GDT | Chapter 1.8

If Yurkia knew a sixteen-year-old was having these thoughts and feelings, he’d probably laugh his head off. He still saw Ruberteo as the kid he’d met three years ago. Or maybe, if he kept avoiding him like this, he’d just leave in the end.

‘Will Yurkia’s feelings change when I become an adult?’

If he grew more, and could hold Yurkia in his arms, would Yurkia see him differently?

Ruberteo’s body was still growing. Their eye level had already changed. He’d lost count of how many times he wanted to hug the now-smaller Yurkia. Every time he thought of him, his body reacted, and he put a hand over his heart.

“Yurkia…”

Murmuring his name quietly, Ruberteo touched his lips. For some reason, just saying his name tonight tasted sweet.

***

“Did you just say war?”

“Yes. He’ll be leaving soon.”

Yurkia blinked at Madam Ireunoa’s sudden announcement. The word “war” itself was unfamiliar and unsettling, and now he was leaving so suddenly?

Unable to hide his confusion, Yurkia spoke up.

“But… isn’t this a bit too sudden…?”

“It’s his choice.”

“…Sorry?”

“He was supposed to leave next year, but he decided to go now. He’ll decide when he returns, too. You just need to be aware of it.”

At her words, Yurkia opened his mouth, but nothing came out. Madam Ireunoa, watching him stand there dumbly, set down her quill and asked,

“Are you disappointed?”

“Sorry?”

“That he made the decision without telling you. I’m asking if you’re disappointed.”

“Ah, no! I would never…”

He waved his hands, but honestly… Yeah, he was disappointed. He didn’t know when Ruberteo would return, and he could die on this dangerous journey—why hadn’t he told him in advance?

Even if they’d grown distant, wasn’t this something he could’ve said, at least as teacher and student? Feeling hurt, Yurkia bit his lip in surprise.

‘What am I thinking again…’

Shaking his head to clear his thoughts, Madam Ireunoa spoke up.

“I can tell you where he’s going.”

“……”

“Do you know about the southern desert?”

“…Yeah. Isn’t that the place called the Golden Sea?”

“Yes. The Golden Sea is where the Kingdom of Arurolla, allied with the Empire, is. There’s been trouble there lately.”

She stood and went to the bookshelf, pulling out a rolled-up map. Spreading it across the wide desk, she pointed out the desert surrounding the Kingdom of Arurolla.

“The barbarians have been on the move.”

“Barbarians? Didn’t they already lose the war?”

“They did. But a new chieftain has risen and grown their numbers. The kingdom is in trouble. They’ve already suffered for a long time from wars with the barbarians.”

That’s why they’d reached out to the Empire for help. In exchange for helping Arurolla, the Empire could gain a lot. But if the barbarians invaded again—

“The Kingdom of Arurolla would be in danger.”

“Yes. And since they’ve already reached out to the Empire, they don’t have many more options. So His Majesty the Emperor offered help first.”

She stuck a paper knife in the middle of the desert. The war of the emperor’s illegitimate son.

“The emperor’s sin. The illegitimate son with imperial blood. He saw this as a chance for him to make a name for himself.”

“…If Ruberteo wins this war, he’ll gain the Kingdom of Arurolla as an ally.”

“And more. The king of Arurolla, with his many connections, will offer even more.”

Understanding everything, Yurkia rubbed his forehead. Okay, he got it. But Ruberteo was still… only sixteen.

“If you’re thinking about his age, forget it, Teacher Yurkia.”

“……”

“He’s not like you. He carries the blood of the imperial family, called the children of the gods. He’s not someone you can call human.”

“I know. I’m trying to understand.”

“Then you should be able to say goodbye lightly before he leaves.”

“……”

A farewell before he leaves. Those words, laced with thorns, stabbed Yurkia’s heart, making him frown in pain.

***

Yurkia was pacing in front of a door. Of course, the room belonged to Ruberteo. After talking with Madam Ireunoa, he’d come straight here, but he couldn’t bring himself to knock.

‘I came all this way, but what do I say? Tell him to be careful? Or… say I’ll wait for him?’

He was going to war at such a young age. Would any of those words help? Lost in thought, Yurkia let out a long sigh, clutching his head and crouching down.

‘And… are we even close enough to say these things now?’

After everything he’d done to their relationship, was it okay to have this kind of conversation? As his head throbbed with worry, the door behind him opened.

Huh? Yurkia, who’d been awkwardly leaning against the door, fell backward as it opened.

“……”

“…Ah, um…”

Yurkia opened his mouth under Ruberteo’s gaze. Wearing a robe, maybe just out of the bath, Ruberteo stepped back and spoke.

“Come in.”

“Huh? Oh, yes!”

He followed Ruberteo inside. The only light in the room was a single candle. The dim room was silent, and Yurkia stood awkwardly behind Ruberteo, not daring to sit.

“What brings you here?”

Ruberteo spoke first, not caring about the water dripping from his hair as he perched on the desk, looking at something. Yurkia glanced over and saw it was a map of Arurolla.

“…I heard you’re leaving for Arurolla.”

