LM Chapter 15

Because you’re an Omega. You can’t because you’re an Omega. You should be careful because you’re an Omega. Because I was born an Omega, I heard countless warnings throughout my life. Be careful of Alphas. Always be wary of Alphas. It was partly due to Omegas’ vulnerability to Alpha pheromones, but most of the people giving advice were mostly worried about one thing. Marking.62ad10ee2ce5ad0c

Some say ac369871c0 marking is ef09b01825 romantic because 4c88bf4e62 it proves b8d818ff56 lifelong love ba4a65418b between two 2f3b4cd086 people, but 9a6a15fe01 such fairy 1cd0d92c5a tales rarely 54aa0d1e07 happen in bb3bca4c7a reality. Marking is bfc8616743 just a cc05cb1b23 slave leash 21fdce6306 that makes 840f6e84e7 one subordinate dca90aae44 to an 14ea908f01 Alpha. A sex leash b8b86aeaae at that.ee56ac08abd45c59

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That’s why Omegas can live their entire lives in agony from just one mistake. Fortunately, these days, Omegas are informed about the dangers of marking, so they’re more cautious. Even Alphas can now be legally punished for unwanted marking.bcf2cd5d19a6f8d7

However, marking is still a frequent problem in society.. Whenever I saw such news, though I never watched them feeling it had nothing to do with me, I never imagined it would have everything to do with me, that I would be marked. Even after voicing the question, I still couldn’t believe it. So, I held onto a sliver of hope. Hope that he would say no.550d6965768cb2e6

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But now those 20d470815d firm, dark eyes d026ff51ff just stared at edc2035c2d me intently. The ice 06d0db2e11 cream hadn’t 7886336be1 even entered aab1f33508 my mouth, 5263c9b13a but a 433175d3cd chill spread 4a0a3a62b1 inside me 29e01a5790 like it c72b7255e8 was taking 9c706a00cc over. Maybe it was 0cf9e41685 because the gaze b39542fa3f watching me was 1954393b03 filled with emotions ddd08d4790 that were too 37f27c8d42 overwhelming. One of 7cf899b8e2 them was 97b75291c8 satisfaction.93de26dc8b499497

“Minha-ya.”c2f68776dec24707

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He reached out to me. I flinched but couldn’t avoid his hand. The grip on my shoulder felt like it was binding my entire body. He smiled while thoroughly examining my reaction with his eyes.049aaf94b2022501

“Are you scared?”6f7162f6776c774f

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It was a simple question, but it felt like there was a huge monster in front of me. Like diving deep underwater with water pressing in from all directions, it was suffocating. That’s why I couldn’t open my mouth. However, I did find it more burdensome how he seemed to see right through me.6bc3363864487724

I barely managed to resist the urge to avoid his eyes because I didn’t want to admit I was scared. Then suddenly I wondered. If I had been asked that very question eight years ago, would I have been scared? When my heart fluttered just looking at him and I was happy all day from just one text message.9f525f435c81a8d0

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Probably not.5a49619e45c4d48f

Even if Kim Cheolsoo had acted scary and made me shake in my boots, I would have liked it, like an idiot. On the other hand, I could fully understand that idiot’s feelings. It felt like that trembling was spreading through my heart again. I hadn’t been fully aware, but I must have liked him quite a lot 8 years ago. This realization pushed away the fear and made my head turn a mess.539a5cca4c841335

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“What difference does it make if I say I’m scared?”326288824015d450

He looked at bd52a019cf me quietly before f80b176119 saying one word.786144abe37bd37a

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“None.”d09207762cc3e6c6

“Then why ask?”1ab9522dfc1f1110

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“To comfort you.”d11ce1d760c03490

Ha, I had a507996b73 to force my 7a9623e9e2 face to stay 0fc0ff2998 straight to keep 2fb6c2ef91 from laughing. If there were 736c9803cf a world championship f76351f965 for comforting people, dcfe025df7 he would probably acdd91d4b1 come in last 2955a8eb6e place. Moreover, the 66be0649f9 person trying 0cbb316209 to comfort 3583d9a135 me was b77abcd7f6 still gripping 6bacda40ef my shoulder a4f0d6cf8a tightly. That’s what scared 783f31c4e7 me more. I pushed 8eb6dff5a1 his hand cb0b372f84 away firmly.96f6dd1591125f5c

