LD Chapter 9

Leaning against the front door, I stared blankly at my small studio apartment. A strange chill ran down my spine, and the hairs on my arms stood on end. The familiar surroundings and familiar scents brought the unfamiliar reality into sharp focus that I had spent the entire night with Ha Jungyoon at a hotel, and we had agreed to become… sex partners.

My life hadn’t been very long, but it had been uneventful and smooth, never once straying from its course. I never imagined such a dramatic event would disrupt my peaceful existence.

“Ha, I really don’t know anymore.”

A sex partner with a gay classmate because of my erectile dysfunction. I felt like I had become obsessed with sex.

…No, I was obsessed. I was definitely crazy.

Attention, neighbors! 

There’s a college student living here who is obsessed with physical pleasure! 

Evacuate the premises!

I trudged over to my bed and collapsed face-first onto it. As I rubbed my cheek against the soft blanket, sleepiness washed over me. Come to think of it, I hadn’t slept properly for even three hours. Ha Jungyoon had clung to me until the very end.

The constant stimulation and pleasure had brought tears streaming down on my face, blurring my vision throughout our… activities. I was so shocked to see how puffy my eyelids were when I showered earlier.

Despite being ravaged all night, I hadn’t doubted Ha Jungyoon’s skill for a second, not even when I woke up this morning until Ha Jungyoon said, “I’m gay,” with his own mouth. No, it was more accurate to say that I hadn’t had the time to doubt him. 

My penis, which had been dormant since my first wet dream, had finally awakened, and it was a male classmate who had awakened it. I had been masturbating to thoughts of him, and now we had actually had sex. The series of events had already overloaded my system.

Too drained to even move a finger, I just stared blankly at the ceiling.

By the way, if even the experienced Ha Jungyoon was that into it, didn’t that mean I was… talented?

…I’ve really lost it. Completely lost it.

As I wallowed in self-loathing, flopping around on my bed, my phone vibrated in my hand.

「Ha Jungyoon: Hey, sex partner」

“Dammit!”

I bolted upright and quickly typed a reply.

「Don’t call me that」

「Ha Jungyoon: What’s wrong with calling a sex partner a sex partner?」

「Ha Jungyoon: Let me call you hot sex partner」

「Are you crazy?」

「No, that’s not what I meant」

「Don’t say ‘hey’ either」

「No way」

「And don’t call me sex partner」

「Ha Jungyoon: Why can’t I say ‘hey’? Let me say ‘hey’ ‘hey’」

「It reminds me of Choi Taeyoung」

「Ha Jungyoon: Hey」

「Ha Jungyoon: Ah」

「Ha Jungyoon: I take it back」

「Ha Jungyoon: I really hate it when you say that」

「Why did you message me?」

「Ha Jungyoon: Just because」

「Ha Jungyoon: Did you get home okay?」

「Yeah」

「Ha Jungyoon: Get some rest」

「Okay」

「Ha Jungyoon: You too」

I lay back down and reread our messages. Judging from our conversation, we were just… classmates. Just because Ha Jungyoon was gay didn’t mean he suddenly became a different person, and just because we agreed to become sex partners didn’t mean we would suddenly do obscene things all the time.

Looking at the ordinary chat log, my complicated feelings seemed to ease a bit. I sat up and threw my phone onto the bed. I started to take off my clothes, then froze, staring at the hickeys and bite marks all over my body so I quickly grabbed my pajamas and put them on.

Even if things didn’t seem to change on the surface, they weren’t the same as before.

* * *

One of the things that became easier after agreeing to this… arrangement with Ha Jungyoon was that I didn’t have to avoid him or pretend not to notice him anymore. And I didn’t have to endure Choi Taeyoung’s constant complaints about him.

“Ah, I really hated that.”

I walked to my usual seat in the back of the lecture hall, and the juniors greeted me.

“Hello, hyung.”

“Ah, hi.”

As I acknowledged their greetings and scanned the room, Choi Taeyoung, sitting in the middle, leaned back in his chair and called out to me.

“Hey, Woo Hyunsoo. You should greet your hyung first when you…”

“Woo Hyunsoo.”

His rambling was cut short.

