EP Chapter 1.5

I messed up. I’m going to get hit. 

I’m definitely going to get hit. 

Panic welled up inside me. However, since this situation was completely new to me, I didn’t know how to handle it.

Since it felt like I was going to get hit anyway, should I just give up, say a few more things I wanted to say, then clench my teeth and close my eyes tight? Just as I was beginning to resign myself to such thoughts, Im Jihoon took his hands off me and asked,

“Hyung. Do you watch the news a lot?”

His question was so out of the blue and meaningless compared to the idiotic thoughts running through my head that it left me confused.

Why would Im Jihoon ask me such a question while we’re both stuck in prison? He doesn’t seem to be annoyed yet, but what kind of answer should I give to keep him from getting annoyed?

I wanted to rack my brains carefully, but I was afraid of upsetting him by taking too long to respond. I pretended to appear calm and looked at Im Jihoon’s face.

“Not really… It’s boring.”

“Still, you know what a ‘Name’ is, right?”

He smiled faintly. Seeing his expression eased my anxiety a little, so I relaxed my stiff back.

“Of course, I know. I’m not an idiot…”

Well, maybe even idiots knew about it. Idiots get married too, don’t they? Wouldn’t they have a destined partner as well?

“Hyung, why do you think Names appear?”

Another question, just as meaningless as the last. No matter how random, it was better than him trying to scare me. No, at this point, I started to think that I was just needlessly scaring myself. Maybe he just wanted to be friendly, and I was the one overreacting, avoiding him and making things awkward.

He’d been in prison since he was a teenager, so maybe he’d never learned how to express himself properly.

“I don’t know… Destiny? That’s what the scientists say so too… Or, maybe it’s the name of the person you love the most that gets engraved on your body.”

“Hmm… Right. I think so too.”

Im Jihoon agreed with my words, but his expression said otherwise. I was convinced now—he definitely hasn’t learned how to express himself. I have to try not to be scared of him from now on.  Let’s think positively, positively.

While I was making that resolution, Im Jihoon suddenly leaned forward, placing his arms on either side of me, and brought his face close. I was so startled that I couldn’t even make a sound, and my body trembled, obviously showing how scared I was. My resolve crumbled in less than three seconds. 

Im Jihoon, seeing my reaction, gave a smile as if he was pleased.

“Hyung, there’s something I want to show you.”

“Huh? What?”

A voice that even I thought sounded pathetic came out of my mouth. But with Im Jihoon’s face only a handspan away from mine, It was a natural reaction. Im Jihoon, regardless of what I was doing, raised a hand to grasp the back of my neck and bent his head forward.

I could see Im Jihoon’s snow-white nape right in front of my nose. However, his jet-black, messy hair was covering it, so I couldn’t see the back of his neck that he seemed to want to show me clearly.

As if he could read my thoughts, Jihoon brushed his hand over the back of my neck before using his other hand to sweep his hair aside. A long Name was written vertically on the back of his neck where the hair had been. It was what he wanted to show me.

“Hyung, what does this look like to you?”

Im Jihoon asked as if it were a natural progression. However, I couldn’t answer him right away. Because I could see the Name on the back of Im Jihoon’s neck so clearly. It was the first time I had ever recognized a Name so clearly.

There were so many people around me who had claimed that a Name had suddenly appeared on their bodies. It was a natural consequence, considering over half the population had gotten one within a month. However, when they showed me their Names, or when I happened to see their Names, even though I could tell it was someone’s name, I couldn’t make out exactly what the name was.

I could only get a sense of the name, like its feeling.

News articles babbled on about how the Name is the name of your first love, or the name of your spouse, but they were all just articles based on interviews with the people who had the Names. Therefore, people without Names just try to understand, thinking, “So, that’s what a Name is,” but they knew nothing for certain.

That’s why things like love-related murders and love-related violence are increasing… Up until just now, I was also someone who was just trying to understand what a Name was, but then…

The owner of that name was definitely me.

