LS Chapter 5 (Part 2)

And finally, tonight was the night. As the deep, quiet night enveloped the camp, Yujin took tentative steps toward Bart’s hut. When he arrived, he raised his hand to call Bart’s name, but before he could speak, unexpected sounds drifted out from within.

“Aah… Uuh… Bart… ah!”

…

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He should have turned back right then. But his body froze, rooted to the spot as if paralyzed.

There was a woman in Bart’s hut.

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Most capable warriors trusted by the leader had multiple wives. In fact, even being a direct subordinate warrior often meant having two or three wives. Bart, possessing both the ability and the leader’s trust, naturally fit this category. It was no surprise that he had women in his life.

But… he had shared his body with Yujin too.

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What was I to him?

“Ah… yes! Uuh! Bart, ah… ahh!”

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The moans from inside the hut grew louder, and with each sound, Yujin’s legs felt heavier, as though weighed down by despair.

Was it disillusionment? Or frustration? Perhaps hopelessness? Maybe they were all the same. As his breath caught in his throat, his chest tight and suffocating, a single thought flashed through his mind—he needed to get away. Yujin turned stiffly, forcing his feet to move.

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I need to leave. Somewhere, anywhere. But where? Where can I go?

As he stepped back, his heel snapped a twig. The sharp crack echoed in the still night, and the woman’s moans stopped abruptly.

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The door to the hut swung open violently, and Bart stepped out. His sudden appearance startled Yujin, who clumsily tried to leave. But before he could escape, Bart grabbed him firmly, stopping him in his tracks.

“What are you doing here?”

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“I… I was just passing by…”

“Just passing by?”

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Bart’s voice carried a weight of disbelief.

Through the half-open door, Yujin could see the face of a woman lying on the bed. It was Tati. There wasn’t a single person in the Mounted Tribe who didn’t know her face—the beauty from the Garin Tribe who had caused quite a stir when she arrived. Tati was undeniably the most striking among the women of her age.

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Now, there she was, lying naked on Bart’s bed, staring at Yujin and Bart without a hint of shame.

Yujin’s tongue felt stiff, and the words he had practiced refused to come out. His knees trembled, and it felt like he was falling endlessly, as though tumbling off a cliff. Even though he knew nothing good could come from it, he couldn’t tear his gaze away from Tati.

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‘Tati? It was her? They’re together? Since when? Why? Then what about me?’

Following Yujin’s trembling gaze, Bart glanced back briefly before turning to slam the door shut with a loud ‘thud.’ Startled by the sound, Yujin finally managed to lift his head and look at Bart. He noticed Bart raising a large hand, and instinctively, Yujin flinched, bracing for something harsh.

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But Bart’s hand merely rested gently on top of Yujin’s head.

In a voice much softer than before, Bart asked again, “Yujin, what’s going on?”

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“…This.”

With shaking hands, Yujin held out the white pouch toward Bart.

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‘I made this for you. I poured all my heart into it, hoping you’d stay healthy and become even stronger. I dried herbs and meat I carefully gathered from the mountains, just for you. Why… Why are you sleeping with Tati?’

‘If it’s what you want, I can accept you too. I can do what you want, as much as you want. Even if it hurts, I don’t care. I can do it. So why… why her?’

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“What is this?” Bart asked.

“It’s… herbs that are good for you. Dried meat… I… I made it for you…”

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Tears fell to the dirt ground, one after another. The soil darkened with each drop, and as the stains spread, Yujin’s head drooped lower.

Forcing the pouch into Bart’s hand, Yujin turned and ran, unable to bear staying there any longer.

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As Yujin’s figure grew distant, his shadow stretched long behind him, carrying the weight of his sadness.

* * *

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Looking back now, Yujin realized how foolish he had been. He had thought that sleeping with a warrior meant something significant. No, he had deluded himself into thinking that Bart cared for him simply because they had been together once. He had believed it might be true—Bart had saved him twice, remembered their time at the creek, and even called him by name.

Later, Yujin learned the truth. Some warriors, though not frequently, occasionally took men to satisfy their desires during long hunts or extended battles. Rarely, some of these men continued their relationships with warriors. However, most were discarded when the warriors took wives.

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For a warrior, having multiple wives was a sign of status. Even prospective warriors could have several wives. A male lover was nothing more than a temporary indulgence, easily cast aside after a few encounters.

When Yujin first heard this, he felt as if the words were directed at him. His eyes stung, and a surge of emotion welled up, nearly bringing him to tears in front of the kitchen workers. He barely managed to hold it in.

