HTTRPIAO Ch 40-44

“How on earth did that happen…”

Edwin reached out with a surprised look on his face when he saw the clear wound mark. However, his hand didn’t reach Etienne. Etienne had pulled his hand back as if hiding the wound.

“It’s nothing.”

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“Nothing?!”

Edwin raised his voice without realizing it. He grabbed Etienne’s arm and pulled it towards himself. Then he saw dried blood on the white back of his hand and slender fingers.

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“Chamberlain!”

Edwin called for the chamberlain in an urgent voice. The chamberlain, who had been waiting nearby, quickly appeared.

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“You called, Your Majesty?”

“Bring the imperial doctor! Right now!”

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“Pardon?”

“The prince is injured, bring the imperial doctor!”

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“Ah, yes, sir.”

At Edwin’s shout, the chamberlain ran off with an unusually flustered expression. Soon he returned with the imperial doctor. Meanwhile, Edwin led Etienne to a bench.

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“Sit here.”

Etienne, who found himself sitting on the bench before he knew it, rolled his eyes around. He couldn’t understand how the situation had come to this.

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“Excuse me.”

The doctor, who held Etienne’s hand as if cradling it, skillfully disinfected the wound on the back of his hand. When the cotton soaked of alcohol touched the wound, he felt a stinging. Etienne flinched his fingers each time the cotton brushed against the wound.

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“The wound isn’t deep. That’s fortunate.”

After quickly finishing the disinfection, the doctor checked the wound and took out some ointment. He carefully applied the ointment to the wound and even put on a bandage.

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Edwin, who had been watching the whole process from behind, asked restlessly.

“Will it scar?”

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“It should be fine as long as he applies the medicine regularly.”

“Well done. You may leave now.”

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“Yes, Your Majesty.”

Etienne watched Edwin discussing his wound with the doctor, puzzled. The emperor worrying about him? Something that seemed impossible was actually happening.

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“Does it hurt?”

Edwin shifted his gaze to Etienne after finishing his conversation with the doctor. Etienne unconsciously avoided his eyes.

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The eyes looking at him and  the voice asking if he was alright sounded quite affectionate. As if he was actually worried about him.

“Thank you.”

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Etienne awkwardly looked down at the bandaged back of his hand while expressing his gratitude. Only then did Edwin show a relieved expression.

“I’m glad.”

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Edwin mumbled while looking at Etienne’s hand, now clean with the bloodstains gone. When he first saw the wound, he was so shocked his mind went blank.

“How did you get hurt?”

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“Ah, that’s…”

At Edwin’s question, Etienne couldn’t answer right away and let his words trail off. Seeing Etienne’s troubled expression, Edwin’s eyes darkened. He remembered Etienne’s words about coming from meeting the Empress. Surely not…

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“Did the Empress do this?”

“No. A vase fell and broke… I just got cut by the flying glass shards.”

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“A vase fell?”

Edwin’s face crumpled at Etienne’s answer. There was no way a vase would fall to the floor if nothing was done to it.

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Surely she didn’t throw the vase?

Edwin’s expression hardened at the thought that crossed his mind. It was entirely possible. Recalling Leona’s temperament, she was more than capable of such things.

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“Did the Empress perhaps…”

“Nothing like what you’re thinking happened, Father. Mother called for me because she was worried after hearing I had collapsed.”

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Despite Etienne’s denial, Edwin couldn’t shake off his suspicion about Leona.

Logically speaking, if she was worried about her child, shouldn’t she visit him herself, rather than ordering an ill person to come and go as she pleased? Edwin’s expression became even more serious than before.

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Did I say something wrong?

Etienne swallowed dryly when he saw Edwin’s apparent discomfort. After thinking for a moment, he carefully called out to Edwin.

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“Um… Father.”

“Hmm?”

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“I’m sorry about the matter with Grand Duke Eckhart.”

“What?”

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Edwin was dumbfounded at the unexpected apology. Etienne continued, awkward.

“I caused trouble… because I collapsed in front of the Grand Duke.”

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“What? No, no. What trouble?”

“Isn’t that why you look so troubled?”

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Edwin’s words caught in his throat for a moment, his lips quivering. Etienne hadn’t even considered the possibility that he was acting this way out of concern for him.

Realizing this made the back of Edwin’s head throb as if someone had struck it hard.

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“Mother intends to use this incident to attack Grand Duke Eckhart.”

Interpreting Edwin’s silence as confirmation, Etienne lowered his voice to whisper to him. Though there was no one around, one could never be too careful.

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“Tomorrow, Count Herace will accuse Grand Duke Eckhart of attempted assassination of an imperial family member. It would be good to prepare in advance.”

“I… see.”

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Edwin answered in a subdued voice. His throat felt so constricted that sounds barely came out.

“Then I’ll leave it to you. Since it’s not really an issue I can address myself… Ah, and I’ll be staying at the capital’s detached palace for a while.”

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“Detached palace?”

“Yes, while Mother is away from the capital. She’ll use this incident as an excuse to say that I need to recuperate… I’m only following Mother’s orders because I can’t defy her, so please don’t misunderstand.”

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“I see.”

When Edwin nodded in understanding, Etienne’s expression showed slight relief. Etienne didn’t think Edwin would completely trust him.

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Trust isn’t something that forms easily. Though he had clearly conveyed his intentions, he was still obviously someone who worked under the Empress in everyone’s eyes.

He would inevitably be suspected again when seen following the Empress’s orders and cooperating with her.

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“I’m relieved. I was worried you might misunderstand when you found out.”

Etienne said with relief. Though he had been startled when he encountered Edwin on his way back to the palace, he thought it worked out well that he could convey this message.

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He could also avoid Leona’s suspicion by telling her that Edwin had discovered and treated the wound on his hand.

Contrary to Etienne’s brightening face, Edwin’s grew darker. The more he talked with Etienne, the more regret about the past he had ruined weighed on his chest.

