INT Ch 5.1

A few days later, an unfamiliar number called. It was a member of the Hanyang Symphony, the associate principal violinist. He asked, without any preamble, if Haewon had heard the news. Calling after a year only to blurt something out so abruptly felt completely out of place. Haewon asked what was going on, then hesitated.

— Did you not hear? Seungcheol Sunbae has been arrested. Even the conductor and concertmaster were summoned.

Seungcheol was Choi Sunbae’s name.

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“What do you mean?”

— They say he’s involved in embezzlement of the arts foundation’s funds and last year’s Cheongmyeong Conservatory entrance exam scandal. You know his brother-in-law is the dean of student affairs there, right? Apparently, all the students who took lessons from the professors Seungcheol Sunbae introduced got accepted into Cheongmyeong. They’re now summoning parents as well.

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The voice on the other end sounded strangely excited, as though the removal of the concertmaster was a foregone conclusion. Without being asked, he continued to chatter away as if watching a neighbor’s house burn.

Haewon pictured Choi Sunbae’s neat face, the slightly sheepish expression he had while standing in front of the officetel door. Speaking in a tone devoid of interest, as if he were someone emotionally drained, Haewon replied.

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“I didn’t think he’d stoop to that.”

— Anyway, here’s the thing. We’re short on violinists now. The regular concert is coming up soon, and it’s a big problem. We’ve managed to find a conductor in the meantime, but if you’re available…

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“I’m not.”

— Don’t be so quick to cut me off like that—

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“Goodbye.”

Haewon ended the call.

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He had said they’d come crawling on all fours. Even if it had been Kim Jaemin standing outside his door holding a bag of bread after three days of hunger, Haewon would have let him in.

Choi Sunbae was a calculating person. He wasn’t greedy for money, but he never declined material things either. He understood the necessity of money and enjoyed the comfort it brought. Haewon recalled Sunbae’s nice car, his good house, the expensive clothes his children wore, and the private kindergarten they attended. Sunbae, who had studied music without significant financial support from his parents, probably couldn’t sustain such expenses on a symphony member’s salary and income from private lessons alone.

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Haewon ignored the ringing of his phone, left it behind, and stepped out of his officetel. For the first time in a while, he wandered the streets.

He spent the next few days as usual: waking up, eating breakfast, practicing violin, going to the gym, reading, watching movies—nothing happened.

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The headline of the newspaper was about the conservatory scandal. Several people, including a certain Choi from the symphony orchestra and Kim and Lee from the university foundation, were arrested and detained due to concerns over evidence tampering and the severity of their crimes. Haewon wasn’t curious and didn’t want to know.

The kind of events that would make someone crawl back on all fours kept occurring. This time, it was the housekeeper. A message came saying his father and stepmother had been summoned by prosecutors. Left alone in that big house was his six-year-old half-sibling, Haejeong. This time, Haewon couldn’t ignore the message. He hurried to his family’s home.

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“What’s going on?”

Haewon urgently asked as soon as the housekeeper opened the door. She looked equally distraught, overwhelmed by the sudden events.

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“Yesterday, they barged in, turned the house upside down, saying it was a raid, an investigation, and took away a ton of things. Then they took madam and sir for an emergency summons to the prosecution, and they’ve been under investigation ever since, for the whole day.”

“What about Haejeong?”

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“Madam asked me to stay here last night, so I haven’t even been home. They told me over and over not to make a fuss, saying it’s nothing serious, so I sent him to kindergarten this morning like everything was normal. But does he not know something’s wrong? He should be back soon, and I can’t handle this alone. Please stay with us.”

“…”

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Haewon went into his father’s study. It was a mess, as if someone had deliberately ransacked it. It looked similar to how Kim Jaemin had left Haewon’s officetel in disarray.

Haewon called Hyun Woojin. The hollow ringing of the unanswered call grated on his patience. Woojin wasn’t picking up. Was this what he had meant by crawling back?

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If not for Haejeong, Haewon wouldn’t have wanted to run after him in a panic. He called again, biting his lip hard without realizing it. Woojin was ignoring him on purpose, and he wasn’t going to answer. Haewon tossed his phone down.

His father dealt in importing American weapons and distributing them in East Asia. He had a connection in the U.S. Department of Defense, someone he’d met during his time in the Korean Augmentation to the United States Army (KATUSA). Haewon didn’t know the details, but he did know that monopolizing such a lucrative business must involve even more corruption than Choi Sunbae’s schemes.

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While caught in this limbo of indecision, he heard small footsteps—Haejeong was home from kindergarten. The boy’s footsteps, tap-tap-tapping down the hall, led to the study. Upon spotting Haewon, Haejeong broke into tears he had been holding back and ran to cling to him.