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Since running away from Bart’s hut, Yujin had been plagued by nightmares every night. In his dreams, Bart and Tati were entwined, their bodies moving together. Yujin stood silently, watching them, unable to turn away. Sometimes, Bart even laughed at him, mocking his helplessness.

In those dreams, Yujin’s body felt rigid, frozen as Bart held Tati. His chest grew tight, his breath caught in his throat. Only when he was on the verge of suffocation did he wake up, gasping for air.

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Lying in the darkness of the communal hut, Yujin would realize that the laughter he heard was just a dream. Yet, even that realization brought no relief. Instead, he felt as though he was falling endlessly into a void.

It was miserable. His place in this world felt unbearably pathetic. Even worse was the fact that, despite everything, he still wanted to see Bart. He despised himself for it.

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On nights when he woke from those nightmares, unable to fall back asleep, Yujin would quietly head to the creek.

“Bayu,” he called softly.

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The wild dog, curled up behind a rock, lifted its head at the sound of his voice. Its tail wagged slightly, a gesture of welcome that brought a faint smile to Yujin’s face.

“Come here.”

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He had learned that wild dogs were dangerous. The Mounted Tribe would typically chase them away or kill them without hesitation. But Bayu was different. Whether it was because his pack had been killed or because he had been cast out, Bayu was alone. Now, he stayed by Yujin’s side.

Yujin stroked Bayu’s head as the dog sniffed his hand curiously.

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“Sorry. I’ll bring you something to eat later.”

Yujin stared blankly at the empty, dark sky above. When dawn approached, he rose from his spot and headed to the kitchen.

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“This is someone who’ll be working with us from today,” the elder aunt announced.

“I’m Nongpi. Please take care of me.”

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“Alright, everyone, get to work,” the elder aunt said briskly.

As soon as her words fell, Yujin dove into the tasks at hand. He skinned animals, removed their innards, washed dishes, and prepped vegetables. When meals were ready, he carefully plated them and set them aside.

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Yujin took on nearly every task except delivering the food. He worked tirelessly, throwing himself into the labor as though his life depended on it. Overworking his body was the only way to keep his mind off Bart, and so he kept himself busy from morning until night, refusing to stop until he was utterly exhausted.

The kitchen was perpetually bustling, which helped the days pass quickly. As time went on, the memory of that night began to fade, and the nightmares eventually ceased.

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One day, a large boar was brought into the kitchen. Once the game arrived, they had to skin it, remove its organs, and quickly sort the usable parts for broth. The meat was then divided into cuts for drying or roasting.

While cutting and sorting the meat was a job for the more experienced kitchen workers, handling and cleaning the innards—a dirty and unpleasant task—was traditionally left to the newest recruits. Previously, Yujin had been the one to take care of it, but now the responsibility had fallen to Nongpi, the kitchen’s latest addition.

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Yujin was busy tanning hides when he noticed Nongpi struggling in the corner, fumbling helplessly with the boar’s organs.

‘She should be getting used to this by now. Why is she still so slow?’

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Observing her quietly for a moment, Yujin finally got up and approached her.

“Nongpi, if you don’t hurry, the elder aunt will scold you.”

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“Yeah, I know,” she replied nervously.

“…Are you still having trouble handling the organs?” Yujin asked gently.

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“A little… the texture is just so…”

Seeing Nongpi on the verge of tears, fumbling awkwardly, Yujin sighed and sat down beside her. He pulled the boar, lying on its back with its belly slit open, closer to him. Without hesitation, he reached into the boar’s cavity and began pulling out the slippery innards.

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“I’ll do it today, but you’ll need to get used to this. If the elder aunt finds out you’re struggling with this, she might kick you out of the kitchen. I’m not just saying this—I’ve actually seen it happen.”

“…I know,” Nongpi replied, her voice small and defeated.

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Yujin understood how she felt. He hadn’t been able to handle innards at first either. The sticky blood clots, the slimy organs, and the whole process of cleaning, drying, and sorting them—it wasn’t a pleasant task. But Yujin didn’t want to get kicked out of the kitchen. Even though he gagged two or three times a day, he stubbornly forced himself to do his share.

Seeing Nongpi’s tearful face reminded him of his early days in the kitchen. Back then, he had wished for someone to lend him a hand, even just once. It would have made those tough times a little easier. Now, looking at Nongpi, he saw a reflection of his past self—someone quietly hoping for help but too afraid to ask outright.

