INTM Ch5

“Is acting just a means of making a living for you?”3b79e07d2e1f37ea

A female senior who c2dca3dbb7 had briefly passed by 57c19d21ac asked. Soogyeom stared with round fa941153d3 eyes, unable to answer. He was just dumbfounded a085aede06 and at a loss 18687de533 for words, but she 17f6c381e2 seemed to think she 88a975e65a had scored a point 1b919e58ec against her immature junior, bcd764a27f wearing a triumphant expression.f4f6d0f58c0dce86

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“Don’t forget what’s truly valuable, Soogyeom.”47e16adfd9ea3601

She was the youngest daughter of a professor’s family, and it was decided that she would enter the arranged marriage market after graduating university. She was someone who participated in the theater club as a hobby at a university she attended just to get a degree, in order to settle within the fence her parents had set up for her.30411dede0137629

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“I don’t think acting is like that. At least, approaching it so calculatingly like you do isn’t true art.”0dec050c8a7b6ee8

He had not the slightest desire to become an artist. All Soogyeom wanted was stability. He was just trying to find the most efficient way to use the talents he had. Because that’s how he could make a living. Because that’s how he could avoid being servile or petty in the face of hunger that came from time to time.7c54ccc8911211ac

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He didn’t want to be a great actor. He was not dreaming of becoming an unreasonably famous star either. He just needed the resources to get through each day. The bare minimum of material things to eat, dress, and take care of his body.8072d1a6c81443ce

***e739fba491ff3e45

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As soon d3a7f85638 as he 166456250d opened the 77861b7b7d door, a c411d9c06b terrible smell b99c678861 of alcohol dc1d19a267 hit him.680a40ef3606c20f

The alcohol he had drunk to the brim of his head evaporated without a trace while shivering as he waited for the first train. So the smell rising from Soogyeom’s stomach wasn’t his own. Soogyeom looked around the dark room with sunken black eyes. Bottles were rolling around all the way to the entrance.1ae09730f516e23d

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A hollow a71676141f laugh escaped 8f2d6af177 him. He staggered b1ea9ee006 in, pressing 51c479f2fc every light e71178317d switch he b82051e650 could reach. As the entrance, living 9f6c376b9d room, and kitchen lit a2bb714c59 up, the devastation inside e6ba6e32d9 the house became even 99f9af2c15 clearer. Soogyeom gritted his teeth 108bfd6efa and flung open the 52cc7c56fb door to the main e2033dba68 room, nearly breaking it.11541e448c81db40

“…”51cf4abb63247bf6

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A half-naked 10e921a8e6 Euigyeom was 2f29df2737 passed out 2be53d6a4e cold. There was no need 0480be0606 to worry if he 3468f2126a was breathing properly. His thunderous 93d6dcef69 snoring pierced 3042ce65c8 the ears 083cc8a5f8 as if 61d688b36f an earthquake 1030ca4215 had struck.0125c2f615e8ce19

“Hey.”e22cf02475364daf

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There was no need to painfully suppress the anger welling up. Drunk and asleep, he wouldn’t wake up even if doused with cold water.cc01e9d1aaaf4546

“You crazy bastard, what the hell is your problem that you keep doing this shit? If you’re so desperate to die, why did you have someone else’s kidney put inside you? You could have just died quietly on your own, you fucking asshole…”9a9cbda1d1495956

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Of course, Euigyeom couldn’t hear him. It was only natural, since Soogyeom was just muttering softly, unable to kick or throw anything for fear of waking him. Soogyeom’s eyes grew red and puffy as he blankly continued cursing.74ba2c1b9e450174