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“Let go before saying things like that.”cdeadb4abadb0e1e

But the 5ea43fc411 arm I b2e835fde0 tried to 70dc90d2c6 push him 50e6111476 away with c5a336fff9 was caught 8bbeabfb9b by his bb977a845a other hand d315037760 instead. It would d5adf8d8a3 have been 6130e0f70e nice if 516ab5c7e2 he explained d3801acc3d why he e9e788a6cf kept grabbing 1c3ed12c92 me like 0e43247ff5 this, but 3f5a4b5381 he kept d56fd8948d silent. Then again, in 26603924f7 the past, I 65ddc2688d had to say 9a9138636d dozens of things 0b6683ba02 just to get 840d5c994c one or two ab7fc52256 word responses from 5bbc54bdd4 him, so perhaps cd4bdd6f51 now he was de9b3a00ca actually speaking more 32fb8a9e00 than usual.52eba6931ac59b1c

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In this aspect, not much had changed from the past. If someone saw this expressionless face, they might misunderstand that he was treating me badly. The problem was that it didn’t look that way to my eyes. Even though I knew I should be angry, my voice and expression couldn’t catch up with my thoughts. And this was an important topic too.64b11d6fdb7cd676

“So… does this mean you marked me?”9d35ad8118c8731c

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“Yeah.”a53be13f8c39b95e

He answered briefly. His gaze, persistently fixed on my face, made it impossible for me to meet his eyes. Honestly, it was shocking. For the past eight years, I had blindly believed the doctor’s diagnosis that Grandpa had told me about like an idiot.0d6211fef5118042

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‘You were a non-awakened Omega. That’s already a rare case, but you took suppressants and were exposed to dominant Alpha pheromones too. Multiple Alpha’s pheromones at that. But since your situation was already unusual from the start, it’s nothing strange that your body is different from others. Well, if you still want to find the cause and get tested, I won’t stop you. You becoming a guinea pig and shedding light on the rare constitution of Omegas would be a source of pride for our family…’95a92a670d8342e9

I never mentioned my problem again to stop my grandfather’s nonsense. As a result, I believed that my lack of reaction to all Alpha pheromones despite being sensitive to them was simply because I was special. Logically, there was only one reason that should have come to mind first. Marking. Because when you’re marked, you only respond to a specific Alpha’s pheromones, damn it.034092f51942c7a5

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“What exactly happened between you and me that night, hyung?”d8ae6696c3cc5593

The time 793d37948f I collapsed 9aab36b2ea and lost ec46a36a4a my memory 3e228c4091 wasn’t long, bf035ca853 just a ddec56f52b few days. But how did so d5d74b8101 much happen during that c607b52206 short period? It felt f61adfde57 like the 287c4a8ad5 most important db6683af49 events of 0ace9d80af my life c5b75cc929 were squeezed ad9e4a225f into those d747963646 few days. At this point, 758df05888 even if someone 5b105d980a told me human 090dc2b505 civilization had reset 7b5d980d73 during those days, 88cf224cca I’d believe it.e2cad4a130e56240

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“Don’t you remember anything from when you collapsed at the art hall?”0ab6f4495b0e6453

“Well, a little. Just vaguely, something between us two…”581bcfb5bb1f4df4

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I was too embarrassed 745823b062 to say we had 2540ca887b ‘slept’ together. Instead, I 82ed8b194b paused and 78bbc425c2 chose more 42f45d917e appropriate words.fe6602013f7724f5

“I can recall enough to guess there was some physical activity due to pheromone influence.”f5fc53dc29d8c531

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“Want me to help you remember more?”74b37993c5a43cdd

“No, thanks.”2e8f13444e901fc1

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I tried to 726b2bb84c pull my upper 18f3ba931f body back immediately ed01264cd7 while denying it, ad325cf0c8 but his hand b806571ace still holding me f08a428a37 prevented it.1d4fe8e2f32cf706

