LD Chapter 8

The feeling of fullness was intense. Each time he thrust back in, a sharp pain shot through me. Come to think of it, Ha Jungyoon had touched and sucked me off, but I hadn’t even seen his. But I didn’t really need to. I could picture it perfectly in my mind, my inner walls clenching around his penis.

“Seriously…”

“Seriously, ha, what? Huh? Woo Hyunsoo.”

“You’re annoying.”

I muttered, trying to hold onto my fading consciousness, and a barrage of kisses rained down on my face.

“How can you… ah! Ow, don’t move!”

“Why? Why am I annoying?”

He asked, his voice laced with a hint of anxiety as he pressed against me.

“Ah… mm… hey…!”

Ha Jungyoon wrapped his arms around my head and rolled his hips and goosebumps erupted all over my body.

“Hey, don’t be annoyed.”

“Haa… I’m annoyed. I said I’m annoyed.”

“Whyyyy…”

“Why is your dick so big too?”

Tears welled up in my eyes, lamenting the unfairness of the world. I knew I didn’t look good, whimpering and whining, but I didn’t need to look good in this situation where Ha Jungyoon’s penis pounded into me, and it was difficult to do so.

At my words, Ha Jungyoon froze, staring down at me with a slightly dazed expression. Did I look that pathetic? Just as a fleeting regret washed over me, Ha Jungyoon buried his face in my shoulder and burst out laughing. Every tremor of his laughter sent vibrations through the cock buried inside me. My toes curled.

“D-Don’t laugh.”

“Ha… what am I going to do with you?”

“What am I… mm… supposed to do…”

It was absurd. Who was the one pinned down here, barely able to speak while taking in such a ridiculously massive cock? 

“Wai… wait… ah, I, it really hurts.”

Tears rolled down my temples. Seeing me on the verge of tears, Ha Jungyoon kissed my forehead repeatedly and moved his hips very slowly. His penis, which had been relentlessly pushing deeper, nudged against a sensitive spot inside me.

“Ahh…”

“But Woo Hyunsoo.”

At that moment, the pain subsided slightly, and my muscles relaxed. I moaned, shaking my head, as an unfamiliar, intense sensation coursed through my lower back.

“I’m not all the way in yet.”

With those words, his hips, which had pulled back, snapped forward harder than before. Then, he started thrusting in and out at a speed much faster than before. My legs, which had been dangling in the air, hurriedly wrapped around his thick torso.

The head of his penis hit that sensitive spot again and again. A sudden jolt of pleasure clashed with the pain. It felt like my entire body was being caressed by warm, soft fingers. The muscles in my thighs tightened, and my hole clenched around him in response. A heavy groan escaped Ha Jungyoon’s lips. My own penis, which had somehow become hard again, shook against my stomach with each thrust. Ha Jungyoon reached down and grabbed it, his upper body rising and falling with each movement.

Couldn’t I just be in pain or aroused? Not both at the same time?

I pulled Ha Jungyoon’s neck down and rubbed his cheek against mine, and his grip on my penis tightened. He started thrusting into me faster.

“Ah… ah…! Wait… mmgh… mm!”

There was no way I could withstand this relentless onslaught of sensations. His thumb pressed hard against my perineum. I pounded on his back with my fists, but it seemed to have no effect.

I came as he squeezed and rolled his fingers around my glans. My eyes, blurry with arousal, looked down at my penis in a daze as it spurted out the last drops of semen.

…Was I really one of those people who enjoyed pain…?

“Cr… crazy.”

“I’m the one who’s going crazy.”

Ha Jungyoon licked my lips, which were parted in shock, and then sat up, spreading my knees wide. He grabbed the backs of my knees and pushed them down, lifting my hips and pulling his penis out.

“Ahh!”

The thick and sticky fluids that had been filling me spilled out, running down my ass.

“Let me come first.”

Ha Jyungyoon thrust his hips hard, burying himself to the root, and then reached forward to stroke my limp penis.