Even though he was her half-brother, he had never done anything for her, never even said a kind word. When their mother passed away, he even hated her…

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Haejeong entrusted her small body to him. He was the only person in the world she could rely on.

Haewon was scared. The small child’s body felt too heavy. Haejeong, who relied on him despite his inability to do anything for her, suddenly felt like an unbearable weight pressing down on him.

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“I’m sorry, Haejeong. I’m sorry. Your brother… I’m sorry.”

Haewon slowly wrapped his arms around Haejeong, who was hugging him tightly. The tears she had been holding back burst forth like a dam breaking. He gently patted her back as she sobbed sorrowfully, her whole body shaking.

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After comforting Haejeong and leaving her with the housekeeper, Haewon went to the Central Prosecutors’ Office.

They said that suspects under emergency summons were not allowed to have visitors. When he insisted on meeting Prosecutor Hyun Woojin, a security guard made a call somewhere and then chased Haewon away. As he loitered outside, someone approached him. It was the clerk he had seen in Prosecutor Hyun Woojin’s office last time.

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“You’re here to see the prosecutor, right?”

“Is Prosecutor Hyun Woojin inside?”

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“The prosecutor asked me to give you this.”

She handed Haewon a note. She gave him a nod and then disappeared into the prosecutors’ office, where he couldn’t enter, with light steps.

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Haewon unfolded the note she had given him. It had an address written on it. It seemed to be the address of the officetel where he lived.

Haewon went straight to Hyun Woojin’s officetel. It wasn’t far from the prosecutors’ office. Haewon waited for Hyun Woojin in front of the door. He had never waited for someone like this before, let alone in front of someone else’s door. It was as if he had crawled here on all fours in a hurry.

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He grew tired of waiting and forgot why he was even there. Haewon leaned against the door of the officetel and sat down on the floor. He rested his face on his raised knees and shivered in the cold. He had been waiting for him for ten hours.

It was past two in the morning.

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At the sound of approaching footsteps, Haewon lifted his face from his knees. Hyun Woojin, who had just gotten off the elevator, was reading something on his phone as he walked quickly. He noticed Haewon and slowly came to a stop.

He looked down at his own appearance. Exhausted, disheveled, and resigned, he scrutinized himself. Nothing came to his lips. His expression was perfectly blank. He wasn’t sorry, nor was he elated with a sense of victory.

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Haewon looked up at him blankly, still leaning against the door. Hyun Woojin put his phone in his back pocket and stood in front of Haewon, in front of his officetel door. Haewon turned his head to follow his movements.

“Did you crawl here on all fours?”

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“…”

“I didn’t expect you to wait until this hour. If I had known, I would have come back even later.”

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Haewon blinked slowly. He tried to stand up, but his body wouldn’t obey. As he staggered and pushed himself up from the floor, Hyun Woojin extended a hand. Ignoring his hand, Haewon leaned against the wall and barely managed to stand. Their gazes met at eye level.

“Why are you doing this?”

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“What?”

“This is too unreasonable.”

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“What do you mean?”

“I have a six-year-old sister at home. She needs her mother.”

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“If you commit a crime, you must be punished. Your father is quite something. Our team is very excited because all the big catches are falling into our lap.”

“…Why are you doing this?”

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“I want to get serious. With you.”

Haewon raised his chin defiantly at him, who was looking down threateningly.

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“I have no intention of doing that.”

“Will you move aside?”

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Haewon didn’t move and blocked the door. He sighed and pushed Haewon’s arm away. His body was so easily pushed aside that it felt empty. He entered the door lock code, and the lock clicked open. He half-opened the door and spoke.

“It’s cold outside. Will you come in?”

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“Release my father and stepmother.”

“Or will you shiver out here all night?”

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“If you can’t release my father, at least release my stepmother. She doesn’t know anything.”

“It’s not that simple. I can’t just arrest someone on an emergency basis and then release them at my discretion. That’s the law in this country. Do you think I’m the president? Even the president can’t do whatever they want with the law.”

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“Then what are you going to do?”

“Come inside first. Let’s talk inside.”

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He grabbed Haewon’s wrist, which didn’t want to go in. The force of his pull made Haewon follow helplessly.

The inside of his officetel was clean. The white sheets on the bed were perfectly straight without a single wrinkle. If it weren’t for the numerous books filling one wall, it could have been mistaken for a hotel. It was a space that barely smelled of human habitation.

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Hyun Woojin took off his coat and hung it on the hanger, leaving Haewon standing in the entrance. He spoke to Haewon, who was standing still.

“Take off your shoes and come in. No one’s running away.”

