Chapter 4: Walking Through the Night

Yujin carried the dried laundry, struggling with every step.

“Put the dry ones here and take these to hang up.”

His fingers ached with a dull throb. All morning, he had been moving soaked leather, and in the afternoon, it was wet cloth. Yujin massaged his sore fingers briefly before picking up the damp laundry and heading back the way he came.

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It wasn’t until the sun began to set that Yujin finished his tasks. Afterward, he went to the kitchen to collect food and made his way to the valley. Sitting in the dimly lit valley, he dipped dried meat into a thin broth and ate.

From the moment he woke up until now, he hadn’t had a single break. This was the first time all day he had a chance to sit on the ground. With a heavy sigh, Yujin slowly filled his empty stomach. At least he hadn’t gone hungry since moving to the warrior quarters. That was a relief. If he had to endure this grueling work and starve on top of it… Just the thought made his head spin, and a sigh escaped him without realizing it.

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Once he had eaten enough to stave off his hunger, Yujin looked around. Sure enough, in the distance, a jackal was cautiously watching him, its eyes fixed on him.

“Bayu, come here,” he called out.

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Yujin had thought Bayu would return to the wild once its wounds healed, but the jackal lingered around the valley. Perhaps it saw Yujin, who had been feeding it since it was a pup, as a companion or even a parent. But there was no way to know for sure.

When Yujin extended his hand, Bayu approached slowly and lay down beside him. Stroking Bayu’s round head for a moment, Yujin placed the bowl with the remaining scraps of food in front of the jackal.

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“The warriors are returning soon. Bart should be back too, right?”

Bayu quickly emptied the bowl and let out a long yawn.

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“I miss Bart. Do you remember him? The tall and handsome warrior. He’ll come back safe and sound, won’t he?”

A few days ago, word had spread that the warriors who had gone into battle would be returning soon. Soon, all the warriors would be back in the settlement, and things were bound to get busy again. Though Yujin didn’t have any specific duties for their return, he had been gathering herbs just in case there were injuries.

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“It’s time for me to go. You should head back into the mountains. I’ll come back at dawn tomorrow, so if we’re lucky, we’ll meet again. Okay?”

Yujin’s only friend didn’t respond. Bayu simply scratched behind its ears lazily with its hind leg, gazing at Yujin with idle eyes. Somehow, even that expression seemed endearing to Yujin, who brushed Bayu’s neck fondly before picking up the empty bowl and standing. He started toward his hut but turned back, walking over to Bayu, who was watching him.

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“Let’s go gather herbs together tomorrow. Alright? See you tomorrow, Bayu. Now go on, hurry back.”

The jackal stared at Yujin for a moment before turning and bounding into the darkness. Yujin stood still, watching until Bayu disappeared from sight, then turned to head back—only to lock eyes with Chi-chi.

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…Why was Chi-chi here? Did she see Bayu earlier? Feeling a twinge of panic, Yujin bit his lip and lowered his head before mustering the courage to approach her.

“Chi-chi. What are you doing here?”

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“That was a jackal just now, wasn’t it?”

As expected.

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“…Yeah.”

“And you’re okay?”

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“I’m fine.”

Chi-chi tilted her head, as though the situation didn’t make sense to her, before her eyes sparkled with curiosity as she stepped closer to Yujin.

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“Don’t tell me… you’ve tamed that jackal?”

“…”

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“Right? You’ve been sneaking food away now and then. Was it to feed that jackal?”

It was clear that deceiving the sharp-eyed Chi-chi wouldn’t be easy. Abandoning the plan to feign ignorance, Yujin decided to reason with her instead.

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“Chi-chi, please keep it a secret. If anyone finds out, Bayu will be caught and killed.”

“Bayu? You even gave it a name?”

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“….”

What now? It was too late to deny it. Claiming Bayu was a friend wouldn’t work either—no one here would believe that. Animals were nothing more than prey or food in this place. Yujin considered bribing her with something valuable, but he had nothing to offer. Perhaps if he volunteered to take over her chores for a while, she might agree to keep quiet.

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“Fine. I’ll keep your secret.”

“What? Really?”

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Chi-chi’s unexpected response brought a flush of relief to Yujin’s face.

“But you need to be careful. It’s still a jackal. It could bite you without warning. You know we can’t get help from healers, right? Remember that guy whose leg got bitten by a jackal and had to have it amputated? He died in the end.”

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“Chi-chi…”

“So, how did you tame it? Was it with food, as I thought?”

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As Chi-chi continued to ask questions about Bayu, Yujin finally felt at ease. He let out a small sigh of relief and placed a hand over his chest to calm his racing heart. Thank goodness.