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“When Mother goes to the east, there will be more calm. The eyes watching you and the Grand Duke will also become less vigilant. I think it would be good to arrange a meeting between the three of us then. We’ll need to discuss how to proceed from here.”

“That’s a good idea. I’ll try to arrange something.”

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“I leave it to you then. Now I shall take my leave.”

“Already? Won’t you have at least a cup of tea…”

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“Having tea with Father would arouse Mother’s suspicion.”

Etienne sat up as he concluded his conversation with Edwin. While a brief moment might be fine, spending any significant amount of time with the Emperor was dangerous.

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Etienne bowed formally to the Emperor. Watching Etienne turn away without hesitation, Edwin impulsively opened his mouth.

“P-Prince!”

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“Yes?”

Etienne stopped at the sudden call and looked at him. Edwin faltered when he saw Etienne’s face, devoid of any emotion.

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“Do you have something more to say?”

“Well, um…”

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Edwin stammered, his lips quivering at Etienne’s question. Over the past few days, he had been wondering how to apologize to Etienne, how to ask for forgiveness. But now that he tried to speak, the words wouldn’t come out.

“For all this time…”

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Edwin stumbled over his words with a tense face. Countless words swirled in his mouth before disappearing.

After a long while, Edwin finally managed to utter one sentence. Though late, it was what he should have said first to Etienne as an inadequate father.

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“I’m sorry.”

“…Eh?”

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Etienne’s eyes widened at Edwin’s sudden apology. He had wondered what Edwin was going to say after all that hesitation, but an apology? He hadn’t expected this at all.

“After talking with you last time… I’ve been thinking a lot. And I’ve been regretting.”

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Regret? What is he saying?

Etienne blankly stared at Edwin, who had his head bowed. His mind felt distant, as if in a dream. That’s how unrealistic it was.

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“The more I think about it, the more I realize I’ve wronged you in so many ways. I was too selfish. I shouldn’t have treated you like that…”

Edwin’s voice grew gradually quieter. As it did, his head drooped lower and lower. He couldn’t bring himself to look at Etienne’s face. He was curious yet afraid of what expression he might have.

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“I’m truly sorry, Etienne.”

Edwin bowed deeply toward Etienne. Though he knew this much couldn’t compensate for the years past, he still wanted to express his current regret.

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“I’m not asking for your forgiveness, I know I don’t have that right. I just… wanted to properly apologize to you.”

At Edwin’s words, light blue eyes wavered intensely. Now? Why? Along with these questions, anger welled up.

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I hate this.

Etienne took a deep breath, suppressing the rising anger. He hated himself for being shaken by mere words of apology.

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I really hate this.

Etienne clenched his fists so tight his veins showed and bit down on his molars. Otherwise, he felt he might scream.

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It would have been better if he hadn’t apologized at all. Etienne looked at Edwin with cold, sunken eyes. Unlike his boiling insides, his mind was cold.

“It might sound like an excuse, but there were reasons why I had to…”

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“Father.”

Etienne gently cut off Edwin’s words. At the calm voice, Edwin’s head rose. He saw a face as expressionless as a doll’s. A face devoid of anger, sadness, joy, or anything at all.

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“You don’t need to concern yourself with me so much.”

“…What?”

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“I mean you don’t need to force yourself to apologize like this. I know my place well.”

“What are you…”

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Edwin blinked at the cryptic words. He couldn’t understand what Etienne was saying. Facing Edwin’s confusion, Etienne gently curved the corners of his eyes. It was a smile that carried a sense of a long-held resignation.

“To you, Father, I am an existence that reminds you of an unforgettable pain. I know that every time you see me, you’re reminded of old wounds.”

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Thump.

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There was a sound of something plummeting. Edwin stared at Etienne with wide eyes. He couldn’t believe what he had just heard.

“Y-You knew? T-That…”

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Edwin asked with a trembling voice. He kept stumbling over his words, looking extremely flustered. He tried to maintain his composure but couldn’t.

I didn’t want to tell him for this very reason.

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Etienne looked at Edwin’s crumbling expression with a bitter smile. He had wanted to pretend not to know until the very end.

Because the moment he revealed that he knew about the past, everything would truly end.

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That’s why he hid it. He lingered around him while pretending to know nothing.

He thought that maybe if he did that, someday he would be truly seen, maybe he could become his proper son.

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But not anymore. He had abandoned all possible hope and the stubborn expectations he had been holding onto. Because after that day’s conversation, he knew he could never be Edwin’s first priority.

But why, why are you doing this only after I’ve given up everything?

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Etienne met Edwin’s gaze with cold eyes. It was almost laughable how those eyes that had always looked at him coldly were now trembling as if an earthquake were happening. Etienne held back his laughter as he opened his mouth.

“I mean that I know how I was born.”

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Thump.

His heart plummeted again at the mention of knowing the truth about the past. Edwin stared at Etienne, forgetting even to breathe.

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“You never wanted me, Father. And Mother did a terrible thing to you.”

“Who, who told you?”

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Edwin asked with a dumbfounded expression. In the past, he had ordered everyone who knew about that night to keep absolute silence. He wanted to treat it as if it had never happened, as it was so shameful.

Leona also acted as if nothing had happened. The fact that she had to force the Emperor to share the bed with her because he avoided all intimacy with her was a massive blow to her pride, as she had always received countless courtships from many Alphas.

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Because their interests aligned, the subject of that night had never surfaced for over twenty years. In fact, far more people didn’t know about it than those who did.

That’s why Edwin thought Etienne would naturally not know. But that wasn’t the case? He already knew everything? Edwin staggered, overwhelmed by shock.

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“You know what? Mother doesn’t watch her words in front of me. Not because she trusts me, but because she thinks I’m nothing.”

“The Empress told you?”

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“More precisely, I overheard her conversation with Duke Herace.”

In his childhood, Etienne was isolated under Leona’s control. Until he moved independently to Estella Palace at age nine, Etienne’s world consisted only of Leona and her people.