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There was no reason for Hyun Woojin to run away, nor for Haewon to do so. Haewon took off his shoes and stepped into his space.

Hyun Woojin walked to the kitchen and turned on the electric kettle. Soon, steam was rising. He handed Haewon a mug with a green tea bag steeping in it. When Haewon didn’t take it, he placed it on the table without insisting.

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He massaged his shoulders and neck as if he were tired from a day of hard work dealing with Haewon’s father. He loosened his tie and unbuttoned a couple of buttons on his shirt. Without paying attention to Haewon, he continued to loosen what had been tightly fastened. Through the window behind him, the headlights of cars on the bridge flickered faintly.

“Tell me why you’re doing this.”

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“Are you ready to listen? Are you ready to take it in?”

He tapped his temple as he asked.

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“So you’re doing this to fix my habits?”

“Did you think I wouldn’t know that you brought that guy in and spread your legs for him?”

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“What does that have to do with you? What do you care what others do?”

“I’m doing this because Moon Haewon ignored my words, so I want to make sure you can’t ignore them.”

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“…”

“Have you ever seen this? An elementary school boy pulls the hair of the girl he likes, ruins her supplies, and scribbles on her favorite skirt. Then the girl will chase after him, right? Whether she’s crying or angry, she’ll chase after him. She’ll crawl after him on all fours if she has to.”

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His enunciation was as precise as a news anchor’s. He emphasized important words and paused where he wanted to stress something. It was a tone trained to pressure the other person.

“If the girl had given him attention, he wouldn’t have done such things. Isn’t that right?”

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“I clearly said I didn’t want to be involved with you. I said I didn’t want to.”

“But what should I do? I want to be involved. I really hate seeing Moon Haewon undress in front of another man without any loyalty. I want to destroy that guy.”

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“What are you going to do by getting involved with me? What are you going to do with me?”

What can we do?

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The words Haewon couldn’t bring himself to ask rose in his throat.

“Well.”

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He picked up the mug Haewon hadn’t drunk from and took a sip of tea. He watched Haewon as he drank. His lips touched the edge of the mug. The rippling tea water soaked into his lips, just as it had licked Haewon’s lips. It felt like his saliva, which he had held in his mouth, was now trembling in his throat and going down his esophagus.

“Should we date?”

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Haewon’s heart sank at his words and the delicate gaze that swept over his face. Haewon shook his head. He shook his head a couple of times and then shook it more vigorously.

“No. Not because of Taeshin. I will never, ever do it with you.”

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Haewon spoke with utmost honesty, more honestly than he could ever be.

“That kid is dead. He’s been dead for quite a while.”

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Hyun Woojin didn’t care. He didn’t care about Haewon’s feelings right now, or Taeshin’s feelings when he died. He was only focused on a certain goal and heading towards it blindly.

“Do you think I don’t know that you played with him and killed him? Do you think I don’t know that you’re trying to use me like that?”

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Hyun Woojin smirked as if he found Haewon’s protest cute. He approached Haewon. Haewon stepped back as if retreating. His back touched the cold wall. There was nowhere to retreat, nowhere to run.

The man gradually reduced the number of steps between them. Haewon could smell a faint scent from him as he got closer. Haewon raised his head defiantly towards him.

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“I wasn’t playing. I was sincere back then.”

“Don’t lie.”

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“Do you want to call the dead to ask if it’s a lie?”

“What did you like about Taeshin?”

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“Why, do you think Lee Taeshin is so unattractive that you can’t believe I slept with him sincerely? You’re the one who subtly looks down on Lee Taeshin while making someone else the bad guy.”

“…”

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“Why did you sleep with that idiot who takes money from parents behind their backs? What attracted you to him?”

Leaning against the wall, he lowered his head and persistently met Haewon’s eyes. It wasn’t a question but a growl from a beast.

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“He bought me bread.”

“…”

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“I was starving, and he bought me bread.”

He furrowed his brow as if he couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

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“That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve heard recently.”

Haewon looked at him distantly and asked.

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“Did Taeshin buy you bread?”

“…No. He gave me his sincerity. Unlike you, he was honest and innocent.”

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“…”

Taeshin had no charm. His personality was pathetic, and his low self-esteem made people around him uneasy. His actions were the same. He didn’t even realize he was being used.

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Hyun Woojin wasn’t lying. He might have genuinely wanted to hold Taeshin, who showed his sincerity with honesty and innocence. He might have been sincere at that moment. He wanted to believe that. He had to believe that.

