IWS Chapter 13

Chapter 13

 

Through the gaps between the leaves, sunlight filtered down, mingling with the scent of pollen that prickled the tip of his nose. The children, scattered throughout, each blending into the scenery.

In this secluded little paradise, Abel walked—toward a place untouched by sunlight, away from noise, somewhere distant where the voices of the children could not reach him.

“Did you hear? Someone died in the next room again.”

Abel did not stop at the sound of someone’s chatter, but when a familiar name followed, his steps halted abruptly on the grass.

“They say it was another kid who got sent to that Marquis Drummond for education.”

“Really? Again?”

Marquis Drummond.

A name that was both unfamiliar and painfully familiar. Abel, frozen in place, found himself turning his gaze toward the children gossiping nearby. They spoke freely, without caring about who might be listening.

“What did they go through over there that makes them all take their own lives when they return?”

“Well, I heard from someone in their room that…”

Whisper, whisper.

Each hushed word prickled at Abel’s ears, and his fingers unconsciously clenched tighter. He couldn’t make out most of what was being said, yet an unsettling churn rose within him. And before he realized it, his mind drifted to thoughts of a girl—Mary.

“They say after she was subjected to ‘that’ by the Marquis, they were never the same. They looked… terrifying, even.”

“Really? How?”

“Their skin turned pale and they kept saying they felt dizzy… then kept drinking water… suddenly had difficulty breathing… and then…”

Someone’s death was spoken of in a dull, detached manner.

Familiar. Too familiar, as if it were a normal part of life. Their voices carried no emotion, no rise or fall, as they repeated the grim tale.

Unlike Abel, who still needed time to process what this place truly was, these children had long accepted it.

“…..”

For some reason, breathing became difficult.

It felt as though reason itself was being gnawed away in his mind.

Without thinking, he scratched at the back of his hand. The moment he noticed himself doing it, he flinched and lowered his gaze. Beneath his fingernails, the old wounds had begun to reopen.

 

“You’ll be okay now.”

 

A memory surfaced—of a warm, kind touch. Abel slowly lowered his trembling hand.

‘It’s because of me…’

He knew that the terrible things the child named Mary had endured should have been entirely his own. If Mary hadn’t sacrificed herself, the next child to die might not have been that child from another room, but himself.

‘What if she dies too?’

What if she, too, ended up gasping for breath, then… reaching the same grim end?

Because of him.

Because he hadn’t gone.

Because of his existence.

In his place…

What if she dies instead of me?

What should I do…?

Abel lowered his gaze to his hands.

They were small. Weak.

‘No, hers were even smaller.’

He shook his head and looked away from his hands.

Mary was smaller than him—her hands, her height, her feet. Everything about her was tiny, to the point where the difference between them was obvious at a glance.

Yet courage wasn’t something that came from size.

Big or small…

‘Next time, I’ll go instead of her…’

Abel swore that if there was a next time, he would go to ‘education’ instead of Mary.

But even that proved impossible.

 

“No. This time, it has to be a girl.”

“T-That’s ridiculous! I said I’ll go!”

“Are you kidding me? Move aside right now! Unless you all want to be punished together, step back! And you—brown hair! Get over here immediately!”

 

The words he had mustered all his courage to say were crushed without hesitation.

Abel could only watch as Mary was dragged away by the caretaker.

His powerlessness burned into his mind.

He couldn’t do anything.

Because he was too weak.

Because he wasn’t strong enough…

 

“Lizzie! I’ll be okay! Don’t cry! Just wait a little while—I’ll be back soon, so don’t worry too much, okay?”

 

Even while being forcibly dragged away by the caretaker holding her wrist, Mary tried her best not to lose her smile and offered words of comfort.

At Mary’s words, perhaps everyone in this room might have thought that Mary would truly be fine.

 

“You lot better remember this well. If you go to education and make a mistake in front of a noble, this is what happens to you. You don’t know yet because you haven’t been there, but the solitary confinement… is a terrifying place. So terrifying that this room will feel like heaven in comparison.”

 

By the time Abel heard those words from the caretaker, Lizzie’s sobs filled the room.

Yet he barely heard them.

His mind was too shaken to register anything but the erratic pounding of his own heart.

Thump. Thump. Thump.

The only sound piercing through the noise.

“…No.”

Without even knowing what he was denying, Abel muttered to himself in the midst of the tear-filled room.

˗ˋˏ ♡ ˎˊ˗

Exactly five days later, when Mary returned, Abel couldn’t bring himself to approach but watched them from a corner.

To prove she was unharmed, Mary spread her arms wide in front of Lizzie, showing her unscathed appearance.

“Look! See, I’ve come back without a single injury, just fine! There was nothing for you to worry about at all, really!”

With a bright smile on her face, Mary indeed looked completely unscathed. While that sight might have reassured Lizzie, Abel was even more relieved.

‘Thank goodness…’

Thank goodness she was safe. Thank goodness she came back. Thank goodness she kept smiling.

As countless emotions swirled within him, Abel fidgeted slightly in the shadows. His erratic heartbeat gradually settled, replaced by a wave of relief. Mary was safe. Just that fact alone was enough for Abel to feel at ease.

Or so he thought.

If only he hadn’t heard the conversation that night, when everyone was supposed to be asleep.

“You need to show me the wound so I can apply the medicine. Michael, why do you keep hiding it? What if it gets worse?”

“I told you, I don’t need it.  Just apply it on yourself.”

A hushed conversation reached Abel’s keen ears. Unable to sleep in the darkness, the voices sounded all the clearer.

“Geez, really. I told you I’m fine.”

“…Why did you lie earlier?”

Michael’s voice sounded almost accusatory, even irritated.

“Saying it doesn’t hurt, that you’re fine… Why did you tell such lies?”

Even amidst the overwhelming sound of his own heartbeat, even while fearing the darkness that swallowed the night, Abel couldn’t ignore the painfully clear voice that reached him.

“What? Was that what you were worried about? This really isn’t even an injury, I tell you! I’m truly fine~”

“Don’t say that…!”

“Thanks for worrying, Michael. Next time I get something tasty, I’ll share it with you first.”

“…..”

Mary spoke so casually about a next time.

Michael, upon hearing her mention another future education, fell into silence.

“You’re such an idiot…”

Michael’s grumbling voice was barely above a whisper, but Mary simply let out a soft laugh.

“Haha…”

With that faint laughter, the conversation came to an end.

Lying in the stillness that followed, Abel could only hear the rapid thudding of his own heartbeat as he replayed the exchange in his mind.

‘It was a lie…’

All of it…

The relief he had felt, the happiness that had filled him—Abel realized, in an instant, that it had all been unfounded. The smile Mary had shown, the one that had comforted him, was nothing more than an act to reassure them.

‘Even though she was in pain…’

Abel curled himself up beneath his blanket.

A tangle of emotions twisted inside him, impossible to unravel. The thought of Mary suffering filled him with unbearable sadness. Knowing it was because of him turned that sadness into something horrifying. Her kindness—the warmth in her voice, the way she had smiled and said she was fine—had been so comforting, so good. And yet, knowing it was all a lie made him resent it.

But amidst all those tangled emotions, one desperate wish surfaced above the rest.

‘I don’t want her to be in pain…’

I want to protect her. No matter what.

Even if I’m weak.

Even if there’s nothing I can do.

Still… still…

I want to protect Mary.

Abel believed that was the only way he could ever repay her boundless kindness.

˗ˋˏ ♡ ˎˊ˗