“……”

“So, before you go…”

He wanted to at least say goodbye… but for some reason, he couldn’t get the words out. Holding back his emotions, Yurkia clamped his mouth shut. It wasn’t right to act like this in front of him, but he couldn’t help how he felt.

The kid he’d spent three years with was going off to war at just sixteen. It made him uneasy. And on top of that—

‘We’ve grown so distant, and now we’re saying goodbye…’

He felt guilty. Ruberteo was supposed to leave next year, but it felt like he was leaving early because Yurkia had made things uncomfortable.

“…Hoo… I just wanted to say, please be careful.”

But Yurkia forced down his emotions and said his farewell. Just like Madam Ireunoa said, Ruberteo had to live a different life from him. Whatever the situation, letting him go was the right thing to do.

“…So you came to say goodbye?”

“Y-yeah… that’s right.”

“Ha…”

Ruberteo let out a bitter laugh. That laugh made Yurkia feel even more like a criminal, and he bowed his head deeply.

“You pushed me away for no reason, and now you come to say goodbye.”

Yurkia could feel the anger and betrayal in Ruberteo’s words. Of course he’d hate him. He’d sworn not to hurt him, but ended up doing just that.

Bracing himself for more harsh words, Yurkia stood still. If Ruberteo kicked him out without a word, so be it. As he stood there, Ruberteo got up and approached.

“…Teacher.”

It was a word he hadn’t heard in a long time. Yurkia squeezed his eyes shut at the sound, and Ruberteo’s fingers brushed his sleeve.

“Teacher Yurkia.”

It was different from usual. His voice was strangely subdued. Yurkia should have looked up, but he was afraid he’d start crying, so he just stared at the hand holding his sleeve.

“I’m sorry.”

“……”

“That day, at the festival. It was my fault.”

At those words, Yurkia’s body shook and he looked up. Ruberteo’s face was twisted in pain. He was definitely bigger than Yurkia, but right now, he looked as small as he had three years ago.

“It was my fault. That’s why you pushed me away, right?”

“…No, it’s not.”

To think Ruberteo had been thinking that. Yurkia hurriedly grabbed his hand tightly. No, it wasn’t Ruberteo’s fault—it was his own.

“It’s not your fault, I mean… young master. It was because of me—”

“Liar.”

“It’s not a lie—”

“I just… I was grateful to you, Teacher.”

Ruberteo lifted Yurkia’s hand and pressed it to his cheek. Tears, which Yurkia thought would never fall, streamed from Ruberteo’s eyes.

“You were the first to give me precious memories.”

“……”

“So I just wanted to get a little closer… I didn’t think it would make you uncomfortable. I’m sorry.”

God. What have I done to this kid?

Yurkia was filled with despair. Before meeting him, Ruberteo had been abused, and before that, for some reason, he’d lost his mother and lived alone among wild animals.

He was a kid who’d spent so much time alone. So when Yurkia got close, he’d opened his heart and reached out—

‘What was I thinking?’

He’d misunderstood, pushed him away, and ended up hurting him. Yurkia hugged the crying Ruberteo tightly. I’m sorry.

“I’m sorry… I hurt you because of me.”

“…Please call me Teo. Like before.”

“Teo. I’m sorry. You didn’t do anything wrong. It was all my fault.”

Ruberteo wrapped his arms around Yurkia’s waist and pressed their bodies together. Lifting his head from Yurkia’s shoulder, he smiled in satisfaction and pressed his lips to Yurkia’s shoulder. Their bodies fit perfectly. Yeah. This was enough.

“It’s okay, Teacher.”

Breathing in the sweet scent, Ruberteo slowly closed his eyes.

“I didn’t know you’d gone through something like that.”

“Countess Moreuge helped clear up the rumors. I got a lot of help…”

Yurkia scratched his head as Ruberteo frowned, looking even more upset after hearing about what had happened. It felt good to finally get everything off his chest.

“I hid it because it wasn’t a happy story… Sorry. If I’d known you were thinking that, I would’ve told you.”

“It’s okay. Anyone would have a hard time talking about something like that.”

Yurkia smiled brightly at Ruberteo’s reassuring words, fidgeting with his still-held hand. The misunderstanding was cleared up, and their relationship was back to normal…

‘Now I should go back to my room.’

It was late, so he needed to go. But Ruberteo still hadn’t let go of his hand, so Yurkia just stood there awkwardly.

“Ah… Sorry. You should get back to your room.”

Maybe he’d read Yurkia’s mind, because Ruberteo reluctantly let go and looked down. Yurkia grabbed his hand again.

“No! Well, I can be a little late. Should I read you a book for old times’ sake?”

“……”

“…Or not?”

“Haha—”

Ruberteo laughed out loud at Yurkia’s awkwardness. Smiling in return, Yurkia’s eyes widened as Ruberteo pulled him by the hand.

“Sleep here tonight.”

“Huh? But…”

“You can just get up and go back to your room before the maids come in the morning.”

For some reason, Ruberteo was talking a lot tonight, and there was a hint of cuteness in it that shook Yurkia’s heart.