INT Ch 9.3

Counting the days, it had already been three days since he went to see him. It felt as though his mind and body had both fallen ill together. Overworking his mind, longing to see Hyun Woojin and touch him, had left his body in ruins as well.

He hadn’t expected to be accepted. He thought he’d be coldly ignored. When Hyun Woojin embraced him, the extreme tension that had gripped his body melted away like a lie. His mind had gone hazy. The fact that he had been accepted brought him immense relief, and only now could Haewon let out a breath of ease. These thoughts felt so unfamiliar to him, it was as if he wasn’t himself.

At first, he didn’t dislike him. That neutral feeling turned into liking, and that liking grew until he reached a point where he couldn’t imagine life without him.

It wasn’t guilt for misunderstanding and hurting Hyun Woojin that bothered him, but the thought of never seeing him again was unbearable. Pride and all those other things were meaningless in the face of such emotions.

On that rainy day, he had gone to Woojin’s apartment, intending to beg for forgiveness and plead for his feelings. He had planned to cling desperately, doing things he’d never done before, but he didn’t regret it. On the contrary, he wanted to praise himself for it. The satisfaction he felt was unlike anything he had experienced before, even different from the sense of accomplishment after mastering a difficult piece of music.

Lying on the hospital bed, staring blankly at the ceiling, Haewon realized he was happy. This was what happiness felt like.

It was while he was munching on snacks he’d bought with ten thousand won borrowed from the nurse and watching a melodramatic soap opera on the hospital TV. Without a knock, the door opened.

Dressed in a black coat over a black jacket, with a thin padded vest, a white shirt, and a navy tie with diagonal stripes, Hyun Woojin entered carrying a briefcase and a large shopping bag.

“Are you okay?”

He came straight over, dropping what he was holding onto the sofa, and touched Haewon’s forehead, cheeks, and the back of his neck as he asked. Haewon, holding a bag of snacks, nodded.

“Don’t wait outside my place again.”

As if finally relieved, Woojin pulled Haewon into his arms, pressing his face against the soft fabric of his thin padded vest.

If he had known Woojin would forgive him, he would have waited for him every day. He thought of the days he had struggled to forget him. The harder he tried, the less things went his way. It felt as though the entire world was conspiring to stop him from forgetting Woojin.

Haewon wrapped his arms around Woojin’s waist and took in his scent deeply, as if breathing it into the depths of his lungs.

“You told me to crawl back on all fours.”

“I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Are you not angry anymore?”

“I wasn’t angry.”

“I’m sorry for speaking so carelessly.”

“Just this once. That’s not like you.”

“Why do I say things without thinking?”

“…”

Woojin, who had been holding the back of Haewon’s head, stepped back. Haewon raised his eyes to meet Woojin’s gaze as he looked down at him.

“Stop it.”

Woojin spoke with an expression that wasn’t quite a smile but wasn’t neutral either.

“Stop what?”

“Tone it down. You’re acting like someone else. It’s weird.”

“It’s normal to speak formally to someone older. It’s not weird at all.”

“I won’t get angry.”

“…”

“I’m not angry.”

“…Really?”

“Yes.”

“You won’t say otherwise later?”

“Don’t just call me ‘you.’ I really don’t like that.”

“Okay.”

Woojin pulled Haewon back into his chest, patting him gently. When Woojin finally let go, Haewon felt the absence of warmth keenly. Unable to bear it, he got up from the bed and hugged Woojin’s waist.

“I’ve spoken to the station, so you can be discharged. Let go for a moment.”

“No. I said I’d stick to you.”

“Alright, just for a moment.”

He forcibly pulled Haewon away. He grabbed a shopping bag that had been tossed onto the sofa. From the large shopping bag, a white padded jacket with a sports brand logo, ski gloves, and a fluffy scarf kept spilling out endlessly.

“Change your clothes. I’ll take you home.”

Haewon took off his hospital gown and changed into the clothes he brought. Hyun Woojin then put the white padded jacket on him. He slipped the ski gloves onto his hands and tightly wrapped the scarf around his neck.