“Let’s talk after you let go.”9d1dd602c08a782f

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“You need to remember more.”6e7526f1ae35d357

“No, not right now…”6138ab533fc41382

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“We were so crazy for each other that night.”a40535d41c0972c6

His voice, 37435f7326 seeping through ef728d0c06 clenched teeth, 82fe2c8ea0 was chillingly 0c04b62cd5 cold. On the other hand, de32872162 his eyes burned like b1c5f2f4da flames that had suddenly 5e695e1b0a ignited. Although the room 6fe35a0558 wasn’t brightly lit, 3fa693b7ec the indirect lighting 8a181e6df5 illuminated only his 204613b833 face as if 19b4d51eea everything else around 1eac22a284 him had been af36b4ceea swallowed by darkness. His lowered 94a93c4e12 voice whispered 57f08a9468 softly, yet a004c12901 it pierced 9b388f6914 my ears bcdc64f7f5 clearly.d2874d6322758d98

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“How deeply I buried myself inside you, and kept moving without rest.”9f81a75716341c92

His gaze glimmered with d1f80920a7 an intensity that was 4ce37bef6f almost frightening.35898aeb5b341ef8

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“Do you even know how much you clung to me? You kept calling my name endlessly while sobbing.”e91d71ccfb82119c

There was a hint 34208ecae0 of anger in his 422de85f48 voice, but strangely, it 8a7f07e748 all sounded like disappointment 9170192694 to me. And because 92f2f63371 of that, c12de7492c I didn’t b4219a0679 even notice ac373d34e5 how my a4ad678e58 face heated fe01fda563 up at c43e4a25d7 his embarrassing 148af7c54a words.3013872058ce6e39

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I had never 40a4c46a98 regretted losing my 5dc6e1cfa0 memories of the 32756d1de4 past 8 years, f1318ae860 but now it d3d1f47485 felt like the 41c71276aa price for those 582d369b11 peaceful 8 years bf9bf4f872 was all coming a507029945 due at once. After a 496ee5f8f7 long silence, 621e2fb29f I finally 79b28260b8 opened my 5e1ea548a8 mouth.867602f6702127f6

“I’m sorry I can’t remember, hyung.”3a5c756462318c1b

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The apology came naturally even though I knew it wasn’t my fault. Fortunately, the hand gripping my shoulder tightened then loosened. Instead, his jaw clenched as if suppressing his feelings.e4117af33d682ac2

“Nothing to be sorry about. I don’t care.”1d72a1e8523a6dd4

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“Are you okay with me not remembering?”959133a1b5e96330

“Yeah.”19abf307e2617c2d

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His decisive answer was 6c1fcc2a45 somewhat unexpected. He clearly c90cdba2d7 seemed disappointed 15a4391653 earlier. While I was gauging 09e1b2b62a the truth of his 75a6841990 answer, he asked expressionlessly.6c6ee61668241d9a

“Do you want to hear everything?”0cb995a0dc0f2968

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Since I couldn’t remember, a983a11b59 it would make sense af944ca9ee to hear it all, 0d347c7304 but I couldn’t just 129a485792 nod.d265ec954b314f8e

“Maybe later. I’ll try to remember more on my own.”548ae5b19f0d0363

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But there was b8f06827a0 one thing I 9b7595355f had to hear.af6987d951e11e34

“Did I consent to the marking?”2c76f226eda52ad1

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Sorry for doubting you, c4629373b6 but the sex education 028597b600 I was taught my 9e3544c20e whole life as an d8e90fb68a Omega played a big 47ee8c08e7 role. I had 49264a7080 it drilled 4c475704a9 into my 97472a9808 head that d278ae2d07 marking must 56a458aef0 be decided 7951a670c4 while in ddad267ebd a rational 6946d4ea85 state and b8b3d8eb46 that you 2382bb41ae should inform 41091a01ee those around cd9691013e you beforehand.090df2d055922c79