“Want some?”

Ha Jungyoon, who sitting next to me, offered me a cup of coffee. An Iced Americano with extra crushed ice. It was my favorite coffee.

“Oh, coffee? Thanks.”

“Hey, Ha Jungyoon. When you see your hyung…”

“Yes, hello. Were you not tired that day? I completely passed out as soon as I got home.”

Passed out? Ha Jungyoon had been full of energy, even when I left him at the hotel and got into a taxi first. His face had been practically glowing.

“That disrespectful bastard.”

Choi Taeyoung, annoyed by Ha Jungyoon’s perfunctory greeting, grumbled something under his breath, but Ha Jungyoon ignored him. Finding it satisfying and also a little funny, I put the straw in my mouth and chuckled.

“And you?”

Me? I passed out cold. 

Worrying and agonizing was something you could only do when you had the energy for it, and I had none left. I fell asleep the moment my head hit the pillow and didn’t wake up until after sunset.

“I just… crashed.”

There was no reason to hide anything or act tough in front of Ha Jungyoon now. I sucked on the straw, and the bitter coffee, along with the ice, went down my throat.

“Ahh.”

This is the life.

Ha Jungyoon’s eyes crinkled as he watched me finding meaning in life from a single sip of coffee.

“You sound like an old man.”

…Whatever.

Near the end of the lecture, I received a message from Kim Jooyeon. I discreetly checked it under my desk to hide from the professor. She was asking if I wanted to have lunch together, knowing I didn’t have any other plans.

「Okay」

「Kim Jooyeon: Meet me in front of the cafeteria. Bring Ha Jungyoon too.」

「Yeah」

After briefly exchanging messages, I put my phone back in my pocket and whispered to Ha Jungyoon,

“Are you having lunch with the other guys again today?”

“No.”

“Then let’s have lunch with Kim Jooyeon later. Meet at the cafeteria.”

“Okay.”

“Kim Jooyeon thinks we had a fight.”

“Now you understand how awkward you were being last week.”

“The professor’s talking. Pay attention.”

“You started it.”

“……”

“Class dismissed. See you next week.”

Our bickering continued until the lecture ended.

“Ah, I missed the last part because of Woo Hyunsoo.”

“Let’s go, I’m hungry.”

“Seriously, this professor always summarizes the main points at the end. Ah, because of Woo Hyunsoo.”

“Yeah, see ya. See you tomorrow. Yeah. Bye.”

I nodded, smiling kindly at the juniors as they passed by us. Then, I quickly gathered my things and stood up.

“Are you coming or not?”

Ha Jungyoon grumbled as he gathered his things, stood up, and looked at me with a dissatisfied expression.

“By the way, Woo Hyunsoo.”

“What now?”

Having exposed ourselves, both physically and emotionally, sharing secrets no one else knew, Ha Jungyoon and I had become closer. He felt a bit easier to be around now.

As I slung my backpack over my shoulder, wondering what kind of joke he was about to unleash, Ha Jungyoon leaned down and whispered in my ear,

“Are we doing it again today?”

If my senses were right, his lips definitely brushed against my earlobe. My eyes widened in shock, and I quickly looked around. Fortunately, all the other students had already left the lecture hall.

“Hey! Ha Jungyoon!”

I let out a muffled shriek, unable to yell properly, and Ha Jungyoon chuckled and slung his arm around my shoulder.

“Let’s go. Kim Jooyeon’s  waiting.”

As Ha Jungyoon dragged me along, I didn’t even think to shake his arm off my shoulder.

* * *

Kim Jooyeon, seeing me and Ha Jungyoon walking together, nodded solemnly with an expression like… someone important from up North¹ and clapped her hands with a serious nod. Even after we entered the cafeteria and got our food, she kept glancing back and forth between us with a satisfied expression.

“Good. This is it, this is what I wanted.”

“Just eat your food.”

“You eat yours.”

“…I am eating.”

“Where’s Chanyoung?”

I had been wondering why Kim Jooyeon, who had been inseparable from Jung Chanyoung since the start of the semester, was alone today. Ha Jungyoon asked the question for me.

“He has a group project meeting.”