“And then I’ll make you come again.”

The sight of his sweat-slicked, muscular body and his flushed, seductive face made me dizzy.

I think I’d stumbled into a very intense world.

As if to make up for lost time, I came countless times throughout the night. I panicked when I started coming in clear fluid instead of semen, and Ha Jungyoon reassured me that it was fine. I cried pathetically, asking how he could possibly know that, and he just thrust his tongue into my mouth without answering.

Ha Jungyoon was relentless, as if this was his only chance, and I had to endure it all. Eventually, all sensations were heightened to the extreme, to the point where I couldn’t distinguish between pain and pleasure.

Sex… is intense. It requires stamina.

Even in my fading consciousness, I couldn’t help but be impressed. Ha Jungyoon, showing no signs of fatigue, kept thrusting with the same intensity as before. Just before coming, he pulled out and came on my back, then held me from behind, kissing my shoulder, neck, and earlobe. His semen smeared across my back and his stomach.

It wasn’t just my back. He spread his semen all over my body, on the entrance of my hole, on my penis, on my thighs, on my nipples, like an animal marking its territory. I was lost in the sight of him coming, his left eye squeezed shut, a short breath escaping his lips, and suddenly, I felt the warm splash of semen somewhere on my skin.

His arms around my chest felt constricting, so I frowned and turned to look at him. Ha Jungyoon nuzzled his cheek against mine like a spoiled child.

“What are you doing…?”

“What?”

His shameless expression left me speechless.

…Forget it.

My head felt foggy, like I had drunk three bottles of soju without any food.

Ha, I didn’t know anymore. 

He seemed to have enjoyed it, and I… well, it hurt, but I enjoyed it too, so it was fine, right? 

I thought, my mind as muddled as a lukewarm iced Americano, blinking slowly before drifting off to sleep.

* * *

This time, when I opened my eyes, I wasn’t surprised to see Ha Jungyoon next to me. I just felt… complicated. Even if Ha Jungyoon had gone along with it, I was the one who, drunk out of my mind, started talking about my sexual inexperience, my erectile dysfunction, my ex-girlfriend dumping me, and everything else. And I was the one who had made such an unreasonable request to Han Jungyoon, wanting to confront my problem.

I stared at Ha Jungyoon’s face, clean and refreshed despite our… activities until the early hours of the morning.

“Ugh…”

I sighed deeply, and Ha Jungyoon mumbled, his eyes still closed,

“Hey, haven’t you been sighing in my face too much lately?”

His voice was clear, not a trace of sleepiness in it.

“Are you awake?” I asked, and he opened his eyes.

“Yeah.”

“Then why were you pretending to be asleep…?”

“So you wouldn’t be embarrassed when you ran away?”

Apparently, he had seen me scrambling to escape while pretending to be asleep that first time too.

“Back then…”

Of course, I wasn’t in my right mind. Wouldn’t it be stranger if I was? Even thinking about it now made me anxious. And he was the one who pretended to be asleep after being just as flustered.

I’d been subtly avoiding his gaze, but I took a deep breath and looked directly at Ha Jungyoon. I had something to say too.

“Um, Ha Jungyoon. Anyway, I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“Because… of me.”

Because of me, Ha Jungyoon, who had never even kissed a girl, had developed a taste for… something strange. He’d said that even after the first time, he’d spent two weeks thinking about sleeping with me, and seeing how eager he was last night to jump me… I felt like I had messed things up.

“Because of you?”

Yes, because of me, you, who would never have gotten involved with a guy like this…

“You said you’ve never even had a girlfriend. But with a guy…”

“I’m gay.”

“…Huh?”

Wait, wait a damn minute. 

I think I misheard something. Was something wrong with my ears just now?

The words he spoke definitely reached my ears and were transmitted to my brain, but they weren’t being processed correctly. Ha Jungyoon chuckled languidly as he watched me blink stupidly, my mouth agape.

“I’m gay.”