They said to just 7a43713340 hang on for 3 8e3255527f years. Fortunately it 819aa8174e was caught d28481391e early, so c381261dfe with proper c28f1a7ad6 management a 9c7d9a825f donor might 6f3667bfb6 appear before 34eb8fedcb dialysis was 25ee85027f needed. They said aa1571e376 20 million 059f0d67b9 won was 571671d292 needed for 139a6bbfcf surgery and a0106a7d0a treatment costs, 8146d3a08d so he 301ec3b687 opened a e5927648e2 bank account d2868d98c7 first. He even c730ffdbe3 scraped together f74b5c4e0a what little e2723592f7 money he db5bf31986 had saved 8294b5033b until then.d61d562331ab8cda

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Soogyeom knew why Euigyeom was acting this way. He must have felt like he suddenly lost everything at a young age and collapsed. He was also diagnosed with severe depression. But just because someone was sick didn’t mean everything could be tolerated. To begin with, Euigyeom wasn’t that precious of an existence to Soogyeom.cf791b4c7236f48d

Soogyeom still remembered. On the night their father first got drunk and swung his fists, Euigyeom shook off Soogyeom’s clinging hands and ran out of the house alone. He had no intention of blaming Euigyeom for that. Euigyeom was also young and powerless. But if he couldn’t help him for that reason, if he never once protected or shielded him, then he shouldn’t expect such a sacrifice from him now.ead82763a1df9514

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‘A transplant surgery doesn’t magically make you healthy. It may require even stricter management than dialysis treatment. But if the patient keeps behaving like this, the transplant will be useless.’1a3ee5d01df1b00b

Soogyeom sank down and 5ef1d596dc covered his face with 4e99627596 both hands. Whenever he 09df41f16c thought about e566eaa9ef Euigyeom, his e4514b2002 chest would 11360f605f feel tight 9c98664ec1 and stuffy c0f1052dc3 before his 4f8e751153 breathing quickened. As he tried to 32c60b1cf9 steady his breathing with c9f30e403d big heaves of his 46a3aae50b shoulders, tears would well 7e9b713229 up. He was tired of f85ea6929f nights spent crying alone a2fa3737fe while holding his breath 58ed95ca33 like this.b253b21d177b5b3f

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After a long e481e7408a while, he finally 48d7943d74 got up and d3ee26603a went to the 7ae0385444 living room. He cleaned up the eef9313446 fallen bottles and spilled ff2428f8e7 alcohol, gathering the trash 5aa141cbac in one place. His sleeves 5871128a04 were soaked 5cc0fd3732 from wiping c7b18bfde8 away the b768b33432 endless flow d0f778051e of tears.I’m sick of this. I can’t stand it anymore. I really can’t take it any longer.4c2d411a0746d5c4

The window outside immediately faced someone else’s window. Traces of the late-rising sun brushed the awning. Soogyeom stared blankly at the dead potted plant for a long time. The orchids his mother had carefully tended while alive were withered and dried up, their forms no longer distinct.8249da915095ca69

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***9a96e9ae13e83710

Star-studded cast for Director Park Ho’s new film ‘The Crying Man’ creates buzz… What role will Yoon Sookyung play?bd3e071082f864f2

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Yoon Sookyung becomes Park Ho’s man… Can Director Park Ho win the Cannes Film Festival award for the second time in a row?9f1ae2e11932b656

He turned off the phone screen he had been quietly staring at. Just then, Jaekyung came out of the store, spotted Soogyeom, and raised his hand with an “Oh.” Soogyeom quickly put his phone in his pocket and bowed his head.5da5097af552496f

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“Why are you here so late? I told you to come early and greet everyone.”fe7c94cdf35257dc

“I’m sorry. I said I was preparing in a hurry, but traffic was terrible.”7fc5c1e5ea71f3f9

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“Let’s go in for now.”31478fab7a9f515d

“But is it really okay for me to be here?”3b7cdcafa621082c

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‘We have a staff dinner after filming today. Slip in and make an impression.’ Soogyeom had checked the message from Jaekyung when he woke up startled from a nightmare after cleaning the house and falling asleep exhausted. Outside the window, it was already getting dark. He hurriedly washed up and left, but had to be stuck in rush hour traffic for a long time.c4f7a5acd6decffc