As Haewon stood there blankly, his lips approached. Haewon avoided his lips as he tried to kiss him. He turned his head. He looked over his shoulder. Hyun Woojin’s hand grabbed Haewon’s cheek and forcibly turned it. He made him look at him. Haewon had no choice but to meet his eyes again.

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The matte black of the forest approached without a gap.

His eyes were like darkness devouring darkness, consuming all the light around them. The man was a predator Haewon couldn’t handle. He whispered to Haewon as if soothing him.

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“I’ll buy you bread.”

“…Will you let them go?”

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“That can’t be done.”

“Let them go. I’ll tell them to pay more taxes, so let them go.”

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“Taxes aren’t my jurisdiction.”

“Let them go.”

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Haewon pleaded with his eyes. Let them go, Haejeong needs a mother, whether she’s a good mother or a bad mother. It doesn’t matter what happens to the father, he can fend for himself, and I can live on my own if I work. I can live without playing the violin.

But Haejeong was only six years old. Haewon couldn’t take responsibility for her, and neither could the housekeeper.

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Haewon was afraid of the child’s reliance on him. He was scared of the weight and warmth that transmitted through his body when he held the child. Haewon’s mind was too immature to explain the loss of a mother to a six-year-old child.

Hyun Woojin, who had been staring at Haewon’s trembling lips for a long time, took out the phone he had put in his back pocket.

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Haewon placed his hand on his shoulder. He made a call somewhere. Hyun Woojin held the black phone to his ear and alternately looked at Haewon’s hand and face, which were embracing his shoulder.

“It’s me. How’s the investigation on Moon Woosik going? Yeah. Who’s handling it now? Stop and let him go. I know it doesn’t make sense. I know, so let him go. Right now. You idiot, why are you curious about whose complaint it is? It’s my order. Yeah. Let him go right now and take him home. Report back when it’s done.”

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Hyun Woojin hung up after giving orders in a much rougher tone than usual. He placed the phone on a nearby shelf.

“Your father’s name is Moon Woosik, right?”

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Haewon nodded.

“He’ll be released now.”

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“You said it couldn’t be done earlier. You said not even the president could do it.”

“Knowing it can’t be done, what does this mean?”

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Hyun Woojin pointed to Haewon’s hand on his shoulder with his chin. Haewon wrapped his arms around his neck and placed his lips on his, whispering.

“You said you’d buy me bread…”

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They kissed intensely. A few steps back, his body sank into the dining chair. Haewon climbed onto his thighs, grabbed Hyun Woojin’s cheeks, and pressed their lips together. Their heated breaths mingled and scattered.

Haewon’s tongue teased and entwined with his, tasting faint traces of green tea, pulling and sucking. Hyun Woojin’s hands roamed over Haewon’s hips and waist, gripping firmly, almost painfully, as if his fingertips carried a raw intensity. Thoughts unraveled chaotically, and their breaths came out in an even more tangled mess. Haewon’s frantic gestures seemed to suggest that waiting outside his officetel all that time had less to do with his father’s release and more to do with this very moment.

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His heart pounded like a hammer, driving the blood through his veins. Haewon caressed the sharp curve of Hyun Woojin’s jawline, tracing the path down to his neck. It was solid, commanding. Hyun Woojin sucked on Haewon’s lower lip with a forceful pull.

“Mm… ngh…”

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The tender skin brushed against his lips. He drew Haewon’s tongue into his mouth, creating obscene, wet sounds with every motion.

Haewon’s consciousness and subconscious alike were consumed by their kiss. When Hyun Woojin’s hand slipped under his clothes, brushing against bare skin, Haewon abruptly broke away, breathing heavily as he looked down at him.

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“Haah… what are you doing?”

“Hm? I put my hand under your shirt.”

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“Don’t touch me.”

“How am I supposed to touch you without using my hands?”

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“Just don’t touch me. Don’t put your hands under my clothes.”

“Then how far can I go?”

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“Don’t touch anything.”

“Fine, fine.”

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Hyun Woojin withdrew his hand from under Haewon’s clothes, holding both palms up in surrender before letting them fall limply by his sides. His arms dangled beside the chair, listless.

The problem was how warm his hands were. His palms radiated a comforting heat, the kind that could incubate an abandoned egg if cupped gently. If those hands touched bare skin, emotions would overflow uncontrollably, spilling beyond what Haewon could manage.

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As if to affirm the promise not to touch, Haewon took hold of his cheeks and kissed him again. Tilting his head to align their lips at the perfect angle, he felt a fiery heat seeping into his core. They rubbed and licked against each other’s tingling skin. Haewon swallowed the breath Hyun Woojin exhaled and tenderly stroked the spot under his jaw, like a cat’s favorite place. He lazily licked the roof of his mouth and slid against the damp mucous membrane.