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“Thank you, Yujin,” Nongpi said, her voice filled with gratitude.

“It’s fine. Don’t worry about it.”

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What Yujin considered a simple act of kindness seemed to mean a lot to Nongpi. From that day on, she started following him around, trying to work alongside him whenever she could.

Nongpi was a bright girl, full of laughter. At least, that was how Yujin saw her. She was a pretty young woman who had just reached adulthood, and because of her cheerful demeanor, she was well-liked in the communal hut.

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As usual, Nongpi was seated next to Yujin, chattering away while they worked. Suddenly, she asked an unexpected question.

“Yujin, why don’t you have a partner?”

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The term ‘marriage’ existed in the Mounted Tribe, but in reality, only the leader held formal ceremonies. For warriors and commoners alike, relationships were usually informal—if two people agreed, they would share a bed and raise children together.

In the tribe, an official partnership was recognized when a warrior publicly claimed a woman as his or when a woman conceived a man’s child. In other words, there was no need for a formal marriage; a pregnancy naturally solidified their bond as partners.

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“Partner?”

“Yeah, I heard you don’t have a partner. Or… is there someone, and I just don’t know about it?”

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The bitterness Yujin had been trying to ignore brushed against him, lingering for a moment before disappearing again.

Why don’t I have a partner? Because the person I want to be with doesn’t see me as his.

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The answer flashed through his mind, swirling momentarily before fading into a faint ache.

“There’s no one.”

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“Why not?”

“I don’t know. I’m not exactly the ideal choice for a partner. I’m smaller and weaker than other men, so people tend to avoid me. I guess it’s natural to prefer a stronger man when thinking about the safety of their future children.”

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“I don’t mind.”

“What?”

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“I like you.”

“What?”

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“I like you, Yujin. What about you? Would you… would you be my partner?”

Nongpi, her face flushed red, fidgeted with the herbs she had been sorting, her gaze lowered in embarrassment. Yujin stared at her, startled, as memories of his past surfaced.

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Had he looked like that when he confessed to Bart? If he had, Bart might have known. Known that Yujin had feelings for him.

His chest ached faintly.

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Yujin didn’t give Nongpi a definitive answer. Yet, she seemed to take his silence as agreement. From then on, Nongpi stuck to him like a shadow, following him wherever he went. At first, it made Yujin uncomfortable, but over time, he grew used to her presence. Perhaps it was loneliness, or maybe it was that he couldn’t bring himself to push someone in a similar situation away.

“Yujin!”

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Nongpi called out cheerfully, carrying a basket filled with meat. When Yujin smiled faintly at her, she ran toward him, plopping down beside him.

“The elder aunt told me to help dry the meat today. Let’s do it together!”

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“Alright.”

Once again, Yujin meticulously checked the meat drying in the sun, with Nongpi chattering beside him.

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“Why are we drying so much meat these days? It feels like most of the game we catch is being preserved.”

“Before a battle or a big hunt, we tend to dry a lot of meat like this.”

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“Really?”

As Nongpi pointed out, the amount of dried meat had noticeably increased recently. Yujin wished it was for a hunt and not a battle. If it were…

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He consciously stopped his train of thought. What did it matter? Whether it was a hunt or a battle, there was nothing Yujin could do about it. Bart wasn’t his, and Yujin had neither the right nor the obligation to worry about him. Frustrated, Yujin flipped the meat more vigorously than necessary, trying to shove the intrusive thoughts away.

“Yujin.”

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“Yeah?”

“That warrior over there… he’s been glaring at me for a while. Did I do something wrong? What should I do?”

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“A warrior? Who?”

Nongpi’s slightly trembling voice made Yujin turn his head in the direction she was pointing. He froze mid-motion. In the distance, Bart stood with his arms crossed, staring directly at them. It had been nearly four months since that day in front of Bart’s hut when Yujin had fled like a fool.

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The current leader often went on hunts, and Bart, being his direct warrior, frequently accompanied him. After that night, Yujin had done everything he could to avoid running into Bart. He stopped delivering food to the warriors and stayed as far from their huts as possible. On the rare occasion he had no choice but to bring meals to the warriors, he made excuses to leave quickly, which earned him plenty of scoldings.

Despite his efforts, Yujin hadn’t seen Bart since that day. Four months felt like an eternity, though it had been far less than the year Yujin believed. That realization weighed heavily on him.