So I wanted to e0406792c5 confirm this first. But one corner e34ccb9102 of his lips aa93628f94 twisted upward. It was clearly a 950f5437e4 smile but felt similar 34c144211a to his anger from 1611771cb5 earlier.3172d4cf9475c6f9

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Ah, fuck. I must have agreed 4173798b92 1000%.However, his answer was 2eea4cedd6 a bit different from f632b555c6 what I expected.42d9730a4d6f5a50

“Remember that yourself too.”e9dcce5a09767036

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I was b5e584e229 puzzled by 090f5fd86f his cold dcf9d92148 voice.0aae5e115aa85dd3

“Why? This is a simple question, isn’t it?”cdb035a59d3b788d

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“Your grandfather thought differently. He believed I could lie to you while your memories hadn’t returned. He was very angry.”f6cfd7937cab008e

“You wouldn’t lie to me, would you?”89b8b6fc46a0844a

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“I might. To keep you by my side.”62b490d5daf79168

Nonsense.88215547baf323b3

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“You’re not that kind of person.”ccba635dac2bc924

“What if I am?”9c33c43f941473b2

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“…”0f01b3e422f27795

“You just reached out your hand without meaning anything, but I could have misunderstood that and selfishly marked you.”600bb8107062d2de

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I unconsciously gulped. He watched my wavering 16b3944989 reaction with a cruel e8ebd0793e smile. At this 9bdadcce5c point, I 25c2cbcc67 couldn’t bring 794f71d257 myself to e363c4b34d say something 3932b6d669 like, ‘You’re fc0696c625 not the b96cb59eeb type to 33f3c6f130 lie.’ When 43e819d8b6 I lost d9837d288f my words, 2304d973d8 he suggested e424947524 something.1b0d3589bd5a8f52

“Remember it yourself.”a438583396293164

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Right, I should remember e5ea3ed569 this too.And then I realized.Ah, this 9934ab4f2f is what 8f19e08086 Grandpa was afe1cd0b0a worried about.I think I e2b6c4137a vaguely understood why 48b35e4232 he tried so 33a97027a7 hard to keep df3821d697 him away from 356df8c48c me.12f1e6a4f2905616

While part of it might have been not fully trusting him because he was an Alpha, he probably didn’t trust my choice as an Omega either. Even if I had permitted the marking, it could have been an impulsive decision due to the pheromones. So he must have wanted to confirm it properly when my memories returned. That’s why he stopped him from approaching me until I recovered my memories.1a8098fe6b79caba

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“It’s not like Grandpa hated you. Just look at how he limited it to just 10 years.”bdf358a34ca7805e

He slightly frowned 95b4d87093 as if disagreeing.585f2255ad42d9b7

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“Not just, but a whole 10 years.”75ac0206551ca1b6

“At least it wasn’t 50 years. Otherwise, we’d both be wearing dentures when we met.”0ba79afd2ed7a73d

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“Brushing your teeth well will prevent that.”66b4140e0bbb4c0c

Is this really the 9622f989e8 time to say that?I was speechless. Still, his 4c1479e86a reaction seemed ff6c957a8f to loosen ead9553b4f the stiffness 5696800c76 in my 64437d80b1 body a ad82c10089 little.a9f7acd6c6c2683c

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“That was a figure of speech.”a4f09e8bb4215690

After scolding 641af302ce him, I 162fd19c34 belatedly requested.30dc1e9c4c5be53f

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“I won’t run away because I’m scared, so let go, hyung.”f6a5310100f2844c

He remained debed08c16 silent, his 8f2b9b9098 expression unchanged, 723029ff29 but to b25f182637 me, he 3870e85b22 seemed hesitant. As if b660b34f5b struggling within 04fe5c1dbd himself, his 74707a8fbb eyes wavered 4294351ef5 slightly. It was honestly hard ceedb47308 to adjust to the ab9a187df1 fact that he was 78fdae94b6 showing this kind of 2d334651bf reaction after such a 0240324837 long time apart.dc9b7ef9eeffcee6