As soon as I saw the Name, my heart raced so much that it made my stomach churn. The name clearly inscribed on his skin, ‘Jin Woojoo,’ was definitely my name. It was a conviction from somewhere unknown, but either way, I could bet my life that the owner of that name was me. It was clearly visible, and I could even feel it.

“What do you see?”

My mind, which had briefly gone blank from the shock, returned at the sound of Im Jihoon’s voice.

Im Jihoon raised his lowered head and looked directly into my eyes. His face, which had seemed so intimidating all along, suddenly didn’t seem scary anymore. As if possessed, I met his gaze and answered,

“A Name… It’s a Name, and it’s my name.”

“Right. It’s hyung’s name.”

Im Jihoon nodded brightly and smiled. Im Jihoon’s hand, which had paused for a moment, started to gently caress the back of my neck again. He touched the the area around where his Name would have been, if I ever had one. Exactly that place.

“It appeared before Names started spreading everywhere… That was 3 weeks ago. But, I told you earlier, didn’t I?”

“Told me what?”

“That I have nothing to lose, so I’m good at doing things when there’s something in it for me… and that some powerful people are protecting me.”

“…….”

“3 weeks ago, the youngest was massaging my neck… and he discovered this. He said it looked like a name. But even though he said it was a name, he said it was something like… it resembled stars and stuff, and he couldn’t tell what the name was.”

“…….”

“After that, news reports started coming out, and this… it felt like I might have something to lose now. It’s a name I’ve never seen before… I was planning to just… find the person and get rid of whoever it belonged to without a trace. It appeared on my neck of all places, so it felt like it was going to tighten a noose around my neck.”

Im Jihoon chuckled as he finished speaking and rubbed the back of his neck. I had briefly considered Im Jihoon a good person, a good younger kid, but now I feared him more than before I even started talking to him.

My whole body trembled like aspen leaves shaking in the slightest breeze. Im Jihoon was still smiling as if he was enjoying himself. That made me even more terrified of him. The words he uttered felt like they were rushing to strangle me.

Until I heard the story, I thought it would be touching to have my name written on someone’s body. If my name had appeared on a normal, decent person, I would have felt so sorry and heartbroken for them. But with Jihoon… even though he was a man, maybe we were… suited for each other?

That’s what I thought. So, I was just about to decide that I should love the Im Jihoon standing before me right then and there. I was curious about him and interested in him even before I knew my name was written on him, so I thought I could easily fall for him.

However, Im Jihoon’s words were far from a confession of love, making it difficult to continue thinking that way. It would be stranger not to feel fear in this situation.

“Shh… It’s okay. I was just saying that. I changed my mind after seeing you, hyung.”

Im Jihoon tried to comfort me unconvincingly after scaring me like that. But every time he patted my head as if to soothe me, I squeezed my eyes shut in fear. I really should have lived a better life. 

If I hadn’t ended up in prison, I wouldn’t have met Im Jihoon again. 

I’m scared, what should I do, should I beg for my life? 

He’s going to kill me after pretending to comfort me.

All sorts of negative emotions swirled within me. At that moment, Im Jihoon brought his head close to my face and bumped his forehead against mine.

“But, hyung. You seem to have been beaten a lot… Why are you so scared? I’ve never even hit you before, so when you keep doing this… It makes me so frustrated I want to actually hit you, just to see what you’d do.”

Im Jihoon growled softly. 

I didn’t want to be scared either, but I didn’t know what to do about it. Just like Im Jihoon said, I had been beaten so much in my life that I instinctively cowered before anyone who seemed strong or likely to use force against me. All I’d gained in life was the ability to read the room. I knew how to get hit as little as possible, and I lived pretending to be fine, not showing my fear in my own way.

But this time, the problem was that I recognized Im Jihoon too late and it put me at a disadvantage. So, I didn’t know how to react. I was more scared because I was flustered, and Im Jihoon being different from ordinary people made it even more frightening.

“Hyung. Listen. To other people, your name looks like, it sparkles and shines like a star, that kind of feeling. I was so curious that when I went to the shower, I checked my Name in the mirror. And I got that same feeling too.”