“…What?!”

I sat up abruptly and clutched my aching back.

“Ugh…”

“Are you okay?”

Ha Jungyoon reached out and rubbed my back.

“W-Wait a minute. No, wait! Stop! Don’t move!”

I shouted as I held up both my hands and Ha Jungyoon froze, his hand hovering in mid-air.

“So, um, that, I’m a little… confused right now. Did I hear you correctly?”

“I’m gay.”

“……”

“If that’s what you heard, then you heard correctly.”

“No, ha, what is this… ha…”

As I stared at him, my jaw dropped, Ha Jungyoon slipped his index finger into my mouth and then pulled it out.

“Ta-da.” 

“Hey!”

Is this guy crazy?!

“Ha, I, wow, no, what the…”

As the gears in my brain started turning and I processed the whole situation, the first emotion I felt was betrayal.

Back when I started getting to know my classmates after the first semester of freshman year, I heard about what happened at the freshman orientation I had missed. Specifically, that story, had been the biggest topic of conversation.

‘No way. He must have said that because he wanted to manage his image.’

‘What kind of image management is that? This isn’t the Joseon era.’ 

‘He doesn’t seem like the type to care about managing his image. And when people told him to stop lying, he seriously insisted it was true.’

‘No way, really?’

‘Well, it’s possible. Not everyone has that kind of experience before college.’

‘True. That’s true, but… it’s Ha Jungyoon. With that face? It’s a bit surprising.’

‘Was he too busy studying?’

‘Maybe. I bet he got tons of confessions after the CSAT.’

‘Maybe everyone was too intimidated by his looks to approach him?’

‘Or maybe because of some religious belief?’

‘He’s not religious.’

‘Handsome and chaste. How charming.’

‘Isn’t it only charming because it’s Ha Jungyoon’s face?’

‘Exactly. A very accurate observation.’

‘Don’t girls like guys who take the lead?’

‘What? Do they want to get tied to a leash and dragged around?’

Someone’s private life, their sex life, was an interesting and stimulating topic of conversation, but it was just gossip. But it was a bit surprising that Ha Jungyoon was a virgin.

Of course, just because we became adults didn’t mean we’d suddenly hold hands and head to a motel together, chanting, “Let’s share the love of adults!” But we weren’t exactly going to just lie down and hold hands either. 

And Ha Jungyoon, of all people, why?

Despite my doubts, I secretly felt a sense of camaraderie with him once again. Even if he didn’t have the same… problem as me, we were still in the same situation.

But… but…

No, wait. Come to think of it, Ha Jungyoon had said he had no experience with women. Not that he was sexually inexperienced, but no experience with women.

“I… I’m, no, I’m a little… ha, really?”

“Yeah.”

I stared at Ha Jungyoon, who had a slight smile playing on his lips as he answered casually, feeling a bit dumbfounded. And suddenly, things that I hadn’t noticed before, blinded by my preconceived notions, started to become clear.

Thinking about it, there had been more than a few odd things. Putting aside the fact that I was drunk and with a male classmate and all that, Ha Jungyoon had exuded an experience and skill that a beginner couldn’t possibly possess.

I just assumed he was naturally gifted.

“Why… why didn’t you tell me?”

“Should I have?”

“Is that even a question?!”

I almost cried out of frustration at his nonchalant attitude, lying on his side, looking at me with a shrug.

“The problem’s solved anyway.”

“What’s solved? What problem?”

“You get hard just fine. I can attest to that.”

“Ah, wait, wait a minute! Be quiet for a second. I need some time to process this, okay?”

“There’s nothing physically wrong with you. I guarantee it.”

“I don’t need your guarantee.”

“Then is it some kind of a psychological issue?”

“…What kind of bullshit is that? Can you just be quiet for a second?”

Feeling exhausted and deflated, I lay back against the bed.

“There’s nothing wrong with your body. Then there’s only one thing left.”

“……”

“Isn’t that right?”