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Their eyes met. For a moment, time seemed to slow, and the air around him felt heavy. Bart looked just as striking as ever. His calm, dark eyes seemed deeper, his sharp nose and piercing gaze unchanged. As Yujin’s mind filled with memories of Bart’s broad chest and thick arms, he couldn’t help but recall the rough breaths Bart had exhaled against the back of his neck.

Yujin was the first to look away. Lowering his head, he answered Nongpi without glancing back at Bart.

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“It’s nothing. Don’t worry about it. If you’d done something wrong, he would’ve said something by now. You know how warriors are—quick to show their likes and dislikes. If he were upset, he wouldn’t bother holding it in.”

“You think so? Still, it’s a bit scary. He’s staring so intently. Is he one of the direct warriors?”

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“I’m not sure.”

“He must be. I’ve heard the leader praise him a few times when I was delivering food.”

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“Let’s just focus on the meat. If we slack off, the elder aunt will give us an earful.”

Bart seemed to hold the leader’s trust—of course, he did. Bart was a strong warrior.

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Though Yujin rarely allowed himself to think about it, there were moments when he missed Bart terribly. On such days, he would secretly watch Bart train from a distance. Though Yujin couldn’t observe closely enough to be certain, Bart was fierce and unwavering during his swordsmanship and combat training.

He remained untouchable, and Yujin could only admire him from afar.

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Bart was a warrior, and like all warriors, his nature was no different from the rest. Though he never showed outright disdain toward Yujin, he hadn’t shown any particular affection either. Yujin had spent countless hours pondering Bart’s feelings—or lack thereof. As he’d said to Nongpi, he likely wasn’t significant enough for Bart to harbor any meaningful emotions. The thought left him feeling empty, and the loneliness gnawed at him.

That evening, the elder aunt ordered twice the usual amount of food to be prepared, making the kitchen busier than ever. As Yujin later learned, the dinner was a feast for the warriors before an impending battle.

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The leader invited his direct warriors to his hut to enjoy the meal, and naturally, Bart was among them.

Yujin handed the completed dish to Nongpi.

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“If there are any empty dishes, bring them back. We need to clean them quickly for the next round of food.”

“Yujin, this is your dish, isn’t it?”

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“I hurt my wrist while cooking earlier. I’m worried I might spill something. Please, take it for me.”

Normally, the person who prepared the dish would deliver it, but Yujin couldn’t summon the courage to face Bart. Using the flimsy excuse, he nudged Nongpi toward the door.

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Though he had passed the stage of letting his emotions explode uncontrollably, Yujin still cared for Bart deeply. Too deeply. He feared that if he saw Bart up close and met his eyes, he might break.

He might cling to Bart and beg him to hold him instead of Tati. He might foolishly cry out, ‘Don’t plant your seed in her body—plant it in mine.’ All those absurd and humiliating words might spill from his lips in a desperate, pitiful flood.

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And Yujin wasn’t sure he could live with that.

Outside the leader’s hut, Nongpi emerged, carrying an empty dish and a sizable piece of cooked meat. She carefully closed the door behind her and, spotting Yujin, hurried over with an excited expression.

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“Yujin! Look at this.”

She held up the meat proudly.

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“The leader said the food was delicious and gave me some meat. You know, we’ve always worked in the kitchen, but I’ve never actually tasted the meat prepared for the leader. Isn’t this great? Let’s eat it together.”

Meat was always precious. Even those who worked in the kitchen rarely got to touch it, let alone taste it, especially food prepared for the leader. Yujin, too, had seldom eaten meat dishes. Recently, he had started tasting small bits while cooking under the guise of seasoning, but never had he taken a proper bite. If that was Yujin’s experience, there was no way Nongpi, new to the kitchen, had ever tried it.

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The dish in Nongpi’s hands was the one Yujin had prepared with Bart in mind, hoping Bart would find it delicious. Of course, Bart would still eat it, but Yujin selfishly wished he could hear Bart say it was good.

“Come on, let’s eat it together. It looks so good,” Nongpi said, smiling brightly, urging Yujin as he stared silently at the meat.

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Her cheerful laughter broke through the dark evening air, and Yujin couldn’t help but smile as if conceding defeat.

“Alright, let’s do that.”

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Nongpi’s gaze wavered, and her cheeks turned a soft shade of red.

“Yujin, do you know? You’re really handsome. And when you smile, you’re even more so.”

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Yujin chuckled awkwardly, her stammering voice laden with sincerity making her feelings unmistakable.

“…Thanks for liking me. But, the thing is…”

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“I really like you, Yujin.”

