ETDO Chapter 46

“Just report to me first on the day you sell the information to her.”

The man groveled and mumbled.

“Yes, that won’t be a problem at all. However, the lady said she would pay the rest of the fee then…”

Charlotte scoffed at the man’s attempt to extort more money.

“Haven’t you already received enough with the down payment?”

“Oh, yes, of course! But if you give me even a little more, I’ll be even more motivated to do a better job. And I can finish it faster, too.”

“Ha!”

She was speechless. Charlotte clicked her tongue. 

Does he think I’m some clueless outsider?

However, there was no need to jeopardize the plan. She reluctantly addressed the man, who was rubbing his palms together obsequiously.

“Fine. If you deliver what I want to that woman properly, I’ll consider it.”

“Thank you, Miss.”

She scoffed again. The man, his wrinkled face beaming, asked her,

“Then, where should I contact you?”

“Send it to the Wellington Ducal family.”

The man’s eyes widened, but then he quickly bowed his head.

“Yes, certainly.”

She turned sharply and strode out of the dirty shop without looking back.

─── ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ───

I wrote a letter to my mother. I desperately needed to confirm the truth about Arthur’s constant talk of his first love and our supposed fateful encounter.

As I sealed the letter, I couldn’t shake a feeling of unease. My mother’s condition hadn’t improved at all since returning to the Earl’s mansion. She had become noticeably frail, both physically and mentally.

According to the maid who cared for her, her memory had deteriorated, and she frequently misplaced things or forgot things. With my heart heavy, I sent the letter, feeling as if I were playing a deadly game of roulette.

I couldn’t focus on anything all day. Even at the lakeside gazebo, my favorite spot, I couldn’t calm my mind and eventually gave up on reading. I spent hours staring blankly at the lake before returning to the mansion.

Mary’s story kept replaying in my mind, becoming more and more distorted. All sorts of terrible imaginings branched out and multiplied, further fueling my confusion. It felt like I was being punished for what I had done with Ethan.

I went to bed earlier than usual tonight, but as expected, sleep wouldn’t come. I tossed and turned, eventually getting out of bed.

Judging by the moon, which had already begun to descend, it seemed to be past midnight, well into the early hours of the morning. Since sleep seemed out of the question, I put on my dressing gown.

I thought I would take a short stroll in the garden. If that didn’t work, I would go down to the kitchen and sneak a bottle of wine. Perhaps with the help of alcohol, I could fall asleep.

I put on my slippers and quietly left the room. The flame in the lamp I held flickered. Even though I tried to muffle my steps, they seemed to echo loudly. The Ducal mansion, shrouded in darkness, was eerily silent.

As I was about to pass the second-floor staircase, I stopped, noticing a faint light in the distance. The light was seeping from a room down the hallway to the right.

That’s Ethan’s study. 

I tilted my head. 

Was Ethan also awake, unable to sleep like me?

I found it strange that he hadn’t sought me out, even with Arthur gone. He wasn’t usually the type to refuse such an opportunity. Perhaps it was because I had gone to bed early.

For some reason, I hadn’t seen Ethan since Arthur left, and this was the second day. After a moment’s hesitation, I started walking towards the light.

I paused in front of the room and knocked softly. The sound seemed amplified in the silence. Without waiting for a response, I opened the door and entered.

Ethan was sitting back leisurely in his study chair, his feet propped up on the desk, drinking wine alone. He looked a little tired, with his tousled blond hair and the shadows under his eyes.

He grinned when he saw me.

“Well, well, Lily! What an honor! To grace my study with your presence at this late hour.”

I slowly approached him.

“I couldn’t sleep.”

He looked at me for a moment and then raised his glass.

“Care to join me?”

I nodded. I had been planning to get some anyway. It would be better than drinking alone. Ethan filled his glass with wine. The blood-red liquid swirled slightly.

He gestured for me to come closer. Taking his feet off the desk, he patted his thigh. I walked around the desk and sat on his lap without hesitation. Ethan opened his arms and wrapped them around me, holding me close.