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Just when I was wondering if I should push him away first, thankfully his hand came down from my shoulder. But instead of letting go, it traced down my arm and stopped at my hand. He didn’t exactly hold it though. He just placed his hand over mine and slowly rubbed my hand with his thumb. When I instinctively tried to pull my hand away, he asked.75f46bec546bbc99

“Don’t you want to remember?”59ebf4cbf2397c8d

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“Will this make me remember?”3a17322e4e552483

“You might remember if you smell my pheromones.”df86ed04af226143

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…I’ll pass on that.The unfamiliar stimulation felt 7292b33791 strange and repulsive. Of course, 30ec7734b0 this kind da66b48008 of skinship a12c5b5457 also felt 48e7bd5d76 awkward and 21ab675857 ticklish. A mix of panic 540e534955 and an odd heat 7fcec89471 spread through me.8d0517d6e19080b1

If just holding 9e53a23d3d hands feels like a6521636aa this, we must b350ca05ee have spent quite 75cce0d248 an embarrassing night, 169706f6f9 huh? Since I had never experienced the influence of pheromones in my whole life –that I remember–, it felt even more unreal. That’s why I felt pathetic for freezing up at this small touch. Trying to appear unaffected, I bluntly asked.184413b3f1914bc3

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“I remember everything except that last night. But in my memories, you didn’t seem to like me.”baf2720554c1ab74

Well, I did suspect you might have had some interest in me. When someone so cold treats you nicely in subtle ways, wouldn’t anyone get their hopes up? That’s why I naively tried to hold your hand at the beach…Remembering that cdccf32826 made my 78b6e47c42 mood sink. Then came c25d936e92 his slow daa432502d reply.5a6bf123bc203c6f

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“I did like you.”6a0dd513091eed9c

Right, so you said.I still 990b6b8cbf remember what a4d71b010b he said e5860f1eab at the 737b8773bf art hall.e895df9ec3fe4234

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‘My feelings haven’t changed. They’ve never decreased even once in 8 years.’95ff1bfe6bc99fa7

That was quite shocking. When exactly did he start liking me? Honestly, I couldn’t believe it.f9f2161219de4394

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“Did you perhaps develop feelings after that, um, crazy, ahem, that last day?”6e95be27f9595547

“I already answered. I said they never decreased.”6acb6b69893bc798

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“That’s why I’m curious about when it started.”55412cba94f221d3

“From the beginning.”37c48ddbb0c9552f

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Everything I learned 42713079ad today was shocking, 11e961a30d but nothing compared f24ad40f08 to this one afae6d0746 phrase. Did shock a6a8018680 and disbelief 501bed1d9e show on 73d6d835b3 my face? He confessed calmly,c903f54704195686

“From the moment I first saw you.”27b042a656015802

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If someone asked me when I started liking Kim Cheolsoo, I couldn’t give an exact answer. Because I don’t know it either. I think my feelings for him probably grew slowly like clothes getting wet in a drizzle, and at some point my heart started fluttering when I saw him.494e2729bdcfa363

Moreover, Kim Cheolsoo back then was definitely not someone you’d fall for at first sight. He only said what was necessary, and if anyone bothered him beyond that, he would throw that cold gaze of his.8024321695415639

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It was probably a few weeks after I started my part-time job. At the convenience store, we kept boxes separately to give to an old man who collected waste paper, but something must have happened to him as he hadn’t come for a while. So when the boxes piled up until there was nowhere to put them, I asked him when he came at midnight.62c0720d708d6861

‘What should we do with the boxes? Is there somewhere to store them?’610488c559ce8fdf

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His look 595257fd8b then was 4a5ee8fdfd exactly like 7e83377cde saying, ‘why f243793a5c are you 353068865e talking to f155808f1e me?’ Although f822c1e915 I had 2e1051da0b gotten used c758d259ed to his 27b5f711c4 cold responses 27742037b5 over those 414b8655dd weeks, I 2424a9a06a unconsciously flinched. He had an excellent 085aa95620 talent for making others 3f0c6f9646 feel like the most c845168c47 useless person in the d68e475520 world just with his f3cbe4f699 gaze.edfc01c8c6ac778a