When they finally broke apart, Hyun Woojin’s eyes opened, narrowing slightly with a dissatisfied look. His expression, sharp and deliberate, resembled something drawn with precision. Haewon stared at him intently, reaching out to touch the corner of his eye when Hyun Woojin spoke. Haewon’s hand paused mid-air.

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“I’m not a minor.”

It was unclear whether he was criticizing the innocence of their kiss or referring to the unseen restraints binding his hands down.

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“Either raise the stakes or let my arms go.”

“Don’t raise the stakes, and don’t touch me.”

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“What kind of confidence is that? Do you think I’ll let you off that easily?”

“Then stop. Your subordinate must’ve gotten my father released by now.”

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As Haewon started to climb off his lap, Hyun Woojin’s hand swiftly grabbed his waist, holding him in place.

“Fine. I get it.”

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“…”

“I said, I get it.”

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He released Haewon, letting his hands fall to the floor as he looked up at him.

Seated on his thighs, Haewon stared down at Hyun Woojin’s face, finding it strangely novel to observe him up close. It felt like the first time seeing him so clearly. Taeshin had commented on his looks before, but he hadn’t said much about his eyes—or maybe Haewon had been too indifferent to listen.

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A memory surfaced of an art catalog he once saw in a library back in his high school days, featuring a portrait painted five centuries ago. Even after all those years, the eyes in the portrait seemed alive, radiating an unfathomable depth.

Now, in front of him, those same rich, intense hues seemed to reach out. The more Haewon stared into them, the more he felt as if he were being pulled downward into some bottomless depth, a dizzying sensation of falling. He gently stroked Hyun Woojin’s cheek, thankful that his skin wasn’t as warm as his hands.

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“Don’t take forever. You can admire my face later to your heart’s content,” came his low, detached voice.

“You’re not handsome enough to warrant staring.”

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“Then stop looking at me like you’re mesmerized.”

“…You’re so annoying.”

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“I know. I’m annoying.”

Haewon tilted his head at Hyun Woojin, who raised an eyebrow. He captured his lips. The hands hanging down from the chair clenched into fists as if to restrain himself. Haewon held his cheek, pulling him closer, and swallowed his breath.

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Haewon opened his tired eyes. His eyelids felt heavy. He blinked several times, struggling to keep his eyes open.

Where am I…?

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Slowly, he sat up. His body was lying on a bed. The bedding, as wrinkle-free as hotel sheets, covered him, and the midday sun shone outside the window.

It was Hyun Woojin’s officetel. Last night came back to him. He had sat on Hyun Woojin’s lap and kissed him. He had held his face and kissed him for a long time, quite a long time, maybe over an hour, or even two hours? It was hard to gauge how long they had kissed.

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His lips were slightly swollen, proving that the memory was neither exaggerated nor false. It felt like they had been burned. When he touched his lips, he felt a warm heat and pain.

After kissing for so long, Haewon had lost his strength and slumped on his lap. Despite telling him not to touch him, Hyun Woojin had lifted Haewon and carried him somewhere, never breaking the kiss. He didn’t want to stop. It seemed Hyun Woojin felt the same, as he had rejoined their lips after laying Haewon on the bed.

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He hadn’t touched Haewon’s body. Haewon vaguely remembered the man’s form, supporting his weight on his elbows on the bed. They had fallen asleep while kissing each other’s mucous membranes for a long time.

It was the first time he had kissed someone for so long, and the first time he had spent the night with someone, only kissing and doing nothing else.

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Haewon got off the bed. Hyun Woojin was nowhere to be seen. The clock on the wall showed eleven in the morning. He washed his face and put on the coat hanging on the dining chair.

Something was on the table that hadn’t been there last night. It was bread, seemingly bought from the convenience store on the first floor of the building. A single peanut cream sandwich was left there. Haewon took it and left Hyun Woojin’s officetel.

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He called his father. His father was with a lawyer. He claimed he had been politically used. His father was friends with an opposition party member from his hometown and had given him a lot of political donations. He had been sent home without explanation last night but could be called back at any time. He told Haewon not to go out and to come home because he was worried. After the call, Haewon hailed a taxi. Sitting in the back seat, he unwrapped the cheap peanut cream sandwich and ate it. His lips hurt every time they touched.

∞ ∞ ∞

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Haewon was sitting on the bed, watching TV. It was a wildlife documentary. A snake was coiling around and suffocating a small rodent, crushing its flesh and bones. The snake’s head bulged as it swallowed the rodent. Haewon’s eyes stared blankly at the gruesome yet natural order of nature.