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Naturally, Leona paid no attention to Etienne. She acted as if he didn’t exist even when he was right in front of her. Because she ignored him, she didn’t watch her words or actions in his presence.

As a result, Etienne could know everything about what Leona had done and what schemes she was plotting. Not that it changed anything, though.

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The day he learned about how he was born was similar to any other day. Etienne was reading a book in a corner of the reception room when he overheard an argument between Leona and Duke Herace. That day, he learned about the incident related to his birth.

“I abandoned all the disappointment and resentment I had towards you, Father, the day I learned the truth. It hadn’t been appropriate to have harbored such feelings in the first place. After all, I’m not qualified to feel that way.”

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Etienne spoke in a bitter voice. Though he could be calm about it now, it wasn’t so when he first found out. When he learned why he wasn’t loved by the Emperor, Etienne fell into deep despair. He had always disliked himself, but that day, he truly found his existence horrific.

“How could I dare to hope for your love when I am nothing but evidence of that painful day?”

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An unnecessary Omega to his mother, an indelible result of trauma to his father. His birth had been wrong from the start.

After that day, Etienne stopped wanting the Emperor’s attention. Once he realized he wasn’t qualified, even the cold gazes and loveless voice didn’t hurt anymore.

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However, a lingering attachment remained in a corner of his heart. This feeling, buried deep in his chest, would occasionally surface and torment him.

There were times he wanted to shout that he hadn’t asked to be born, that being born wasn’t his fault.

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There were times he hated him because he couldn’t understand why he had to live being treated this way, feeling wronged and hurt by everything. But it was all futile.

“No, no. That’s not…”

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He needed to say it wasn’t true. That it wasn’t like that.

Edwin shook his head desperately. Each word from Etienne was like a knife to his heart. Edwin approached Etienne, not knowing what to do. He had to say something.

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“I, I was wrong. Etienne, I…”

“No. Father has done nothing wrong. As I said earlier, don’t feel sorry for me. There’s no need to apologize.”

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Etienne gently pushed away Edwin as he tried to approach him. Unlike Edwin’s completely distorted face, Etienne was calm.

“I don’t want anything from you, Father. We might help and cooperate with each other since we have the same goal, but other than that, I’d like to continue as we have been. That will be the most comfortable situation for both of us.”

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After finishing his words, Etienne took a step back. Then he bowed formally to him.

“Somehow, the conversation ended up being too long. This time I’ll really take my leave.”

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“W-wait.”

Edwin desperately reached out to Etienne, who was turning his back on him. But once again, his hand couldn’t reach.

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He needed to grab his son, needed to grab him and tell him it wasn’t true.

He needed to say that even if it was like that at first, he regrets it now, that he wants to be the father he couldn’t be until now, so please forgive him…

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“Ah, aah…”

A groan escaped through his parted lips. Edwin desperately tried to move his lips. He needed to stop Etienne but his voice wouldn’t come out.

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Edwin helplessly dropped his head as he watched Etienne’s back quickly disappearing. Etienne was wrong. He was the one who wasn’t qualified.

 

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* * *

 

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“This way!”

“Move quickly!”

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The detached palace located in the imperial forest became noisy from early morning with preparations for the important guests that were coming. The palace servants belonging to the detached palace busily carried luggage while glancing at the carriages marked with the imperial emblem.

“Be careful not to damage anything while moving it!”

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Ben moved among the people, giving instructions in a loud voice. As Etienne’s head servant, he had been busy since dawn. Even though they had minimized the number of people and luggage going to the detached palace, there was still much to manage.

“Your Highness.”

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Once the situation was roughly sorted out, Ben approached the carriage Etienne was in and knocked on the door. The window opened as if he had been waiting.

“Is it finished?”

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“Yes. All the luggage has been moved inside. Though we haven’t finished organizing yet… I think you can get out now.”

“Good work.”

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“It’s nothing. Please step down carefully.”

Ben smiled and opened the carriage door while stepping aside. Meanwhile, Etienne, who had roughly tidied his appearance, stood up.

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“Welcome, Your Highness!”

As Etienne stepped down from the carriage, Count Maefe and the detached palace’s servants, who had been waiting for his arrival, all bowed formally.

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“I pay my respects to the Star of the Empire! I am Maefe, the one in charge of managing the detached palace. It is an honor to serve you, Your Highness.”

“Pleased to meet you, Count Maefe.”

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Etienne flashed a smile at Count Maefe who was greeting him.

“As the Empress must have told you, I came here to rest quietly. That’s why I brought so few servants to attend to me.”

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“I am aware. We will be careful not to disturb Your Highness’s rest.”

“You won’t have any special duties, Count. Those who came with me will attend to my needs.”

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“Pardon?”

“I’m saying you shouldn’t feel burdened just because I’m staying at the detached palace. You don’t need to try hard to serve me. Just think of me as someone who isn’t here.”

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“No, how could I show such disloyalty…”

“It’s not disloyalty. Count, just do your usual work. I’ll take my rest freely on my own.”

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Etienne said firmly. While Count Maefe belonged to the neutral faction, his excessive enthusiasm was a drawback. It was better to draw the line early to avoid future annoyances.

“That’s also why I chose to stay in the annex rather than the main building. Do you understand what I mean?”

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“…I understand.”

When Etienne deliberately spoke bluntly, Count Maefe reluctantly agreed. Etienne went to the point once more. To avoid him interfering with his plans, he needed to be completely sure that the Count would mind his business.

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“I’ll say it again, I came here to rest. If someone disturbs my rest for unnecessary reasons, I’ll be very annoyed. In that case, I might have to find someone else to manage this places that is more to my taste.”

Count Maefe tensed at Etienne’s warning. The servants behind him did the same.

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“I’ll keep it in mind.”

“Good. Seems like you understand well.”

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Etienne patted Count Maefe’s shoulder with a satisfied expression. At times like this, the rumors about his bad personality were quite useful.

“Except for walks, I’ll spend most of my time in my room. I’ll have my meals there too.”

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“Yes, Your Highness.”