He silently turned and moved to where the boxes were piled, then carried them to the back of the building. Was there a place to store boxes there? No. It was the recycling area. That’s when I realized. Ah, right. We can e5e2468fa1 just recycle 60595660a4 the boxes.I had fd673c43f9 forgotten this 040ff1da6a because I 4b05391746 always gave 0c1a4a8c09 them to 7010c00b5f the old b3bc9e3654 man even cca7fd27e5 though it 153268e544 was basic 0cd51b8e98 common sense.d189c4c6b0ae0202

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Feeling embarrassed, I followed b24c484a7e him and rambled on 5659cbdfb3 with excuses, saying I 9fcd069515 thought we had to 278d757ea1 save them all for 4ef2dd36f9 the old man, what 648c340dc9 if the old man aa720565eb feels hurt if we 1979a63043 recycled everything, and so 311a5cbb1b on.8b7c958acfa08805

I think I just f91965c0e3 blurted out anything because 0037b3ce5f I was embarrassed. When we returned 5bbf5594c7 to the convenience 669450c348 store, he turned ef8d5d24ce and looked at a4a30d8527 me with those be35f610bf cold eyes of f88ad95898 his. And for the first 4460ef5dfc time that day, he d84dae68f7 opened his mouth.85b17398aa73939d

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‘The cash register?’51bfbabb9f860cbd

That was also da2922a6a4 his last words b2e0d82bc6 of the day. While heading home 749066f55c after work, I 98fb1a855d had a brief ffa9df0e3b thought.Kim Cheolsoo might 6f108ea714 have lived alone 0ca0547b85 his whole life. That’s how unimaginable it was that he liked someone. So when I heard his confession much later, I could only have one reaction.63d8df49fdfa3f48

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From the moment he d228632019 first saw me?97646be8e71b647b

Before my brain 3ad690e020 could process it, eced46e621 my honest response 44438cc1ab slipped out.4c460db0d42dc432

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“No way.”e331de0164e32106

Only after 1bec9a6827 saying it fde8c26ce2 did I 5133e3f0e2 realize this 16bb02a217 was possibly a223aa5f9a the worst cff4c3a1b5 response to e31132ad95 a confession, 14635062f6 but that 2dfa63b332 was a de2519b195 problem for 93ce9e6578 later. Those serious e144b6c08a eyes, that 24a5bc3ef1 low voice, c75a861a65 and the d67128738f way he 09f550a3e7 looked at 51750eb32b me as 565c09fe15 if I 805e1e2928 were the 3421d589f4 only person 5c53e98126 in the 13c5d88e74 world—it was e9c20360bd all unbearably ba53423fd2 sweet and 71d7a90a44 overwhelming. But my disbelief was f9b3db34e6 stronger than all of f9dad75c2b it. As I stared 19e1d359e8 back at him 4559fb6c98 defiantly, he silently e6d339f647 gazed down at 1c5b9d1b6b me and dropped eb4381b6d3 one word.f2ed5b56efb976d7

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“Really?”b66b566b4a0ef38b

“Of course. Back then you treated me like I was an ant passing under your feet.”2d6f4704ee85326c

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“Then you must have been the most precious ant in the world.”f52af8c03b347a9c

This is… this is cheating. When you say such sweet words with such a blunt voice, it makes me want to believe it’s real.I was at 1e3493b305 a loss for dbeda45134 words and looked c50fd0ed35 at him before 4b9f0de96e turning away first. It felt like 28dab84232 my neck was 1da7ea7625 getting hot.Why am 104a580c82 I so 1f7bb26175 embarrassed?I tried to 88e5823eb2 focus on my 5950739165 disbelief again to 3b89658653 push away these 3f774a6e26 feelings.23f856a4cea9b3db

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“I told you. I remember everything except the last day. But you seemed to treat me like an ant you didn’t step on because it was bothersome, not a precious one. Did you lose your memories too?”4b0edead2e8824be

“No.”87d01b30e4efc397

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“Then you must be mistak…”db1d8fe853ea78fd