“A padded jacket already? It’s too much. No one else is wearing one.”

“Just wear it. Stop complaining. I’ll buy you one in every color, so only wear these. No thin coats.”

“It’s suffocating.”

“It’s cute, so just keep wearing it.”

When Haewon fidgeted to take off the scarf, he tied the ends of the scarf into a knot so it couldn’t be undone. It felt less like wearing clothes and more like being wrapped in a feather quilt. It wasn’t heavy, but it was bulky enough to make walking uncomfortable.

“I need to pay back the nurse.”

“Pay back for what?”

“Ten thousand won. I bought snacks.”

He laughed incredulously and paid the nurse the ten thousand won on Haewon’s behalf.

After being discharged, they got into his car. With the heater on, it was unbearably warm inside, to the point that sweat trickled down his back. When Haewon took off the ski gloves, Hyun Woojin glanced over, ready to scold him. Instead, Haewon, with sticky, sweat-dampened hands, reached out and grabbed Hyun Woojin’s right hand, which was resting on the console box.

“…”

The corners of his mouth lifted into a smile. He intertwined their fingers, holding Haewon’s hand firmly. The warmth that enveloped Haewon’s hand was incomparable to the ski gloves.

When they arrived at the studio apartment, Haewon took off the padded jacket. The cool air against his skin felt refreshing, like stepping out of a sauna. Hyun Woojin opened a box he had brought from the car and began stocking the refrigerator. He carefully filled it with things like porridge that could be heated up and fruits known to boost immunity.

Haewon stared blankly at the violin sitting there.

“No matter what I tell you about what happened, you wouldn’t believe me.”

So many horrific and absurd things had happened, all after they had parted ways. The past month and a bit had been so dreadful that he didn’t even want to think about it. Haewon shuddered.

“When you told me not to call, you really didn’t. I thought you’d forgotten about me.”

“…”

What an absurd thing to say. Hyun Woojin spoke so casually, unaware of how much Haewon had suffered and how terrible his experiences had been.

Haewon looked at Hyun Woojin with a mix of resentment and disbelief. He couldn’t believe that he was really standing there in his studio apartment. Blinking several times, he tried to commit his image to memory.

“I haven’t been able to practice for over a month.”

“Is that so?”

Hyun Woojin replied nonchalantly, not realizing what it meant for Haewon to not play the violin. It was a sign that he had barely been functioning during that time.

His lips, cracked and chapped, became even drier as he kept licking them. While rubbing lotion meant for his face onto his lips, Haewon felt a gaze and turned his head. Hyun Woojin, having finished organizing the fridge, was staring at him intently.

“Do you want some coffee?”

When Haewon nodded, Hyun Woojin moved to the kitchen and began brewing coffee. He scooped finely ground beans into a filter and set them in the coffee maker. As hot water passed through the filter, rich, aromatic coffee dripped into the transparent pot, filling the room with its deep scent.

Soon, he poured coffee into two mugs and brought them over. Haewon sipped the coffee he handed over. It wasn’t a bean he had at home. It must have been something Hyun Woojin had included in the box he brought.

Hyun Woojin knelt down on the floor in front of Haewon, who was sitting on the sofa drinking his coffee. Their eyes met as they were now on the same level.

“You know you messed up badly, right?”

He asked as he cupped Haewon’s cheek with a warm hand, heated from holding the mug. Haewon nodded as he looked into Hyun Woojin’s eyes.

“You won’t misunderstand like that again, right?”

“I won’t.”

Never again. I won’t ever misunderstand or make such a mistake again.

Haewon shook his head quickly. Never again. That past month without him was so agonizing that if he had to go through it again, he’d rather die.

“If you’re curious about something, ask me first. Don’t recklessly charge in.”

“…”

“Do you know how furious I was back then? That was the first time I ever felt like I wanted to kill someone.”

“…You were that angry?”

“Yeah.”