“During my stay at the detached palace, I won’t allow any unscheduled visits. I’d like you to turn away anyone who comes looking for me.”

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“Of course.”

“And if you have any business with me, communicate through my head servant here. Understood?”

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“I will do so.”

Count Maefe nodded vigorously. Etienne offered his hand with a smiling face to the Count who was now fully alert.

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“Then I’ll be in your care for the next month.”

“I will serve you with all my heart!”

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Count Maefe took Etienne’s hand with even more politeness than before. And so began the month-long stay at the detached palace.

 

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***

 

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A breeze carrying the scent of flowers blew in through the wide open window. Etienne put down the book he was reading on the armrest and turned to look outside. The blueish forest, like a beautiful painting, made him feel better just by looking at it.

“It looks so good…”

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Etienne smiled softly at the scenery filled with spring’s energy. After three days since coming to the detached palace, his time at the detached palace was far more peaceful than expected. Count Maefe faithfully followed Etienne’s words. He didn’t dare come near the annex where Etienne was staying. The palace servants assigned to the detached palace were the same.

Over the past three days, Etienne would wake up late, eat, and enjoy light walks. Walking along the paths around the annex make his mind clear and refreshed.

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Of course, he wasn’t just walking without a purpose. Etienne wandered here and there under the pretense of taking walks. He tried to understand the structure of the detached palace. Fortunately, he had a good memory, so memorizing the paths wasn’t difficult.

After finishing his walks, he would return to his room and read. Then Ben would bring dinner. Afterward, he would soak in the bath filled with hot spring water before going back to sleep.

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Though it was similar to his life at the Imperial Palace, the time spent at the detached palace was much better than expected. Unlike the Imperial Palace, there was no need to worry about others’ gazes.

Here, there was no Empress to bother Etienne, no eyes and ears to monitor him.

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The palace servants who came to the detached palace were carefully selected one by one by Ben. The Empress’s pawns among the servants were all excluded.

Thanks to that, the annex where Etienne stayed was practically his space alone. Etienne felt his airways clear up for the first time in a long while. With his mind at ease, naturally his body felt better too.

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“Your Highness.”

Etienne, who was walking toward the balcony after getting up from his seat, stopped at the voice from behind. Ben was standing there holding clothes, though it wasn’t clear when he had entered.

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“I’ve brought the clothes you requested.”

“That was quick.”

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“Though they might feel a bit rough since we had to make some changes quickly… there shouldn’t be any discomfort when moving.”

Ben said as he placed the clothes on the table. The clothes he brought were what servants wore when going out. Etienne checked each piece of clothing Ben brought and was satisfied.

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“The wig?”

“Here it is. And this too.”

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Ben took out a brown wig from a paper bag and handed Etienne an identification token. The token with a star-shaped jewel embedded in it was specially made to identify palace servants belonging to the Prince’s Palace.

“It belongs to a servant who recently entered the palace. Since we need to return it, please don’t lose it.”

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“Thank you.”

Etienne thanked Ben and put on the wig with awkward movements. He felt somewhat excited.

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“How is it? Do I look different?”

“The wig is crooked.”

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Ben reached out with a blank expression after seeing Etienne wearing the wig. After adjusting the wig, he hesitantly opened his mouth.

“Do you really have to go?”

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The careful question was full of worry. Ben wanted to stop Etienne even now. Going alone to Grand Duke Eckhart’s residence seemed reckless no matter how he thought about it.

“I have to.”

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Etienne answered while unbuttoning the shirt he was wearing. Disguising himself as a servant to visit Rishar was something he had planned since the moment he came to the detached palace.

Ben hurried to help dress Etienne when he removed his shirt himself. However, his mouth continued to nag.

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“No matter how I think about it, going alone is too dangerous. The distance from the detached palace to the Grand Duke’s residence is way too far too…”

“I have no choice. We have to avoid people’s eyes.”

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“Why not send a letter to the Grand Duke instead? Or have him come here?”

“I have something I need to say to him face to face. And if we call him here, it’ll cause a commotion immediately.”

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Etienne replied as if it was obvious. Currently, Rishar was under house arrest at his residence due to Count Herace, who accused Rishar of having attacked Etienne with malicious intent.

As the Empress had planned, Count Herace did it at the regular state council meeting. He claimed that Rishar had deliberately released his pheromones, causing Etienne to go into pheromone shock.

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People’s reactions were divided into three: those attacking Rishar, those protecting Rishar, and those observing the situation.

Among them, surprisingly, those protecting Rishar showed strong support. They argued that Rishar’s release of pheromones was natural for an Alpha, and it made no sense that Etienne, a Beta, would collapse from just that. Some claimed it was a conspiracy to frame Rishar.

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Even among the noble faction that supported the Empress and the neutral faction, quite a few people thought Count Herace’s claims were reckless, so the atmosphere of the state council was turning favorable for Rishar.

However, the atmosphere changed with Rishar’s own statement.

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‘I absolutely did not attack His Highness. I have never harbored ill will toward him. However, it is true that His Highness collapsed due to my carelessness. I failed to control my pheromones and caused him trouble. I will gladly accept punishment for that part.’

The imperial faction that had been defending Rishar was taken aback when he partially admitted his fault. They never thought he would respond this way.

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In the end, the Emperor issued Rishar a house arrest order. He also commanded that Rishar formally apologize to Etienne after his recovery.

Rishar didn’t resist the Emperor’s decision. He said he would comply with the house arrest order and shut himself in his residence.

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When Etienne heard this news, he was dumbfounded. It was incomprehensible that Rishar would readily admit guilt when he should have denied any wrongdoing. If Rishar had been in front of him, he might have shouted asking if he was crazy.

That’s how incomprehensible his actions were. Wasn’t this only benefiting the noble faction?

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At first, Etienne was shocked and angry at Rishar for acting so foolishly, but as time passed, he felt increasingly sorry toward him. Rishar had clearly acted that way because of him.

‘Wake up! Hyung-nim! Damn it! Etienne!’

