IA Chapter 1.7

With a glass table bearing teacups between them, the two sat across from each other. Taking a moment to steady himself, Jin-han surveyed the hotel room. It had a hallway, a separate living area, and a bedroom—three times the size of the cramped studio where he curled up to sleep. He could hardly believe such a vast space was just a hotel room.

Jeong-yul was silent. Instead, he sipped his tea with those half-lidded, indifferent eyes that always seemed to carry a hint of detachment. His quiet movements, not even a slurp breaking the stillness, made him look entirely at ease in this setting. This extravagant hotel, his refined demeanor—it all screamed that Jeong-yul belonged to a world far removed from Jin-han’s.

‘…Even their sexual preferences were worlds apart.’ 

Sitting rigidly upright with his fists resting on his knees, Jin-han swallowed hard. He was so nervous that sweat beaded on his palms, and his body felt stiff. His throat kept going dry, but he hesitated to get up and look for something to drink.

A teacup of chamomile sat before him, but after spitting it out earlier when Jeong-yul offered it on the bed—finding it bitter—he lacked the courage to try again. It had been a rude move, no doubt, but luckily Jeong-yul mistook it for a reaction as being due to the temperature. That’s why they had moved to sit here instead.

‘So there are people out there who enjoy pain during sex.’ Jin-han stole glances at Jeong-yul every second, quickly darting his eyes back to the teacup, lost in thought. That “unconventional method” Jeong-yul had mentioned before must’ve been… well, whatever that was earlier.

‘Ugh… it was really weird…’

He reflected on what felt like his first brush with sex. He’d taken plenty of hits to sensitive spots before, but nothing like the squeezing sensation from earlier—it was a different breed of pain. It felt intense enough to make his legs give out, yet being handled like that stirred something… strange. And then there was that gaze.

Those dark, narrowed eyes boring into him had sent shivers down his spine. That commanding, oppressive stare wasn’t just violent—it felt like it could seize him whole and wield him at will. Oddly, it sparked excitement. For once, he didn’t have to prove anything; just existing as he was, being desired like that, felt good.

“I’ve been thinking.”

Jeong-yul finally broke the silence. Jin-han, who had been sitting with his head slightly bowed and both hands on his knees jerked his head up. So relieved by the broken silence, color returned to his face.

“Yes! Just tell me!”

His reply rang out, brimming with enthusiasm. Jeong-yul paused for a moment at the spirited response, setting down his teacup before continuing.

“Honestly, I’m still puzzled… but if Jin-han-ssi wants to maintain a relationship this badly, I can at least be friends. It’s not a bad idea to have a friend like you, and you’re the first person I’ve chatted with online for more than a week.

“Jeong-yul-ssi…!”

Jin-han’s eyes sparkled as he shot to his feet. In a situation where Jeong-yul could’ve ditched him without a second thought, his offer of friendship filled Jin-han with overwhelming gratitude. In his excitement, the loosely tied robe slipped open, half-exposing his bare body. Jeong-yul blinked, staring unabashedly at the sight.

“I’ll do my best, really! I might not look it, but I’m a great listener as a friend. And I’m super strong! Call me anytime you need help moving something heavy. Oh! I can walk you home at night if you’re scared to go alone!”

As he earnestly pondered what other skills he could offer as a friend, Jeong-yul calmed his enthusiasm.

“Why would I ask a friend for that? Anyway, Jin-han-ssi… I don’t know if it’s an act or just how you are, but you seem so clueless about this stuff. It does look like you need someone around to guide you. I can’t imagine what might happen if you’re left on your own.”

“An act?”

Jeong-yul closed his mouth at the truly innocent question. His black eyes slowly scanned the gap in Jin-han’s robe, still wide open, and Jinhan belatedly realized how he looked. It was always common for his clothes to be almost torn off while sparring in his dojo uniform, so he was late in realizing that the current situation was strange.

But the moment he registered Jeong-yul’s gaze, his lower abdomen clenched. An inexplicable surge pulsed through his dormant groin, and he hurriedly plopped back onto the sofa, yanking the robe shut. His face flushed, sweat pooling at his back.

“Well, maybe it’s just natural,” Jeong-yul muttered cryptically, averting his eyes. Brushing his hair back, he checked his wristwatch and moved as if to stand.

“Anyway, I think we’re done here. It’s late, so Jin-han-ssi, you should sleep here. I’ll take care of the bill before I leave.”

“Huh? You’re going? It’s this late already?”

Jeong-yul nodded and rose, gesturing toward the bedroom.

“There’s only one bed, so there’s no reason for me to stay.”

“Can’t we just share it?”

“I don’t sleep next to anyone unless it’s for sex. I prefer being alone.”

“B-But now that we’re friends, couldn’t you just… sleep comfortably? I’m really quiet when I sleep. I don’t snore or grind my teeth.”