Her soft lips pressed against his. A sensation, nothing more. Just flesh against flesh. There was no spark, no reaction.

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When Bart had rested his hand on Yujin’s head, his heart had pounded wildly. When Bart had kissed him without care, forcing his tongue into Yujin’s mouth, even the roughness had sent shivers down his spine. Yujin had trembled under Bart’s heat, overwhelmed with emotions.

But now, with Nongpi, there was nothing. Her tentative tongue entering his mouth felt uncomfortable, and Yujin instinctively furrowed his brows. The feeling wasn’t just unfamiliar—it bordered on unpleasant.

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As Nongpi continued, Yujin’s thoughts raced to find a way to gently push her away without hurting her feelings. For a brief moment, he had wondered if accepting Nongpi’s affection might help him forget Bart. She made him feel at ease, and her open fondness for him was something he appreciated.

But it wouldn’t work. It couldn’t.

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As Yujin began to turn his head to avoid her face, there was a sudden ‘thud’. Nongpi fell to the ground.

“Nongpi!”

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Startled, Yujin moved to help her but froze when he saw Bart standing over her, his expression icy.

Nongpi cradled her reddened, swollen cheek with one hand, tears welling in her eyes. She glanced up at Bart, her face filled with shock and confusion, but she didn’t dare ask why he had hit her. He was a warrior, and questioning him wasn’t an option.

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Bart glared at her, his voice dripping with irritation as he said, “Get out.”

Bart’s threatening voice sent Nongpi scrambling to her feet. Without looking back, she ran off in a panic, disappearing into the darkness.

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Yujin stood frozen, unable to make sense of what had just happened. His bewildered gaze shifted to Bart, hoping for some kind of explanation. Bart, who had been watching the direction Nongpi fled, slowly turned his attention to Yujin. Lowering himself to meet Yujin’s eye level, Bart stared intently at Yujin’s lips.

“Why…”

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Tsk.

Bart clicked his tongue in irritation. His previously neutral expression twisted as his brow furrowed in what seemed to be annoyance.

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‘Is he angry? But why?’

Suddenly, Bart’s rough, calloused fingers pressed against Yujin’s soft lips, wiping away traces of saliva left from Nongpi’s kiss.

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“Yujin, don’t smile at just anyone like that.”

Words that made no sense.

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“Do you understand?”

His tone was firm, leaving Yujin confused by both the words and Bart’s actions.

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“Yujin. Answer me.”

“…Yeah,” Yujin whispered, barely managing to force the word out.

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Bart stared at him in silence for what felt like an eternity before finally straightening and walking back into the leader’s hut.

Left alone, Yujin stood there, dazed, trying to piece together what had just happened. The weight of Bart’s touch and words lingered, heavy and incomprehensible.

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* * *

“That’s ridiculous. We’re really going into an all-out war with the Azure Sky Tribe?”

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“That’s what they’re saying. Not just skirmishing over overlapping land, but planning to completely wipe them out.”

“We’ll win, right?”

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“Who knows? It’s the Azure Sky Tribe we’re talking about.”

“Exactly. It’s not just any tribe—it’s the Azure Sky Tribe. But even if, and that’s a big if’, we lose, they wouldn’t kill people like us, would they?”

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“If you’re not a warrior, maybe. But do you really think we’d lose? No other tribe can match our Mounted Tribe warriors in sheer ferocity.”

“Still, this time it’s the Azure Sky Tribe. They say their warriors are so skilled with spears they can take down birds mid-flight.”

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“Even so, the battle’s fought on the ground. Who knows how it’ll play out.”

“True, I guess.”

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“By the way, who’s being taken along this time?”

“They were planning on sending Yujin, but oddly enough… uh…”

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The man, who had been chatting animatedly, glanced toward Yujin, who was quietly sorting dried meat in the corner. Realizing he had said too much, he cleared his throat and exchanged a knowing look with his companion. They both moved outside the kitchen hut to continue their conversation in private.

The Azure Sky Tribe, about the same size as the Mounted Tribe, lived near a great river, earning their name. While the Mounted Tribe was known for their horsemanship, the Azure Sky Tribe excelled in spear combat. The upcoming battle was said to be against them.

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For years, small skirmishes had persisted between the two tribes, who occupied similar territories. Now, the Mounted Tribe’s leader planned to take this opportunity to drive the Azure Sky Tribe away entirely, prompting preparations for a large-scale battle. Food supplies were being prepared at three times the usual amount, and warriors would bring along commoners to support them during the campaign.

 

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