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He still remembered Rishar’s desperate voice calling him before he lost consciousness so vividly. So was the distorted face he saw through his blurry vision.

He must have been very shocked.

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Thinking back to that time made Etienne feel even more sorry toward Rishar. Though he didn’t know what happened after he collapsed, from what he heard from Ben, Rishar’s condition seemed to have been quite bad.

Especially, as they said his face turned pale white when the doctor mentioned it was a pheromone shock.

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Rishar was probably blaming himself. This was evident from how he turned away after insisting on staying by Etienne’s side until he woke up, upon hearing the doctor’s diagnosis.

But Etienne didn’t think it was Rishar’s fault. Though the doctor said Etienne had fainted from pheromone shock, he thought differently. It was a kind of defense mechanism that had been activated.

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It was his body reacting to his mind’s desire to escape from that situation, to avoid Rishar’s confession. So it absolutely wasn’t Rishar’s fault.

Anyway, Rishar hadn’t visited Etienne even after he regained consciousness. People whispered that Rishar was cold-hearted, but Etienne could guess why he wasn’t visiting.

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Rishar was afraid that Etienne might collapse again if they met. In his current state, he probably wouldn’t respond even if Etienne asked to meet. So there was no choice but to go directly to him.

“It’s done.”

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“Hm? Ah.”

Etienne, lost in thought, snapped out of his reverie at Ben’s voice. He looked down curiously at the clothes that were different from his usual style.

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“If we had more time, I could have found better fabric…”

Ben muttered with a regretful expression. The clothes he prepared were outerwear popular among lower nobility or merchants, the middle class. Though the design was decent and the fabric was high quality, it was far below what Etienne usually wore.

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Ben wasn’t happy about having the prince, who was raised eating the highest quality of food and wearing only the finest things, wear clothes that servants like himself would wear.

“This is plenty. The texture is soft too.”

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Unlike Ben, Etienne was very satisfied. He turned, trying out the movement. Perhaps because there were no jewels or accessories, it was comfortable to move in.

While Etienne pulled up his hood and made final checks of his outfit, Ben brought a glass of water and a medicine bottle.

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“Do you really have to take the medicine? It’s your hard-earned break from medicine…”

“Just until today. I won’t take it starting tomorrow.”

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Etienne put several pills in his mouth at once and gulped down the water. After the last incident, knowing that he was affected by Rishar’s pheromones, it couldn’t hurt to be careful.

“…You’ll return today, right?”

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Ben asked in a worried voice after putting eye drops in Etienne’s eyes.

“Of course. But if it gets too late, I might stay one night?”

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“Whaaat?”

Ben’s voice rose at Etienne’s muttering. Etienne smiled slightly and patted Ben’s shoulder lightly as his eyes were open wide.

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“Why are you so surprised? It could happen something unexpected.”

“No…”

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“If I can’t return today, don’t get so restless and keep hiding well. Understood?”

“Don’t say such ominous things.”

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Ben replied grumpily, openly showing his displeasure. Etienne added in a gentle voice, as if soothing an upset child.

“If the conversation runs long or something unexpected happens, I’ll contact you right away. Don’t worry too much.”

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“How can I not worry?”

Ben kept grumbling. He wanted to say he would go with Etienne even now.

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But he had to hold back, knowing better than anyone that he couldn’t. If something unexpected happened while Etienne was away, like Count Maefe visiting, he was the only one who could handle it.

“The carriage?”

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“I had it wait at the back garden.”

“Well done. Did you make sure the driver keeps quiet?”

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“Yes. I told him that you’re doing a special errand for the Prince as he wants to order something. He’ll drop you off in front of the Jeweler’s Guild near the Grand Duke’s residence.”

“Good job.”

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“You can see the Grand Duke’s residence right from there, so it won’t be hard to find. However, it’s quite far despite how close it looks. Because the mansion is so big… you’ll have to walk much further than you might expect.”

“That’s fine. I can walk slowly.”

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As they chatted and walked out to the back garden, the coachman who had been checking the carriage spotted them and hurried over.

“You’re here, head servant.”

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“Mm, yes. Are the preparations complete?”

“We can depart immediately.”

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“Good. You remember what I said earlier? You just need to drop him off, he’ll handle getting back himself.”

“Understood.”

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The coachman replied with a good-natured face. Etienne gave him a slight nod.

“I’ll be in your care.”

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“I heard from the head servant that you recently entered palace service?”

“Yes. It’s my first errand so I’m quite nervous.”

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“Don’t worry. I’ll get you there safely.”

The coachman beat his chest as if saying to trust him. Etienne bowed his head to him once more and got into the carriage. Then he took out perfume from his pocket and sprayed it.

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“Please be careful.”

Ben whispered in a small voice as he closed the carriage door. Etienne smiled at him as if saying not to worry.

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“Hya!”

With the coachman’s shout, the carriage began to move. Thinking that he would soon meet Rishar, his heart raced with a mix of tension and excitement.

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* * *

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I’m suffocating to death.

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Elvin grumbled as he turned a page of the document. The office was so quiet that the sound of turning paper echoed loudly.

Startled by the noise he made, Elvin rolled his eyes nervously, glancing around. At the end of his gaze was Rishar.

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Rishar, the culprit behind the heavy atmosphere in the office, was checking the documents piled on his desk one by one with an expressionless face.

Elvin gulped after confirming Rishar’s obvious low spirits. He had been in that state for a week already.

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“Haah.”

Elvin rubbed his cold arms and let out a small sigh as he turned his attention back to the documents. While it was a warm spring outside, inside the office was a desolate winter.

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I want to go home.

Elvin picked up his fountain pen with a gloomy face. He felt like he wouldn’t live to see his natural death at this rate. Never had he envied Jade and Stella, who worked outside, more than today.

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“Elvin.”

“Yes, yes!”

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Elvin hastily responded to the low voice that pierced his ears. Rishar lightly waved the document he was holding.

“There’s something odd about this content.”

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“The content is odd?”