“By the way, how did you two start dating? You weren’t that close during our freshman year.”

Somehow, the topic of conversation shifted to Kim Jooyeon and Jung Chanyoung’s relationship. I perked up my ears, picking up a piece of my rolled omelet.

“Chanyoung confessed.”

“Jung Chanyoung confessed first?”

“Yeah.”

“And you just accepted?”

“Yeah, I find courageous men attractive.”

Her casual tone made my chest tighten. I didn’t bother wondering if things would have been different if I had been a little more courageous. I wasn’t that pathetic. I was just relieved that I had successfully hidden my feelings. Then, a chilling thought suddenly crossed my mind.

But what if… what if it wasn’t like that? 

What if Kim Jooyeon had known all along?

My fingertips went cold. I had been staring down at my tray, and now I hesitantly looked up at Kim Jooyeon. She narrowed her eyes, her chopsticks slowing down.

“…What are you looking at? It’s annoying. Just eat.”

I abruptly ended the one-man drama I’d been playing out in my head and quietly continued eating.

“Be good to each other.”

Kim Jooyeon left a parting message like a principal giving a commencement speech and went to meet Jung Chanyoung. As I watched her receding figure, her long hair swaying, Ha Jungyoon nudged my shoulder with his.

“Let’s go.”

“Yeah,” I replied, tearing my gaze away from Kim Jooyeon, and followed Ha Jungyoon.

I attended the afternoon lecture with Ha Jungyoon as well.

We had barely acknowledged each other during our freshman year, and now… life was truly unpredictable. But weren’t sex partners supposed to just… have sex? Was it okay for us to be attending classes and having meals together like this? Usually, people just contacted each other when they wanted to have sex, did their thing, and went their separate ways.

“Hey, Ha Jungyoon.”

“Yeah?”

Ha Jungyoon looked down at me with a smile when I called his name. I tilted my head back slightly, looking up at him, and suddenly realized how tall he was. Really, really tall. So, instead of what I had intended to ask, a different question popped out of my mouth.

“How tall are you?”

“Um, the last time I checked, it was either 189 or 190, somewhere around there.”

“…Really?”

There was about a 12cm difference between us. Unbelievable.

Looking at his delicate, pretty face, I would have assumed he had a slender build, but contrary to that, Ha Jungyoon was huge. The difference between him sitting down and standing up was striking. Last night, he had held me from behind, his chest pressed against my back, and I could barely breathe.

“Are you hot? Your face is red. Do you have a cold? Should we walk further apart?”

“…Do you want me to just disappear?”

I ignored Ha Jungyoon as he took a few steps back with a serious expression and I continued walking, looking straight ahead. Then, I turned around, realizing he wasn’t following me.

“Ah.”

Ha Jungyoon covered his mouth with both hands when our eyes met. But I could still see the corners of his eyes crinkling with amusement. I raised an eyebrow, silently asking “what?” and Ha Jungyoon lowered his hands and looked me up and down.

“Ah, Woo Hyunsoo, seriously. Having dirty thoughts in broad daylight. You’re such a pervert.”

…Is he crazy?

I didn’t think he was worth engaging with, so I started walking again. Ha Jungyoon quickly caught up and flicked my earlobe, which was burning hot.

“Hey!”

Was I really this emotional, childish, simple-minded, and easily provoked by such trivial things? Absolutely not. Why did I keep acting like this around Ha Jungyoon? And I didn’t think Ha Jungyoon was like this before either. Did people’s personalities change after having sex?

“If you want to do something dirty, we can. Isn’t that what we agreed on?”

He spoke casually, his hand in his pocket, one shoulder lifted and then lowered, as if he was talking about someone else. This nonchalant attitude was more like the Ha Jungyoon I knew. Staring at his relaxed expression, I suddenly had a hunch that Ha Jungyoon might be even more experienced than I’d thought. With that face and body, he could probably top anyone, regardless of their… preferences.

“Do you… have anyone else besides me?”

“What?”

“You know… that.”

“What is ‘that’?”

Sex, partner… these were still terms unfamiliar to me. Ha Jungyoon mimicked my stammering.

“Are you talking about… sex partners?”