Patiently answering Chi-chi’s questions, Yujin made her promise again to keep his secret. Though it would have been better if she hadn’t found out, he appreciated her willingness to look the other way.

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After talking with Chi-chi for a while, Yujin returned the bowl to the kitchen and headed into the communal hut. As soon as he entered, a sour smell hit him.

“Ah, oh, ahh!”

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“Ha, damn. How’s it taste? Better than most of those warrior bastards, huh?”

“More, ahh, hmm…”

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Yujin quickly lowered his gaze, freezing at the sight before him: a man and a woman, half-naked, coupling in the dim light. The man’s glistening shaft repeatedly slipped in and out of the woman’s entrance, the wet sounds echoing in the confined space. Yujin’s ears turned bright red as he debated whether to leave. But he was too exhausted. He needed even a moment’s rest before heading to the mountains at dawn to gather herbs.

“You’re dripping all over while saying what? Hah, you only take warrior cocks?”

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“Ah! Mmm, you promised, didn’t you? Hmm, you’ll keep your word?”

The woman, pulling back slightly, asked in a coaxing tone. The man, clearly nearing his limit, scowled and responded roughly.

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“Damn it, fine. Just squeeze tighter, hah.”

The man responsible for tanning leather was known for luring women with promises of entry into the warriors’ huts, easily coaxing them into coupling with him. In the Mounted Tribe, it was difficult to attract the attention of women capable of bearing children unless one was strong or held a high status. Undoubtedly, he had brought this woman here tonight with the same promise—access to one of the huts belonging to the warriors who would soon return.

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Yujin didn’t care what they did, but why did it have to be here? Exhausted, he lay down and covered his ears, yet the moans and wet sounds filtered through the cracks, making it impossible to fall asleep.

Would Bart have noticed him if he had a body capable of bearing children like a woman? That night by the valley, would Bart have gone beyond a mere kiss and embraced him fully? And if, by some chance, he had borne a child, would that have been enough to remain by Bart’s side?

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It is human nature to cling to something that shines amidst a harsh life, especially when that glimmer represents one’s sole happiness. Yet emotions tied to a single memory inevitably give rise to countless questions and hypothetical “what ifs.” Daydreams about paths not taken grow uncontrollably, eating away at reason.

It felt as though the void left by everyone Yujin had ever loved, now lost to death, was being filled entirely by thoughts of Bart. Each morning, he would wake, gaze at the drifting clouds like a mirage, and think of Bart. Every night, as he dragged his weary body to lie down at dusk, he yearned for him. He missed Bart deeply.

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Yujin drifted in and out of a restless sleep, until the faint blue light of dawn seeped into the hut, signaling the start of a new day. He sat up with a sigh.

“Ah, I’m so tired.”

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Gathering his pouch, Yujin stepped out of the communal hut, briefly glancing at the naked man and woman asleep together before averting his gaze.

It wasn’t uncommon for people to couple in the communal huts, especially as the weather grew colder. While some ended up forming pairs, more often than not, such encounters led to nothing. This was particularly true when women sought to bear the child of a warrior.

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The warriors’ return was imminent. Women adorned themselves and whispered deals, scouting out the huts of the warriors they had their eyes on. Amidst the bustling tribe, Yujin busied himself with the tasks he could manage.

Climbing the mountain before the darkness had fully lifted, Yujin whispered softly, “Bayu. Bayu.”

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Although he was used to this climb, the darkness still unnerved him. Hoping for Bayu to appear, he raised his voice slightly, calling out the name. Soon, Bayu emerged silently from the underbrush, yawning widely and stretching its body. The jackal circled Yujin a few times before licking the back of his hand.

“Did you sleep well?”

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Bayu’s tail wagged faintly. Yujin patted its head before continuing into the forest in search of herbs. Bayu’s sole role was to follow him around, but that was enough. The mere thought that he wasn’t alone brought him great comfort.

Luck was on his side when Yujin found herbs useful for treating wounds. Carefully digging around the herbs with his bare hands—roots intact for better effectiveness—he let out a small yelp.

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“Ouch.”

A hidden stone beneath the soil had chipped his nail, causing it to break and bleed. His fingertips stung. His nails had grown weak from being soaked in water all day, and his excitement at finding the herbs had made him careless.

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Feeling Bayu’s intense gaze on his injured finger, Yujin turned and smiled faintly at the jackal.

“It’s fine. It’ll heal soon.”

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Bayu had started reacting to Yujin’s emotions at some point. Occasionally, it would lean against him, and though it seemed like a simple gesture, Yujin took it as Bayu’s way of offering comfort or affection.