“Yes. The calculations seem wrong. We should probably call the finance officer.”

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“Just a moment, let me check it first.”

Elvin hurriedly approached Rishar’s desk. All the documents Rishar was reviewing had been checked by him first. If the calculations were really wrong, it was clear that not only the finance officer but he himself would be in trouble.

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“Uh, hmm.”

After quickly scanning the document handed over by Rishar, Elvin’s expression darkened. Rishar was right, the calculations were wrong. Seeing Elvin’s darkened face, Rishar clicked his tongue.

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“Everyone’s not as disciplined anymore.”

“I apologize. There’s been a lot of work recently…”

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Elvin’s voice gradually became smaller. Rishar narrowed his eyes at Elvin’s excuse.

“A lot of work?”

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“Ah, that’s… no, never mind.”

Elvin made an ‘oops’ expression at the voice that seemed to drop another degree in temperature.

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Currently, Rishar was under house arrest at the Grand Duke’s residence, having stepped away from political affairs. While he was still handling duties as Grand Duke Eckhart, he had halted all his work as a general for the empire, making it inappropriate to use the excuse of having too much work for mistakes.

To be honest, it felt a bit unfair. After receiving the house arrest order, Rishar had been busy trying to handle all the family affairs he had been putting off. When a superior was devoted to work, the subordinates naturally became busy too.

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But in the end, these were all excuses. From the start, working without making any mistakes was the right thing to do.

“I should have checked more thoroughly… I’m really sorry.”

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Elvin drooped his shoulders with a dejected face. He had no excuse even if he had ten mouths. Regardless of the reason, a mistake was a mistake.

“Never mind, just call the finance officer.”

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Rishar said while pressing his tired eyes with his hand. Elvin bowed deeply and left the office almost like he was running away. Though he could have sent a servant to call the finance officer, he wanted to escape from the office that felt like walking on thin ice, even if just for a moment.

“…”

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After confirming Elvin’s departure, Rishar picked up another document. Documents waiting for his review and approval were piled like a mountain on his desk.

Rishar forcibly tried to read one of them. However, his concentration, once broken, refused to return.

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With his brow deeply furrowed, Rishar stared at the document before giving up on reading and leaning back in his chair. Everything from start to finish was irritating.

“Haah.”

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Rishar closed his eyes and let out a tired breath. He regretted being so cold to Elvin earlier. He was clearly taking out his frustrations without any room for excuse.

“Damn it.”

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A curse escaped between his lips. Rishar looked down at his hands with a gloomy face. Since the day Etienne collapsed from pheromone shock, whenever he was alone, the terrible sensation of that day would inevitably come alive.

Tightly closed eyelids that wouldn’t open, a face as pale as if all blood had drained from the body, limbs that had lost all strength and gone limp, breath so faint it seemed it might stop at any moment.

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Rishar stared at his trembling fingertips before clenching his fist so hard that his nails left marks on his palm. He still felt dizzy thinking about when Etienne lost consciousness in his arms.

That day, Etienne, who lost consciousness in Rishar’s arms, only came to after a full day had passed. During that time, Rishar couldn’t eat or sleep.

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After staying up all night with his eyes open, he could finally breathe properly only after hearing the news that Etienne had woken up. But he couldn’t bring himself to visit Etienne.

If by any chance Etienne collapsed again, if he lost consciousness before his eyes once more, he felt he wouldn’t be able to bear it.

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I was too hasty.

Rishar regretted his actions. Anxious at the thought that Etienne might leave him, he had acted like a fool.

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Three years.

For some, it might be a short time, but for Rishar, it was a time as long as a never ending nightmare. When he reunited with Etienne, he pretended to be composed on the outside, but his patience had already reached its limit.

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The reason Rishar could endure on the battlefield, where monster flesh rolled about and the stench of blood pervaded, was because of his determination to return alive to Etienne. The wish to meet him again gave Rishar strength.

Ironically, what troubled Rishar the most during those three years was also Etienne. On days when longing for Etienne overwhelmed him, Rishar had to toss and turn until dawn, unable to sleep.

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So when he was able to return to the capital, Rishar made a vow. That he would never be separated from Etienne again. Once might be bearable, but twice he couldn’t endure.

And now they had to part again? To Rishar, that was tantamount to a death sentence. Whatever the reason, he absolutely couldn’t accept it.

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That’s why he had shown his feelings that he had been suppressing all along. Rishar wanted to hold onto Etienne somehow.

If Etienne truly wished to leave, he couldn’t hold him back.

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Rishar knew this fact better than anyone. That’s why he tried to rely on Etienne’s kindness.

But Etienne rejected Rishar. He didn’t want Rishar to confess to him. What filled those cloudy sky eyes was clear fear.

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Why?

Even thinking about it again, Rishar couldn’t understand Etienne’s reaction that day. It would have been easier to understand if he had found Rishar’s confession burdensome or disgusting.

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But Etienne was afraid. As if something terrible would happen if he heard Rishar’s confession.

“This is driving me crazy.”

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Unable to bear the tightness in his chest, Rishar unbuttoned the top of his shirt. The more he thought about it, the more it felt like sinking into a swamp.

Such a puzzling person.

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Rishar let out a long sigh while pushing away thoughts of Etienne. There was no point in dwelling on a problem without an answer; it would only torment himself.

“My lord.”

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Just as Rishar was trying to focus back on work, a voice came along with a knock.

“Albert?”

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Rishar frowned at the butler entering the office. He wondered where Elvin and the finance officer were, and why Albert had come instead.

“What is it?”

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“A guest has arrived.”

“A guest?”

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Rishar’s brows furrowed at the butler’s words. After the house arrest order, many people had visited the Grand Duke’s residence, but Rishar hadn’t met anyone. He had even told Albert beforehand to turn away anyone who came.

His faithful butler had perfectly carried out Rishar’s orders over the past week. The fact that Albert hadn’t turned away this guest and came to the office meant it was likely someone too important to refuse at his level.

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“Who is it?”