Although that feeling had long since disappeared, at that moment, Hyun Woojin’s own words had made his heart sink. He hadn’t misread the murderous intent that flickered in his eyes when he looked back at himself.

“Then why do you keep hanging out with those people? They make you uncomfortable.”

“It’s for work. I need CEO Kim Jeonggeun’s help.”

“Is that why you got engaged? Because you needed their family’s wealth?”

“No, it wasn’t like that. Back then, marrying Hayoung seemed natural. We were close since childhood, and our parents had already arranged it. Honestly, if I’m being truthful, I didn’t see it as a disadvantageous marriage. And if nothing had happened, we probably would have gone through with it.”

He spoke calmly. For him, engagement and marriage were simply steps predetermined by his family. To Kim Hayoung, that must have been deeply hurtful.

She had once drunkenly driven recklessly, claiming it was because Hyun Woojin didn’t love her. Haewon didn’t need to ask how much conflict and strife had driven her to the brink; it was obvious.

She had a car accident that left her paralyzed on one side, with her face completely shattered. Surviving that kind of ordeal would have required extraordinary resilience.

A woman born a princess and raised as royalty, facing marriage to a prince from a neighboring kingdom, endured something unthinkable. For her, it was a trial beyond bearing. Her obsession with confirming Hyun Woojin’s love ultimately destroyed her.

Haewon didn’t want to understand the feelings Kim Hayoung must have had for Hyun Woojin, but as he looked at him now, he understood them with painful clarity. With a man like Hyun Woojin—this man in front of him—it made sense. Haewon himself would probably feel the same way.

“Do you know what she said to me last before she died?”

“…”

Haewon shook his head, unsure. Curious about her final words, he fixed his gaze on Hyun Woojin’s lips.

“She said she’d make sure I could never forget her.”

And so, she chose suicide.

“Even if it wasn’t love, I planned to take responsibility as a man. I didn’t realize that would hurt her so much.”

Guilt and responsibility for his fiancée had festered and rotted inside Hyun Woojin, corroding him until he was utterly broken. His face twisted with anguish.

“It wasn’t your fault.”

She had loved Hyun Woojin too much, and it was her own overwhelming feelings that consumed her. It was misfortune for both of them. Haewon reached out to touch his cheek, wanting to comfort him.

“I’m clumsy, so I might end up hurting you.”

“I misunderstood and said things I shouldn’t have, hurting you. It wasn’t your fault. It was mine.”

Even though he wasn’t at fault, Hyun Woojin was still accepting it as if he were. Haewon, who had stirred up and drawn out the emotions he had buried deep inside, was angry at himself.

“Hyun Woojin, you didn’t do anything wrong.”

“You’re calling me ‘you’ again?”

“No. Hyung, Woojin hyung, you didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Do you really think so?”

He wasn’t at fault. Those who desired him devoured themselves and were consumed by their own obsessions. Hyun Woojin had done nothing wrong. In fact, he had tried to take responsibility until the end.

“You didn’t do anything wrong, hyung.”

“Thanks for coming to apologize first. I was scared of what I might do to you… I was even scared of myself.”

He spoke with sincere gratitude, his face lighter now, as if a heavy burden had been lifted.

“I might just do something, though.”

“Do what, exactly? You can’t just say that.”

“What did you want to do?”

“I don’t know…”

He tilted his head and leaned in, pressing his lips to Haewon’s. Haewon closed his eyes, parting his lips to let him in. His tongue entered, licking inside, and the sensation of being devoured brought Haewon such joy that he let out a trembling moan. Grasping his cheeks, they collapsed together onto the sofa, merging as one.

“I love you.”

When Hyun Woojin’s lips pulled away, Haewon confessed without realizing it. Woojin froze, looking down at him. Tears filled Haewon’s eyes as he looked up, confessing his love. Wrapping his arms around Woojin’s shoulders, he sobbed and repeated his confession.

“Ah, I love you, I love you…”

As Haewon’s lips formed the words “I love you,” he kissed them, whispering breathily, “Me too.”