Taking a small cloth from his worn leather pouch, Yujin wrapped it around his finger and inspected the herb roots. Thankfully, they were undamaged. Gently placing the herbs into his pouch, he stroked Bayu’s head lightly.

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“Bayu, I’ll see you later. I have work to do now.”

Despite the minor injury, Yujin felt happy about the successful harvest. He had been anxious after days without finding herbs. Rising to his feet, he bid Bayu farewell and descended the mountain.

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“Everyone, prepare and clean the huts assigned to the returning warriors. This time, there are many casualties and injured among them, so be careful not to provoke the warriors’ tempers,” Aunt instructed from the back of the gathering.

Hearing about the wounded, Yujin’s head shot up. Many injured? Could it be…? But before he could think further, Aunt walked off, deep in discussion with the healer about something.

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The others dispersed to their tasks, but Yujin lingered, hoping someone might mention the recent battle. Moments like this made him resent his lack of social connections in the tribe. If only he had forged stronger relationships, he might have heard something useful.

Yujin couldn’t just approach people he barely spoke to and ask about the warriors’ situation. Restlessly pacing, he spotted Chi-chi carrying a pile of cloth and immediately ran toward her.

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“Chi-chi! Have you heard anything about this recent battle?”

“The recent battle? What about it?”

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“Aunt said earlier that there were a lot of injuries…”

“Well, yeah, so I heard.”

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“Do you know who got hurt?”

“I wouldn’t know that. Only the healers or Aunt might know details like that.”

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“Really? But have you heard anything else?”

“Just rumors. People are saying it was a much bigger battle than the leader had anticipated. Apparently, a lot of warriors died too. The warrior wives are in chaos right now. Anyway, everyone’s on edge because of all the casualties and injuries, so be careful.”

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“A lot of warriors… died?”

“Yeah, that’s what they’re saying. So, you be careful too. You know how they are—when they’re in pain, they take it out on innocent people. Especially people like us, who they think they can push around. Just stay away from the warriors’ huts if you can. Still, at least we won the battle, right? That’s good news.”

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The Mounted Tribe had won the battle. Most people in the settlement were thrilled about their victory, but Yujin’s heart sank at the mention of the many dead warriors. He wanted desperately to know who had died and who was injured, but even Chi-chi, who was well-informed about tribal matters, didn’t know much. Yujin’s shoulders drooped.

“…Yeah, you’re right. Winning is a good thing.”

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“Exactly. But why are you so curious? Are you worried about someone?”

“What? No, not really.”

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“Come on, who is it? At least tell me their name. I’ll try to find out for you.”

“It’s fine. Don’t worry about it. See you later.”

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Yujin waved off her concern with a forced smile. He couldn’t ask Chi-chi about Bart. Not only was Bart no ordinary warrior but one of the leader’s direct warriors. There was no way Chi-chi would have any information about him. Besides, Yujin didn’t want to risk her prying if he mentioned Bart’s name. He would just have to wait until the warriors returned to find out for himself.

The settlement bustled with people tidying and preparing the warriors’ huts. When the warriors returned from battle, they usually spent several days confined to their huts, recovering from wounds and exhaustion. It was the commoners’ job to clean and prepare their huts for their arrival.

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Like everyone else, Yujin worked tirelessly. After moving stacks of dried leather, he paused to catch his breath, his gaze drifting toward Bart’s hut. Confirming that no one was around, he quietly slipped inside.

The circular latticework decorations along the walls caught his eye as he moved toward the innermost part of the hut. The spotless table and freshly stocked brazier suggested that someone had already cleaned the place.

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Glancing back to ensure no one was at the entrance, Yujin reached out to touch Bart’s clothes hanging on the wall. He remembered Bart wearing this outfit a few times. Stroking the leather-like material, Yujin lifted it and pressed it to his face.

“Bart’s scent.”

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Bart always smelled sharp—like metal, blood, and sometimes the dust from riding. It was a mix of heavy, piercing scents, just like Bart himself.

Yujin buried his face deeply into Bart’s clothes, taking a long breath. The familiar scent spread through him, sending pleasant shivers up his spine.

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In the tribe, coupling was typically between men and women, but male-to-male relations weren’t unheard of. Some warriors indulged in such relationships for pleasure, while others sought release without having a wife.

Yujin had first learned about such relationships in the Mounted Tribe. Though he had never considered them relevant to him, lately, fleeting, unrealistic thoughts had begun to cross his mind. He wished Bart might engage in such relationships—and that Yujin could be the one Bart chose. It was an impossible dream, but once the thought had taken root, he couldn’t stop it from growing.