And, as if it were the most natural thing in the world, his lips found mine. His soft tongue slipped between my lips. The scent of wine, sharp and sweet, mingled with our breaths.

After a long, lingering kiss, exploring every corner of my mouth, Ethan pulled away with a soft smack. He offered me the glass. I took a sip without hesitation.

I involuntarily frowned and shivered at the strong taste of the wine. I heard Ethan’s soft chuckle beside my ear.

Holding me tightly against him, leaving no space between us, he showered my neck and shoulders with kisses. His firm chest and abs pressed against me.

As I shifted slightly, our eyes met. His sapphire-blue eyes held a soft gaze, unlike their usual sharp, piercing intensity.

Was it because it was late at night, or was it the alcohol? 

It was rare to see Ethan so relaxed, without his usual guarded expression. He had been noticeably softer towards me lately.

“What were you doing here alone?”

“Thinking.”

“Is something bothering you?”

“Yes.”

His voice resonated like a low rumble, and he flicked his tongue out, licking the tip of my nose.

“I was debating whether to wait until you finish your wine before I ravish you or just do it now.”

when I glared at him playfully, Ethan grinned mischievously. I took another sip of wine.

“Ethan.”

“Hmm?”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Anything.”

He pulled down my dressing gown and began to kiss my neck and shoulders slowly, pressing his lips against my skin. A pleasant shiver ran down my spine wherever he touched me. Ethan’s hand slipped inside my gown, cupping my breast.

“Where do you think the line is between lust and love?”

Ethan stopped kissing and looked up at me.

“Why do you ask?”

His eyes scanned my face as if gauging my expression. I took another slow sip of wine and looked down at him.

“Honestly, I don’t know.”

I blinked slowly, swirling the wine in my glass.

“Lust is possible without love, but what about love? Is love without lust still love? Conversely, is love with only lust remaining still love?”

He stared at me intently as I posed my questions.

“Why are you suddenly wondering about this?”

“I don’t know. Just…”

I stared down at him and whispered softly.

“I wondered if I was just too stupid to understand.”

As I gazed down at his icy blue eyes, a question I had been consciously avoiding surfaced unexpectedly.

Did Ethan sleep with Alice Howard, too?

Lady Wellington’s words echoed in my mind.

They shared everything, even women. 

If a man would readily offer his own fiancée’s lips to his brother out of curiosity, what would stop him from sharing a mere maid?

The thought that not only Arthur but perhaps Ethan as well, might have slept with Alice made me extremely uncomfortable. It felt like a heavy stone had settled in my chest, a thought I didn’t dare to entertain.

No, that can’t be true. Ethan tortured Alice, believing she was a spy. So he couldn’t have slept with her. He’s almost excessive when it comes to Arthur’s safety.

Besides, there was no proof that Alice’s words were true. 

But even if they were, was there any reason for me to feel this uncomfortable just based on a mere possibility? 

What was this unpleasant feeling swirling within me?

Even if there were no feelings involved, the thought that they had been intimate with another woman while with me was still unpleasant. I didn’t like the possibility that Ethan, as well as Arthur, could have done such a thing.

Stories of young maids being taken advantage of by their masters were all too common. Perhaps it would be easier to simply dismiss the twins as just another pair of typical aristocratic scoundrels.

Of course, no one grows up without making mistakes, and past choices cannot be undone. We can’t go back and choose again.

After all, wasn’t I also living with compromises, with choices I hadn’t intended to make? The sanctity of marriage, ordained by God, had long since been shattered.

From the moment I began a physical relationship with both twins, I had to abandon my moral convictions. Moral convictions divorced from reality were nothing but unattainable illusions.

Yet, I laughed at my own hypocrisy, judging them so readily while acting as if I were some kind of saint.

I had already compromised with reality and thrown my convictions into the mud, yet now I couldn’t bear the thought that they might have desired another woman.