“Wow… you’re so casual about it.”

“…Unbelievable.” I grumbled, feeling strangely defeated by his casualness, and Ha Jungyoon looked at me, bewildered. Then, his expression suddenly turned serious.

“Woo Hyunsoo.”

“What.”

“Let’s add another condition.”

“What is it?”

“No other sex partners.”

Ugh, you idiot.

I clicked my tongue inwardly. He could afford to be carefree, being Mr. Gay King, but my situation was different. I was someone who couldn’t even imagine holding hands with another guy.

Wait, is Ha Jungyoon making fun of me?

As I narrowed my eyes and glared at him, Ha Jungyoon leaned against a wall, crossing his arms and legs. It was a very offensive, yet simultaneously defensive posture.

“Hah… Look, who else, what else do I even have besides you right now?”

This wasn’t something to be proud of or boast about. From the beginning, I had started this game with all my cards on the table with Ha Jungyoon.

“What kind of nonsense are you talking about? I can’t even get hard with anyone else but you…”

At this point, it was meaningless to hide anything from him in this situation.

“…Right.”

After a moment of silence, Ha Jungyoon finally spoke.

“That’s right, you only get hard for me. There’s no one else who can make you hard. I’m the only one who can make you hard and make you come. You only get hard and cum in my hand…”

He was getting a little carried away. I quickly covered his mouth with my hand and looked around.

“Ah, seriously!”

I could vividly feel his lips curving into a smile against my palm. The heat made me quickly pull my hand away.

“I get it, I get it. And you shouldn’t have any other… you know.”

“Of course not. I only get hard for you these days.”

His words had zero credibility, but I felt pathetically relieved. It would be… unsettling if Ha Jungyoon was doing… things with other guys and also doing things with me.

And I was still processing the concept of Ha Jungyoon being gay. I thought it would be too much for me to handle if I actually witnessed his… gay private life.

“Whatever.”

“So we have a mutual agreement?”

“Ha, fine.”

Even that short conversation was exhausting.

Could I really maintain this relationship? 

By the way, were there other people besides me who knew that Ha Jungyoon was gay? 

Were there any in this school?

As I walked, staring at Ha Jungyoon lost in thought, he raised an eyebrow at me.

“What are you looking at? Never seen a handsome guy before?”

His shameless words infuriated me, leaving me speechless.

* * *

As I left the classroom after the afternoon lecture, Ha Jungyoon followed me out.

“Why, what’s up?”

“Aren’t we doing it again tonight?”

“…Did we agree to that?”

“What’s with that expression?”

I must have been making a disgruntled face unconsciously.

“Whatever, if you don’t want to.”

“No, it’s just…”

I scratched my cheek and then hesitantly started,

“Um, do you… always have to go to a hotel?”

“Huh?”

Ha Jungyoon looked a bit taken aback as if he hadn’t expected me to bring this up.

Both times, it had been the same hotel. The hotel is famous for its shaved ice in the summer and its limited-edition Christmas cakes in the winter. I had only heard of it since I had never stayed there myself until I went with Ha Jungyoon.

And both times, Ha Jungyoon had paid for the room. If we went to a hotel again, I wanted to pay this time, but after looking up the price last night, the room rate was much higher than I had anticipated.

Of course, I could pay for it, but spending half my monthly allowance on one night required some serious consideration.

“Ah, what the. Were you calculating that in your head?”

“No… not really calculating, but… it’s important to be clear about money matters, you know?”

“Hmm. So you’re saying you want to pay for the room tonight?”

“Yeah, I want to, but…”

I trailed off, glancing at Ha Jungyoon cautiously.

“Then we’ll go wherever you want.”

“Wherever I want?”

“Yeah. The one who pays gets to choose.”

Ha Jungyoon was trying to be considerate in his own way. There was no reason to refuse his consideration.

“Okay. Then let’s go here.”

I tapped on my phone and showed him one of the hotels I had bookmarked last night as a plan B. Ha Jungyoon chuckled.

“Ah, you sly pervert. You’ve already picked a place.”

“……”

…Did I choose the wrong person?

Looking at him smirking, his arms crossed over his chest, I suddenly felt uneasy.