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Breathing deeply, Yujin slumped to the floor, rubbing his face against Bart’s clothes. The scent was different from when he had served Bart meals, more intimate, as if Bart himself were there.

“Bart,” Yujin whispered softly.

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A warmth spread around Yujin’s navel, and heat coursed through his body. A tingling sensation started at his tailbone, traveling to his groin, where his manhood twitched as if he needed to relieve himself. He had never felt like this before, but lately, every time he thought about Bart, his body burned.

The vague desire to be held by Bart lingered, though Yujin wasn’t entirely sure what he wanted Bart to do. He only knew he wished Bart would look at him again like he had that night.

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“The direct warriors’ huts have already been cleaned earlier,” came a voice from outside the hut.

Startled, Yujin jerked his head up and stared at the entrance.

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“Better check again just in case. Don’t want to get beaten if there’s an issue.”

“Damn. Those brutes, calling themselves warriors…”

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“Kappa, are you crazy? What if someone hears you? You’ll get yourself killed.”

“Let them hear. Parading around like warriors when all they do is kill people. And those ‘direct warriors’? Call them what they are—killers.”

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“Kappa, lower your voice.”

“I used to be the next leader in my own tribe, you know. It’s these bastards that brought me to this point. And from the way these so-called warriors act, I’m better than most of them. Maybe I should ask to become a warrior. Then I wouldn’t have to do this filthy, pointless work.”

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“Fine, fine. Just check the hut. I’ll start from the other side.”

Holding his breath, Yujin watched the shadows flicker outside, dreading they might enter Bart’s hut. Fortunately, the man stepped into the neighboring hut instead. Once the area was quiet, Yujin returned Bart’s clothes to their place on the wall and slipped out cautiously.

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He managed to get away without encountering anyone and exhaled the breath he’d been holding. The adrenaline had quelled the tension in his body, and the ache in his groin had disappeared, leaving him feeling strangely deflated. Yujin paused and looked down at himself.

It wasn’t his first time seeing a naked woman’s body in the communal huts or the forest. He’d witnessed bouncing breasts and shafts plunging into slick folds countless times.

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Despite seeing so much, his body had never reacted. He had never wondered what it felt like to couple with someone. But lately, whenever Bart crossed his mind, his body responded. The sound of Bart’s voice, the scent of his body, and the memory of his kiss lingered and stirred something within Yujin.

He figured he might live his life without a partner, dying alone. It was a bittersweet thought, but one he had grown accustomed to.

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* * *

Clip-clop, clip-clop.

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The sound of hooves mingled with groans of pain, echoing in the air.

“Quiet,” came the leader’s cold voice.

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Namta, who had been groaning, clenched his mouth shut at once.

“Because of you, Guda and Rumji are dead. If you feel even a shred of remorse, keep your mouth shut.”

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During the battle, Namta had panicked and fled, only to be captured by the enemy as a hostage. Two of the leader’s favored warriors had died rescuing him, along with dozens of Mounted Tribe warriors. When Namta returned, barely alive thanks to the heavy sacrifices, the leader’s first words to him were, “Pathetic.”

“…I’m sorry, Father,” Namta mumbled.

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“Tsk.”

Clicking his tongue, the leader cast a sharp glare at Namta, making him shrink in on himself. No matter how much he tried to endure, the pain from the wounds on his limbs and the beatings he had received was unbearable. He longed to return to the settlement and receive treatment from the healer.

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But with only one healer and dozens of injured warriors, Namta knew he would have to wait his turn. Still, as the leader’s son, he was confident he would be treated first.

What frustrated him even more than the pain was the gnawing hunger in his stomach. He hadn’t said anything, but food had been scarce during the battle, leaving him perpetually dissatisfied. And during his time as a hostage, he had nearly starved.

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“Father, may I go to the healer as soon as we arrive at the settlement? The pain is unbearable, and I’ve lost feeling in my leg,” Namta asked, his voice trembling.

“…”

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“Also, Father, could you tell Aunt to bring some meat to my hut first? If I ask, she’ll insist I wait my turn. I haven’t eaten in nearly three days, and I have no strength left. Please? If it’s your command, she’ll—”

“You call that a request?” the leader erupted, his voice sharp and furious.

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The fact that Namta had fled during the battle and gotten captured was already shameful. That two of the leader’s closest warriors had died saving him only added to the disgrace. If the leader had another son, he would have abandoned Namta long ago. But as the leader of the Mounted Tribe, he couldn’t risk jeopardizing his position without an heir.

And now this useless son was whining about hunger and meat? The leader’s blood boiled at the sheer audacity. He glared at Namta, his disgust palpable, before his gaze shifted to Bart, who was leading the warriors ahead.

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“If only I had sent Pashi…”