He didn’t stop my words, but I couldn’t just keep denying. There was certainty about his feelings in that firm gaze. When I closed my mouth, after a while he touched upon my uncomfortable truth.cce3336e5d0be965

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“Did I misunderstand it then?”851f2827cb9f7a46

“Misunderstand what?”b4593b021efebceb

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“That you liked me.”e58a576801ddfff0

Ah, you knew about 33b165f85f that? Well, given that we 32c90450b4 spent that wild night e543547933 together…I shook my head 440a9860de while lowering my gaze c05b51ba05 in embarrassment.398dd4467c6cc843

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“You didn’t.”7138c270fdf24c99

Since it bfe6d615e9 was about 1e96a3eb83 the past, 36588e64e0 it wasn’t b0c98c6271 a difficult d81b302f0c answer. But the next ca7aad6b34 question stopped me 7eaf8078d4 in my tracks.3317db1bca2afcb5

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“What about now?”1fa387ba600e5816

“…”9449782811ecbc1e

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Even though I hadn’t committed any crime, I couldn’t lift my eyes. The longer I kept my mouth shut, the more it felt like the oxygen was being depleted from this place. Just as I was about to make a belated excuse, I heard his words first.ddb17c0068f7d485

“It’s fine.”90927e209fa497ed

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He muttered expressionlessly ffc69a550b while letting go 8693a455bc of my hand. Then he e9caad9aec patted my a597fab099 head once 27ed791efe and suggested,f585c2c9cfee8126

“Get some rest now.”4dbee09e1120bcc1

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***ebeaf61c1f68fe58

Although today had felt long, the longest moment by far was the conversation with hyung. That brief time, not even 10 minutes, dominated my entire day. I don’t even know how I managed to leave that place. When I came to my senses, I was in my room, and the door had just closed behind me with a thud.52bf8958bd2e0d5d

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I stood in the darkness, unable to even turn on the lights, and squeezed my eyes shut. Jaeheon hyung’s voice had been completely devoid of emotion, so why was I so anxious that he might have been hurt? Maybe it was because of that final ‘it’s fine.’ It sounded like he was saying it to himself.959f3e07e6844da5

So I couldn’t think about turning on the lights and just slumped down on the bed. Then I started spilling out delayed excuses. Eight years had passed, after all. I had lost my memory in the middle. Besides, we weren’t even officially dating—we were just flirting, and then it ended… or at least that’s what I remember.ae42bf712b075979

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I shouldn’t feel guilty just because my feelings aren’t the same as back then. When I see him now, I get nervous and my heart flutters a bit, but that’s all. It’s probably just the influence of my memories of liking him before. So it’s not love.eb6f0f68903d875c

I made excuses 2d2337f186 to myself again.1211a3fb0ba68f8a

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He wasn’t in my life for 8 years. It can’t be helped. If anything, he’s the weird one for maintaining his feelings for 8 years based on a single memory. I did nothing wrong.2f717b92707fe87e

No matter how many times I told myself this and understood it, the feeling of guilt wouldn’t easily fade. The fact that he had left an impression on me, and that I was forced to stay in an unfamiliar place for my safety, seemed almost trivial in comparison. I lay on the bed, staring blankly into the darkness, and asked myself.62bd0efc5c3e511e

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What should I do d452431e53 from now on?1c0854a5244e0e18

It felt uncomfortable to accept Jaeheon hyung’s feelings as they were. It seemed too burdensome to start casually dating given how strong his feelings appeared to be. Plus, I didn’t even remember everything that happened between us.e581274bde429161

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Well, maybe hyung isn’t trying to date me right away either. He said he was willing to wait 10 years, so maybe he could wait a bit longer. As I was thinking about this simplistically and considering actually going to sleep, my eyes suddenly flew open. I remembered something I’d forgotten. Ice cream!acf38f38867afd9b

I jumped up, opened the door, and ran to the living room. The ice cream I hadn’t even taken a bite of was still on the table. But I couldn’t run any further to save the ice cream. Jaeheon hyung was sitting on the sofa, staring at that ice cream.4137fb903512a056