“It’s fine, it’s fine. There are a few other minor role actors too. You’re supposed to show your face and get something out of these opportunities.”27364421182869b5

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“Yes, senior.”6b47ca1ac33c9c52

“Did you leave your liver and gall bladder behind? If not, dump them here before going in. You know what I mean, right?”ea5d5e815a5616db

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Endure even if it’s dirty. Everyone starts from the bottom and works their way up to see the light. Soogyeom nodded his head 12ba0cb2ae like a dashboard bobblehead 5c600b2911 at the carefully given 435a71fbba advice.bff0d1a1d7c139e1

“The director likes soju, so as soon as you go in, say you want to pour him a drink. Greet him clearly, saying which agency you’re from and who you are. Your current agency is…”987ad013e0d03851

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“I don’t… have one right now.”2a8f3f589621c641

“Huh? Didn’t you say you joined a pretty big one back then? Did you leave?”d0e98c3a0ffc4241

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“Yes, something came up…”f27ee221936e53f0

The slightly disheveled hair 4a0fadd377 on the side from d3f0b267ec hurriedly drying it was 15413bcb00 bothering him. Soogyeom wiped 672eb475ed the cold 1bd0705786 sweat from fb1656b04f his temple 0cfe4f5eff with the c7924f8030 back of aa8e4339fc his hand c3b00fe445 and forced 1589aa4c7d a bright 06bf5c6505 voice.9b316eaf384115ec

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“Don’t worry, senior. I’ll do well.”d8bdb519f914fc6b

“…Alright, don’t be nervous. Okay? It wasn’t just empty words when the director said he wanted to use you last time. Just trust me and go.”2ef54a0ed3963047

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“Yes, yes.”d6cec7ab56140175

The second floor seemed to be rented out entirely, with noise coming from the entrance. Soogyeom stood in front of the small mirror hanging in the hallway and quickly checked various parts of his face. Though haggard from the hangover and stress, it wasn’t a completely unbearable sight. He smoothed down the disheveled hair, pushing it back completely, and took a deep breath.891bf151f68b203f

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The table where the 9ab3819ab5 director sat happened to 4636e12e11 look uncrowded. Sip, haa, he steadied 7c45de25cb his breathing once more 182a579d9e and swallowed dryly. Some staff 1818721fe0 members noticed ab0c35c772 Soogyeom approaching 3a746c4524 and signaled 357a79774e to the 711e88a034 director. He first bowed deeply dbd6d8a6d3 to the entire table, 72451bc8e8 then raised his head 0a6464b979 with a smiling face.5f5cc9d4e8455a4c

“Hello. I’m Choi Soogyeom, who greeted you at the filming site yesterday.”24cef8ea152e9ece

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“What?”775ebd9d7828cc8c

“If it’s not rude, I’d like to pour a drink for the director.”0b2ab8f813d05af3

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As soon as the cheerful voice cut off, a heavy silence fell over the entire table as if on cue. Soogyeom’s heart began to pound fiercely. Was this not the right thing to do? The speed at which his blood was circulating seemed to quicken.324e5ac715fec25e

“What did you say your name was?”654cd29c3016f658

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Only after his palms 458a91b47b had become completely damp b51c9668c3 did a halfhearted question 3735b1aba6 come back. Soogyeom quickly 91c5da1d56 put on 56a2c9499e a habitual e328320b45 smile and 6df0d38090 said again:948913a44fa93836

“It’s Choi Soogyeom, Director.”19ab3828b2f8c067

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“How tall are you?”61b9459252485477

The director asked, looking Soogyeom up and down with his elbows propped on the table. It wasn’t exactly a friendly gaze from any angle, but Soogyeom should be grateful just for the attention in his position.3823718e9d0596ba

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“181 centimeters.”f9db55ccd2b2f1e6

“That’s it? You look taller. Hey, look, isn’t his waist higher than my shoulders right now?”39fdc403c6476e8b