“It’s… it’s a guest sent by His Highness the Prince.”

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“What?”

Rishar’s eyes widened at the unexpected words. He asked back with an incredulous face.

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“Hyung-nim sent someone?”

“Yes. They identified themselves as one of the attendants that serve His Highness the Prince. I confirmed their identity badge proving they’re a palace servant from the Prince’s Palace and the command letter bearing His Highness’s seal.”

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“What did they say was the matter?”

“The attendant said they brought a message from His Highness. They insisted on delivering it to the Grand Duke in person… I’ve guided them to the reception room for now.”

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Tension suddenly rose at the mention of bringing Etienne’s message. Rishar unconsciously gripped his fountain pen tightly.

“What should we do?”

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“…I’ll meet them.”

Rishar stood up. He couldn’t just send away an attendant who brought Etienne’s message. After leaving the office, he quickly headed toward the central staircase. The path to the first floor where the reception room was located felt particularly long today.

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“Whew.”

Rishar, who had arrived at the reception room almost at a run, took a short deep breath. Even though he was meeting Etienne’s attendant and not Etienne himself, his mouth was dry because of all the tension.

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“I will open the door.”

“Alright.”

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As soon as Rishar gave permission, Albert opened the reception room door.

“…!”

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Rishar paused at the sight of a slender figure standing by the window of the reception room. The butler who followed him hardened his expression at the sight of the attendant wearing a hood.

“What rudeness is this before the Grand Duke, quickly remove your hood and show proper courtesy!”

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“Ah.”

At Albert’s thundering voice, the attendant seemed to realize their mistake and grabbed their hood. However, they hesitated without removing it. Albert’s expression turned fierce at their behavior, which suggested they had something to hide.

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“Such disrespect…!”

“Wait.”

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Rishar raised his hand to stop Albert who was about to approach the attendant.

“Are you His Highness’s attendant?”

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“Uh, um, yes.”

The attendant awkwardly answered Rishar’s question. Albert was horrified at their manner, so unbefitting of a palace servant.

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“Albert.”

“Yes, Your Highness.”

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“Bring some refreshments for my guest.”

“Pardon?”

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“Quickly.”

“Ah, understood.”

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Although surprised that Rishar ordered refreshments instead of scolding the attendant, Albert hurriedly left the room. As soon as the reception room door closed, Rishar strode over to the attendant.

“Wait…”

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The attendant tried to say something, startled by the suddenly shortened distance. But Rishar was faster. He reached out and removed the hood. The pale face that had been hiding under the hood was revealed.

“What are you doing, hyung-nim?”

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“How did you know it was me?”

Etienne asked with wide eyes, not expecting Rishar to recognize him so quickly.

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“How could I not recognize you, hyung-nim?”

Rishar replied as if it was the most obvious thing. Etienne’s covered face posed no problem to recognize him.

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The pink lips visible beneath the hood, the round shoulder line, the pale white hands, such elegant and proper posture – everything was unmistakably Etienne. It would be strange not to recognize him.

At first, he was slightly unsure. When he saw the figure standing by the window, even though he thought it was Etienne, he couldn’t approach right away. After all, he never expected Etienne to come looking for him personally.

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But when he heard the awkward response to the butler’s scolding, he could be certain. Although Etienne seemed to have tried to change his voice, his distinctive sweet voice couldn’t be hidden.

“But I’m wearing a wig and borrowed clothes. No one else recognized me.”

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“That’s because people don’t really know your face. I recognized you because I’m familiar with you.”

“Is that so?”

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Etienne muttered with a deflated expression. He felt somewhat disappointed, having spent the past two days preparing diligently with Ben to enter the Grand Duke’s residence unnoticed.

On the other hand, he also felt happy. He was secretly pleased that Rishar had recognized him at first glance.

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“Maybe I disguised myself for nothing…”

Etienne touched his brown wig with a regretful expression. Rishar’s gaze also moved to the brown hair that fell past his shoulders.

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“Brown hair suits you well too.”

Rishar smiled softly as he moved his hand. He grabbed the end of the fake hair and gently pulled down, making the wig slide off smoothly.

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He smiled with satisfaction as he looked at Etienne, with his hair now returned to its original color. While brown hair wasn’t bad, this was definitely better.

“Don’t take it off.”

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Etienne, his soft golden hair now revealed, reached out as if asking for the wig back. Rishar held the wig up high, avoiding his hand. Etienne raised one eyebrow in response.

“Give it back.”

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“Why do you want to keep wearing it when you’ve already been discovered?”

“Only you recognized me. I snuck out secretly, so I need to be careful.”

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“Hmm?”

“If others find out I’m here, it’ll cause a commotion.”

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“Ah, you don’t need to worry about that. The servants’ quarters are separate, and there aren’t many people who stay in the main building. Word won’t leak outside.”

“Still…”

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“If you’re very concerned, I’ll make sure no one except the butler comes near until you leave. Would that work?”

“Alright.”

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After hesitating briefly, Etienne relaxed. If Rishar went that far to reassure him, he had no choice but to trust him.

Above all, the loyalty of the Eckhart family members was famous throughout the empire. Not just the vassals, but even the servants were filled with pride in being part of the Eckhart family. Perhaps because of this, they were closed off to outsiders.

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Due to this peculiarity, neither Duke Herace nor the Empress could plant informants in the Eckhart family. They had tried several times but all attempts had failed. Thinking about this, Rishar’s confidence made sense.

“By the way, what brings you here?”

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“Huh? Why? Am I not allowed to come?”

“That’s not it, but…”

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Rishar trailed off at Etienne’s counter question. Usually, he would have been overjoyed that Etienne came to see him first. However, this time he couldn’t be completely happy.

“How are you feeling? Is it okay for you to be out like this?”

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Rishar asked in a worried voice. It felt wrong to ask someone who had collapsed because of him if they were okay.

I knew this would happen.

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Etienne sighed as he looked at Rishar’s face, gloomy like it was covered in dark clouds. Seeing his deeply dejected appearance, he thought it was right to have come despite the strain.

