secretly felt proud.

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When Levin asked about his recent circumstances, Sasya cut to the chase and talked about the video he saw yesterday.

“I watched a retirement commemoration video for a dancer.”

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“Who’s the main character?”

“Sasya Shchedrin… Not me.”

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“Oh, I know about him too.”

“You do, Levin? Wow… He must be really famous.”

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Excited, Sasya carelessly dropped his fork onto the plate with a loud clatter. Julian frowned and told him to eat with manners.

“I badmouthed him, saying he was an alcoholic. Then he gave me the video to watch.”

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“Who?”

“The sponsor from the scholarship foundation…”

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As he spoke, Sasya scraped the plate with the fork’s end.

“I guess he’s a fan of that old man.”

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“No way. He gave you a video to watch just because you badmouthed his idol? It’s like when I said a band that Emily likes wasn’t good, and I was forced to listen to the entire album all night. I don’t think a sponsor would be that petty.”

As Levin tried to interpret it positively, Julian, listening nearby, leaned back and crossed his arms.

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“So you’re saying you’ve met your sponsor in person?”

It was a completely different point of observation. Sasya stiffened momentarily and unconsciously defended Karel.

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“I was kicked out of the dormitory, and the foundation said they’d find a solution. I first met him during an interview, and he provided me with a place to stay. I’ve only seen him three times so far.”

Three times wasn’t much, but Julian still looked uneasy. Feeling anxious, Sasya chattered on.

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“He’s incredibly kind. Mature, and even his taste is mature. He drinks kale every morning… I wish he would come more often. I write emails every day, but he doesn’t reply. It’s technically his house, so he could live there, but… he only comes occasionally.”

“He lent you his house? And you have breakfast together?”

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Julian’s expression became even more serious. Sasya quickly lied, “It’s a terribly small house.”

He didn’t know exactly why Julian suddenly became serious, but he didn’t want to be caught by others. George had said that sponsors and beneficiaries weren’t supposed to meet, so maybe that was why. But wasn’t his situation ‘special’? Without Karel’s help, he would currently be homeless. Or back in Russia.

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The sponsor had done nothing wrong and was being overly kind, just trying to help him. He didn’t want Karel to be criticized because of him.

“I don’t usually take care of breakfast… He’s just worried about me.”

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“…”

“That’s why I gained two kilos.”

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“…”

“Why do you always see the worst in everything?”

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Sasya looked up at Julian, poking the empty plate bottom with his fork in a challenging expression. But Julian just shrugged and casually said, “You won’t believe me even if I say I’m worried about you, you brat.”

Then he pushed Sasya’s forehead with his fingertips. Sasya didn’t want to be pushed back, but his neck bent involuntarily, which annoyed him. He shook his head and brushed Julian’s hand away.

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“With looks like yours, your body, and your lack of caution… If you were actually intelligent, I might understand, but you’re an idiot who believes… Forget it. What’s the point of saying more?”

Sasya swallowed his words, unable to tell if Julian’s statement was an insult or a compliment.

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“Anyway, if that sponsor has decided to redistribute his wealth and do good deeds, that’s a good thing. Let’s… think positively.”

Sasya silently stared at Julian’s plate. Unlike himself, who had eaten everything in this luxurious restaurant because he rarely gets to taste such food, Julian’s plate still had a juicy sea bass left. Julian was the one who needed to redistribute the fish to him.

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“So, what was that video about? What was the title? I want to see it too.”

Fortunately, Levin redirected the conversation. Sasya was embarrassed that he couldn’t remember the title and shook his head, saying he didn’t know well because he hadn’t even watched it to the end. Though he thought he had felt a deep sentiment, he realized he knew nothing when trying to explain it to Levin.

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Is this why Julian calls me an idiot? Sasya’s pride was hurt.

“Then why don’t you watch it completely and write something like a review? You said you write letters every day.”

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“…I’ll watch it all and write something.”

Levin, as always, offered helpful advice. Sasya agreed that her suggestion was a good idea.

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At that moment, Julian muttered beside them as if throwing out a casual comment.

“So, is he like the ‘Daddy-Long-Legs’?”

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“Daddy-Long-Legs? That’s a book, right? I know that too.”

Sasya quickly responded. Julian often liked to show off his knowledge, and Sasya always felt a slight inferiority complex. Because of this, whenever Julian mentioned a topic Sasya knew, he would exaggerate his knowledge.

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“Really? What’s it about?”

Julian asked, spinning a smile.

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“A girl… writing letters, right?”

“Don’t tell me you only read the beginning?”

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“…”

Since Julian’s point was true, Sasya avoided his gaze.

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On the way home, Julian bought the ‘Daddy-Long-Legs’ book and handed it to Sasya. Embarrassingly, it was a children’s book for 7-year-olds, with half text and half illustrations.

He wanted to get angry, but Julian, who knew Sasya so well, insisted on the book. He said that if Sasya tried to read a dense English novel, he’d get tired before finishing a single page.

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“Sasya, be careful on your way home. Show us your place sometime.”

“Yeah. You said it’s a really small place, right? We don’t mind eating standing up. We’ll bring the food.”

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At that, Sasya naturally imagined the scene. How Julian, who had grown up relatively privileged, would be surprised seeing the hotel room Karel had supported.

That would be satisfying. And if by chance the sponsor happened to be in the hotel room, Julian would be intimidated by a real adult and might become polite. Just imagining that scenario made him laugh.

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Sasya’s steps quickened on his way back to the hotel. Suddenly, he missed Karel terribly. He imagined Karel waiting for him, saying in a soft voice, “Are you coming now?” That would make him so happy.

Entering the hotel lobby, greeting Michael, and rushing to the elevator, Sasya crossed the carpeted corridor, opened the door, and walked through the living room where the lights turned on with his movement.

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Then, imagining Karel standing around here, he spoke to himself.

Mr. Sponsor, look how much I ate for dinner. My stomach is so full… Eating such quantities can’t be good, but I need to gain weight, so it’s okay for one day.

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Mr. Sponsor-… no, Karel.

What did you do today?

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Were you in a good mood all day?

Anything annoying or upsetting?

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If you’re okay with it, I’d like to call you.

Just tell me to have a good night and I won’t keep bothering you. If you could just give me 10 seconds a day, I’d be so happy.

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Without even taking off the sports bag on his shoulder, Sasya flopped onto the sofa and looked at the ceiling, imagining Karel kissing his forehead. His black eyes, glistening, curved happily.

“Karel…”

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Imagining lips touching his forehead, Sasya gently rubbed the center of his forehead with his fingertips. Even though no lips had actually touched him, the sensation made his body tremble.

Curling up and turning to his side, Sasya unconsciously pressed his lower body against the sofa and squirmed. A strange heat rose within him. If he fell asleep like this, he might do something inappropriate in his sleep… He remembered how awkward it had been when this happened in the dorm.

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But here, there were no noisy classmates or Manuel sneaking into his bed to grope him. Relieved, Sasya closed his eyes, thinking of Karel.