There was no survival method as brutal and stark as carnivory. One had to kill something to fill their hungry stomach. If something didn’t die, they would starve. Haewon didn’t know whether to condemn or encourage such carnivory.

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The phone rang. A glance at the screen showed it was Hyun Woojin. Haewon didn’t touch the phone or look at it, staring blankly at the snake swallowing its prey for a long time. The ringing stopped. A few minutes later, the doorbell rang.

He turned his head. The door was tightly closed. The bell rang again. Haewon finally got up from the bed, unlocked the door, and opened it. It was past midnight.

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Hyun Woojin stood outside. He held up a bag. It was from the same nearby bakery where Choi Sunbae had bought bread.

“Answer your phone. Didn’t you agree to listen to me from now on?”

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“I don’t answer calls after midnight.”

“But you open the door for people who come after midnight?”

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Haewon left the door open and turned away. He turned off the TV with the remote, and the sound disappeared, leaving the surroundings quiet.

Hyun Woojin came inside. He tossed the bag onto the dining table. He took off his jacket and hung it on the chair, then grabbed Haewon’s arm as he tried to avoid him. He pulled gently, not hurting him. Haewon followed his lead.

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He sat down on Haewon’s bed. Hyun Woojin looked up at Haewon, who was awkwardly standing there.

“What’s the password?”

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“Why do you want to know someone else’s house password?”

“Didn’t I tell you I’m six years older than you?”

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“You mentioned it before, no need to emphasize it.”

“Are you going to keep talking informally?”

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“I’m six years younger than you. You talk informally to me too.”

“I guess I need to teach you some manners.”

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He quickly grabbed Haewon and threw him onto the bed, covering him as if to dominate him. His actions were precise, without hesitation or delay.

He brushed Haewon’s disheveled hair aside, revealing his forehead.

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“What’s the passcode?”

“Why do you need someone else’s door code?”

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“I don’t want to wake you up.”

It meant he intended to come by at this hour whenever he wanted. To show up unannounced whenever it suited him and leave just as freely.

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“86523.”

Haewon gave him the code without protest. It was the same as before, except for the last digit. Knowing the previous code, Hyun Woojin frowned as soon as he heard the answer.

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“What’s your door code?”

Haewon asked for the code to his officetel.

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“86523.”

“…”

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It was identical to Haewon’s. When Haewon looked at him in surprise, Hyun Woojin’s lips curved into a smirk.

“I’ll change it to match. Feel free to come by whenever you want. Just call first—I’m rarely home, so don’t waste a trip.”

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“You think I’d come?”

“Fine, don’t come. I’ll just come here instead. You stay and wait for me like this every day.”

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He seemed like a playboy. When he said he’d change his door code to match Haewon’s, it sounded strangely sincere. Haewon wondered if he made such sweet-sounding promises to everyone.

His careless kindness must have been excruciating for anyone who cared for him. His generosity was poison, his consideration a whip lashing at exposed wounds. It must have been especially so for Taeshin.

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Haewon stared at him quietly. Even though Hyun Woojin had never said much, Haewon felt he knew a lot about him.

“I saw you at a hotel.”

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Hyun Woojin fixed his gaze on Haewon, as if to ask what he meant.

“What hotel?”

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“A while back. In the summer.”

“…”

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His brows furrowed slightly as he seemed to search his memory. That time at the hotel, meeting a woman, Hyun Woojin had also been seeing Taeshin. Yet he didn’t seem fully committed to either. Being naturally aloof, his indifference toward others felt like second nature, and those on the receiving end accepted it as the natural order.

“Oh, that tiny swimsuit.”

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Finally recalling the memory, Hyun Woojin’s gaze shifted back to Haewon’s face, his expression amused and curious.

“If you had kicked a little harder, it would’ve come off.”

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Haewon held back from mentioning the woman he’d seen him with. Hyun Woojin neither denied nor bothered to explain his relationship with Taeshin.

His fiancée had committed suicide five years ago, and a friend of Haewon’s, who had also loved him, had done the same. It was an unsettling coincidence. Those who loved and desired him seemed to leave at 29, like prey swallowed whole by a snake.

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Perhaps it was because of how he’d lost his fiancée.

Hyun Woojin wandered aimlessly, unable to settle anywhere or with anyone. Haewon knew he, too, was just being used by him. His attention and effort stemmed more from being annoyed at Haewon’s defiance than from genuine interest. His kindness was merely a tool for achieving his goals.

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And Haewon could use him just as coldly. He was sure of it.

But it was a first. The first time he’d spent the night with someone without anything happening. The first time they’d kissed for so long. That realization carried an unsettling foreboding.