“Are you Freud or something?”

“I’m saying it doesn’t matter if I’m gay or not.”

“Hey?!”

Seriously, what was he even saying? That’s like saying words don’t matter. How can it not matter? I had been agonizing over this for so long. And I felt so guilty about masturbating to thoughts of him, and how much I… ah, shit!

“Does it make a difference if I’m not gay?”

Wow, his confident tone was so infuriating, but I couldn’t think of a good rebuttal.

“You’re really annoying. Wow, I thought you were a nice guy. Everyone should know your true colors.”

“I didn’t lie to you. I’ve never had any experience with women.”

“Wow, Mr. Honest and Pure. So noble. So impressive.”

I placed my clasped hands on my chest and turned my head to look at Ha Jungyoon, and poured all my sarcasm into my voice. But it didn’t seem to have much effect; Ha Jungyoon just grinned, lying on his side, his chin resting on his hand.

“You…”

“Yeah?”

“…are you really gay?”

“Yeah.”

“…This is crazy. Seriously.”

“So you don’t have to feel sorry for me. If anyone should be sorry, it should be me.”

His dark eyes, fixed on me, were calm and steady. I stared back at him for a moment, then shook my head firmly. I was still in shock, but for some reason, I wasn’t angry.

“No.”

Didn’t I already know, even right after that confusing night? Ha Jungyoon hadn’t forced me to do anything. If he had, I wouldn’t have made that suggestion to him yesterday.

We stared at each other in silence for a moment. Then, a thought suddenly flashed through my mind.

Maybe… yeah, maybe…

It was a strong conviction, even though I couldn’t explain it.

“Ha Jungyoon.”

“Yeah?”

“You’ve slept with a lot of guys, haven’t you?”

“Are you cold? Should I turn up the heat?”

I grabbed Ha Jungyoon’s arm as he tried to get out of bed.

“Really…”

“…Are you asking if I’ve slept with a lot of guys?”

“If… there’s nothing physically wrong with me, like you said…”

Ha Jungyoon, who had been frowning, relaxed his expression and looked at me.

“…then maybe if we keep doing it, if I get used to reacting to the stimulation, maybe… it’ll naturally get better?”

“Are you saying you want to keep sleeping with me?”

…He’s smart. Even though I tried to be subtle, he caught on right away.

“Do you… want to sleep with me again? With me?”

Sleeping with Ha Jungyoon didn’t make me gay. I was certain of that. It wasn’t that I wanted to debate whether sexual orientation was innate or acquired, but at least I knew one thing was clear. I didn’t feel any sexual attraction towards men.

So, maybe this could work?

Ha Jungyoon, who outwardly had never dated a woman, was actually gay, and from what I could tell, he seemed quite experienced… in that area. The thought strangely put me at ease. Sex with a man wouldn’t be a big deal for Ha Jungyoon, so if I just thought of it casually,  as… a kind of treatment…

I was trying to sound logical, but in reality, I was actually desperate. It wasn’t simply a matter of whether or not I could have sex with someone.

…No, it was. It was natural to want to satisfy the person you loved. I had already experienced the misery of not being able to give my girlfriend what she wanted. It had been devastating for both of us.

It would be great if I met someone who preferred platonic love, but the chances of that happening were probably as slim as the chances of me getting drunk and sleeping with a male classmate.

“…Never mind if you don’t want to.”

I didn’t intend to selfishly impose on Ha Jungyoon. I wasn’t that much of a jerk. Just because he was gay didn’t mean he didn’t have preferences.

Well, at least I knew I could get hard now, so there was some hope.

“Okay.”

“Huh?”

I was feeling embarrassed and a little awkward at his lukewarm response, nursing my wounded pride, when his cheerful voice made me look up. Ha Jungyoon was smiling as brightly as his voice.

“Of course, I’d like to.”

As I saw his lips curved into a beautiful smile, a feeling I couldn’t identify as either relief or anxiety pierced my heart.