Eun-hyeong, who was a light sleeper and very sensitive, had acknowledged that Jinhan slept like a log. He didn’t even move, his breathing was quiet, and he had the knack of falling asleep as soon as he lay down, so Eun-hyeong, who hated sleeping with another guy, especially kept Jinhan by his side.

“Hmm.”

Jeong-yul’s vague reply suggested his mind was made up as he stepped out of the living area. Sure, sleeping alone was probably better for Jin-han too, but oddly, Jeong-yul leaving so soon left a hollow ache. Counting the blackout in his memory, they’d barely spent an hour together tonight. He’d looked forward to this so much that the brevity stung, leaving him wistful.

“Plus, we, uh, didn’t even finish the s-sex… thing, right? We agreed to be sex friends.”

So Jin-han racked his brain. They’d met for sex, but he’d been the only one to finish, and he hadn’t even gotten a proper look at Jeong-yul’s… well, that. He’d glimpsed it, sure, but it felt like a hallucination. Something that huge attached to a person? It didn’t make sense. He’d probably been drunk and imagined it.

At Jin-han’s rushed words, Jeong-yul turned back. Pausing silently, he tilted his head slightly, looking down at Jin-han with a crooked smirk.

“Sex, you say?”

The low murmur burrowed into his ears, sinking his stomach and tickling his insides. It was just a word, but Jeong-yul’s whisper made everything sound obscene. It was bizarre.

“…Yes.”

Like before, Jeong-yul’s gaze raked over him slowly. The sensation of being stripped by his eyes made Jin-han’s body stiffen, his mouth parching.

“You, who’s never taken a man, think you can handle me? You couldn’t even handle my fingers.”

Jin-han froze, speechless. Then it hit him—the real issue: Jeong-yul was aiming for his hole.

“You clearly have no experience. You’d be better off having your first time with someone with normal tastes, not someone like me. You didn’t even want to be bottom, did you?”

Exactly. That was the crux of it.

“Uh… couldn’t I… do it? I’m a really fast learner…”

Having been born male and living with the fixed idea that he would someday use what he had in front, Jin-han really wanted to try using it at least once. He naturally assumed that for the first time, he would be the one performing that act. Plus, his build wasn’t inferior to anyone’s, he was tall, and he was confident in his strength, so his imagination kept going in that direction.

“I prefer causing pain over feeling it.”

Though he explained it kindly instead of asking if it was possible, Jeong-yul’s voice was firm and his expression was almost cold. Facing such an unyielding attitude, like confronting a deeply rooted tree, Jin-han felt intimidated. ‘I see. So that’s not possible…’

‘Then, I have to let him go…’

Despite all his nervous preparation and extensive research, Jin-han’s first experience ended in failure. When he fell silent in disappointment, Jeong-yul briefly examined him before turning again toward the bathroom. Jin-han listened blankly to the sound of running water from the sink as he trudged to the bedroom.

‘Ugh… damn it.’

Something felt unsettling. From the beginning, his complete misunderstanding had ruined everything Jeong-yul had expected, and even after learning he wasn’t Eun-hyeong, he had thwarted Jeong-yul’s attempts. The realization settled clearly in his mind.

As he blankly traced back his actions, a strong sense of guilt and self-loathing rose. It was clear that Jeong-yul was only having a hard time because of him, who was so oblivious.

‘Can’t I do anything right?’

He felt genuinely pathetic and miserable. Jeong-yul wasn’t likely to cherish a nuisance like him as a friend—his words sounded more like he was offering to babysit. But Jin-han wanted to give something back. Continuing this relationship without contributing felt toxic.

Looking back, Jeong-yul was a good person. Jin-han had sensed it from their app chats. He’d listened to Jin-han’s odd way of speaking without judgment, responded to his trivial questions, and remembered every detail.

‘Jeong-yul-ssi’s so great, and here I am, just doing whatever I want…’

Jin-han took a deep breath and made up his mind. ‘Fine. I’ve decided. My hole was already penetrated by his fingers—what was the point of holding out now?’

He still wasn’t entirely sure what Jeong-yul meant by ‘rough sex’, but reflecting on what he had experienced, it wasn’t unbearable. It had just been awkward and strange, but compared to the pain he’d felt as an athlete, it was actually nothing. His resilience, forged through injuries of broken and fractured bones, had numbed him to moderate pain.

Once he made up his mind, there was nothing to fear. With a face that had resolved all worries, Jin-han sprang up and rushed to wait outside the bathroom. Just then, Jeong-yul opened the door and came out, frowning when he discovered Jinhan standing there with suspiciously bright eyes.

“…What is it?”

“I was thinking, I feel like I’ve only been on the receiving end. We originally met for sex, but because of my misunderstanding, you’ve just been wasting your time. So…”

Jin-han whispered softly with a very solemn face.

“I’ll… be bottom.”