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Hyun Woojin’s lips met Haewon’s, pressing against the tender skin that had already been bruised from a night of kissing, drawing a wince of pain. Haewon wrapped his arms around Hyun Woojin’s sturdy neck, pulling him into an embrace. The short, cropped hair at the nape of his neck tickled Haewon’s fingers. A lazy groan escaped Haewon’s lips as it pooled in his throat.

As Hyun Woojin kissed him and traced his face with his hands, his touch gradually moved downward. He lifted the hem of Haewon’s sweater, letting his hand explore the bare skin beneath. He grazed Haewon’s side, then brushed over his chest. When his palm skimmed over Haewon’s nipple, the previously unresponsive body jolted slightly.

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Hyun Woojin pulled back abruptly, his lips parting from Haewon’s. Haewon swallowed the saliva he’d left behind.

“I’m allowed to touch you, right?”

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“Do you really have to ask about every little thing?”

“Yesterday, you told me not to touch you. You’re not some minor, are you?”

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Even his warm hands, with their comforting heat, were nothing more than tools to serve a purpose. His body was perfectly optimized for achieving his goals.

His striking looks, lips and tongue skilled in kissing, sweet-tasting saliva, the deep, resonant voice that could shake a heart from behind, and even those warm hands that could bring someone to tears with their mere touch. All of it was deliberate, including the habitual, almost instinctive kindness embedded in his very being.

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He was, without a doubt, the most exceptional man Haewon had ever been with. It was obvious that even the parts of him Haewon hadn’t experienced yet would be just as outstanding.

Whatever his reasons, however long such feelings would last, Haewon knew that once Hyun Woojin achieved his goal, he would discard him without a second thought, just as he had done with Taeshin. Worrying about such things was a disgusting emotion.

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Taeshin dealt with this sort of thing all the time.

This kind of filthy feeling…

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“I don’t want to teach someone six years older how to do that.”

“That sounds like you’re telling me to figure it out myself.”

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“…”

Haewon had tried not to get involved with the man a friend who had committed suicide had unrequitedly loved. Yet here he was, ready to spread his legs for him. It felt inevitable, as though it was the natural course of things. Everything was going according to Hyun Woojin’s design.

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Haewon crawled to him on all fours, wrapping his arms around his shoulders. He indulged in his lips for what felt like an eternity.

Hyun Woojin stared at Haewon’s dazed, languid eyes, lying as if inviting him to devour him. Then he kissed him again. Haewon wrapped his arms around his neck, surrendering his flesh to the demanding lips and tongue. When Haewon licked his tongue and lightly sucked it into his mouth, Hyun Woojin abruptly pulled away and lifted his head.

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“I told you not to undress so thoughtlessly.”

“Ha…”

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Haewon struggled to calm his breathing, which had just begun to heat up, and looked at him, confused.

“Do you think I’m doing this just to get off once?”

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“I don’t understand what you’re saying.”

“Aren’t you trying to offer yourself to me the way you do to anyone else?”

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“…”

“Am I wrong?”

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Haewon found himself increasingly unable to understand. If that wasn’t the case, then what exactly was he doing? He wanted to ask. The fiancée who had died five years ago, the friend who had pitifully slept with him once, the people he met at hotels and replaced like accessories—Haewon knew he was no different from them in his eyes.

“If I treat everyone the same, aren’t you asking me to do the same for you?”

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“I’m not just anyone.”

“…You are. You’re the most ‘anyone’ of them all.”

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Hyun Woojin rejected Haewon’s attempt at objectivity. Whether it was due to some laughable loyalty to his late friend or a fear of emotions he’d never felt before, Haewon wasn’t sure. What he did know was that a determination was forming within him—not to become another prey devoured by this predator, like his fiancée or Lee Taeshin, lost to the dark forest.

Hyun Woojin sighed. His eyes, previously a mix of regret and hesitation, turned cold in an instant. He straightened his posture, withdrawing his hands from Haewon’s body. Running a hand through his hair, he got off the bed.

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Haewon followed his movements, lying there in disarray, watching as he adjusted his jacket draped over the chair.

“I have to go.”

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It was unexpected. He had been here for barely ten, maybe twenty minutes.

Haewon slowly sat up, his sluggish movements betraying his reluctance. To prove he wasn’t lying, Hyun Woojin shrugged on his jacket.

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“Answer your phone. Even if it’s past midnight, pick up if you’re awake.”

“…You’re leaving?”

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“I just dropped by.”

“Why?”

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“To check if what happened yesterday was a dream or if I imagined it all.”

“Why are you just leaving?”

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“…”

It was bewildering. No one had ever left Haewon like this before. No one had ever ignored him, lying there, waiting for someone’s touch. That was the kind of man Haewon knew all too well.