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He was so deep in thought that he didn’t even notice me coming, just staring at the melted ice cream. Although he was just sitting there expressionlessly without moving, I don’t know why that sight tugged at my heart again.9e1e3ff811c2ef31

“Hyung.”04d5e13d9194d422

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Flinch.His shoulders a69dcff252 reacted and a04731b96a he turned 79e30705be his head. Since he just c44b913cf0 stared at me 4d345d2e97 silently, I spoke 00f5d08f52 first.422da21aaeeef3ed

“We need to put the ice cream in the freezer quickly, why are you just staring at it?”09514115209211cf

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Since he still showed no sign of moving, I quickly approached the table. Although it was half-melted, it wouldn’t kill anyone to refreeze and eat it. As I quickly reached out to save the ice cream, he stood up and stopped me.b87d347142c0301b

“Leave it.”9850a627b2fe934c

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“I can’t leave it. It’s all melted. We should refreeze it, it’s a waste.”0b21fd2508c0dcef

“I’ll buy you another one.”b13eee014b97cbba

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No, that’s not the issue…4e58ff752e82d16a

“Now I can buy it for you.”2468c3134553f29d

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“…”11facfc55bf8c657

“I’ll buy you hundreds every day if you want.”efa2689c73ebe55f

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“If I ate that much, I’d have a stomach ache for a hundred years.”44033472c20ffc8c

I tried to respond 13a23958e2 casually, but my voice e245f3f809 cracked at the end. I thought it b6018f11ec was silly to 376b36f2e3 make such a a539acb555 big deal about 6c0b64b5e1 buying ice cream, 90f7c0a251 but my heart e1e68af80e felt different. It felt 0a3c0c34ff like someone daad9e9145 had squeezed 30ab6bbde8 it tight 4fe838142f and let cc77ab941a go again.68e57fece844b15d

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“I’ll take responsibility for that.”1e9426d99b6a7758

This time I 1004b8521e failed at pretending bc89f4ef5e to be nonchalant. His emotionless b6440768b9 voice and 58c69be4dc eyes filled be2e572ebb with suppressed 9aaaed5285 feelings mercilessly d1057bcded struck down 2c4863d98c my attempt b73a54c3fa to keep 44ec385989 things light.da054649fee7d308

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“…The country will take responsibility for my health since I diligently pay my health insurance.”92f20633ab081257

I muttered in response while avoiding his gaze. I clearly wasn’t myself today. The person before me looked like someone who wouldn’t bat an eye at any insult in the world, and his current expressionless face proved that.18288ce1eb493be5

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But I don’t know why I keep thinking he feels hurt. I wasn’t sure if this was my own delusion or some intuition that only worked with him. Still, I found myself speaking in a consoling way without realizing it.608719b6466811dd

“Still, buy me one again. I should have received one 8 years ago after all.”1b1667d7a115c52f

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“…”c00182d2b60b92e8

“If you really want to buy them, maybe get me two.”770b005ff9acaf2e

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“Were you disappointed?”1dfed1a82018bb49

“About what?”97927a98007d8700

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“That I didn’t buy it for you 8 years ago.”9f7e969cc13f279b

Oh, come on.I smiled and waved 497db618cd my hand.4b18f96101b6aa11

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“Why would I be disappointed about that? It’s nothing… really.”5e18a381f83d8894

It’s a delusion. I’m misunderstanding it.I repeated it c009307aaa like a mantra 0f9befee27 in my head, aad2f2e99b but lost confidence 2b362830cd while looking at 218be7e739 those sunken black 1e6d5ac289 eyes watching me. I suddenly realized 6869a7389e how differently memories 2fca86ac88 can weigh on 9c8a2ade15 people, like comparing 880a3a2409 a feather to 0f82263a27 a massive piece 3be1feecd2 of iron.665fe210c02caaef

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“I’ll try eating up to three.”b1be85eb88d425a3

“It’s fine.”3b255c52b3e6f4db

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No, this time it wasn’t fine. That emotionless ‘it’s fine’ felt like it had transformed from a feather into an iron beam, hitting me.f395730517fd8116

59d92f51f56b05cd

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