“Don’t worry, I’m fine.”

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“Really?”

“That’s why I came here. The doctor said I’ve recovered, so don’t worry too much.”

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Etienne answered confidently, as if telling him not to worry. Actually, his condition had been quite good these past few days.

However, Rishar’s expression didn’t easily soften. He examined Etienne’s face with eyes that couldn’t shake off the worry. While his complexion was certainly better than when he last saw him, he still couldn’t feel at ease.

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“I heard you needed to recuperate for a while…”

“That’s all an excuse. It was Her Majesty’s scheme to attack you. Didn’t you hear what I told His Majesty the Emperor?”

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“I did hear, but… are you really okay?”

“I told you I’m fine.”

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Etienne approached Rishar, exasperated. At the shortened distance, Rishar flinched and stepped back. Etienne’s eyes widened at the sight of Rishar avoiding him.

“What? Why are you avoiding me?”

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“You approached suddenly… I’m sorry.”

Rishar apologized in a small voice, avoiding Etienne’s gaze. He looked unusually weak.

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“Hmm.”

Etienne narrowed his eyes and took another step toward Rishar. The same situation happened again. When Etienne took one step forward, Rishar once again took one step back.

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“Are you joking right now?”

Momentarily angered by Rishar’s behavior, Etienne raised his voice. He was overwhelmed by an inexplicable sense of betrayal. Rishar avoiding him – it felt like being avoided by a puppy that had always wagged its tail happily whenever they met.

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“What’s wrong with you?”

“Uh…”

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Under Etienne’s questioning, Rishar lowered his eyes and dragged out his words. After hesitating as if choosing his words, he carefully opened his mouth.

“I feel like I shouldn’t touch you.”

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“What?”

“I’m scared you might collapse again…”

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As Rishar’s voice grew smaller, his head dropped lower. Etienne made an astounded expression at the unexpected answer.

“Ha.”

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They say when something is too ridiculous, it makes you laugh – Etienne let out a small laugh of disbelief.

Soon dropping his smile, he looked at Rishar with a serious expression. He had thought Rishar would be shocked by the previous incident, but he didn’t expect it to be this severe.

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Was my fainting really that shocking?

Etienne tilted his head with a puzzled expression. Actually, it wasn’t the first time he had collapsed in front of Rishar. Even when they were young, Etienne had occasionally lost consciousness in front of Rishar.

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On such days, Rishar would try to stick close to Etienne’s side. He would only leave when forcibly dragged away by the attendants.

If anything, he would approach Etienne, but he had never avoided him like this before.

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“Who said I’m going to collapse? I told you just before. That day was just… both you and I had bad luck.”

“If I had properly controlled my pheromones, it wouldn’t have happened.”

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Rishar self-reproached in a dark voice. Only then could Etienne understand why he was avoiding him. Etienne spoke with a small sigh.

“I told you it’s not your fault.”

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“It is my fault.”

Despite Etienne’s words, Rishar continued to be stubborn. His face was full of guilt. It seemed he had developed quite a serious trauma.

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This won’t do.

Realizing Rishar’s condition was much more serious than he thought, Etienne’s eyes hardened. He couldn’t leave him like this.

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“Rishar.”

Rishar’s eyes trembled at Etienne’s voice calling him. He reflexively tried to pull away. However, Etienne was faster.

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“Stop.”

At the words that were no different from a command, Rishar’s body hesitated. Etienne didn’t miss this opportunity and pressed his body close. Then he lowered his hand and grabbed Rishar’s hand. Rishar’s arm trembled slightly as Etienne wrapped his fingers around the calloused ones.

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“Hyung-nim?”

Rishar called out to Etienne in a trembling voice. Instead of answering, Etienne pulled Rishar’s hand toward his face. Then he tilted his head.

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“…!”

Rishar’s body stiffened at the warmth touching his fingertips. Etienne pressed his cheek against the back of Rishar’s hand.

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“See? It’s fine, right?”

“Uh.”

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Rishar’s face contorted uncontrollably for a moment. He bit his lip hard as if overwhelmed with emotion. Then, unable to hold back, he hugged Etienne.

“Ah.”

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Etienne instinctively squeezed his eyes shut as he felt his body suddenly tilt. When he opened his eyes again, he was in Rishar’s arms. Etienne’s face flushed with embarrassment as he realized he was being held by Rishar.

“R-Rishar?”

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“I’m so glad.”

A voice with a rippling tremor crept into his ear. It was a voice mixed with deep relief and intense regret.

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“I’m really so glad…”

Etienne, who had been at a loss about what to do with the sudden embrace, forgot to push him away at the hot breath on his neck and the wet voice.

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“Back then, I was so shocked… I, I did this to you…”

“I’m sorry.”

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Etienne apologized and hugged Rishar back. When he wrapped his arms around Rishar’s waist and placed his hands on his back, Rishar’s body tensed. Etienne patted his back gently as if to soothe him.

Through their touching chests, he could feel the rapidly beating heart. The bumping heartbeat that seemed ready to burst at any moment was identical to what he had heard in Rishar’s arms before losing consciousness that day.

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“Were you very shocked because of me?”

Rishar didn’t answer. Instead, he tightened his arms around Etienne. Etienne sighed as he felt the arms holding him trembling faintly. Unlike himself, Rishar was still trapped in the memories of that day.

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“I told you not to blame yourself too much. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“But.”

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“Stop. I’ll really get angry if you say more. Didn’t I say I’m fine?”

When Etienne deliberately used a strict voice, Rishar tightly closed his lips. Then he buried his face in Etienne’s shoulder like a child throwing a tantrum.

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Can’t be helped.

Etienne moved his hand from patting Rishar’s back to stroking his hair. Thick and sturdy hair strands different from his own wrapped around his fingers. The sensation wasn’t bad, actually.

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“Good boy.”

Etienne soothed him in a gentle voice to help him calm down. The two shared each other’s warmth until Albert returned with refreshments.

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