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It baffled him that someone could walk away without satisfying their desire. As he looked at Hyun Woojin in disbelief, his restraint seemed incomprehensible. Sensing Haewon’s confusion, Hyun Woojin smiled faintly, as if he found his reaction endearing.

“I’m just not in the mood, so I’m leaving.”

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He pulled down the shirt sleeve that had ridden up inside the sleeve of his jacket, adjusting his clothes.

“You let me touch you, didn’t you?”

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“…”

Holding onto the edge of the sheet, Haewon looked at him. Hyun Woojin approached Haewon, who was blinking slowly. Haewon lifted his head towards him.

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“I don’t accept charity. Even if you look at me like that, it won’t work. If you were going to give up after a few tries, you shouldn’t have come here.”

“…”

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“Do you think I don’t know that you usually sleep with annoying guys once to get rid of them?”

“It’s not like that.”

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“It was like that. If you had kept me from touching you like last night, I would have had you today no matter what you said. I would have worn out that pretty voice of yours until you couldn’t talk for days.”

He was saying something completely incomprehensible. Their eyes met.

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“When you feel like you want to cling to me, then undress. That’s what loyalty is.”

Haewon didn’t say that he had already felt that way since the time Hyun Woojin hid him behind his back and protected him from Lee Jinyeong.

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Hyun Woojin left the officetel without saying another word to the dazed Haewon.

∞ ∞ ∞

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Due to Choi Sunbae’s absence, Haewon was lucky enough to rejoin the Hankyung Symphony, which was short on violin players. One of the disorganized group Haewon had gathered with for money a while back actively recommended him. It was only after going through a blind audition with other candidates that he could rejoin. It wasn’t much, but having a regular income was encouraging. Having gone through various hardships after his father cut off financial support, Haewon humbly decided to save all his income and occasionally used his father’s card for cash services, which he also deposited into his savings account.

The orchestra had a tight practice schedule ahead of their regular performance. Henry Chang was booked as the guest soloist. He was scheduled to return to Korea a few days before the concert. Haewon could only leave the practice room late at night.

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Since the concert hall was in a remote location, most members drove, and Haewon was the only one using public transportation. All the members who left the concert hall headed to the underground parking lot. Haewon got off the elevator first and passed through the dark lobby alone. The sound of his footsteps echoed eerily in the darkness.

Heading to the taxi stand, Haewon turned his head at the sound of a car horn. Hyun Woojin’s gray car was parked there.

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He counted the days. He hadn’t answered his calls. It wasn’t that he wasn’t ready to listen to him; he was just in practice. If he hadn’t been practicing, he might have answered, but it seemed like Hyun Woojin called only when he was practicing on purpose. Although he saw the missed calls, Haewon didn’t contact him.

The gray car stopped in front of Haewon. The car window didn’t budge. It seemed like it meant to get in if he knew it was him. Haewon opened the passenger door and got into his car. Hyun Woojin took his violin case and placed it in the back seat.

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“Why didn’t you answer the phone? I’m not free enough to be holding my phone all the time just to talk to you.”

“I don’t answer calls during practice.”

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“I called several times.”

“I was practicing each time.”

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“…”

He didn’t question it further. It seemed he didn’t think Haewon was lying. Haewon had never told him he had rejoined the Hankyung Symphony. They weren’t in the habit of sharing such details.

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He was curious about how Hyun Woojin knew where he was, what time practice ended, and how he showed up here, but he didn’t ask.

His car started moving. It wasn’t heading to Haewon’s officetel.

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As he silently watched out the window, something took Haewon’s hand. He turned his head. He saw Hyun Woojin’s resolute profile as he drove. His right hand had taken Haewon’s left hand and was holding it. When Haewon tried to pull away, he interlocked their fingers. He held on tightly so he couldn’t pull away. Haewon looked at him suspiciously.

He asked, “Where are your gloves?”

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“I lost them.”

In fact, one of the members had seen Haewon’s glove brand and tried them on without asking. Gloves weren’t something to be shared with others. Feeling like they had stretched and absorbed someone else’s scent, Haewon told him to just keep them. The member, not knowing Haewon was secretly cursing, was happy to have the used gloves, thinking they were still a luxury.

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“Take better care of them. Your hands are cold.”

His warm hand covered Haewon’s cold one. It was full of warmth. Holding Haewon’s hand, he continued to drive. As Haewon’s hand gradually warmed from his warmth, Hyun Woojin didn’t let go.

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The car stopped at a skyline where the night view of Seoul was visible at a glance. He still didn’t let go of Haewon’s hand as he shifted the gear to park. Holding hands, they both looked at the night view unfolding before them.