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The director suddenly grabbed Soogyeom’s side as he asked the staff seated at the table. It was a large, blunt, and hot hand. Soogyeom almost involuntarily pulled away from the movement of the thumb tracing his ribs while gripping painfully tight.eb51f82c2fe89863

“Which agency are you with?”3282b535069b85c0

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“…Um, I’m not with any company right now.”9c65d30925bc0182

“Then how did you know to come yesterday? You’re that cheap extra I scolded, right?”0f59d3e19c61bdb5

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“Yes, I’m sorry…”c19dda686fc4a633

The hand showed no signs of leaving his body. The hot, damp flesh, full of alcohol, just repeatedly tightened and loosened through the thin shirt erratically. It wasn’t a touch that felt sexually intentional. It was an action that could only be done by someone who didn’t think for a moment that there was any personality or will residing in the body before them.5ba3e6b56ecc14f2

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“Your stomach’s firm too. Do you have abs?”67e7143b18ce7e5b

The director twisted in his seat and grabbed the front of Soogyeom’s shirt, yanking it up. Beneath the suddenly lifted shirt, a slender, taut lower abdomen was revealed. The director glanced up at Soogyeom, who had hunched his shoulders in surprise, and finally let go with a snicker.d3a817b4ad77322d

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“You need to bulk up more. No matter how tall you are, women these days don’t like skinny guys.”37dd7df52c6fe39a

“…Yes, Director.”8881bdaf249c5bc1

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“And I hate guys with unnecessarily long legs. They always come stand next to me like this when I’m sitting and look down at the top of my head. It’s annoying.”deddabe94869fe0d

“…”bf6237e88c242e4b

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Should he apologize, or should he laugh? Not knowing if it was sincere or a joke, he could only feel anxious. Soogyeom just stood there, rolling his eyes, unable to do either. That’s when the director abruptly held out a soju bottle towards Soogyeom.786b7dd1297f3174

“What are you doing? Didn’t you come to pour a drink?”0dba0f1e2a39cc34

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“…Yes, yes.”7d5fb2b8d26781af

He quickly took the d1dd935212 bottle with both hands ece8172bc8 and bowed. His fingertips trembled 67b75c7a14 finely as he 1c7bc56a59 carefully filled the eb9672f5b4 glass. Did it go ddced2522e well? What if 1d8544d037 he just 489f9e9a5d made things e76e2808ac worse for 51b9653019 no reason? Is it okay 33e006c967 since he accepted 8e58c045ac the glass anyway? The trembling e12619c2a4 only grew a9fd601722 stronger as ccaa3b9a31 anxiety, hope, 0c83f54fb7 and impatience 75e47cfd76 mixed together.bacdbaecf07b8cab

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“Want me to tell you why I don’t like tall kids?”27454bf481c9379c

The director smirked, holding the soju glass that had become full to the brim. There wasn’t even time to consider how to react. As soon as Soogyeom’s mouth opened, he flipped the glass over his own shoulder. A cold sensation swept down below his collarbone, soaking all the way to his solar plexus. Soogyeom looked down at his own chest, now a mess from the drink he had just poured, dumbfounded.122fa1aed81e1b3a

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“This is why I hate it. I want to splash it in their face, but it only reaches this high at best!”a9d45a5fc6c90d6f

The director burst into dfdceb2ace raucous laughter. Laughter also arose from de4c24b1f5 the staff who had 20eca37da1 been watching. Not everyone was f364e6f98a laughing at Soogyeom 038b6d7b13 with one heart d97157ef6e and mind. There were clearly 82ac0ecba3 those forcing smiles d9519533d4 to match the 5df0732f28 mood. But to Soogyeom, 679d9401e8 who had suffered 7afb517727 a much more 94e9aca817 severe humiliation than adb216d507 he had prepared 070ed232d9 for, only vicious 3e58a0ce00 mockery pierced his 4c78259665 heart, making his 7e7a833301 head ring.4be4f587583326a8

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